For an Ideal mate or True Love?

Ideal mate or True Love
If you’re the type of person that was able to go on many dates, then you will understand what I’m about to say in this example story.
Romeo takes Juliet to a restaurant on their first date together. They are both seated and start looking at the menu. Juliet has a hidden frown on her face, and Romeo asks her “What’s wrong.”
Juliet answers, “Nothings wrong.”
With a unsettled look feeling on Romeo’s face he ask her, “I ask you where would you like to go, but you said it was up to me.”
Juliet answers, “What are you talking about? I said it was up to you.” She shows a fake closed lip smile on her face.
They both go back looking at the menu. Deep inside Juliet she tells herself that she truly doesn’t care to eat at this restaurant, but she truly likes Romeo but doesn’t want to hurt his feelings. She knows that Romeo detected her uneasiness, but told him a LIE to throw him off how she truly feels.
Now deep inside of Romeo he senses some uneasiness in her. He wishes that she just be honest with him. If she didn’t care to eat at this restaurant, he would just be very happy to get up and leave to eat at some other restaurant that she liked. Yet, when it came to her verbal answer saying that it was up you to him, he thought she telling him the truth and left it at that. Next, Romeo thinks back to how this date got started.
On the first time Romeo asked Juliet on a date, but Juliet rejected Romeo because Juliet highly desired with all the rest of her girlfriends the new boy in town named Adam. Even so Adam was very good looking, but he was very self-centered. Next, Adam and Juliet went out with each other for a while, but Adam was a very demanding person on how Juliet should look and act around him. Adam would tell Juliet what to wear, how to act around him, to cook and clean for him, and anything that made her feel less worthy than him.
Juliet friends saw how sad and miserable she was, and told her to break up with Adam. Juliet knew that her friends were right, so she broke up with Adam. During the day of the breakup she felt more hurt, because Adam just said in cold manor, “ok.” Without remorse or understanding on the breakup. In the end she knew that Adam didn’t care on how she felt emotionally.
Adam being a handsome, powerful, self-centered, S.O.B. He hook up with a female who was a beautiful, powerful, self-center, B***h named Eve. Now they got married, and it became a sham marriage for celebrity purpose. Rumors from their neighbors still say that they can hear arguments from the house 365 days every year, but when you see them in public they always seem to be a happy couple.
Now back to Juliet, she was very sad now, and was talking to her best friend. She felt that she would be alone forever, because she would never find the man of her dreams. Yet, her best friend convinced her maybe she shouldn’t look for her idea man, but a man that would truly love her as herself. Juliet mention to the best friend that she knows a guy named Romeo, but rejected him.
The best friend said, “Then ask him out.”
Juliet replies, “Traditionally a boy is suppose to ask a girl out, so I’m not going to ask him out.”
With strong forward voice, Best Friend say, “Screw tradition! You know that he likes you and wanted to go out with you. So ask him out.”
Quivering, Juliet says, “What if he reject me?”
With a mellow tone, Best Friend replies, “Then that’s a risk you’re going to have take, because finding love is never easy if no one tells the other person they truly like them.
The next day Juliet meets face to face with Romeo.
With a rush of words Juliet says, “Hi Romeo. First, I’m sorry that I rejected you. Second, I really like you. Third, would you like to go out with me?” She lowers her head with embarrassment on her face.
With a surprise look on his face Romeo say, “Wow! This is a first time a girl asked me out. I would deeply love go out with you on a date, Juliet.”
Juliet raises her head and looks at Romeo with a real emotional smile and a single tear coming out of her left eye. Romeo opens his arms to her and gives her a hug to ease her nervousness.
Finally, this leads back to the beginning of the story.
Now here are the questions: (For both Men and Women)
1. How honest are your feelings toward someone your dating or in love?
2. Would you live a hellish life with your ideal mate that didn’t make you happy?
3. (Pick only one of the 3 (?) here to answer)
A. Are you only looking for an ideal mate?
B. Are you looking for someone to truly love?
C. Did you find someone to truly love?

1. How honest are your feelings toward someone your dating or in love?

Honest. Otherwise I don't end up with the person I actually want to be with.

2. Would you live a hellish life with your ideal mate that didn’t make you happy?

Nope.

3. C. Did you find someone to truly love?

Yep.

Originally posted by youngLVmale
Now here are the questions: (For both Men and Women)
1. How honest are your feelings toward someone your dating or in love?
2. Would you live a hellish life with your ideal mate that didn’t make you happy?
3. (Pick only one of the 3 (?) here to answer)
A. Are you only looking for an ideal mate?
B. Are you looking for someone to truly love?
C. Did you find someone to truly love?

ok, I have to admit I got lost somewheres in that story.. lol, but without further ado..
1. I am fairly honest with someone I am on a date with. I guess I am easy to please, and not so hung up about a restaurant. I am more interested in the company, than the place, and I'll make the best of it and enjoy myself wherever I am. If I am asking him to pick, then I'll have to trust his judgement, otherwise I wouldn't ask him to pick in the first place.

2. If someone was my "ideal" mate, then my life shouldn't be hellish, now should it? If I know what I want, what I am seeking in an ideal mate, and I know what makes me happy and what doesn't, then there shouldn't be too much of a problem.. (by the way, I wouldn't have given Adam the time of day) the problem is with my last answer..

3. I am looking for someone to truly love, but have not found him yet. Bottom line is.. I would hope that my "ideal" mate, and my true love are one. I'm not sure how you differentiate the two.

Hi. I'm from the other side of the board, and have not posted over here before, so Hello everyone!

Romeo, correct me if I am wrong, but I think you are contrasting an ideal mate (someone who looks good on paper; i.e., similar careers, similar life plan, values, interests, ages, backgrounds, etc.) vs. someone you truly love (even though it might not make sense to the rest of the world, and maybe even to you). Am I right?

My answer is I have no idea, and hopefully everyone will be fortunate to be truly in love with an ideal mate. I did find someone that I truly love, but I left because we have different dreams and goals that are incompatible (I want children, and he doesn't, among other reasons), which did not make him my ideal mate. Since then, I have been totally miserable, and wondering if I made the right decision, because it still feels like I'm trying to breathe with only one lung, and I am not sure that I will ever be as happy with an "ideal mate" even though it should work.

Emmie

1. How honest are your feelings toward someone your dating or in love?

I am very honest with the person I am dating or in love with. I believe in open, frank honest discussion and do not see the point in beating around the bush. I feel strongly that people should just simply say what they feel in their hearts. Even if it might hurt the other person, there is a way to communicate your feelings in a gentle way without scarring them for life.

2. Would you live a hellish life with your ideal mate that didn’t make you happy?

I like Babes and Genevieve's answers. But, I would add that sometimes people change after you have been with them for a while. I started my last marriage very happy, but learned after we were married that he had severe mental problems and my life then became hell. I did try all I could to make that marriage work. So, in that case, as we were already together in marital commitment, I was willing to be there in "sickness and in health".

However, if I had known in advance what my life would be like, then NO WAY would I ever get involved with someone who would make my life unhappy. Matter of fact, this is the main reason my ex-boyfriend and I broke up. His issues were affecting me and I knew it would only get worse.

3. I have truly loved in the past... that was the ex-husband that I mentioned in #2. But, I learned that love will not necessarily save a relationship. There's more to it. So, right now, I have moved on with someone new that I do believe I could love. But, only time will tell and will mostly depend upon how things go between us after a period of time together.

Originally posted by Genevieve

Bottom line is.. I would hope that my "ideal" mate, and my true love are one. I'm not sure how you differentiate the two.

I might be able to help here Gen ....... I think 'ideal' mate here is the kinda guy everyone (including ourselves at times) thinks we should be with! eg Mr Has it all ........... Everyone told my my 1st husband was my 'ideal' mate an was absolutely perfect for me, he nearly blinded me :( ....... so, yes, u can be unhappy with ur 'ideal' mate IMO.............

Back to the Questions :D

1) I am very honest with my date, as long as where ever we eat serves something simple like salad I am happy, I prefer to give a guy the choice of where we eat as left to me we would end up eating dounuts on a parkbench :D

2) been there, done that, got the scars to prove it! will never do it again

3) Someone to truly love an who truly loves me .....there is no point in settling for anything less .............

Yup! I am destined to spend the rest of my life alone LMAO

1. How honest are your feelings toward someone your dating or in love? Completely honest. There's no point in being anything else.
2. Would you live a hellish life with your ideal mate that didn’t make you happy? If Emmie and Shewolf are correct in their interpretation of "ideal mate", then I have to confess I lasted 6 years -- but it wasn't all hellish. I'm not sure I would have lasted quite as long as I did if my friends hadn't been so insistent that he was "perfect". Not that I stayed to make them happy, just that I doubted my own assessment of his character and behaviour for a while.

3. I would never enter another relationship just because the man fits someone's concept of "ideal"; if I do get involved again, it will be for love.

Originally posted by Shewolf
I might be able to help here Gen ....... I think 'ideal' mate here is the kinda guy everyone (including ourselves at times) thinks we should be with! eg Mr Has it all ........... Everyone told my my 1st husband was my 'ideal' mate an was absolutely perfect for me, he nearly blinded me :( ....... so, yes, u can be unhappy with ur 'ideal' mate IMO.............

Ok.. I think I understand that, but then to me, that is not your ideal mate, because to me, an ideal mate WOULD truly love me, treat me with respect, not mistreat, etc. Those are all part of my definition of an ideal mate.. I think it's all in our subjective definitions of what the word "ideal" means here. Someone who mistreats, (or is an S.O.B. as the character Adam here) is not an "ideal", and not among qualities or personality traits I look for. True, someone can reveal themselves over time, as has happened with many of us who have met those closet a@@holes.. but was that person your ideal mate then? Could you truly love a person who was like that? Was that true love? I look back on the two major past relationships I've had, and wonder was I ever really truly in love at all? How could I have loved someone who mistreated me? Who did not share my values? Maybe because I am a different person now than I was then, and now I know more who I am, and what I want? Could I have loved on some level, but not in the true, pure sense? Whatever that is? Unconditionally?

And I think I'm with ya there.. I'm destined to spend the rest of my life alone too! LOL

don't buy into that meant to live your life alone

NO NO NO

he is there. God knows I thought that when Zach proved to be a hoax.

Now I have I.G. and believe me, he is all Zach was and more. Keep your hopes up. Keep digging in the dirt for those worms.

A robin up on a rock does not get the worm, it is only from scratching in the dirt that you find your prize.

1. How honest are your feelings toward someone your dating or in love?

I am completely honest. Anything less than that cheats him and myself. I know how I feel, I show him unabashadly how I feel. I don't hide a thing. If he can't handle it he is gone, then we are both better off for knowing the truth and his limitations.

2. Would you live a hellish life with your ideal mate that didn’t make you happy?

No no no. My ideal mate would make me happy, the first sign that he cannot measure up to what I feel I deserve, well he is gone. Better that way for him and me.

3. (Pick only one of the 3 (?) here to answer)
A. Are you only looking for an ideal mate?
B. Are you looking for someone to truly love?
C. Did you find someone to truly love?

C. I think so. Will keep you posted.

Originally posted by Genevieve
Ok.. I think I understand that, but then to me, that is not your ideal mate, because to me, an ideal mate WOULD truly love me, treat me with respect, not mistreat, etc. Those are all part of my definition of an ideal mate.. I think it's all in our subjective definitions of what the word "ideal" means here. Someone who mistreats, (or is an S.O.B. as the character Adam here) is not an "ideal", and not among qualities or personality traits I look for. True, someone can reveal themselves over time, as has happened with many of us who have met those closet a@@holes.. but was that person your ideal mate then? Could you truly love a person who was like that? Was that true love? Exactly :D

I look back on the two major past relationships I've had, and wonder was I ever really truly in love at all? How could I have loved someone who mistreated me? Who did not share my values? Maybe because I am a different person now than I was then, and now I know more who I am, and what I want? Could I have loved on some level, but not in the true, pure sense? Whatever that is? Unconditionally?
....... We grow all the time. I know I am nothing like the that child that married at 18 ....... Our capacity for love grows an changes as we do........ What I thought was 'love' at 18 was in reality gratitude and fear, I was so grateful to him for 'rescuing' me from my family home, I would have done virtually anything to compensate him, an did :( ........

Seems the more we study this mystery labeled 'love' the more its definition eludes us LOL ........

And I think I'm with ya there.. I'm destined to spend the rest of my life alone too! LOL
Seems to be a trend here at the moment! do u think we r too picky? or just too gorgeous, an scare the poor guys away :D

Originally posted by Genevieve
I look back on the two major past relationships I've had, and wonder was I ever really truly in love at all? How could I have loved someone who mistreated me? Who did not share my values? Maybe because I am a different person now than I was then, and now I know more who I am, and what I want? Could I have loved on some level, but not in the true, pure sense? Whatever that is? Unconditionally?

I know EXACTLY what you mean, Gen! :(

Only relates to our children, not our SO.

There was a time and in some cultures there is still a time, where you were married til you die.

Now we expect and deserve a relationship that meets our needs. If not... being alone is just fine. Since we can take care of ourselves. THANK GOD

Originally posted by swanqueen
Only relates to our children, not our SO.

There was a time and in some cultures there is still a time, where you were married til you die.

Now we expect and deserve a relationship that meets our needs. If not... being alone is just fine. Since we can take care of ourselves. THANK GOD

Exactly. Which is why to me an ideal mate or my definition of it, is one deserving of true love... not necessarily unconditional love. But one on a deeper, more pure level than I have experienced before. Even to define an "ideal" mate, there are conditions. An ideal mate to me is not a cheater, beater, and wants to change me. My definition of "ideal" has changed over time, as Shewolf has mentioned.. but it has changed because of the mistakes I've made, and the lessons I've learned, the wrong people I have loved on whatever level. (agreeing with babes here).

And I agree, I'd rather be more picky, than settle for far less than the "ideal" as I have done in the past. I know I have a lot of love to give, shouldn't I get as much in return? I don't think I'm asking for much, no one is perfect, but if not finding what I want means being alone, then so be it..

Shewolf.. we are just too hot to handle? LOL Or maybe it's because we know what we want, that is intimidating? I have no idea. :cool: I'm clueless on that one! :confused: :eek:

I agree with every other lady here - you must be honest or he will have no idea who you are. However, I might not tell him if I disliked the restaurant I asked him to pick. If I wanted to go to a specific restaurant, I would have said so in the first place. If I tell someone to choose a place, and I don't like the place, I'll just smile (without hesitation), find something I like to eat and probably enjoy the evening very much. If it was a place I really, really hated, then I would apologize for the inconvenience and ask if we could go somewhere else. That would be a last resort though.

As for the questions

1. I would always be honest about my feelings with someone I love - I don't think the restaurant mishap has anything to do with my feeling for the guy.

2. If he is my ideal mate, it would be impossible to have a hellish life - however, I must say that I think its possible (and preferable) to have a soulmate that doesn't jump at your every whim, nor necessarily have exactly the same feelings about everything on the planet as you. So, I believe in a soul mate , but not really in the "ideal" mate.

3. I found someone I truly love. :)

Well, I am completely honest when dating, although in the beginning I do tend to be more on my best behavior than I am at home....and thats just being honest with all of you here. *smiles*

Im not looking for, nor do I expect to find, the "ideal" mate per se...Every human being has flaws...I am just looking for someone whose flaws are things I can deal with, and whose flaws are not so numerous that they are overwhelming!!! I definitely want the positive to overshadow the negative. Leaving the toilet seat up I can live with...coming home drunk at 2 a.m. with 10 bucks left out of your paycheck I can't. *smiles* Also, what I consider to be a problem, may not be a problem to someone else, so I am always of the mind that there is someone out there for everyone... I sure HOPE so anyway....!!!

I'm really not sure about the unconditional love issue, because I have had a relationship in the past where someone did the "deal breaker", and I had to show him the door, but in all honesty I still loved him even after he did it? Of course, that may just mean I am dysfunctional! lol

Originally posted by babes66

I'd rather be picky and alone than stupid and battered!

Lynn, can I adopt this as my retort to all the ppl that tell me I am far too picky and deserve to be alone!! Please?? It is just perfect :D

Truth?
This I told was based on true events, of course the names were changed.
Was I Romeo? NO
Then what part was I in the story? Maybe I was the best friend.
How is Juliet now? She is very happy now. At first she was very unsure about Romeo, but when she saw the inner beauty within him. She said, “It’s was like the first time that I ever fell in love. Have you ever got that tingling feeling that you were so in tuned with that special someone? Well that’s how I feel about him.”
Presently he is a good husband and caring father of their one child, and now he is her New Best Friend.
Next, some ladies here say that someone can find truelove in their ideal mate. I sort of disagree with that way of thinking. I think true love happens when you’re not even looking, and it sort of like a smack across the face to truly see that person before you for the first time.
For example, I still remember when I was very young in elementary school this one girl during one year. Who kept on following me around, and laughing at my bad jokes I think, plus always saying, “I like you, you are silly.” I was then a child, and I never thought about why she kept following me around at school. As time went by, I never saw her again. Yet, for some unknown reason those events still stuck in my mind. Maybe I remember because it was the first time that a girl truly liked me as I am, and not of her ideal desire.
I told the truth, because I feel more people have a respect for those who tell the truth. Only the ignorant people want to believe in lies, but when things go wrong from their own bad decisions. The ignorant people will NEVER admit they were wrong, but most will cover up their mistakes to make what they did look right in their own minds.
As a Wise man, I think before I act, and I feel that I’ve been far more respected than any Ignorant man.
Maybe true love doesn’t exist anymore. Maybe we should all tell Hollywood to go to Hell with their love stories, because they don’t mirror real life. Maybe finding love doesn’t matter anymore, just what we desire in an ideal person?
Why was I very open here, you might ask? I don’t want my thoughts, ideas, and feelings to die with me. All I ask is just for one person to have an open mind and believe in me. They don’t have to practice what I preach, just remember what I wrote here.
Finally, as a straight single guy, it sucks to be alone, but here’s what sucks more. When a woman admits she likes me, but rejects me as a mate because I don’t measure up as her ideal man. So maybe there is no such thing as LOVE anymore.
(Now my eyes are watery.)

Well, I like many other women here have gone through a lot of crap. And I for one would never settle for anything less than what I felt I deserved. I have done that before, and lost every time. And even after going through hell and back, I STILL believe in true love. Just because I haven't found it, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

Someone who may be "ideal" for you, may never be your true love... But, your true love should be your "ideal". Everyone's "ideal" is different.

There has to be some combination of the mind, heart, and spirit. You have to have some kind of limits, and "standards".. I am not talking about material things, but rather what I see as major character flaws. I might find myself attracted to someone initially, but if I found out that he was a liar, a cheat, violent, a drug user, manipulative, etc.. I would steer clear and never look back. True love is not one set of glands calling to another. Nor is it a little girl in grammar school liking you. Nor is it someone who looks good "on paper", but with no emotion involved. It is something built over time, and something that grows. The other may be infatuation. I do not separate an "ideal" mate, with the one I'd seek true love with. And so I do not understand your way of thinking very well. In your story, to me Romeo was the ideal and true mate for Juliet, not Adam, and your friend chose wisely. Whether we are debating semantics or ideologies here, I do not know. Perhaps you could define the difference for me. Because I see no difference. I would hope that after all I've been through, I'm wise enough to know to stay away from men with poor character, and to seek out the good ones.. the ones I think have possible true love "potential". In an ideal world, I would chose to find true love with an ideal mate. Simple as that. Your true love IS your ideal mate. Does he exist? I sure hope so.

Reply for Genevieve and Others that posted here.
Maybe I’m wrong? Plus, I will admit that I don’t know what love is anymore. You see I’m an honest wise man, because I admit that I might be wrong. Yet, many ignorant men would NEVER admit they were wrong.
Next, one of the meanings of the word ideal in the dictionary means “2. Of or relating to an ideal or to perfection: perfect.” These two words “to perfection” that is the biggest problem in today’s human mindset when both single men and single women look for a mate. It seems some single women will always look for their prince charming from the fairy tales that they read when they were young. Plus, it seem some single men will always look for their fashion model cover girl like they saw in their mother’s women magazine when they were young. As for me, I have changed my mindset and do NOT judge people on their looks and I do NOT judge people on their way of life status.
I say the word “ideal” in human courtship is a mindset of one person judging another based on looks and status to perfection before every truly knowing whom that other person truly is inside.
You said true love could be found in the ideal of a person. I would say true love could be found in the character of a person. The word “ideal” used in human courtship means to me someone who desires a perfect mate. The word “character” used in human courtship means to me someone who likes and loves their mate because of their personality.
What I learned from those that answered my three questions from my first post here. One, everyone agreed that being honest is the best thing to have in a relationship. Two, no one would want to live a hellish life with their ideal (perfect) mate that didn’t make them happy. Third, even so I asked to pick only one, a few blurred question 3a and 3b as their answer. They want to find and truly love their ideal (perfect) mate, no exception (they’ll truly live alone forever, if they don’t find that unrealistic someone that they wanted as their mate all their life.)
Over 400 human eyes viewed my post here, and only around 20 people posted their opinions here. It seems there are far more consumers of knowledge than those that contribute knowledge or to question knowledge that they disagree with. Next, I THANK those that posted their opinions and questioned what I wrote. For my opinions are irrelevant, for people are free to find their mate in their own ways. Yet, I ask everyone to step back a bit before starting a new personal relationship. Ask yourself this, “Do I like and love him or her for their character (personality), or do I like and love him or her because they are my FANTASY, ideal (perfect), dream mate that I’ve been look for all my life?”
There is no simple answer to define what True Love is, for everyone is free to believe in what they think True Love means to them.

I wanted to respond to this thread before, but I just couldn't get my head around the questions that were posed.

“Do I like and love him or her for their character (personality), or do I like and love him or her because they are my FANTASY, ideal (perfect), dream mate that I’ve been look for all my life?” To me that is the same person. Perfect in this sense can only mean perfect for me. Otherwise, it has no meaning. How can someone be considered perfect if they aren't perfect for you? For me that includes physical attraction. How could it not? It also means someone who is responsible, intelligent, and ambitious enough to be successful in their career. As I am very career-oriented, I feel I would be mismatched with someone who was not.

Could I love someone who was only part of that "perfect" package? Possibly. But do I want to settle for that? No. Not when there is someone who is perfect for me, who has character, looks, brains, wit, style, and fits together with me so well that I feel we were made to be together. Is it possible to find someone who is perfect for you? I feel like I already have. You don't always have to compromise.

Hi...another late entry here. I needed to read a bit before I put in my 2 cents. Here's my take on it all:

YoungLVmale..you see "Perfect" as standing for alway perfect, always being ideal, always perfect in EVERYBODY'S eyes. This is a person who never does anything wrong. Or at least appears to never do anything wrong.

In the eyes of the women who have answered you, they see "perfect" as an ideal for them. This may mean that these guys are overweight, are not always nice, sometimes belch in their presence...but there is something about them that makes them their ideal mate - they share similar qualities or they are seen as having the things that that person has wanted in a mate. The person is not indeed, "Perfect"' in the dictionary defined way...but may be seen by their mates as perfectly wonderful.

I don't want perfect as defined by the dictionary...no one is that or it'd be darn hard to live up to someone who was. I do want ideal. Someone who is a good fit. Someone who has some simlar qualities to me. someone who will be best for me even if they aren't always the best. This person will be ideal as I will be able to tolerate their bad stuff, as they do mine. They will be ideal as I will like their little flaws (or big ones) as they love mine. They will be perfect in my eyes sometimes (hopefully more often than not) but not always (cause god knows no one sees me as perfect always...even my wonderful parents). I have had true love, I believe in it, and hope to someday get it again and have it last.

So I see where you are coming from younglvmale...you don't want someone to want women to only look for what society says is "the perfect male"...or to have unrealistic expectations. But do know that someday someone will see you as their perfect guy. They will see you as ideal. And hopefully they will see you as their true love. It's a great combination that doesn't happen often enough. But one thing I do know is that you shouldn't settle for just good enough - in the long run it won't make you happy. I'm single because 'just good enough' won't cut it. I want to share my life with someone who is wonderful for me. And there may not be many Mr. Wonderful for Lianes out there...but I'll be happily single until I find him.

I couldn't answer the questions because I guess I don't get the concept of either "true love" nor "ideal mate" .... - they are like "absolutes" in one way or the other - and i am a big "relativist" ... :p

Everything to me is kinda relative, depending on the frame of reference ... having an ideal requires a specified list of prerequisites or features like a blue-print; funnily enough, I found in the past that such an "ideal blueprint" didn't work for me even tho it "should" have - and my sweetie atm does not at all fit the "prescription list" of my own (initial) frame of reference ... - yet he doesn't stop to amaze me (in the best possible sense) :D

Bottomline, what I am trying to say, it's all down to the person for me but if this is more true than any other person in the past/present/future I couldn't say ..

Hm, actually, I am not sure I am understanding myself what I am trying to say here :confused: - anyone else feeling like being in a time paradoxon? :p

Next, one of the meanings of the word ideal in the dictionary means “2. Of or relating to an ideal or to perfection: perfect.”

I don't think that any of the women here were defining "ideal" by the dictionary; I certainly wasn't. We probably all think "ideal" is something different. My "ideal man" is not expected to be perfect -- I'm not, why should I expect it of him? Nor does he fit any notion of "ideal" commonly held in society, in terms of profession, earnings, looks, etc.

Third, even so I asked to pick only one, a few blurred question 3a and 3b as their answer. They want to find and truly love their ideal (perfect) mate, no exception (they’ll truly live alone forever, if they don’t find that unrealistic someone that they wanted as their mate all their life.)

I suspect that's because we weren't conceiving of "ideal" as that perfect, unrealistic person you think we're waiting for. "Ideal" is how each of us sees it for ourselves. Or, the concept of "ideal" may be flexible enough to fit the object of affection.

Right now, I can't even tell you what my "ideal man" is -- I don't have a mental image of him. As a matter of fact, my list of undesirable traits is much longer than the list of desirable traits!

Ugh. ok, one more time.

Ideal does not always equal true love.. but true love should equal YOUR ideal!

What I think is ideal and what someone else thinks is ideal are different things. People are different. My ideal home may be a log cabin in the woods, for someone else it may be a cottage along the beach. To someone else it's a highrise in a big city. While someone else's ideal is a clapboard with a white picket fence. It's all relative. There is NO perfect. It's what is ideal to ME! Would I make little concessions or changes to my ideal? YES. What was ideal to me 20 years ago, is not the same ideal I have now.

Someone can be all you are looking for in an ideal mate, but there is no magic there, no spark, no attraction. No "true love." Conversely, you can be attracted to someone who is totally wrong for YOU, hence.. not your ideal. An ideal is SUBJECTIVE! You help to create your own ideal. Just as who and why we love is subjective, and for our own reasons. We see something in another that someone else perhaps does not. It all just fits for us, for both people. Someone is a good fit, as onetiger has said.

If you are miserable in a relationship, then that person is not your ideal. Or perhaps, you are just way too strict in your standards, and so hung up on some non-existent "perfection", that you will never find anyone to meet your ideal in that case. NO one is perfect! Words like "ideal" and "perfect" are QUALITATIVE. Each person has their own version of what those words mean. If someone said they liked me but that I was not their ideal, all that means to me is that they do not think I am right for THEM. That does not mean that I am not right for someone else. Somewhere in the vast universe I am someone's ideal! Can I be more than one person's ideal? Sure! So can you. But because I am someone's ideal, does that mean they will fall head over heels in love with me? NO! Not necessarily.

I'm not the only one that doesn't get this or what? Seems most of us women here are saying the same things but differently. I would agree with just about everyone here. Am I missing something? LOL

Originally posted by Genevieve
I'm not the only one that doesn't get this or what? Seems most of us women here are saying the same things but differently. I would agree with just about everyone here. Am I missing something? LOL

I think everyone gets it but the OP.

Hm, I might not be getting any of this either, as my above slightly confused/confusing post my suggest, but my take on the OP's look into the "ideal mate" vs "true love" part was that he doesn't question the subjectivity of the "ideal" but rather poses the question of if how that what we "think" of (subjectively!) as "ideal" is related to what might"objectively" be "better"/make us happier .... :confused:

But tbh, this thread makes my head spin, and I always thought I was quite good in figuring out what people are trying to say, but I think I really lost it here altogether .... - not sure if i am getting any of it on either side, lol ...

Basically, I think you better don't mind me, I just cannot make sense here ... :D

LOL@Carazy! Yes, but I understood you! And Savannah, I think you are right!

Carazy, does this help? There's a couple things that struck me as suggesting that youngLV is still clinging to the "objective ideal".
When a woman admits she likes me, but rejects me as a mate because I don’t measure up as her ideal man. So maybe there is no such thing as LOVE anymore.
We don't know if the failure to measure up as ideal is a direct quote from an incredibly shallow, thoughtless woman, or if it is an interpretation that he has made.
I say the word “ideal” in human courtship is a mindset of one person judging another based on looks and status to perfection before every truly knowing whom that other person truly is inside.
I think we have all said that looks and status aren't necessarily part of our concepts of "ideal" -- that what's inside is what makes that person ideal for us, and is what we come to love.

Okay, I'll stop before I get myself tied in knots here! :)

I thank everyone that posted here.
I didn’t mind those who were objective of my words, but I didn’t like those that used harsh criticism like probably calling me “op.” I’m not a IM chat person, and I don’t know what it stands for? Yet, to me I think it sound like someone labeling me with NOT very nice words.
Next, I first gave a based on true story. Second, ask for answers to three questions. Third, I felt I got some very honest answers even so they weren’t direct. Fourth, I pushed the envelope by asking more questions by trying to understand some indirect answers that were given here. Fifth, in my last post I thanked everyone that replied, but it seems many didn’t say wow thanks for understanding us. Instead, I think most of those that posted later here were trying to change my perception on how I thought about today’s human relationship. Yet, still I’m an honest understanding young man.
Now here is an honest thought from me. If I knew about this site several years ago when the economic market was very good before 9-11, then I would of travel across the country and dated all the single ladies here. Why, because there is a lot of nice written female thoughts here (I base my liking a woman on personality, not looks).
Now I can’t afford to travel, for I’m now a POOR man who put ever-earned egg into those lying corrupt corporations (AKA Enron, WorldCom, and many other corporations that escaped being a big scandal story in the news). My legal advisor back then simply said, “You’re screwed.” Today the market is still screwy; many investors are now high volume penny-pinching day traders. As for me, I given it up and dumped what little I had left in the market. So this is all I have to say.
Finally, Thank everyone. Thanks for your insight.

I finally got what OP is:

Original Poster. :)

See, I'm used to this site, but I hadn't seen it all either, and it took me a while to find this one.

Thanks for the thread, it was nice to see the discussion going on. I didn't have much to say anyway, for I don't believe in ideal mate.

My ideal mate will be the one I fall in love with and he probably won't be nothing of what I had idealized before. Or he will. Maybe he is after all. Who knows. ;)

No problem youngLV. It was great conversation, and very interesting. Don't be offended by the term OP. It just means Original Poster. (which was you), as Maria has stated... there was no insult intended by anyone, and we all appreciate differing points of view, and debate. It's all good. :)

yes good thread. And I understand what he meant more by "ideal"

I assure you most of us are not looking for an Ideal mate. My ideal is far removed from what society might think, like John Kennedy ideal.

My current ideal is not rich. But his mind is boundless. He is handsome but some of you may not think so. Ideal is in the eye of the beholder. If one means Ideal as only referring to the men who have beauty, brains, youth, money, sexual prowess etc. Well most of us don't really want those people. Give me a poor, semi attractive, interesting mind, sexual interest in ME, appreciative of ME. Well he would win over anything some stupid magazine would lable as the worlds sexiest man.

Yes I enjoyed this thread too. Good conversation.

The "OP" reference was my fault -- I have a bad habit of using acronyms out of sheer laziness (you'll notice that I didn't even type your full user name!). And, as others have already pointed out, it just identifies you, the Original Poster.

1. Read your story, a little confusing, but ok, we got it.
2. I think you pretty much got answers to your questions, did you expect 400 answers?
3. How much more direct can we be, then what has been posted by Genevieve, Desert Spring, Whiterose, etc.?
4. You pushed the envelope and asked more questions?
Maybe I’m wrong?
5. You think we think you understand us? I think that's far from the truth...you may have succeeded in confusing us! And we need to thank you for that??
Fifth, in my last post I thanked everyone that replied, but it seems many didn’t say wow thanks for understanding us.
6. And finally.....What? How can we step back "before" starting a relationship and ask ourselves do I like or love him or her if we haven't even gotten to know him or her to find out if we are even compatible? How would we even begin to determine if it were based on fantasy, an ideal or a dream mate?

Yet, I ask everyone to step back a bit before starting a new personal relationship. Ask yourself this, “Do I like and love him or her for their character (personality), or do I like and love him or her because they are my FANTASY, ideal (perfect), dream mate that I’ve been look for all my life?”

oh wait....
7. I dont' think anybody here was trying to change your perception on how YOU thought about today's human relationships. But we're glad you're STILL honest and understanding!
Instead, I think most of those that posted later here were trying to change my perception on how I thought about today’s human relationship. Yet, still I’m an honest understanding young man.

Perhaps your post may have received more answers had it been a poll?