MusicLuvR 11-30-2003, 10:15 PM "Today a mechanic in Seattle and a secretary in Oslo begin falling in love..."
Okay, that's not the closest example but....
If there is someone(like a fellow ageless member) that you would like to meet, but there is that distance barrier, how do you overcome that if you're not rich enough to avoid frequent airfare?
singalou 12-01-2003, 12:41 AM long distance is possible as so many members can relate...it is not ideal and often very difficult, but POSSIBLE with a little creativeness, love, and patience=) If you would like to meet...is it possible for each of you to split the airfare? How often you choose to travel would be up to the both of u to decide. With webcams and microphones, communicating can be even less expensive than the phone. Many also use nextel cell phones to communicate in small ways during the course of their 'regular' days. It is not the same as being together in person, but if both parties are ready to 'do' the relationship...it can definitely help soothe those 'i miss u' blues.
The hard part about long distance is that you do become somewhat 'married' to your telephone, cell phone, and computer.
If you decide this is wut u really wish to do....keep in mind that continuing to do outside things while investing time in the relationship is imperative....for your own sanity=).
GOODLUCK!
whiterose 12-01-2003, 05:23 AM The distance thing is an issue for me right now. My guy lives 5500 miles away from me and we have not even met in person yet. So, all we can do for now is talk through PM's right now, or on the cell phone from time to time.
We are planning to meet in the spring, however we both know that it is not going to be possible to do that very often. So, we don't know what exactly will happen, but we are both being very patient about the whole thing.
The last relationship I was in was a LDR, however he lived "only" 700 miles away from me. That was the first time I've ever had a LDR, other than when my ex-husband moved back to Michigan when we were separated.
I have to admit that one who was 700 miles away was tougher to deal with than the one who is 5500 miles away.... I guess because it felt like we should have been able to see each other more often since we were at least on the same continent.
But, as singalou says, PM's, webcams, text messages, etc., have kept us in close contact and that has definitely helped alot. That, and LOTS of patience.
Maria 12-01-2003, 10:13 AM I think a long distance relationship would only work for me if there was the absolute certitude that we would both be able to change our paths to meet and live together in a not very distant future.
What keeps a relationship going for me is the constant progress it makes. There's a limit to what we can do online to improve what we already know about each other. Once we've chatted, heard each other voices, seen each other on the webcam, called, sent cards, letters...the next step has to be taken in order to keep things developing.
I don't talk theory here, I have lived that, and I can honestly say, once we decide to meet, we just do it. You save some hundred dollars from telephone, clothes, cigarettes, gas, you name it, and go see the other person.
I think some people are just afraid to meet in person, most of the times, or lack the energy to take a decision.
christina923 12-01-2003, 02:28 PM long distance is difficult to say the least, but doable. mine has the possibility of remaining as such for the next 2 years with a 4000 mile distance. we each have traveled to visit the other once so far, with scheduled trips again in february and may. we have commited to meeting at least every 3 or 4 months.
as for money...you commit to what is important. you religiously check airlines for "specials" and they are out there with advance purchase.
the distance is difficult, but commitment and communication are imperative. and there are many message programs available.
good luck...don't loose hope
Desert Spring 12-01-2003, 04:54 PM The reality is that you're going to have to find a way to visit each other if this is really going to work.
Sign up for all of the airlines e-fare specials - they'll mail them to you. Get familiar with airline ticket brokers (they usually advertise in little boxes in the travel section of the Sunday paper), call a few, and tell them to contact you when they get ... for example..... tickets from the US West Coast to Scandinavia for under $500. (it does happen).
Tell your job of your love in another country so they'll be flexible if you want to take some vacation days on fairly short notice.
In other words, don't pine...... plan.
christina923 12-01-2003, 05:40 PM *L* exactly...
i can fly from the east coast to the netherlands for $350. i buy the ticket, i see if i get vacation time later. what the hell is sick time for anyways?
bottom line...you do what ya have to do...
go for it!
Jo-Admin 12-02-2003, 02:31 AM Im there with Maria...I could not do the long-term long distance relationship...with the relationship being only online and phone, etc. I will not start a relationship with anyone online without the expectation that we will meet fairly soon (say within six months or so), and that the relationship is a continuous progression towards the goal of....well, being together. Maybe I am just not strong enough to handle it, Im not sure. The thought of falling in love with someone, which I totally believe can happen on the internet, and then not being able to be with that person for years scares the heck out of me. I would want things to progress in a normal fashion...i.e. internet, phone, webcam and emails, on to meeting in person, meeting more often in person, and eventually lead to one of us relocating, most likely me.
Because of the way I feel about this, it pretty much prevents me from having a relationship with anyone outside of the United States, as I don't think I am a strong enough person to deal with all the obstacles and sacrifices. I read about the Hedgehogs, and even reading about the problems they had scared me!!!
I do, though, admire all of you who taken on the "long-long" distance relationships, who have the faith and the strength and a love powerful enough to see it through.
cryptic 12-02-2003, 11:55 AM There are a few thousand miles and an ocean between the woman I love and I. I totally agree with Joannalee there, I couldn't stand having to wait 2 years before meeting. There's a real risk of creating a fantasy relationship in the long run, of just having a "safe" relationship you can turn off as you turn off the computer. The relationship would have to follow a natural progression. As for the obstacles of long distance relationships, there are many, but there are some advantages over face to face ones, at first. Like someone else said, you have the possibility to talk for hours without being interrupted, I would even say you can talk more than many couples who are face to face. It's easier to open up while you're online, you can talk about personal things more quickly than in the real world.
Once I met a really good friend I had first met over the net. It wasn't a love affair, just a good friend. Well after a few years of chatting and talking on the phone, we decided to meet. It was probably the strangest meeting ever, to be standing in front of someone I had never seen before, but someone I thought I knew better than anyone else. It was as if the relationship was up side down - first you know their life story, their inner world, and then you meet and "break the ice". It didn't take long to break the ice, and it was a great feeling to have this immediate connection with her.
As for the downfalls there are many...I too would consider relocating if the relationship is serious enough. To me a long distance love relationship is only temporary. If it's successful, it necessarily ceases to be a long distance one, one way or the other. If fear and money get in the way, it means the love isn't strong enough, the will to make this relationship work isn't strong enough. If the relationship is the top priority, it will work out.
Just my opinion...
Cryptic
christina923 12-02-2003, 12:19 PM hmm, yes, difficult. and there has to be a commitment to make it work, and the goal to be together. but i certainly would not allow distance or time to "scare" me from trying. security is just that, a nice safe comfort. settle for "good enough" because its handy? or take the challenge that LD is...
we each make our choices. i prefer to follow a dream. knowing in my heart i have known this man before and we now meet again. and the times we are together, are beyond perfect
if you really think about it...LD really offers some great opportunities. there is no facade needed when chatting here on the net. you recognize who is playing games, and if you want to persue the interaction. real life, i think a hell of a lot more games go into the ritual...the physical, the status, all that garbage. here, i become attractive for intelligence, values, morals. they say an online commitment of one year, has the equivalent value of couples in real time of 3 years. so who gets the work done quicker without "stuff" in the way.
good luck in whatever journey you take... but follow a dream. if it doesn't scare you, it isn't big enough
Witchy 12-02-2003, 09:10 PM I think it's possible to do some things but I've found that so many times pepple that I like on the web, I don't like as much in person and vice versa.
christina923 12-03-2003, 03:08 AM ;) yes, so true! was so "concerned" the first time we met. would it be as good?
swanqueen 12-03-2003, 06:19 AM Originally posted by Witchy
I think it's possible to do some things but I've found that so many times pepple that I like on the web, I don't like as much in person and vice versa.
Definitely true. In this online dating thing I was doing I would talk to my matches, webcam, email. Everything seemed ok. Then I met them and wanted to run for cover. That is why I am all for meeting as soon as possible so you don't build up a false relationship.
christina923 12-03-2003, 10:18 AM grateful i didn't want to run for cover... ;)
but that can happen no matter if its the net, or local. sometimes they just gotta open their mouth and ya just know ;)
xited1 12-10-2003, 01:21 AM How about meeting in the middle? Or sharing the expense for one of you to fly to the other? It wouldn't be very often, but if it was something you both wanted, it should be doable.
My bf and I have survived with snail mail, pictures, cards, letters, landline phone calls (I've had $500 phone bills), cell phone calls, emails, I will hopefully be able to visit him next year (fingers crossed).
FragileMist 12-12-2003, 06:27 PM Originally posted by MusicLuvR
"Today a mechanic in Seattle and a secretary in Oslo begin falling in love..."
Okay, that's not the closest example but....
If there is someone(like a fellow ageless member) that you would like to meet, but there is that distance barrier, how do you overcome that if you're not rich enough to avoid frequent airfare?
Telephone! :) My fiance' and I met in a chatroom 7 years ago and became friends... We first spoke on the phone 2 years after that and ended up falling in love. We've maintained a long distance relationship at first through email and Icq and once he graduated from university and got a job, l-o-n-g daily phone calls. He's in England and I'm in California. He'll be out here for good next year. We're waiting on his visa.
|
