I feel like a celebrity!

I think I may have my very own personal stalker! I don't mean to make light of this, but that's the way I deal with things sometimes.

Okay, this is a long story, so bear with me...

I met this guy that goes to my school about two months ago. He seemed sort of interesting but there wasn't any hope for anything for than just friends, at least from my perspective. He wanted to go out to dinner and I didn't have anything better to do, so I went (this was the weekend before I met SomeNight) and it turns out he's kind of boring and we don't have anything in common. So that should pretty much end it, right? I thought so, too.

Well, he kept emailing me and calling and IMing me every time I got online (this is the person I was referring to in the Yahoo thread, I just didn't want to have to explain the whole situation just to make a point). I got a bad feeling about him because he seemed so overboard and I stopped writing back to his emails and put my Messenger status on Invisible at least part of the time.

Well, the other night when some of you guys were adding me to your buddy lists, there was a name I didn't recognize that added me, but I figured it was someone from here who just forgot to tell me who they were. So I added him to my list. Later, when this person IMed me I asked if they were from Ageless. They said no, and said they were from my town. I told them I had thought they were someone I knew and ended the conversation. Later, he IMed me again, and because he seemed harmless and goes to my school I decided to talk to him. Just college small talk sort of stuff - what's your major, what year are you, etc. Then he got into asking me advice about his girlfiriend, which I thought was strange, but we started talking about different things. He asked if I dated much, I told him I have a boyfriend, and he asked about that. I didn't want to discuss it much with a total stranger, but we did talk about relationships in general (under the guise of asking me for advice) for a few minutes.

Anyways...

This morning I got an email from E, the guy I went out with, saying it was him under a different name. I went back through the message archive and reread the conversation and it was obvious it was him. Am I stupid or what? I was just trying to be friendly! Anyways, he went on and on in this email about how he's falling in love with me and I make his life complete and I'm the person he's going to spend the rest of his life with (after one dinner?!).

The more I think about this the more freaked out I am. He knows my cell number, both my email addresses (personal and the one with the university - mostly for business and school-related stuff). He also knows what street I live on and what my car looks like. Depending on how good his memory is he could be at my house before I'm done writing this post. Also, if he's smart (he's a Ph.D. petroleum engineering student, so he probably is) he could find this site, because I asked if he was from Ageless. I don't think he's dangerous (he sings in the choir at his church, for pete's sake), but I am worried.

I don't know whether I should try to explain the situation and my feelings to him or just ignore him and hope he goes away. It's not to the "if I can't have you no one else can" stage, but I can see if going there.

Originally posted by PinkPanther_04

I don't think he's dangerous (he sings in the choir at his church, for pete's sake),

So, does this make him an angel:confused:

but I am worried.

Inner voice speaking?

Listen to it. Pay attention to it.

Thanks for your concern, Saltwater.

I did reply to his email (based on SomeNight's advice). I kept it short so he wouldn't have much of an opening to resume the conversation, and I blocked him on Messenger. I would have done that before, but until this morning I thought he was just a minor annoyance and I was trying the "ignore him and hope he goes away" tactic. That apparently hasn't been working, though.

Here's the email I sent:

"I am in love with someone else. Please don't take this personally, as this has nothing to do with you. It is obvious that you would not want to be friends, so I think we should just go our separate ways."

Ugh. He just IMed me again under a different name, so I put that one on ignore too. That was one of the names that popped up yesterday when I kept getting all those IM's right in a row. :rolleyes:

I know, I know, I should just put someone on ignore the first time, but I figure if they go away when I don't respond, what's the difference?

Tell him that you want to be polite about this, but again, you are involved with someone else, and do not wish to continue correspondence with him. Reiterate that it's not your wish to hurt his feelings, but that you do want to be honest with him. Explain that you don't want things to get to this point, but that if he continues to contact you, you will consider it harassment, and report him. Do you have any of his personal info? Such as cell phone number etc? Tell him in no uncertain terms that you will use whatever info you have.

I have had guys IM me under different names too. It's creepy. I hope all goes well.

Pink...

Is he using the college's connection to do this stuff? If he is, go see them with some of the evidence....you might be able to get somewhere by talking to the IT Department...

If he isn't and has his own connection, you can try contacting them...it's hard to tell whether it would work or not...

By doing that, at least he knows that you do mean business....

Do you have any of his personal info? Such as cell phone number etc? I have his cell number and University email address. I could look him up in the school directory and find out more information, though.

One good point is that he's an international student here on a student visa, so if he does anything too stupid he could be looking at deportation, and I'm sure he's smart enough to know that.

Edit:

Dan, there's not much evidence of anything right now. He's not being threatening, just creepy. I'm hoping he loses interest before it does get to the point where I can really do something about it. The email he wrote was way far on the loopy side, but it still wasn't anything most people (who aren't being targeted by it) would consider harassment.

Pink,

First off.......Can I have your Autograph????:D

But yes I agree with Salt. Better to be safe and keep an open eye on this guy. Follow your gut feelings!

If he doesn't take your subtle hints don't be afraid to get a PFA put on the guy.

Don

Rolls, PFA?

Pink,

I agree with what the others have said about being very direct about your lack of interest. And if he IMs you again under a different name, I would alert the campus authorities, because as harmless as he seems, he is over the line. If you ever see him following you around or anywhere near your house, alert the police. They won't be able to do anything about it, but at least make sure they create a record that documents his behavior, in case you do need to take the next step(s).

Yikes!

omg pink that stinks!!!! I'm so sorry about that..... I agree with everyone else.. just confront if it doesn't work that is stalking and harrassment!!!!

Good Luck... always keep your eyes and ears open and if you Email him email the letter to another for proof so it's not a he/she said thing...

Thanks, Mer.

I do have the message archive from Messenger and I kept all the emails he's sent, so I do have some evidence of prior looniness in case he goes completely bonkers.

I had an experience very similar to yours. I went out with a guy on one date, who suddenly was "falling in love with me" and "could see our children in my eyes." It was scary, and when I did tell him a week or so later that I didn't think it was going anywhere, I was afraid for awhile.

The good news is that other than a few calls now and then to see if I had a boyfriend yet, he didn't really bother me.

It was the sudden "falling in love" that just scared the hell out of me. I mean - he didn't even know me!

Let me be the second to point out that singing in a church choir and being a rocket scientist may only be symptoms of a MUCH LARGER PROBLEM. The "smarter" they are, the more ways they can figure out to harrass you- my ex and I had some problems with a guy we used to be in band with at the university, I don't know how the hell he got so into our stuff, but he basically broke into my university e-mail account and was e-mailing my OM at his work address through it, and my ex-bf from my OM's account. He also endlessly harrassed my ex-bf on AIM with numerous names, asking weird questions about our sex life when we used to be together, even though that was years ago. He seemed to have a weird obsession with both of us. He didn't quit until I figured out that he was obviously reading all of my e-mails, so I casually mentioned in an e-mail to my OM that I knew there was someone tampering with my university account, his corporate account, and that I had a good idea who it was and that neither the University or Marathon Ashland would be too keen on the idea of people breaking into accounts and using them for harrassing purposes. We haven't heard from him since. The scary part was he lived directly across the hall from me last year, and I had had casual conversations with him every now and then. All in all he was a f*ckin' oddball who knew way too much about computers. That's why I get gun-shy about putting a pic up for even a day. This guy could very well be still watching us; just because I haven't heard anything doesn't mean he's not poking around anymore. I'd err on the side of safety, whatever that means to you, but these IT guys who've never had much contact with women seem to have pretty ***-backwards and ugly ideas about how to treat them, and they think for some reason they deserve sex and devotion because they're "smart" and they're holding up their end of the bargain. This breed is nothing but assholes. My cousin is one of them. Be very afraid. Be very careful. Anti-social IQ boy could be cooking up a very sour fermented plan for you. Or he could be some relatively harmless guy who doesn't know that NO still means NO, and all the "how to pick up girls" websites he's joined were just another lame fantasy sold to lonely inept men to capitalize on their isolation. You never know. But in this society, it's best to do too much than too little. I hope to God he just slinks off into the lab he crawled out of, but sometimes we aren't that lucky.

And if you're reading this, Lurking Romeo, piss off. You're a form of sex offender, and even though you'll say I'm another feminazi full of ****, a rose by any other name is still a rose. So is an asshole. *tongue out, waggling fingers*

If you asked him whether or not he's from "Ageless", as opposed to Ageless Love, you might be lucky. Even if he knew of this site, who's to say that he'll guess your AL name in a heartbeat (unless of course he reads this post---MAYBE).

Be upfront with him, just tell him that you're currently involved with someone. And hoping that it may divert his attention from you, explain to him that you usually prefer dating older or much older men (I'm assuming that he's just a few years older than you if not same age).

I agree with Salt and Rolls. By the way, Pink, I think Rolls is advising you to get a restrain order on him if it escalates more.

I actually had something similiar to that happen to me with someone whom I met on AIM. She claimed to be an 18 year old woman and we chatted online for about a week or two. Then one day, I meet another 18 year old on AIM and a couple of days later, girl 1 *****Ed at me about "cheating" on her. (WOW, I never got the memo that we dated.) Needless to say, that was our final conversation. But just the way she acted online, something told me that she was not 18......LOL

But back to your issue, this guy sounds like he's a few slices short of a bread loaf. I would keep an eye on him and be careful what you tell him. I may not know you personally but I have reasons to believe that you've neither said nor did anything to mislead him. With that being said, if you see that guy outside your door, calling and/or emailing you after you've asked him to stop, this is a violation of your privacy and you can report it to your police department. He may be smart, I'm sure. But wasn't Ted Bundy, as well? (Don't mean to scare you, btw.)

NOTE: Prepare to receive a PM, since I can't YIM you.

I definitely agree that he's kind of nutty. Overall though, I think he took me being nice as some kind of interest. I've dealt with guys like that before, where they project their feelings on you just because you never rejected them outright. I've never been good at rejecting anyone (believe it or not I really don't like conflict or confrontation on a personal level) so I've always tended to attract the kind of guys who would pretend to be friends but secretly pine away after you.

Really I think this one's just got some self-esteem issues and he's trying to make me into some sort of perfect person for some reason. He just forgot to notice that I wasn't interested.

He hasn't written back, though I've gotten a couple of IM's from people who I think were really him. If he doesn't write back I don't intend to contact him again. He is a smart guy, but fortunately not with computers. He's a petroleum engineer, so unless I find oil on my property (oh wait, I don't have any property) I think I'm okay.

I agree with what everyone says but I will add a general caution about letting imaginations run riot.

That's not healthy.

If these matters ever get to court, as emmie will (might) (hopefully) attest, it is EVIDENCE that counts.

You know, someone can give you a Christmas present and one person will say, "Oh isn't that a lovely gesture" and another might say "Gee that's creepy, that's REALLY CREEPY".

What is it?

Can it be both?

Is it whatever you think it is?

What is it in court?

What if it's the first present?

What if it's the 100th present after you firmly said "No more presents" after the first?

Is that different?

Do not get carried away. If you have no evidence of him stalking you then in court he is not stalking you. If you have no solid evidence of him harassing you then he is not harassing you.

Do not run your case (or live your life) on a rampant fearful imagination. The old saying "better to be safe than sorry" should not be an open invitation to be trigger-happy and fearful.

The key is COMMUNICATION. Treat him with respect, say to him everything you need to say (treat him as a vulnerable human being not as an imagined monster) and be firm about your rights.

Collect EVIDENCE of any further indiscretions that infringe your rights and your clearly stated directions.

If he continues clearly against your will, and you have documented evidence, then do everything within the law to prosecute and defend yourself as is your right.

That's what I'm trying to do, Spunk.

It is a little different being on the receiving end of this, though. I appreciate your thoughts, as always, but I would challenge anyone to read the email he sent me and not think it was loopy, and yes, a bit scary. I'm not going out to buy a gun just yet or anything, lol. But I am operating under the assumption that he's a few cards short of a deck. I think there's enough evidence for me to believe that. I really don't care what a judge would say. No judge lives my life. There are many levels of loopiness, and I don't know yet which one he's at. I'm not going to be a jerk to him (hell, being too nice is what got me into this situation to begin with), but I would absolutely love it if I never heard from him again.

Where is the admirer from? You mentioned he was on a visa.

He's from Indonesia and is only here for his Ph.D. program.

And (to answer Chosen's concern) no, I don't think this has anything to do with greencards or anything like that. When we went out to dinner we actually had a conversation about marriage (because he's religious and I'm not) and whether we believed in marriage or not and I of course said that I don't. If he was looking for someone to latch onto for that purpose he could certainly find an easier target.

hey has this guy left you alone yet? Just curious.....

I haven't heard anything more from him, and the semester's almost over (two finals left and I'm done! :D ) so I think I'm in the clear.

Good!!!! Sometimes men just don't get the hint right away... Hmmm

He wrote me back the other day (Thursday actually, although I hadn't checked that mail account in several days) and apologized for going overboard. I appreciated that. He also asked if we could still be friends. Ummm, no.