Frustration with Parent

I have had it with my mother. She is beyond doubt the most STUBBORN and HARD HEADED woman in this world... She has banned T's name from her house, and she told me not to even come to christmas and that I ruined it because I am with T....

Oh and Yes I told her about the baby, and lets just say she wants nothing to do with the whole situation....


So any words of wisdom here?

TIME (to adjust),
PATIENCE (with the stupid things she said already and those to come)
AND
LOVE (she is your mother and deep down just wants what is best for you).

Treat your mother with respect (regardless of her bad behavior) and don't ever stop trying to move forward for your sake and your child's.

Again.. echoing the previous two posts... Give it time.. My mother disowned me right after I eloped out here... she told me I was a failure and ruining my life for about 3-4 mos... Now she calls and we dish together..

she doesn't LOVE M or anything. but she tolerates it...

Exactly. I'm sure your mother isn't going to ban you forever. But she is mad. #1, she's been kept in the dark, and C) she doesn't like this older guy. Time heals all wounds, or so it's said- I'm hoping for an outcome just like you are, something akin to EllieMae's. My mother hates my OM and she's never met him, and she's always saying it'll be them or him. Well, I don't think so, but if that's the way it happens, it's not on me.

Just give it time. It might be a lot more time than you want to give, and there will be some bad blood that won't ever be forgotten, but try to put yourself in her shoes.

Hey there... I'm sorry your mother took this turn....

Time does heal.. Eventually she will realize what she is doing..... Just step back from her... don't let her cause you any pain.....Keep your distance and let her come to you!!!!!

Your baby right now needs you and needs to you be unstressed ok..... You need to be strong for him/her!!! You and the baby is the most important!!!!

Keep us posted... and don't worry !!!

Things with her are only worse, She told me I have to choose between my family and T. She's to blind to see that this baby is from both parts...

T's being supportive, but im just tired of the whole situation. There comes a point at where I just want to throw my hands in the air and say screw it all, then I look down at my stomach and realize that there's somone else I need to be concerned about. Someone else that is going to need both parts of both worlds.. I just dont know how to heal this tear between everyone.

Thanks guys for the support, your wonderfull as always :}

Being an adult means making the choices you think make you happy and living your life powerfully. It's not your job to make everyone else (to include mom) happy with your choices. Treat your family with love and respect and learn how to accept the possibility that they may never ever in a million years agree with your choices. This does not mean the end of the world, it just means you agree to disagree and move on with your life and the other things you all have in common (so you can't mention T's name in her house, then don't).

Disagreements, even with family members (read parents) over huge life issues, do not have to mean the end of the relationship. Get that into your mind and start acting that way. Show, really show your mom that you love and respect her and that you will not allow these issues to drive you two apart (regardless of her ridiculous ultimatiums to choose). Steel yourself for the crap she may throw and hold fast. The hardest part of this process (i.e. coming clean) is over. Hang in there for the home stretch.

It took me 3 1/2 years to come clean with my mother about my OM. As difficult as that was and the time that followed, I've never regretted doing it. My relationship with my mom now (3 years later) is better than ever because she treats me and respects me as an adult, not a child she gets to control and tell what to do. This was something both she and I had to learn - it's part of breaking away from the parents, each side has to learn how to do it. Today, I make my own choices and live my life for me. It's a powerful way to live that has enabled me to be with the man I love so dearly AND the mother I also love dearly.

I agree with Mer when she says to wait and let your Mom come to you. At least keep back for right now and see if she begins the process of relenting a little.

You don't want to cut her out of your life, but at this moment things sound very stressful and you have the baby to worry about. Showing your love for her is one thing, but there's a limit to how much conflict you should expose yourself to.

Wow...I don't know what to say besides all that has already been said. Does she know he proposed? Keep the faith and be like Cinderella....love all who come into your life...even if they mistreat you. ESPECIALLY your Mom...she'll come around.