Too Much Love - - Ever Notice...

Have you ever noticed that when people are way too much in love and are so overjoyed and happy with being with each other and the future can only lead to lesser happiness and eventual boredom and loss of this happiness.

What do you think?

Maybe it would be a good idea to just never go nuts over someone?

Yeah, but then when would we go nuts?

There must be a reason for it. A natural reason. Maybe I can come back with it later. I'm sure of one thing, though: passion sometimes makes the world move faster. :)

Originally posted by MariaLux
Yeah, but then when would we go nuts?

There must be a reason for it. A natural reason. Maybe I can come back with it later. I'm sure of one thing, though: passion sometimes makes the world move faster. :)
Exactly, you should just keep a steady good baseline. No need to go nuts over it. Infatuation and/or love make people do foolish things. And there is no reason, it's a defect in humans not to think logically/practically. Emotion gets in the way of development of the human brain and from using its full potential.

How can anyone be too much in love?

Of course there is the romance period in the beginning of any relationship. And, of course the relationship settles into sort of a routine. However, that is all the more reason why couples need to work on their relationship each and every day. It's the effort that they put forth that keeps the spark alive.

Originally posted by whiterose
How can anyone be too much in love?
........

that keeps the spark alive.

But that's my point, if you're too much in love at one time point, you'll never be able to re-develop those same feelings.
As for keeping the spark alive, it may stay alive but it will NEVER be as strong as it once may have been. That is the truth.

I see your point Youngguy.

I try to temper those gushy feelings and remain realistic. It may mean I am less romantic than some. But love grows slowly like a seed planted in good soil. It is not a mature flower all at once, because the flower will fade and then you will just have a stalk.

It is difficult though, not to believe in the gushy love. I suppose it happens. But when it does, is the outcome ever good. I know don't use words like ever or never because there are those exceptions. Lets just say. It has never happened to me without bad consequences.

I see what you mean.. sometimes it happens sometimes not. I think that infatuation stage is just that, and you find that it was never really love at all.

I have an aunt and uncle who have been married for just over 50 years, and my uncle still does things like lovingly pat my aunt's behind, or comes up to her and gives her hugs and lil grabs in there. They are in love, even after all that time.

Of course they have disagreements just like any other married couple, they've raised kids, etc.. but when all is said and done, who can say they are any less in love then when they first married?

Love has the capability of being limitless, boundless.. it's not something you can use up in a year or so, and then runs out. I think it more depends on the people involved in the relationship, and how willing they are to keep love growing.. but I can see where you are coming from youngguy.

There are many aspects of love. It is ever changing, evolving, just as we do. I don't believe that the romance phase was ever intended to last throughout the entire duration of the relationship. It is the spark that sets the flame aglow. But, it is the tending of the flame that keeps it burning. So, in my opinion, relationships that become boring are those in which the people did not tend the flame.

Originally posted by whiterose
There are many aspects of love. It is ever changing, evolving, just as we do. I don't believe that the romance phase was ever intended to last throughout the entire duration of the relationship. It is the spark that sets the flame aglow.
good post i agree with you on that. My rant was that people just go crazy overwhelming themselves in love way too quickly or way too decisively without much thought sometimes.

And I also think that when you bring in the added aspect of a physical relationship too soon, you cement that spark and you can't make the distinction between what is spark and what is flame. You lose the capability to distinguish between a great relationship and a toxic one.

We as human seem to think that love and sex are interchangeable and if you have one, then there needs be the other. So we ignore the red flags of that relationship and then get stucked into the physical part, confusing it with the spark, once the spark settles down, the flame demands to continue living, but we have no clue on how to keep it lit, except through our bodies and after awhile we ignore our most basic nourishment (ourselves) to please another and not be alone.

I have always wondered how Christopher Reeves and his wife (and others like them) maintain that flame in the midst of such a horrible accident and in the years since then. The man looks nothing like our Superman hero. Can one remove the element of sex and gratify the flame in others ways, that doesn't include physical? Are we capable of such extraordinary selfless, unconditional love? I wonder.

Paris

Originally posted by youngguy914
good post i agree with you on that. My rant was that people just go crazy overwhelming themselves in love way too quickly or way too decisively without much thought sometimes.

And sometimes people over-analyze things with too much thought and mess up something that could've been great.

Being in love is just something you know in your gut. Sometimes, love is instant...sometimes, it takes many years to develop. It's not a decision, it just happens.

Plus, there is a point that you do go nuts over someone when you're in a relationship. It's going to happen sooner or later. It's unavoidable. Are all relationships eventually doomed to fail then? Some modern-day cynics would say "yes", but I don't think so.

The longevity of a relationship doesn't have so much to do with keeping the spark alive as it does with choosing someone who you're sure in your heart will be right for you for the rest of your life...through all the ups and downs. A kindred spirit, if you will.

It's a leap of faith. There is a risk with all relationships. It's one you either take or don't.

I choose the risk.

I read somewhere that if you build a fire with newspaper, the flames begin immediately and brightly. But then, it dies down almost as quickly as it rose up. I think this is what the poster is thinking about.

One can build a fire with just logs, and the flame will burn long and steady. Not as spectacular, but steady. This is love that develops and grows over time. Very nice.

Another variation that some like more, one can use newspaper AND logs and have the beautiful, nuts beginning and keep the flame alive and well with the long-burning logs.

Originally posted by Zephirine
My experience of being "way too much in love" like you say youngguy, is that it comes and goes. That's probably the one thing you know for certain about relationships ... like the waves in the ocean ... feelings come and go (I mean with the same object of your love) ... the good thing is when you learn they always seem to come back again. And when you're not "on top of the world" there is no need to panic ... just stay put, let boredom or whatever wash through your soul, and the passion will be back. It's closeness and distance, coming and going ....

Exactly. That's part of what I mean about finding someone who will want to be with you through all the ups and downs. That is true love. It's unrealistic to think that both people involved will always be on top of the world. Life isn't like that. Love isn't like that. It's all very inconsistent. That's just life. Ups and downs. Which makes you appreciate all the good times more...and each other, for sticking together through the not-so-great times.

To be honest, I truly like the flames of love. I don't expect them to be there forever. And I know from talking to people in long term relationships (over 30 years) that those flames go away and then do come back (especially if you keep wooing your partner). I think that 'falling in love' is great as long as you also can keep your eyes open.

Yes...sometimes you do have those feelings for someone who is not right for you and you get hurt. But I'm willing to get hurt sometimes. It's part of life. We try to often not to have pain in our lives...but then we also may miss out on some of the great strong feelings that are out there too.

My perfect romance...I begin with liking a person, then the sparks begin to shoot, then they become flames, more time passes and they die down to become a steady heat...once in a while a flame will shoot again, and sometimes the heat will get lower...but the underlying heat (aka the true love and friendship) never totally dies...and so you know you can make it to the next time when the heat gets hotter and the flames shoot up once again.

I think it's doable. But it has to be from both parties. And it takes some work and doing. But I think it will be so worth it!

Originally posted by youngguy914
My rant was that people just go crazy overwhelming themselves in love way too quickly or way too decisively without much thought sometimes.


I hear what you are saying. This is when "fools rush in". I was very guilty of that throughout most of my life. I look back now and realize that I felt a huge sense of urgency to have someone love me.

Now, after two failed marriages, I have learned that rushing into love is not the best way at all. I am truly focused on having a relationship that starts as friendship and develops into something deeper. It becomes a bond between two people of deep trust, respect, and value of each other.

I love how others have described it much better than me.. Softsong: the comparison of the difference between burning newspapers and logs fits exactly what I was trying to say. And, Zephirine: I love what you say about needing to be patient when love becomes boring. That's the part I have to work on the most because of my insecurities. I have to work hard to be patient and push those old feelings away that tell me "he's losing interest and is going to leave you soon."

If I'm reading the original post right, it seems as if YoungGuy is saying that any time people show a great deal of romantic feeling toward each other in the beginning their relationship is doomed to fail. I disagree. If a relationship is based only on infatuation or if there is no respect or trust then it will fail regardless of the behavior of the people involved. That isn't a matter of being too much in love, because there wasn't any love there to begin with.

Love isn't a commodity that can be bought or sold or used up. It doesn't run out if you use "too much" of it. People also express their love in different ways. Some are more passionate and open with their feelings than others. I don't think that's a negative thing, and I don't feel you should hide or temper your true feelings for fear that you will burn out the flame.

I know about being reasonable rather than romantic. My ex-husband and I were very close from the beginning. We had so much in common and felt so comfortable that we felt we were meant to be together despite the fact that there never really was a "spark." We got married anyways because we confused comfort with love and within six months I felt like we were roommates. I had married my best friend, but in the end that's all we were. We never fought, we almost always agreed with each other, and we got married because it was logical and on paper we were a perfect match. But we never really loved each other. If we had, surely we would have felt more passionate. So is it better never to feel that spark? I would doubt anyone who didn't but still insisted they were in love.

Part of the reason relationships require a lot of work is to keep that fire going. Maybe it won't always be there, but is it really love if it never was? Love changes and grows, and won't always be the same as it was in the beginning, but if it's real and you're both willing to work at it, it will only get better.