Newbie has question

Greetings all. I'm hoping you can help me out.

I'm a recently divorced 30 year old. I'm also pretty clueless when it comes to women. I wasn't 'ready' to start dating again until I met "BB". We met at a neighborhood party and we found out we had a mutual friend. We spent some time chit-chatting. She appeared to be flirting with me (and flirting hard), but I thought maybe she's just being really friendly. Anyhoo...she was amazing. And like 20 years older than me (I have no clue how old she is and more importantly, don't care).

Fast forward a week. Our mutual friend was moving out of town and I was asked by him to invite BB. I went to BB's house to drop off the invitation. I knocked, she answered but was on the phone. I quickly explained the invitation and bid her farewell. As she closed the storm door, she make kisses at me. It was all I could do to refrain from opening the door and kissing her back. Then again, maybe that's her way?

A few weeks later, I threw a Halloween Costume Party and invited the neighborhood. BB came and was as friendly as ever. I flirted with her and she appeared receptive, playing along. She left before I coud really talk to her beyond chit-chat, but I decided that night I'd ask her out the next morning.

The next morning, I walked to her house (it is on the way to the bookstore - that was my excuse for stopping by). She was outside working on her yard. I helped her a bit cutting down some branches and she told me she wanted to get a dog so she could join us in dog walks. She also mentioned she wanted to put up a high fence in her backyard so that she could "lay out naked" to which I quipped "let me know when I'll be there". She laughed. Well, we finished cutting branches and I said to her that the reason I came here was to ask if she wanted to go out sometime.

She said "Maybe. What would we do?"

"Anything you want to do", I said.

Her reply was "Maybe."

Good enough for me, I thought.

I decided to go back a few days later with an offer of dinner. Dinner is a good first date.

Long story short, she asked me to call her a few days later and she'd know what time her previous plans would be finished. We exchanged numbers. A few days later, I called her and she said that she'd be back too late to go out Saturday. She suggested the next Saturday but I told her I'd be out of town till the 25th, was headed back out the 26th for Turkey Day with my family. I suggested the 25th. She agreed.

Like I said, I'm pretty clueless when it comes to women. I don't think I actually said 'date'.

Do you think she realizes this is a date?

That's it, all that story for that question.

Thanks!

Rob

I think she must realise it is a date...and as she doesn't sound neither shy nor naïve, I wouldn't have doubts. She flirted with you first, didn't she? ;)

Good date to you and keep us posted!

Hi Rob,

Welcome to Ageless. Sure she realizes it is a date!

Just put on your best date behavior and be yourself (hopefully they are one and the same, lol). Wear something sexy too, leave the plaid shirt at home!

Plan something fun and interesting and have a great time. And PLEASE let us know how it is going, ok? Like Nessa said we all love a good romance!

Why, yes, she realizes this is a date! :) Things have progressed right along the usual pattern there, starting with the flirting, to the exchange of number...and then the invitation to dinner. Sure, she knows it is a date! *smiles*

I hope you have a wonderful evening with your new friend....!!! Keep us updated!

Hi JavaJunkie and welcome to Ageless!
You came to the right place to get some GOOD advice.

Of course "BB" knows you asked her for a date.
She might be a bit "gaurded" just to see how serious you really are in spending time with her.
One thing you need to remember about us OW, we are savvy!
LOL
We know that taking our time is beneficial and I would not be surprised if "BB" is only making sure that your date is one of "quality".
When I state that, I mean that she is only taking it slow in making sure it's worth her time, (which in turn, makes is VERY well worth your time too).
Nothing wrong with that.

She may also know that giving you something to look forward to only creates for a better first date.
LOL
I think it does anyway.

If there is anything I have learned over the years, is to not rush things and to enjoy the 'beginnings' of a friendship.
I refer to those first flirtatious rituals as being the "delicious days".
:p


I guarantee she IS thinking about you and women don't just mention that they want to sun-bathe in the nude to just "anyone".
She likes you and she knows "what's up" for sure!

Whatever you do, please don't think that she is "playing" you.
It could be that you are the first YM that she is considering dating and she is only being cautious.
She has sent you the signals for sure and now it is up to you to remain committed to getting her out there on that first date.

You are both obviously attracted to one another, now all you need to do is take your time in getting to know each other.
Have fun!
(and let us know what happens!)

I'm glad you ladies confirmed my thoughts. What a relief.

To answer your questions:

MariaLux: Yes, she flirted first. She started it. LOL

Nessa: No, I won't see her till date night. I'm out of town o business and won't be back till Tuesday afternoon. After that I'll be traveling again for a few weeks. Tuesday was the only time we could meet up.

bubbleee: I can't wear my plaid shirt???? I have to go find something nice to wear this weekend...

sage: I hear ya; I like slow. That brings up my next question....kiss on the first date yes? no?

Once again, thanks for the advice and support. You gals rock!

Have a great weekend!

Welcome Java, and yes......she definately knows it's a date! Have fun:)

Well, we went out on our date. She looked great. I opened the car door for her and the doors at the resteraunt.

We went to a nice little Italian place. We talked, and talked, and talked. And we ate too.

When the bill came she asked if I wanted her to pay half. Of course, I said no. "That's good", she said, "because I didn't bring any money. I don't know what I would have done if you asked me for some money." We had a good laugh over that.

Now, here's where it gets strange. I drove her back home and she said that I didn't need to walk her up to her house because it was cold and I had to go home and pack (which I did- leave for my folks home tomorrow for turkey day) plus she had to finish grading her papers. I reluctantly agreed (was that a bad idea?) and kissed her goodnight. The kiss...well she didn't pull away but it was just a quick peck. Better than nothing I guess.

I wish I had more to tell but that's all I can really recall.

Anyhoo, assuming she's still interested how long should I wait to call her again? I'm out of town till Saturday and then leave again on Sunday for a week. I suppose I could suggest something for Saturday but I'm not sure.

Any ideas?

Have a great Thanksgiving!

If you're that interested, calling her up the next day and in the process asking her out for saturday before your trip, would have clench it for me, you are interested, let's roll with it.

Good luck

Paris

Calling her and asking her is not a bad thing. It tells her you are interested, which is the exact opposite message you would give if you called in a week or so. A call on Thanksgiving sould seem a bit out of place too.

Where to go and what to do? Dinner as a second date is fine too, but I would opt to go do soemthing that would be fun. My last successful second date (still with her) was ice skating outdoors followed by dinner. I played hockey growing up and knew I would have no problem skating. She doesn't skate well. So yes, part of my plan was her holding onto me for balance.

Anything fun will do, although I would recommend something that allows for or creates a little physical contact. Having the contact breaksthe ice for more contact. Although nothing were it seems that will be the whole point. Of course, if you happen to be in contact with her flirtatiously commenting that you like it is recommended. After you have dated a while you can let on about your ulterior motives in picking something that created the contact.

Also, don't give her the option for just a quick peck on your next date. You can't and shouldn't force her to neck with you for a half hour, but kiss her. I would also recommend not waiting until the end of the date to do it. If you find a spot or a moment in the middle of the date with a little privacy, just face her, lean in and kiss her. It's a good move and has worked for me.

LadyinGreen,

I'd agree with you, in that it does sound like dating by numbers and about being yourself. It may be numbers, but it works to create the framework of a date that leads to another date. And you have to be yourself, or you are wasting everyone's time.

And I would not plan a kiss for a certain time or place, but I will look for the opportunity and begin the date knowing that I am looking for that opportunity. I'm not going to try if I don't want to kiss her, but if I don't then we are on a last date. And I won't do it if I feel like there is no connection between us. But if there is and we are walking down the street or soemwhere else and no one else is around, I will make it happen. And I have never, but never, found a woman to mind. I have had one or two ask "Wow, where did that come from," but they also kissed me again before the date was over.

just ask her! and ask sexy. saying 'may i kiss you?' while looking at each other up close works. she might say 'yes, kiss me already, you idiot!'. if she says 'no' or 'never', well, you know where to go from there. but don't spend time dithering over it.

I have to agree, I don't like when they ask if they can kiss me.

Once, I was with this guy and I thought he was all cute and we were having a good time, and i was like, "Man, I hope he kisses me..." and then he said, "Can I kiss you?" and it really killed the mood for me for some reason and i was like, "No." Not a fan of that question!

I also agree with Nessa -- calling the next day is a GOOD thing.

you can't read someone's mind, people, so asking before you kiss is good manners, and spontaneity in romance is by and large a myth. you can hope and think 'gee, i hope he kisses me' but ain't nuthin' gonna happen unless you make it happen. come on think! you out onna date with someone you don't particularly feel any sparks with, and alla sudden he pulls you close, grabs your ***, and shoves his tongue down your throat! now, wouldn't asking in the first place have prevented that? yeah.

Originally posted by melisande
...you out onna date with someone you don't particularly feel any sparks with, and alla sudden he pulls you close, grabs your ***, and shoves his tongue down your throat! now, wouldn't asking in the first place have prevented that? yeah.

:D :D

I think we might find a compromise here...no need to ask, but no way you should move that abruptly either...

Nobody has ever asked me, I think it just happens...you get closer and closer and if she doesn't want your kiss, she'll pull away and you'll know it in a split second.

Body language is often very clear.

I'm with Trish...I have had men ask. I wonder if I seem less spontaneous or something, and that is why they ask? I had it happen more than once...and it didn't turn me off..exactly the opposite actually. I thought it was sweet and romantic...

He just looked into my eyes and said, "May I kiss you?", and I thought I was going to melt. Of course, this was the same man who asked me before our first really intimate encounter, after an hour or so of kissing, if it was okay with me to progress any further....which I also found really sweet and endearing. Maybe its me...

I'm not saying anyone should always ask, but just saying that not all women are turned off by a polite, 'May I kiss you good night" thing....

Rereading this, it sounds corny, doesn't it?

Well, I called her yesterday while I was driving up to my folk's place. We talked for a bit and I asked her if she wanted to go out for coffee on Saturday. She agreed. I'm a happy camper.

At this point, I need to mention a few things that might clear/complicate things up a bit:

1. She's a mega-overworked 11th grade English teacher and doesn't have much spare time.
2. About 1-2 months before I met her, I was asked to relocated out of state for about a year to support a project at work. Since I had nothing going on here, I agreed. I leave after Christmas.
3. She knows (because I told her previously) about my moving out of state for a year. But I did tell her I will be back obce every four weeks (but I haven't said I would like to continue seeing her when I come back for my monthly visit - I thought it was too early to mention that).

Since I'm leaving in a few short weeks, I guess I need to lay out my all cards, as it were, and tell her I'd like to continue seeing her while I'm gone (assuming of course Saturday's date goes OK).

I liked the kissing tips...I think I'll just ask this time and see what happens. If she says yes, THEN I'll tell her about my wanting to continue to see her. If she says no then I guess she's not interested in a romance; friendship's fine too.

That's all I got.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving!
JavaJunkie2002