Paradigm Shift - Advice please!!!

Hi there,

I'm very new here, but have been looking for somewhere to get some good advice on OW/YM relationships. Having looked around here for a bit, I've decided that this is the best place for that... so any help you could give I would super appreciate:

I'm 26 and recently something's been developing with a male friend of mine who's 20 (21 in March). In the context of much larger age gaps than this, it may not seem like anything, but I've always been a woman with the "he must be older" mindset and so now that suddenly I look at him and my knees go weak, I'm very confused!! :(

We've been spending almost all of our free time together for the past few weeks... up into the wee hours of the morning almost every night of the week... and I (shockingly) just get up in the morning with bags under my eyes and a huge silly grin on my face. Although I've been internally breaking down all sorts of pre-conceived notions and I'm almost fully OK with it now, my main issue is this: he was in high school when I met him (a number of years ago) and in a youth group that I was a leader for. Although that was quite awhile ago, there are still remnants of me feeling SUPER weird about that fact and also really concerned about all of the attitudes that people will have about it. We come from a small town and everybody knows everybody's business.

Could you give me advice on some of the practical issues I can expect to face and how you've addressed them?

Thank you all SOOO much,

B

[/B]he was in high school when I met him (a number of years ago) and in a youth group that I was a leader for.[/B]

Hmmm...my guy was in kindergarten when I graduated high school. :D

I don't mean to make light of your situation at all...it's just that since I've been dating my younger guy (he's 21 and I'm 34) I have almost totally forgot about our age difference. At first I was obsessed with it. I too was an "older man" girl but something about this one just caught me off guard. I have those "bags under my eyes" days too..though they are a little more baggy at 34 than they were in my 20's.

If he treats you good and you like him than don't worry about what others think. Besides, if there are negative responses it's probably just jealousy. There is a particular quote and I can't remember it exactly but it says something like - you can live your life to suit other people but in the end you will have a dull, lonely life. (well that doesn't sound as good as the original but i hope you get what i'm trying to say)

Anyways...you go girl and best of luck!

Sherrie

Blushing....
You will hear from a lot of us here that you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about given your teeny weeny age gap. Seriously, it won't matter at all in a bit.
I do understand your concerns about knowing him forever, and when he was sort of in your charge at one point (in youth group), and that you live in a small town where everybody knows everybody's business....all of that I can relate to exactly.
My ex ym had just graduated from HS when we fell in love! We had known each other for a few years before that because he was in a dance group I directed then; albeit not at the time we got together. He worked for me by then. We live in a TOTALLY small town, and the rumors were what eventually wore him down, but our age gap was 20+. After 3 years, we just recently broke up.
My advice.... don't listen to others or even your own mind on this one....follow your heart...again, your age difference is negligible. If you want this relationship, step in and never look back! And....do what we didn't do: be public and open and proud of your relationship from the beginning. The amount of dignity you afford it, will be the amount of dignity it will be given by others.
Best to you both....sounds like a match-extraordianaire!
Hugs, Karen

I think that we all experienced what you are feeling initially. But I think it is safe to say, that as you start to learn more about eachother and spend some time together the age difference really becomes insignificant, at least with eachother. Those feelings of self doubt that YOU have will certainly diminish over time and you will probably forget about them altogether. I think I learned through my relationship that it was always about the person and our connection with one another, the age became really unimportant. Hang in there, what you are feeling is VERY typical, even considering that you were once a role model to him at some point in your lives. As for everyone else, who cares about them, once the novelty has worn off chances are nobody will really care about you two.

My grandad was the youth minister for my grandmother...that is how they met. And they got married three years later. Personally I don't have a problem with it. I'm a school counselor and I recently went to a party held by an ex-student, and there were a few other ex-students there at the time (around the age of 25 or so). I honestly thought one of them was hot but he was taken. If he hadn't been & he had been interested...I would have dated him in an instant. I know his character, he's doing well for himself now and he's attractive & interesting.

The guy you are talking about is no longer in your group. He has grown up a bit. And so he's now available. It's ok. Don't feel weird. Sometimes this is how people meet. Especially in a small town, how else are you supposed to?

Just enjoy those big grins!