Another new person-24year gap

Hello everyone!

Just like to introduce myself as am new to this site. Have been reading posts for a while now but decided to register so i can join in!!

I'm 18 and my older man is 43, we've been together 10 months and are completely in love in every way. When we are together we never notice the age gap and we get on so well it feels like we have been together forever and are meant to be :)

Now this is the tricky bit which may take me a while to get out but i'll give it a go!

He was a teacher at the college where I went and we got together a 5 months before i left (naughty i know but we both knew risks would have to be taken so we could be together) Anyway, it never affected my school work and i got straight As in my exams and am now doing a Law Degree.

I told my parents about him even before we got together and they appeared to be ok about it - the probably never thought we would actually get together. When we eventually did, i told them and they were ok with it for about a week....

Then they wen absolutely mad and threatened to throw me out the house and kill him etc etc. It was a complete nightmare so i told them that we had split up... obviously there's no way i give up the love of my life that easily but i thought it would be the best thing to let everything settle down again. I get on really well with my parents but was so upset that they seemed to hate me and what i was doing, i just wanted them to like me again.

Anyway, after i had left college i suggested to them that we may be getting together again (Obviously we hadn't stopped seeing each other) But once again they said that it wouldnt be happening under no circumstances. And once again my life was a mess. And once again i had to tell them we weren't going to be getting together. This was added to by the fact that only then did my dad decide to tell me he'd been in contact with the college principle about it but had not given my name and had asked for nothing to happen about it. He said he just wanted to know the college's position on it. (To this day i dont know if he really did this or was just bluffing and trying to scare me) My boyfriend never heard anything from college about it and everyone still acts completely normal with him which makes me think he was bluffing.

So, where we stand today- im not at uni so have moved out and very far away so we get to spend more quality time with each other which is so lovely and i feel just as in love with him as i ever have. My parents support me so much and are so proud of me and what im doing that it hurts me to think that i have to lie to them. How on earth do i tell them about us, which i will inevitably will have to do one day? I just cant bear thinking about it - they will be so disappointed. :(

My dad said so much horrible stuff about him when we argued all those months ago and i know he thinks all the wrong things about him. He's such a lovely person and so gorgeous in all ways that i dont want anyone else! I just feel like im stuck in a no win situation and that its the calm before the storm. There's no way im going to give him up but i just dont know how to convince my parents that he's the one for me and that he feels the same way!

Sorry for going on! Any advice would be very much appreciated! Thankyou in advance!

x

http://smilies.jeeptalk.org/kao/otn/pmikkogirl-parapara.gif WELCOME SWEET THING!! http://smilies.jeeptalk.org/kao/otn/pmikkogirl-parapara.gif
I read your story and am so happy for you and your honey! Simple as that . All that matters is your happiness...if they have a problem with him, that is their problem. Don't worry too much, just make sure you come clean to your family...don't make it sound as if you are ashamed of your decision because family can read into that kind of stuff. Its a good thing you are not living at home, so the family can't threaten you with kicking you out or anything. You are an adult, and your family needs to respect your decisions. And they will....believe me. Its just hard for parents (especially parents) to swallow at first.

There is nothing wrong with being with an older man, nothing! Society makes up this huge, disgusting picture of why young women and older men get together and it makes me sick. Its not like we went out looking for an older companion....it just happened :-)

Welcome Sweet thing!!!!!!!

I can totally relate to you on the parent issue.. I lied to my mother for over 6 months, about my Relationship With T (Im 19 he's 41)... When I finally confessed my mother whent balaistic, She HATES T with a vegance, and the problem is she knows he's my boss, but fortunatly hasen't done anything about it.

My best advice to you is stay strong, I know you dont want to let your parents down, but you have to LIVE YOUR LIFE. Your not always going to make desicions that your parents agree with. I constantly here that I should be with someone my own age, and out partying, but I love T and I am happy with him and he completes me.... You just need to stand your ground, no matter how difficult the situation gets.

If your concerned about your sweetie's job (that they may try to pull something) then wait to tell them. You will have to tell them sooner or later, but if you feel that right now is not the time, then don't do it. Do it when your ready.

Just don't let the stress of the situation get between you and your S/O. Some how things always have a way of working themselves out...

Good luck, and please keep us posted!!! :}

P.S. I m a fellow law student to :} Us future lawyers hafta stick together :}

I agree with BellaLove and Softiee. My OM and I are the same ages as you two! My parents didn't agree at all with it and fortunately I am all the way across the ocean from them now. I told them it was off and that I wasn't seeing him anymore (which isn't the truth) so I am in that kind of situation also. But no matter what they say I am still going to continue to be with him because I love him, and nothing anyone says or does will ever change that. Your parents will eventually learn that he makes you happy and that you love him. It will take time, but like Softiee said, "things have a way of working themselves out."

I wish you good luck with everything.

Jennifer

Sweet Thing,

Hello and welcome first of all.
I do agree with the others that its great to have found love no matter the age gap. However two things do stick out to me one of which you will need to check into.

The one thing that sticks out to me is that you are from the other side of the ocean (phrases such as, give it a go!, im not at uni, they went absolutely mad!) so on...make me think your in possibly Australia? U.K. But thats not my main point.

My main point is the laws! Here in the states at least there is a serious issue about Authority Figures. That is even IF you are 18 now somebody in a position of authority (teachers, doctors, religious figures, counselors....so on) can be held accountable much more quickly than the average person can.

So one thing you will want to check into deeply before you act is what laws do apply to your man there. Other wise your statement "The calm before the storm" May well be an understatement! I'm not trying to be the one to bring bad news to you I'm just trying to help give you a heads up on the facts.

Best of luck and do keep us posted.

Don

Welcome to the Site!! I am so excited there are so many new people joining and so happy that we are all back to where we should be!!!!!!

Anyway,,,, I think it's great your in love and don't jeapordize it for anything... Since your on your own which was a very good decision!!! but You just tell your family nicely don't fight don't argue.. Your an adult now... just tell them this is what you want ... and stand firm tell them that you'll always be there for them when they come around if they come around and that you love them etc... but you need to think about you and what's good for you!!!

Good Luck.... You guys sound like a FABULOUS couple!!!

Thankyou for your replies everyone! It's so nice to have a bit of support!!

Rollsharley: Funny that you picked up on my use of phrases etc! Yes I'm from England! The law here is that as long as you are over 18 then it's fine :) I've left college now and am at uni over 200 miles away so it's no longer an issue. Thankyou for highlighting that for me though :)

Softiee19: Hello fellow law student!!!

LovinTim: Glad you are so happy with your older man, that pic on your posts in lovely! We are definitely in a very similar situation so we can help each other out!

Thankyou everyone for advice again! Any more will be very appreciated!

X

Just realised in my first post about saying 'im not at uni'. I meant to say 'I'm NOW at uni so have moved out!'

You probably guessed that anyway but just wanted to clarify!

X

You wrote "i just dont know how to convince my parents that he's the one for me and that he feels the same way!" My thought, it is not your job to convince anybody of anything - parents or not. What you need to concentrate on is what makes YOU happy. Nobody else wakes up in your skin everyday, therefore, they have no right to tell you what you can and can't do. Also, part of growing up is learning that you don't HAVE to please your parents. But, you should ALWAYS love them and treat them with respect - they've earned that. You do that by respectfully disagreeing with their opinion but telling them that you still love them. You do that by not allowing them to engage you in a fight. You do that by continuing to communicate with them no matter how many stupid things they say and do. You do that by making the decisions that make you happy and showing them that happiness. At the end of the day, I like to believe that most parents genuinely just want their children to be happy as adults. Sure the child/adult's perception of what makes them happy may be different from the parents' perception. However, both sides of the equation (parents and childen) need to learn how to come to terms with the difference of opinion. Once that is done, all can live happily.

As for when, where and how to tell parents, I can only say that is an individual decision. It took me 3 1/2 years to come clean with my parents about my OM (26 years my senior). My thinking during that time was two-fold. First, I was convinced that they would absolutely never accept us and that by telling them I would lose them. Second, I just wanted to focus on the relationship and see if it was going anywhere (which it did, we're now married).

Once I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, I knew I had to share it with my parents. As someone once wisely told me, by not telling them the truth I was depriving them of the opportunity to prove me wrong. There were rough roads but today they love him almost as much as I do because, I think, they see how happy he makes me and how happy we are together. When I look back now at the 3 1/2 years of "lying," it just seems like it was such a colossal waste of time. But, I can only say that now because of hindsight! At the time, I was convinced I had no other options.

Yes, if you are going to have both OM and parents in your world, this is probably most definitely the "calm before the storm." However, with love, care, patience, acceptance, and mutual respect the time "after the storm" could be some of your best years ever!

Best of luck to you.

Originally posted by Sweet Thing
Rollsharley: Funny that you picked up on my use of phrases etc! Yes I'm from England! The law here is that as long as you are over 18 then it's fine :) I've left college now and am at uni over 200 miles away so it's no longer an issue. Thankyou for highlighting that for me though :)

Sweet,

Thats great then that you have no fears there!

I was just a bit worried with the math involved (18 been with him 10 months could well mean you were with him at 17!) Over here that can mean tragedy even years after the 17 yr old has turned age of consent.

But anyhow you've found a great website here with lots of members that can give insight to you along the way. Looking forward to seeing you around on the boards.

Don

I was 18 when we got together, am 19 in a month :)

Also, the age of consent in England is 16 :)

Thankyou to everyone for making me feel welcome!! :cool:

XX

http://www.alcofielen.com/pics/forumpics/peopleSUCK/newbie/newman.jpg
Welcome to the board, Sweet Thing
It's good have you here and I hope you find all of the great advice and support helpful for we are here to give them to you.:D