Saying those three little words...

How far in a relationship have you said that you loved the other person to them?

Also who said it first?

Hey Lola, it's been close to a yr. with my bloke and I and we still haven't said those words. I was hurt at first, but actions speak louder than words. I'd rather have him treat me with dignity and lovingness than say he passionately loves me and not prove it with his actions. Good luck!

Lola, I have heard those words from men after one week of knowing them, but it meant nothing. Other times I have waited over 6 months and had to pry it out of him. I kind of wondered the same thing myself.

I am also in a new relationship and it has been very good so far and it is clear that we are both getting a bit gushy. He told me today he talked to his father and told him about me. His father asked "is it serious or is it fun?" My guy said "somewhere in between" which I guess after 11 days is a good answer.

I said are they mutually exclusive? Can't serious be fun and fun be serious?

What is "love" as opposed to friendship and lust? When do we know it is LOVE? I don't know the answer myself. I don't think I love my guy. But I want to hear the words from him first for some reason. Is that fair? How long do we have to know someone? I have the same questions. Because of his honesty I know this guy better than many I knew a lot longer. But 11 days? That couldn't possibly be love could it? So if not... how many day?

I agree with you, Swan. Good relationships should be both serious and fun. People get into trouble when they think it can't be as much fun if it's "serious." I think that's why some relationships seem to change the day people get married. They think it can't be as fun anymore. But I digress...

I don't know if there's a time limit on when you can love someone. I think it depends on each person's emotional openness as well as the connection between the two people. SomeNight and I will have known each other a month on Tuesday. We talked online a little before that, but I don't think that counts, at least in our situation. The connection between us is so amazing and he is so wonderful that it's just knocked me for a loop. It seems like we've known each other so much longer than we have.

We were at his friends' wedding last Saturday night and as we were sitting at our table during the reception he had his arm around me and whispered in my ear that he was falling in love with me. I told him I loved him and he said he loved me too. I had wanted to tell him that so badly it hurt. I was so glad that he'd had the nerve to say it first. We were both afraid we'd scare each other off by admitting our feelings so quickly.

He'd just met my mom and part of my extended family two days before on Thanksgiving. I was really afraid I'd scare him off by asking him to come to my family's Thanksgiving dinner with me. I'm still surprised - and happy - that he wanted to go. I should have figured then that he didn't scare too easily. :D

Some people would say that we haven't known each other long enough to say that and mean it. I don't think you have to know someone for years and years to care about them and make a commitment to them in your heart. I think love is more than just a feeling, although it is certainly that. To me, telling someone you love them is a promise to always be there for them and keep their interests in mind. To share your life with them and be their partner, lover, best friend, and confidante. It's a big commitment, but I know him well enough to make that promise. Sometimes you just know.

http://www.cutegifs.blogger.com.br/a.teddycoracaoblauenase.gif

Our relationship started after I told my OM that I loved him. It took us a bit to work out whether mutual love was enough to base a relationship on, given all the other differences.

Maybe backwards, but it works for us :).

My OM said it to me after we'd been together about 2weeks. We'd known each other for 5months by that point though. I said it back straight away!!

x

I remember /A/ telling me that she loved me after we've known each other for 3 years but I knew that she didn't mean it. She was merely saying it out of jealousy of another female friend in my life. I think that was the first time that I ever heard her say that.

I should have recorded it because that may have been a Kodak audio moment.:D

Originally posted by PinkPanther_04
I don't know if there's a time limit on when you can love someone. I think it depends on each person's emotional openness as well as the connection between the two people.

I agree as well!

Like SQ I have heard those words quickly in a relationship and I have been in ones that seemed to go forever until those words were spoken.

With Crystal it happened very quickly. We had been together only a week when I had slipped up and said something about having to hide my love for the sake of others. Which I tried to cover up quickly!

No Go! She had caught it like radar! Up until this relationship I had never felt so strongly towards somebody so fast. I mean I have heard people say things like 'soul mates' or 'old souls' and the likes but always brushed them off as somebody that was moving too fast.

Now I look back at us from 15 months ago till now and see the same smiles and caring and love thats been here throughout, and know it can happen quickly!

Good thread Lola! And great replies all!

Don

My YW and I said that to each other about two days before our relationship became official. I can't really speak for her, but in my case, given the difficulties involved (most of which caused by the age-gap), this wasn't a road I wanted to travel down unless I was sure.

Now, having said that, we'd known each other for over two years and been very good friends before we said those words to each other. We just hadn't been dating at all.

My last girlfriend, I told her the same thing (and it was true, I did love her) about two months into the relationship (similar deal, I'd known her for about a year before we started dating), and scared her away with it. Go figure.

Well, my husband and I went out to a Cubs game with a group of people from work after we had been on two dates. At this point, not very many people knew we were together, but we sat together. As we left (after a few beers - I mean, what else would you do at a Cubs game), we planned another date for Friday night. Dear Hubby held my hand and said "I think on Friday I'm going to tell you that I'm falling in love with you." I said "Oh, please don't!" Hahahaha -- I was just really afraid of moving too fast, so I didn't want to jump into that yet.

He did say it first though a few months later. :-)

My husband and I have been together now for 1 year and 10 months .......and we started talking to each other in October of 2000 though.. we worked together... we were friends at work he was engaged I was engaged to another. We had a lonnnnggg going flirting going on. Innocent but flirting... Never going over the boundries of kissing or touching... we flirted up until January and flirting became more serious...Me and my husband went out for lunch (before we were an Item) and I was taking him to lunch to tell him we had to end it because I felt guilty because I was with someone else and I needed to sort things out ( we didn't do anything yet.. Kiss or anything) I told him I was starting to feel things I either shouldn't be or wasn't right..... and he started to tear up and said You know I think I'm falling in love with you... and I said I know....because that's why I'm scared because I am falling for you to........I thought about it for less than a day... LOL and broke up with my fiance at the time and he did to... because Even if I wasn't falling in love with my husband I couldn't do that to My ex.... so Me and him continued to talk and talk and we went to a hotel one night to spend the night together....HE took his hands and wrapped it over my face and said Meredith, I love you......and I started crying and said I love you to... and we just held each other tight and you I'm sure can figure out the rest!!:D :D :D

If you want an answer to this question, see 'SHENANDOAH'.

I shall try and recap the pertinent part.

James Stewart plays Mr. Anderson, a farmer/rancher in the Shenandoah valley, ~1863.

Doug McClure plays a confederate officer, Sam, in 'love' with Anderson's daughter, Jenny.

McClure askes for the hand of the Jenny in marriage and this is the conversation that transpires, best I can recollect:

"So, you want to marry Jenny do you?"
"Oh, yes sir I do, very much."
"Do ya like her?"
"I love Jenny very much sir."
"I didn't ask if you loved her, I asked if you like her."
"I like Jenny very much, I've always liked her."
'Ya see Sam, I ask this cause when I met Martha, that was my wifes name, Martha, I liked her. I liked her a lot. It wasn't till we were married for a few years that I realized one day that I loved her."

Wonderful film.

Do you think it ever works the other way? Where people love each other but don't like each other very much, or stop liking each other after a while?

I think a lot of the time when people put up with a lot of crap from someone or are with someone that doesn't meet their standards that's what it is. They love the other person, but if they weren't in love with them they probably wouldn't even want to be friends with them.

Neither C nor I can remember who said it first or when we said it. I think I must have because…. OK, shameful confession. After 9 years I still wince when I think about this:

After knowing C a few weeks I found myself dealing with powerful emotions that were scaring the liver out of me. I didn’t know it was possible to care about someone that way, and I didn’t like the loss of control. After all, my life plan did not include falling in love at this moment, and not with a man 24 years my senior who had just gotten divorced!

About this time C decided to write me a letter telling me about how much I meant to him. After receiving this wonderfully sweet note, I went stomping up to his apartment and demanded he explain himself. I then said I thought he cared about me a little more than I was comfortable with. Yep, I did. I really did.

I clearly remember him sitting at his desk looking like he had no idea what to say, and then his expression changed……which caused me to say, “And I am not falling in love with you so you can stop looking at me like that.” He later told me that was exactly what he was thinking! So I ended this awful tirade by asking if I could stay the night. For some reason he didn’t invite me to leave via the 3rd floor balcony!

By the way, I still have the note, and it took many years of begging before I got another!

That is a great story! I love it!

Should I be concerned that in my relationship of 7 months that neither of us have said 'I love you' to each other?

There are times when I do feel like I love him but I have also never been in love before.

Is it wrong of me to wait until he says it first? I don't think I could cope with saying it to him and not having that feeling returned.

Don't say the words unless you mean them, period. However long it takes, wait for that. Too often, those words get thrown around in meaningless ways, and it doesn't help anybody. On the other hand, if you really feel that way then maybe you need to let him know. Who knows - maybe he's just waiting for you to say them before he does? On the other hand, he might just come back and say he loves you, too, just because he thinks you want to hear it.

As for the time frame... seven months is starting to get into territory where you want to think about it. It's not so long that you should really worry, though. If things are going well otherwise, then it's probably worth waiting around a bit longer to see how things evolve, but if they're not, then maybe it's time to wonder how long you want to stay committed if the two of you aren't in love.

Above all, though, communication is key - so for what it's worth, I think you should talk to him about it even if you don't say the words. Learn how each of you really feels. Good relationships are built on good communication.

J and I knew each other 2 years before we got together. I am positive he said it to me first. And get this guys, lately he's been so sweet to me because I'm sort of insecure about our relationship. I look at him with the goo-goo eyes because the entire 2 years I've known him I've always wanted to be with him. It's almost like the pedestal guy. I picture him with someone older, more established, career go-getter not some youngin like me. Sometimes, I feel in need of reassurance. He is always happy to comply. He tells me that he loves me and that he doesn't want to live another day without me. I recognize the drama factor in that statement but it always makes me smile and feel good about myself, so I can over look the cheese. Isn't it sweet when someone really cares for you?

I was with T for 5 months when he got real sick and landed in the hospital. When i saw him laying there with all his IV's hooked up I started crying, and ended up telling him how much I loved him...

When he got out of the hospital we sat and talked about it over margaritas one night, and he admited that he had loved me for awhile and was waiting till the right moment to tell me....

It