Captain
11-21-2003, 01:52 PM
Again, only my opinions and musings. Ladies, please comment.
How to succeed on your first date? I consider success to be two fold on a first date: first, get yourself a second date; next, find out if you want the second date. The second thing depends all about how you feel with regard to her. You’ll have to make up your own mind. The first part of success is largely in your hands.
How you dress and where you go are the first things to control. Dinner is about the best standard first date you could choose. Dress is more dependent on the norms where you are and for where you intend to go for dinner. Unless you are going after work, when your work may determine what you wear. My normal recommendation would be to dress slightly better than would normally be expected, but not much better. If a pair of khakis was acceptable for where I wanted to go, I would wear a dress pair and make sure they were clean and pressed. Don’t over due it, but make sure you do it well. Same for grooming, have it all neat and tidy. I think it’s weird but I know women who check out to see if a guy polishes his shoes. If you overdo it, then it will look like you are just trying way too hard, kind of like taking a woman to the fanciest French restaurant in town on a first date, which is a just a flat out bad move. The entire concept is to attract not chase or be chased.
Be a gentleman, open the door for her. Open the car door and close it for her. If she complains when you do this, which she won’t do, tell her you know she is capable of doing it herself then ask her to “Please, just humor me.”
Without knowing both you and her and what’s available in your area, I cannot advise where to go. If I know nothing about the woman, I have my standard first date choices and qualities I look for: good but reasonable food, not cheap not expensive, a little atmosphere and not too much.
Before we go anywhere, I will ask her about her eating habits: is there anything she won’t eat; what kind of food does she like; etc. You are going on a first date, for which you extended the invitation. Most women want you to control the situation. Show that you can make the decisions. Later on, you can look at each other and say: “what do you feel like?” “I don’t know. What do you feel like?” But you cannot do this on a first date. You decide where to go.
Typical first date, she orders dinner, I make sure I order something different. If she refuses any appetizer, I either order something we can share or also go with nothing. I ask her if she will have a glass of wine or a drink and whether she has a preference for wine: red, white or otherwise. I’ll try and pick something that will go with what she has ordered and suits her preference, but I will make sure that I do the ordering. One suggestion I have is to scope out the restaurant before you go. Look at the menu, look at the wine list, or get recommendations from someone who knows. Knowing what wines were available and having tried one or two of them would be good knowledge to have. You look down at a wine list, close it look up at the waiter and just order. You’ll really look like you know what you are doing.
One of my favorite first dates spots is a small, reasonable Italian place, in Greenwich Village. It’s possible to have a dinner for $40 for two, more likely to cost $60-70 and unlikely to get up to $120 no matter what we order. It has a little atmosphere, but nothing too romantic. Typically, I have my date decide what she wants to eat, then I pick. With regard to an appetizer, I will have to choices in my head. One for if she orders one and one for if she does not. If she does not order one, then I will order a cold antipasto plate for two. It is a mix of grilled and marinated veggies. Take what you want, leave the rest.
While eating, let her talk as much as possible. Don’t be a mouse, but make damn sure you are not hogging all the conversation. Make some eye contact, especially when she is telling you anything. It will tell her you ARE LISTENING and are interested in what she has to say. It’s more difficult to keep eye contact when you are talking, but make an effort to make some eye contact while you are speaking. Try to be funny, but most of all be relaxed and be yourself. Easier said than done. DO NOT RUSH through dinner. Eat slowly and talk. Use good table manners.
During dinner, you should be watching her and seeing what her demeanor tells you. Does she watch you when she talks? Is she flirting with you? Is there any physical contact between you? How does she act if there is physical contact? How does she act if you saying something flirtatious? You should flirt a little but not a lot. A little tells her you are interested and allows you to see her reaction.
When the check comes, pay. If she tries or offers to split it, be firm when telling her that you are paying. Then flirt and tell her she can pay when she takes you out. Through such an exchange you show that you wear the pants at that moment, get to flirt and tell her she can have another date (i.e. you are interested) and show you will give her a chance to wear the pants, at some other time.
After the entrees are served and eaten, you can have a coffee, dessert, etc. where you ate, but I find a move to another spot is a great thing to do. My favorite Italian spot has three bakeries/cafes across the street. If I am there, I tell my dates not to order coffee or dessert and take them across the street. The “get up and move for coffee and dessert” also avoids the get up and go for a drink possibility, which I encourage all to avoid. More importantly, it provides you with an opportunity for feedback and to make a move, if possible and her reactions so far have been positive towards you. Have your hands make contact a few times, and then hold hers. Stop in a store front somewhere and kiss her. Either of these will tell you if she is interested.
You want the date to be dinner, dessert and end. More and you are on the slippery slope to getting busy and, therefore, the one night stand. This is usually uncomfortable for all. Ending it right also helps you get the next date.
How to end it? Leave and take her home. Walk her to her door or wherever you are leaving her. If the feedback has been positive and you have not yet kissed, do it. Get closer to her and telegraph your intentions. Let her know what you are toward her to do. Don’t ask, don’t joke, don’t fuss, just make a strong but slow move and do it. If she kisses you back, she is interested, if not she’s not. One or two kisses and leave. That’s it. Go home and make sure you do. Act excited on the way out, if you are and the feedback was positive. She's watching you and wants to know if you are interested.
How to succeed on your first date? I consider success to be two fold on a first date: first, get yourself a second date; next, find out if you want the second date. The second thing depends all about how you feel with regard to her. You’ll have to make up your own mind. The first part of success is largely in your hands.
How you dress and where you go are the first things to control. Dinner is about the best standard first date you could choose. Dress is more dependent on the norms where you are and for where you intend to go for dinner. Unless you are going after work, when your work may determine what you wear. My normal recommendation would be to dress slightly better than would normally be expected, but not much better. If a pair of khakis was acceptable for where I wanted to go, I would wear a dress pair and make sure they were clean and pressed. Don’t over due it, but make sure you do it well. Same for grooming, have it all neat and tidy. I think it’s weird but I know women who check out to see if a guy polishes his shoes. If you overdo it, then it will look like you are just trying way too hard, kind of like taking a woman to the fanciest French restaurant in town on a first date, which is a just a flat out bad move. The entire concept is to attract not chase or be chased.
Be a gentleman, open the door for her. Open the car door and close it for her. If she complains when you do this, which she won’t do, tell her you know she is capable of doing it herself then ask her to “Please, just humor me.”
Without knowing both you and her and what’s available in your area, I cannot advise where to go. If I know nothing about the woman, I have my standard first date choices and qualities I look for: good but reasonable food, not cheap not expensive, a little atmosphere and not too much.
Before we go anywhere, I will ask her about her eating habits: is there anything she won’t eat; what kind of food does she like; etc. You are going on a first date, for which you extended the invitation. Most women want you to control the situation. Show that you can make the decisions. Later on, you can look at each other and say: “what do you feel like?” “I don’t know. What do you feel like?” But you cannot do this on a first date. You decide where to go.
Typical first date, she orders dinner, I make sure I order something different. If she refuses any appetizer, I either order something we can share or also go with nothing. I ask her if she will have a glass of wine or a drink and whether she has a preference for wine: red, white or otherwise. I’ll try and pick something that will go with what she has ordered and suits her preference, but I will make sure that I do the ordering. One suggestion I have is to scope out the restaurant before you go. Look at the menu, look at the wine list, or get recommendations from someone who knows. Knowing what wines were available and having tried one or two of them would be good knowledge to have. You look down at a wine list, close it look up at the waiter and just order. You’ll really look like you know what you are doing.
One of my favorite first dates spots is a small, reasonable Italian place, in Greenwich Village. It’s possible to have a dinner for $40 for two, more likely to cost $60-70 and unlikely to get up to $120 no matter what we order. It has a little atmosphere, but nothing too romantic. Typically, I have my date decide what she wants to eat, then I pick. With regard to an appetizer, I will have to choices in my head. One for if she orders one and one for if she does not. If she does not order one, then I will order a cold antipasto plate for two. It is a mix of grilled and marinated veggies. Take what you want, leave the rest.
While eating, let her talk as much as possible. Don’t be a mouse, but make damn sure you are not hogging all the conversation. Make some eye contact, especially when she is telling you anything. It will tell her you ARE LISTENING and are interested in what she has to say. It’s more difficult to keep eye contact when you are talking, but make an effort to make some eye contact while you are speaking. Try to be funny, but most of all be relaxed and be yourself. Easier said than done. DO NOT RUSH through dinner. Eat slowly and talk. Use good table manners.
During dinner, you should be watching her and seeing what her demeanor tells you. Does she watch you when she talks? Is she flirting with you? Is there any physical contact between you? How does she act if there is physical contact? How does she act if you saying something flirtatious? You should flirt a little but not a lot. A little tells her you are interested and allows you to see her reaction.
When the check comes, pay. If she tries or offers to split it, be firm when telling her that you are paying. Then flirt and tell her she can pay when she takes you out. Through such an exchange you show that you wear the pants at that moment, get to flirt and tell her she can have another date (i.e. you are interested) and show you will give her a chance to wear the pants, at some other time.
After the entrees are served and eaten, you can have a coffee, dessert, etc. where you ate, but I find a move to another spot is a great thing to do. My favorite Italian spot has three bakeries/cafes across the street. If I am there, I tell my dates not to order coffee or dessert and take them across the street. The “get up and move for coffee and dessert” also avoids the get up and go for a drink possibility, which I encourage all to avoid. More importantly, it provides you with an opportunity for feedback and to make a move, if possible and her reactions so far have been positive towards you. Have your hands make contact a few times, and then hold hers. Stop in a store front somewhere and kiss her. Either of these will tell you if she is interested.
You want the date to be dinner, dessert and end. More and you are on the slippery slope to getting busy and, therefore, the one night stand. This is usually uncomfortable for all. Ending it right also helps you get the next date.
How to end it? Leave and take her home. Walk her to her door or wherever you are leaving her. If the feedback has been positive and you have not yet kissed, do it. Get closer to her and telegraph your intentions. Let her know what you are toward her to do. Don’t ask, don’t joke, don’t fuss, just make a strong but slow move and do it. If she kisses you back, she is interested, if not she’s not. One or two kisses and leave. That’s it. Go home and make sure you do. Act excited on the way out, if you are and the feedback was positive. She's watching you and wants to know if you are interested.