just need to get this out...feel free to ignore it

I'm at a turning point in my life, I can feel it. I'm 25. I'm in love with a 42 year old who lives half a world away. We met on the internet. How this story will end I don't know, but I'm determined to write it. Too often I've turned back and walked away, too often I've let fear drive me. This is why it's a turning point because I've decided that this time it would be different.

Tonight is difficult, as I feel alone, like a tiger locked in a cage. Nothing satisfies me besides talking to her, I'm just killing time until the next time we will talk. I'm aware of my fear, fear that I was wrong all along, that it was just an illusion and that this story will end badly. I cannot ignore the difficulties ahead. My family, her children, her family, the miles and years between us. Anyone but me would consider this an impossible love and run away, go back to their quiet and unsatisfied life, in the cold comfort of their predictable existence. But I won't do that anymore. I know the risks involved and I've made this decision. I know I risk a lot. I'm leaving the safety of my life, and heading towards a mysterious adventure. But big decisions imply big risks, and big fears. The big fears are just there to remind you of the importance of the choice. The big fears are just showing you the way, where the resistances are and why. I know past this crossroad is a new life. It's less predictable. My feelings are all over the place now, finally I remove the blinders from my eyes and I see what life is about. I may be crazy to choose this path, but whatever happens it's better to live with remorse than with regrets. But I'm fed up with the voice of reason, with the voice of conformity and security. Because these voices are sometimes not compatible with the voice of love.

I'm sorry for rambling on but it's the only place I can go to right now. It's hard to describe how I feel today, it's a fireball of excitement, love, hope and fear, a little like being born again. It's like riding at 100 mph after being still for so long, like truly living life, writing your own story, after going with the flow and following the path of least resistance.

Thanks for listening....


Cryptic

Hey Cryptic,
I think you've done the hard part...making the decision. Now you can finally relax and enjoy being in love. You two can work out the little problems as they come along, but its that riding the fence, worrying yourself to death about "what to do, what to do, what to do" that is so exhausting !! So just take a deep breath, and believe that the decision you've made is the right one and that eveything will fall into place. And remember...dont worry so much about things before they even happen.

Good luck:)

Southerngal

Cryptic, I made the jump, too and I've never once regretted the fact that I wandered off the path of least resistance. Good luck and congratulations on heading into the unknown; it may turn out to be the best thing you've ever done - it was in my case;)

if the dream doesn't scare you, it isn't big enough

Thank you for your replies, they were very helpful...

Christina, you summed it up in one sentence! Wow!!! Thank you.

Cryptic

cryptic...
living it. go for it. you will never have regrets then

I agree that you have to go for it. I'm just full of cliches tonight so here's another one: The turtle never gets anywhere unless he sticks his neck out.

Sure your situation could go either way, but you know the way it will go if you don't try to grab onto this happiness you perceive is just around the corner. And if all does work out, won't you be elated that you didn't crawl into a safe cocoon and not take that risk? Everything in life is potentially a risk and part of maturity is knowing when to risk it and when to fold. In your situation, I certainly would not fold. You have too much to gain here.

Good luck and keep us posted. :)

I am in the same situation exactly Cryptic. Your words described it better than I ever could... especially the part about it being like riding 100 mph after being still for so long. That is EXACTLY how I usually describe my situation, although I usually say 200 mph. :p


My Remi and I are the same age difference as you and the woman you love. And, he is halfway around the world from me, too.

I often compare our situation to a big adventure as well. It is exciting yet frightening.

And, I really like what Christina said about if the dream doesn't scare you, it isn't big enough. I'll have to remember that.

We should talk sometime and compare notes. Feel free to PM me anytime.

so i take it you all have been pissin your pants too... and here i thought i was all alone. ;)
so grateful to have found this site.
makes me laugh, makes me cry. gives me strength and courage to go on. whats 4000 miles, whats age difference...follow the dream

The world is a global village. Those that don't leave their homes to see it, stay at home a lot--bored. Look on it as a great adventure of two people who like each other meeting for the first time to see how it will go, for after all, you don't know how it will go. But then again, if you pass up the chance, you might have passed up something that would have gone well.
Hadley

Go for it, cryptic. If you don't, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. NOTHING should keep two people apart if they feel so strongly for each other.

If it's not scary, it's not brave.....

go for it.

don't miss the dance

Thanks everyone, for your words of encouragement. Some days are rough, because of the miles between us, but every day I'm more convinced I've found a soulmate...she makes me very happy. I promised myself nothing could get between us, and it's getting easier as the love we share grows deeper every day.

Thank you.

Cryptic