Double Drat!

Well, as many of you know, I am attracted very much to a YM, (he's 25 and I am 46), that is the friend of my daughter's fiance.
I won't go into great detail about how I have been trying, (unsuccesfully, I might add), to get this YM into a social arena in order to "feel" things out a bit more and "get to know him better".

Next Wednesday is my daughter's 22 birthday and I have a party planned for her here and all her friends are invited. I called this YM last week and invited him and he says he"ll come, (but we'll see, he's kinda flakey that way..).
But that is not the problem.

I just got a call from my ex and he got wind of the party and is coming too, (my daughter told him it was ok - she has no idea of my attraction to this YM).
ARGH!

I told my ex he was more than welcome to bring a date.
He told me he'd rather flirt with me.
:mad:

He has made NO secret of the fact that he would welcome us getting back together, but it is NOT going to happen.
Never, ever, NEVER!

This really throws a wrench into things.
I was really hoping I could "charm" this YM without my ex's drool all over me!
LOL

I dunno what to do.
Give up? Throw in the towel?

This YM has no clue I like him and I was just hoping to get a bit closer to him in a "friend-type" way, but now my ex will be there following me like a deranged hound.

Any suggestions?

Sage,

You may have to schedule another social event
where you do the inviting, and make sure your
ex. is not coming, while the ym you fancy does
come.

In the meantime, at your daughter's party, maybe
you should just "disappear" for large chunks of time
in order to avoid your ex.

It doesn't look like this will be the place where
you make a connection with the young man.

Well I said it before, Guys are SLOW. You have to make it very plain to us what you want. We dont pick up signals too well. What you call flirting, we think you are just being nice and that you feel at ease with us because you are not interested in us.
If you want us...........tell us in no uncertain terms. We are afraid to make a move for fear of rejection.

Best of luck

Cowboy

Sage, I just had to giggle at what you said
"but now my ex will be there following me like a deranged hound.
Any suggestions?"

Can you like throw him a stick and make him fetch it? I mean like throw it 3 miles at a time?
I dunno, you just gotta ignore him as much as you can.
How about planning a new party? for Sunday? The family party and tell the X, he can not come to the first party because (wink) you have something special to serve Sunday? that might work, than give him a double peice of cake....
I am outta ideas now, good luck, keep us posted, I really want to see how this YM and you turn out.
~Tammy

LOL
:p

Thank You Girlfriends! (Snow and Babes)
I have been entertaining the suggestions you gave as to how to distract my ex at my daughter's party.

Can you like throw him a stick and make him fetch it? I mean like throw it 3 miles at a time?
Oh, I wish!
LOL
Wish I could throw it as far as Canada and then he could be detained at the border for a day or two.
Or maybe deep into the Puget Sound and he'd have to dog paddle his way back.

How about planning a new party? for Sunday? The family party and tell the X, he can not come to the first party because (wink) you have something special to serve Sunday? that might work, than give him a double peice of cake....
Wish I could, but it's Wednesday night or nuthin,....
But I think I'll still offer him a double serving of pie, (Sarah wants banana cream pie instead of birthday cake).

if hes sober, ask him to drive people home, or if hes drinking, spike his drink so he passes out!
Now THAT'S an idea!
LOL
But I dunno if I want him too drunk, (he's all hands then), but taking other drunk guests home might be good.
Think one of our guests might not mind getting a lift home to, oh, let's say,...Brazil?

Hire a stripper to throw herself at him all night, to direct his attention away from you
I have an old friend that acts pretty trashy and likes to flash guys when she drinks too much gin, maybe I could invite her?
She always liked my ex?
(Gin is a LOT cheaper than a stripper)

Or if all else fails, burn down his house/blow up his car/maim or cripple him......but hey, thats only if all else fails!
Well, he just purchased THIS house, don't think I want to burn it down.

Blow up his car might,..no...that would be terrible!
Wouldn't it.. would it?
I couldn't.... could I?
(heard a banana in the tail pipe does the trick)

Main or cripple him?
Nah. We want him to be able to go to work.

I am trying to think of someone I know who is highly contagious with the flu or other icky bug right now that might go over and breathe on him for me.

It's a dumb situation, I know, and I thank you for taking the time to respond.

Sometimes I want to tell my daughter about my attraction to this YM, but I don't think now is the time.
At least not right before her birthday party anyway.

I'll just try to make myself look as good as I can and sparkle when this YM is near and nip at my ex if he get's too close to me.
I'll "Go With The Flow" I guess....

Oh, and thanks to Harrison and Cowboy for your posts too!
Love getting the "Male Perspective"!

:D
Wow Babes!!! I like the way you think!!!!

Seriously Sage, I feel for ya...
I also have an ex who is a bit of a deranged hound, and know that it would be impossible for me to relax and have a really good time at a party with him there, let alone to flirt with a new man of interest (Just wait until my YM comes to visit in January----ahhh but that, I'm sure, will be in a future thread, because boy I'll need support!)........
I'll be checkin the post to see how things turn out for you, Ive got my fingers crossed that somehow the ex bows out and that you cozy up to this YM that you've had your eye on!
you go girl!!!
:p

Okay, today is the day!

Sarah's birthday party is tonight and I am hoping to get a chance to cozy up to this YM that I have been babbling to you all about.
Actually I am too much of a chicken baby to "cozy up" to him, but I'll be as charming as I can be.

I will have a drink or two, so who knows, I just might muster up enough nerve to do more than just act like Sarah's "nice Mom"
:p

He and I did talk the other night for a good half hour on the phone.
Mainly about cooking as we are both chefs.
He just purchased his first house and he did invite me over to see it, (with Sarah), so that's a start I guess.

The ex will be here.
:mad:
But there is not much I can do about that except keep my distance and fight him off with a stick if he gets fresh, (like he always does).
*groan*

Wish me luck and I'll fill you in on what happens, (or doesn't happen), tomorrow!

Oh, and any suggestions on how I can make some extra points tonight with this YM will be much appreciated!!
:p

With your husband around hitting on you, it might be tough to work on the object of your attention. But, if you get the chance, the way to work on him is to send him the right signals. All that eye contact, touch him, give him a peck that jsut not wuite only a peck kind of stuff. Otherwise, the only thing I could think of would be to tell him or grab his rear. (Although, grabbing a rear seems more of an indication of an interest in sex rather than a relationship).

Forget all these things, Sage.

Send your ex online to our chatroom, we'll take care of him, won't we girls?

And I really might need a lift to Brazil! :D

Originally posted by Trish
Kelley just gave me an idea. Tell the guy you're interested in that you need him to play along with some flirting, because you're trying to get your ex to stop bugging you. Then when it's all over with, tell him that you really enjoyed the flirting, and that you wished that it was real. That will let him know that you're interested, and you can gauge his reaction. If he says he liked it too, then you can take it from there. Good luck! It definitely could work to your advantage having your ex there!

OOOoooohhh. That's good. That is a heck of a play. If you try it, I would be interested in knowing how it worked.

That idea of Sage asking the guy to flirt with her, as a form of protection, is so great, I am amazed. Sage had a problem for which I had no answer. Like playing a sport and the other side has a defense you just can't figure out, then bam an idea, so simple.

It great because if he does flirt with Sage, she might figure out if he is attracted. Nobody but nobody does a good job flirting unless they are at some level attracted to the person with whom they are flirting. You don't need to find all of them attractive, but to do it well, you need to have some place in the back of your mind where you can see yourself getting busy with them AND LIKE IT. If he is doing a decent job of flirting with Sage, then she should realize she has a chance.

Whispering in his ear, particularly when her ex is still around, that she wants it to be real, would be my recommended move.

Finally, it also seems like a good way to get her ex to leave earlier. Only two reasons I could see him acting the way he did: he wants back in; or he just wants to get busy. If she is flirting with another guy, he will be more likely to want to leave.

The more I think about this idea, the more I realize just how good it is.

First, just let me tell you all that I am under the influence right now...and what I write might not be what I would write tomorrow.
Please excuse all typos.
Thank you.

THANK YOU too for the great advice today. I wanted to write in and respond, but never had the time.
Loved the flirting idea...but I am just too chicken to do something like that.
Ddin;t need to anyway....

My ex called and said he couldn't make it to the party.
YooHoo!
All was dandy!
Everything was going so egood!

My YM showed up..and just the sight of him moved me more than I even imagined. He is so sweet,
Anyway, he brought along some great food for the food table and he and I talked "cooking" for quite some time.

To make a long story short here, the evening was going along very well. We were talking alot and I thought I was making a good impression, (we were talking about our pets and all of that...
Well, just when I thought that things were going along well,, he came up to me, (after being here for a little over an hour) and told me, (and why he chose to tell ME this, I don't know..maybe because I hosted the party..), that he had to leave early becaus ehe had a date with a girl named "Kara".
THUD goes my heart and he gives me this great big hug before leaving, (thank you very much).
10 minutes later my ex shows up, ( he is all happy that he could mnake it after all), and I poured myself a drink, (and then another).

Life is so FRIGGIN ironic.

So here I am, (about 4 hours later and the party is dying down..).
I don't know if I should cry or laugh.

I'm hurting.
But, I'm okay.
Anyone want to chat?

Well, the title of your thread sure fits.... DOUBLE DRAT!!

So sorry to hear of the end result. I hope you have a much better day today!

Big Hugs, Sage......
and dont worry about "Kara".........it just means your YM dates, and well, thats good news. If youre still interested in seeing if he'd date you, it sounds like youve got a nice friendly foundation there you can possibly build on.
Its not like you made a major move and got rejected, maybe he's clueless??? lol......I have heard many a man say they need to be hit over the head with a baseball bat to realize that a woman is interested in them. :rolleyes:
I hope you feel better today, sans the possibility of a slight hangover!!
Happy Thanksgiving at any rate, enjoy your family and after enough of the holiday spirit, decide what plan B might be...or to abort the mission.
(*Boy since the Hedgehogs' countdown, we are starting to sound like a paramilitary group!)

Oh Sage...

I'm so sorry....*Hugs*

I'm sorry things didn't go the way you had hoped they would. And I'm sorry you got such an unexpected surprise.

If ya ever need to talk or vent about my gender (which I admit can be idiots and tools quite often)...ya know I'm there for you, Sage....

*Hugs*

Things will get better, I promise...

*Hugs you once more* (Heh, I almost wrote Mugs you)

~Dan

Hi Friends and THANK YOU for your kind words.
(Sorry for the sloppy post last night...)
I'm over my disappointment from last night and today is another day.
I only had 3 drinks- but they were on the strong side as my daughter mixed them for me, (rum and Pepsi), and I do have a bit of a headache this morning.
Not enough to keep me down though and I am off to put my turkey in the over here soon.

No big plans for today.
Just a turkey dinner with my kids.
I could lounge around in my PJ's all day if I wanted to, (and I just might do that)!
LOL

I guess what upset me most last night is that this kind of thing has happened to me sooooo many times with men.
I won't bore you all with those stories, but it has happened to me so often, I should have expected it.
I did enjoy seeing him and we had a nice conversation.
There is a mutual attraction or something that seems to travel between us, (maybe because we both work in the same feild), but I will be happy with having a friendship with him and not dwell on the negative.
I DID like the big hug he gave me when he went to leave and it surprised me a little and let's just say I gave him the "sexiest" hug I could on such short notice.
LOL

ravenglow- your are right. Ths YM is clueless to my attraction.
Guess I'll have to "clue him in", unless of course he ends up dating this "Kara" regularly.
If that is the case, then I am off to fresh waters to fish for another.
I don't pursue men with girlfriends.
My daughter told him as he was leaving that he should bring Kara to the party after he took her out to dinner, (gee, thanks Sarah, lol), and I heard him make some kind of sly comment about "seeing if he could "get lucky".
Hmmmmmm?
The girls always seem to dump this guy for some reason.
Sarah says it's because he chases girls that like "bad boys" and this, he is NOT!
LOL
If he got lucky or not, I am just glad he didn't bring her back to the party.
I had my hands full with my ex showing up.
(I won't go into all that, but will say, I was able to fend him off easily and he left after a couple hours)

But anyhoo, thanks again.
You guys are the BEST and I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving.
My blessings are many and I am very thankful to have each of you!

My mom is always friendly to the men that I've gone out with Over the years I've been told by a few of my bf's that it has made them uncomfortable. Sage, I wonder if meeting your daughters friends and going out with them is the best choice for you? Could you expand your social horizons a bit? I don't think there is anything wrong with the ow/ym, obviously, but what I do feel is that placing yourself alongside your daughter and her pals will make someone uncomfortable perhaps? And not give you a good chance to get the romance that you want and deserve??? I noticed in your post you said that you'd had many disappointments in your crushes on guys. I'm asking how we can help you put your interests in places where the guys will be more receptive? Also, does anyone know what kind of signals you are giving out that you may not be aware of? Ask your daughter if she knows of your crush on her pal?

Hi Witchy and Zephirine-
Thanks for your comments.

I just thought I would clear things up a bit in regard to how much I socialize with my daughter's friends.
NOT much at all.

The parties where I rub elbows with them are usually the kind of party where other people my age are there, like the birthday party that I gave Sarah last Wednesday.
I don't go to their impromptu "get down" type parties.

My daughter and her friends always ask me to their little gatherings and I would say I show up for about 50%.
There haven't been any complaints from my daughter yet, (that I am horning in or ruining her good time).

Also-
when I mentioned that this type of thing has happened to me before, what I meant is that it has happened to me with all ages of men over the years.
And they weren't just "crushes" that I had for these guys either.
Some I would be out on a second or third date and they would tell me they decided to go back to an old girlfriend or wife and one guy even told me on a second date that he had met "the woman of this dreams" the night before and that he couldn't date me anymore.
THAT was an ironic one, as this guy had badgered me to date him for the longest time, (I wasn't all that attracted to him), and I finally gave in.

I would also like to made another point.
Witchy-
you had mentioned that your mom was always friendly towards the guys YOU dated.
Well, I have NEVER cozied up to anyone that my daughter dated.
As a matter of fact, this particular YM is the FIRST YM that I have ever been attracted to.
He and my daughter have never dated.

I haven't heard how things went for him and "Kara" and actually I don't even care.
Well,...maybe I care a little.
:p
I am NOT obsessed and I have too much happening in my life to dwell on it.
If it is meant to be, that this YM and I are together, we will be.
I have no intention to elbow my way into his life.

I'm with Trish on this. I think it could work out better for you with that ploy. And if ex is coming on while ym is around then a few knowing eye rollings between you will be your little private joke. It could be a very exciting situation actually!

You are brave. I hit on my guy first before he hit on me. I know it can be done!

Sage - leave it to me to open mouth insert foot. I missed a whole page of messages and wrote this inappropriate bit of advice to you, after the fact. Can you forgive me?