seriously quick help needed

i need quick help... like within the next two hours

im having woman troubles (shes 23 im 18)

i want to show her romance is still there...
she is going out tonite with her friend, i have bought a sorry card, box of chocolates and wrote a letter telling her how i feel. I was going to go up to her house (i have a key) and setup a candle's, then display the choccies/letter/card on kitchen table (straight in front as you walk in the door) i would stay there, but do you think this is a good idea?

please help me i love her so much

I'd like to help, but I need more info.

What is the relationship between you (both past and present) and what kind of problems are you having?

well i was best friends with her husband... i worked beside him, we met and fell in love, she has two children 4 and 7 whom i care for dearly.
I am at college and right now a little too money orientated.

We been seeing each other for about 5-6months, bout 2-4weeks ago we had broke up which left me extremely down (suicidal) we got back together and things were the best every but yesterday and the past couple of days i have been very stressed out, this reflecting in my attitude.

I love her dearly and i believe, that perhaps she is just feeling a little trapped again, i suffer from Social Anxiety so i cant realy go out that much or even at all. heres a couple of text messages from 1st of December

Cant wait 2 c u 2moro, i love you more than nething, you r the best thing that ever happnd 2 me and im so glad it did! Sweet dreams honey, c u 2moro. Mwa, xxxx

and from the 4th

I miss you heaps, you're in my head, but i wish you were in my bed. I love you loads and i want to say i want to be your wife one day! Xxxxxxx

:(

as for problems just silly arguements :(

She really like unplanned romance... i am kinda hopeing that this shows her that i love her and that i dont want to finish... then maybe she might realise shes making a mistake? :confused:

plus im making a romantic music cd.. Enrique Iglesias etc to play for when she comes back from her night out

How old are you both, Sean?

And would you say your relationship with her has ever been stable? Why did she break up sometime ago?

Ummm, so how long has she been divorced?


*hoping she is divorced*

Edit: Wait, a minute - so you're officially broken up? In that case waiting for her with a bunch of flowers and romantic music, etc (which would be terribly romantic within a relationship) would seem kind of stalker-ish in this situation. If she doesn't want to continue the relationship you can't change that. Making a big romantic gesture could spook her and make her even more distant.

You can't make love happen...
You can't force it to happen...
And you can't force love to stay in one's heart...

Originally posted by MariaLux
How old are you both, Sean?

And would you say your relationship with her has ever been stable? Why did she break up sometime ago?

im 18, she is 23

it was extremely stable just a while ago... nothing seemed wrong. Could it be just my recent attitude change that maybe scared her

Sean, it would be helpful to us to understand whether she is still married. What happened to her marriage? Is she still married? Is she divorced? Or is she separated?

she is technically still married, but is seperated.. she need to be seperated for 2 yrs before filling for divorce

So she's 23, had a child very early, like when she was 16, another at 20, at 23 she's divorced and dating you for the last 4 months. One month ago you've broken up, which means the stable part of your relationship was achieved in three months, a quite short period.

I don't know when she got divorced, or separated, but she might be less stable than you imagine. You are very young and you have wonderful intentions, but your own fears and weaknesses added to her difficult situation and maybe instability is a dangerous mix.

Keep us posted as for the results of your efforts.

Originally posted by sean.fergus
i need quick help... like within the next two hours

im having woman troubles (shes 23 im 18)

i want to show her romance is still there...
she is going out tonite with her friend, i have bought a sorry card, box of chocolates and wrote a letter telling her how i feel. I was going to go up to her house (i have a key) and setup a candle's, then display the choccies/letter/card on kitchen table (straight in front as you walk in the door) i would stay there, but do you think this is a good idea?

please help me i love her so much

After reading all the prior posts, I'd say take a chill pill, a deep breath... and relax a bit. The above is not a good idea.

If she is feeling trapped, then do not do this. Why add to the trapped????? Chill out... just be there... no pressure on her right now...

she knows how you feel.

JMO

i didnt go up
were finished :(

she text me and told me were finished... no reason :(

i need to go up sometime and get my stuff, plus it is the youngests birthday tomorrow, poor wee lassie :(

i suppose you are right.... time to move on then :( if that is at all possible

She has alot on her plate, Sean, the least of which is her marriage and what she's going to do right now. She really shouldn't being getting involve with anyone right now and concentrating on her life and how she's going to straighten it up.

You can't help her in this. She has to do with herself.

And you need to protect yourself and take care of yourself right now. You're both are so young that you keep making unwise choices. Stay focus on you, your school, you health situation and some other woman will find your romantic side well worth the effort to get to know you. And she will be ready and prepare to be with you and not running around the barn trying to find the front door.

Good luck
Paris

that was a very nice and somewhat touching reply paris, looking after myself is going to be a task though, i have no self respect, i don't care what happens to me. I have very few friends... but as i'm a pessimistic i see it as hoving none. I cant talk to anyone... It has to be said that i do have one friend from college, but my male pride would stop me from opening out to him. I find it very hard to open out, and get things off my chest, except on the internet. That is the only real thing that keeps me going in times like these.

Also with my Social Anxiety it is very hard for me to meet new woman...:( as i can't go out to pubs/clubs like i used to.

s.f. - what brought on this social anxiety? Have you talked to a councelor about it? You seem like a very nice guy who is hurting on many levels and relationships are just compounding them.

You know, it is so much easier to see what is kind of going on in someone else's life, but totally not know how to handle your own.
I am talking about me, not you.

Good luck. Keep looking UP Sean. Believe in yourself and your self-worth. Where did it go?

i was 15/16 years old and i was walking through a "woody" area near me, it was very late and dark... three guys, biger and older than me, ran out from the tress and grabbed me, threw me on the ground and threatened to kill me while holding a knife at my throat. They took money that was all, but ever since then i feel like my life has slowly gone downhill.

My gf i was with at the time (she is the same age as me) never really knew the whole story, i never told her purely for the reason i didn't want to frighten her. I was with her for 2 1/2 years and i connected with her, but i could never gain help. Male pride again :(

as for counseling, doesn't that cost... i have absolutely no money what so ever.. i keep meaning to go to the doctor but i get scared, then i end up cancelling my apointment. I really need to find out if there is some self-help groups near me but i would feel like i was worthless for going... i know this ins't the right way to look at things but i really cant help it.

as for counseling, doesn't that cost... i have absolutely no money what so ever..

SF - I know the feeling. Recently I have felt a real need for counceling but I make only enough to actually survive. Coucelling would be an extravagance I can't afford. I never thought I would ever need that kind of help in my life, but I have discovered that I am human too, and some things I cannot work through on my own!

I also make too much to be eligible for any medical assistance so kind of caught between a rock and hard place.

But ageless is very theraputic. The people here have had all kinds of problems and are very open and honest, supportive, and helpful to the point of helping you find what you need, or at least pointing you in the right direction.

Your experience sounds horrible. But you need to find a way to let it go and get back into life. I wish I could be more help!

Sean, don't give up hope. Possibly you can find some forums online that are specifically for people in your same situation. Maybe that would help you find the strength you need to get out in the world to seek out help in person.

You were traumatized by that event and you have alot of feelings you need to sort through in order to feel safe enough to leave your home.

I hope you'll be able to find the help that you need, but I also hope that you won't wait too long before seeking some help. Don't let life pass you by because of what some thugs did to you. Otherwise, you are allowing them to defeat you again.

In the meantime, as obsessing said, this is a wonderful place to come for support. Great people here.

Best wishes to you! :)

What happened to you with those thugs has produced PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Your symptoms that keep you depressed and isolated are textbook-typical of PTSD. That is the bad news. The good news is that you can do something about it:
Now that you have a name for it, you may start looking on the Internet for books on the subject. There are many pre-owned books you can have for next-to-nothing. Two places to look are the used books in Amazon.com, and also at abebooks.com.
You can read the "customer reviews" about books on Amazon when you click the title of the book-you will see on the left the "Customer reviews" link. You may also see certain book titles you want to have, and get them from your local library.
You CAN free yourself from the effects of that attack. It requires action on your part though, as no one else can do it for you.
Understanding what and why you feel, will the first step towards healing and feeling normal again.
Learning ways to then deal with what you understood will be found in those books. It is much better than taking anti-depressant medication !! If you take an active role in healing yourself, you WILL succeed. Life will appear very different to you then, you will find your joy and confidence again, like you used to be.
Don't be passive and let something 'fixable" determine how you feel and who you are from now on!
And, last, keep coming here, telling us how you do as often as you can!

Almeiraz
www.yourloveadvice.com

Sean...are you in school? Many schools have counseling centers or at least a counselor. You should check that out. If you have medical insurance to see a doctor, then you might also qualify for therapy. Remember that therapy does not make you weak nor does it mean that you have a major mental illness. Your problem is very situational and is something that can be worked on and eventually (if you really work on it & deal with some pain) curable. I am a therapist so I know it can happen.

Here are a few websites to check out:

http://www.ncptsd.org/

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/anxiety/ptsdmenu.cfm

http://www.headinjury.com/faqptsd.htm

I hope that they help a bit.

You may want to start taking 900 mg/day (300mg. morning, noon and night) of St. John's Wort, which you get from a health food store. In most people it has a very effective anti-depressant effect AT THAT DOSAGE. You have to take it consistently though, and its effects will show in a few weeks.

Almeiraz
www.yourloveadvice.com

Everyone has given the tools to use to find peace in your soul.

Any trauma can totally warped your self worth and your outlook of life. I have from Columbia and he's seen alot worse things then what happen to you that has totally tramatize him at a young age, including but not limited to see bodies rotting on the street and people walking along with their business as it is a common occurance.

It made him very angry, hostile with his countrymen, the proverty, the corruption, it goes on and on. He says that if it weren't for his green card to come to this country, he would've lost it, at the very least killed himself.

When i heard that I just cryed, and gave thanks to have been born in different circumstances then this young man, but I ache for the childhood and teen years he's lost. He's 24 now and he says its been a uphill struggle to lose the angry and the pain. He's
been here permantly since he was 17. America has been a blessing for him. He's been able to find a sense of belonging, saving grace to continue with his life.

So you see it can be done. Onetiger and Al have given great advice. don't let those thugs take away your life and your future life with a good woman that you deserve to have...this is about you now. good luck.

Paris

Sean, if you have a doctor, try asking him or her about Paxil. I know a couple of people with social anxiety disorder, and they swear by it. Also, there are counselors and therapists who will work on a "sliding scale" fee, based on how much you make, if anything.

It would be good if you could find medicine that would help you be more active socially. You'd open up a lot more doors that way, and be able to meet more girls that might be more stable, not so much drama and baggage.

Sean, I think what everyone else is trying to say is that you have to fix yourself first. You cannot possibly have a healthy relationship if you yourself are not. You are aware of the problems in your life, its up to you to take the initiative to get the help that you need. Other people will never fill voids in your life, nor can you use them to fix your problems. I think that when you get medication, counseling or whatever to get you back on the right track, you may find out that you were not ready to have her in your life, or at least be in a better position to make that assesment. You need to understand why you feel the way you do so you can work through it, there is no shortcut or bandaid solution. For your own personal hapiness you must address these issues, they are not going to simply go away and will certainly continue to effect any relationships you may have. Spend some time seeking some non profit organizations that might offer some assistance, I think you would be surprised at what is out there. Believe in yourself and others will too.

Then you got problems on your hands. Once had a guy do that...I got ticked and took back the key...ummm, then again, it might work...no pain, no gain...sqeeky wheels get the oil...H.