Thoughts about age differences

I love older women, and I have loved dating them, as well as the one I was married to. But, at the present time I am single. I have seen some posts on here from some of the female members expressing that they would like to find a younger man. They make me wish I was 20-25 years younger!!!!! (Normally I do not indulge in that intellectual waste of time of trying to re-live the past or re-create it so as to do something differently than I did at the time.)

The thought has sometimes crossed my mind that I wonder if there is something about the consciousness of those of us who desire an age-gap partner, which is a result of some kind of adventurousness of the spirit, joy of life (not sure I can spell the French translation of that correctly), sensuality, maturity, and passion - these being things that have nothing to do with how old or young we are, but express themselves in our search for an age-gap partner, because I think you have to have some or all of those characteristics to want one of these relationships, commit to it, and make it work.

And it follows that I wonder if I was to meet someone (female) on here about my age, if those traits would not find a way to express themselves as we connect with each other and make it work very nicely, even though we were much closer to the "same age" than we thought we wanted. I mean, I have never claimed for one minute to have no interest in women my own age or younger.

I'm just throwing this out for some discussion. I think it could be interesting.

Well, for me, it's not that I have a desire to pursue an age gap partner.... I am only interested in my younger partner because of who he is, his personality, etc. And, he is the very first person that much younger than me (17 yrs) that I've ever been interested in. My ex-husband was 8 years older than me.

Sooo, I'm not sure I'm the right person to help out in this discussion because I am not someone who is only looking for an age gap relationship as you seem to be describing. I hope that makes sense. :confused:

For me, it's about falling in love with the person for who they are, no matter what their age. If things did not work out between my Remi and me, I would not go looking for another age gap relationship, but would instead continue to seek men that I find interesting and with whom I feel I have chemistry and not focus on any particular age group.

btw, just wanted to say I'm glad to see another Kentuckian posting. I live in So. Indiana, but I'm from Kentucky.

Well, that is kind of what I was saying. I think we are all probably open-minded enough that we are not going to strictly limit ourselves to someone a certain number of years older or younger than we are. I think that is why we are open to the older/younger partner possibility in the first place.

Although I will admit that sharing love and intimacy with an older woman, i.e. the exhilirating excitement of the age difference, just by definition does not happen with someone your own age, even with everything else being the same.

Rainbow, you make an excellent point, and I totally agree with you. I, myself, would consider dating a man my age or older as well if I were single, in fact, I'd prefer it. I love Robin with all of my heart, but there are things we've experienced that I'm fairly certain wouldn't have happened had he been my age or older. Another thing I like about guys my age or older...we can discuss things from our childhood and adolescent years and music from those time periods. We KNOW things about life that we learned purely from being on the planet as long as we have. We have more patience and tolerance. Men my age or older have more nice STUFF and more money! :D

My problem with men my age and older who were attractive was always...the good ones were taken! :( When I say "attractive", I'm not even referring to model material, I'm just referring to someone who attracted me enough to make me interested. Women don't let go of good guys who are also attractive.

I'd given up completely when I met Robin. Yes, he was beautiful in my eyes, but not because he was younger. He simply possessed the physical traits I find attractive, as well as personality traits I liked. His being younger was a hinderance, an obstacle.

I have never pursue any relationship with a guy who was younger. It just seems to work out that way. I work w/ alot of ym and most of the time I want to shot them.

Right now I have 4 ym who I hang out with on a regular basis. Each unique in their own way. Nothing romantic, but the truth of the matter is guys my age are not asking me out. They're all hanging out with the younger women, of cause, they've been doing that for eons.

I do have a new friend at work who dates alot of guys who are younger. She's from England and she's made a very good observation. She feels that the ym of Europe are much more mature then American ym. She could be right, as our ym have different lifestyles and cultures and are more catered to either by their mothers, g/fs or ow...which is why I do not pursue anyone younger then 25.

As Polly said, all the good older guys are taken. And although I draw a line somewhere, I hope to be as lucky as Polly in a relationship with a great guy with strength of character and as obvious integrity as her man has regardless of age.

Paris

I am posting here because all I have known are age gap relationships....older men mostly, then till 3 years ago, did I expolore a beautiful relationship with a remarkable guy from the UK...I have found beauty in my relationships..but always with the OM , they wanted to change me..I was disturbed that I could not be accepted to just be the unique individual that I am..I was always asked, "why can't you just be normal?" What does that mean anyway??I was forever walking on eggshells to please..I was building walls of resentment for these men who was supposed to be my love...that was wrong of me, and when I recognized it, I walked away ...I think for me, subconsciously, i was driven to older men because of lack of a father figure...My dad died when i was very young, and my mom never had interest again in any relationship..so for me, not being able to observe the interaction of relationships, had no concept of what my role would be in one...I married at 17 to a guy 12 years older than me..it lasted 6 years, then I thrust myself into the world trying to explore who I was, and not buy into who "they" wanted me to be.I have such a free spirit, and all I seek is someone who accepts me for plainly being me..I think that is all we really want, is to be an equal in a loving relationship, age really is just a number..but pertainant things are needed to make it work..
Maturity and intelect are of utmost importance...I don't want to go for the younger man that is simply arm candy, or just great in the sack.I need the sustainance of true love for my soul to thrive...
a little background info..all my friends were always younger than myself my whole life, so it is odd that I found myself in these older man relationships in the first place...But I never before had a same age relationship...maybe that is something i want to explore..I mean, I am 36, past the dating scene, past the age of being a disposable toy...I am seeking someone with the maturity that wants long term, maybe a lifetime to share with me...and maybe promise me the rest of my years on this soggy planet.
I lost faith in the younger man relationship thing..I am too much woman for little boys that want to play house...My younger man is a year older than me:) so technically, from the age gaps I have experienced with much older men, makes this one unexplored new territory.
I went on and on, I forgot what the topic was, just my two cents on age gaps . Peace on earth

We talk of age differences but I wonder if that is what it is about at all. An older man may find a younger girl interesting because he is young at heart and the women he knows his own age have gotten perhaps bitter because of relationships they have been in, or perhaps because they are growing older and can't accept that, perhaps because they want someone who fits a category they have established in their own mind he can never fit into, and a dozen other things.
An older woman may find younger men more interesting because she is young at heart and a younger man is not set in their ways as an older man their age is, watching television instead of the world around themselves, and so on. We never know why two people find compatibility but perhaps in some cases the perfect relationship is when that older man meets that older women, which seldom happens enough, or the two find the perfect compatible relationship regardless of age or nationality. We can never judge anyone else by any standards but our own and I think if we find fault with any relationship we should first look at our own standards to make sure it is not our standards which are wrong. Lennie Bruce once said something on this order relative to racial relationships, and I have to use more recent names to illustrate this, but he told the white men in the audience suppose you had to marry a women, give her children, sleep with her, make love to her and so on, would you chose a white woman or a black? The Black woman is Janet Jackson and the white woman is Roseann Barr? It is our own standards we must live by and not the standards of others.

Very well said, abaconw. Those are my thoughts, exactly.

Exactly Abaconw. I am a life long believer that what I do is no one's business but my own. I set standards for myself based upon the principles and values taught to me by my parents and my teachers in life. And, all I can do is strive to achieve those standards. Regarding my personal life, or personal choices I make in my life, I am the only one responsible for them, as well as the consequences thereof.

exactly, Whiterose, but we also have to be ready to question those standards as we endorse them and when necessary not hold on to those things which we have learned. The most extreme example of that which comes to mind is a young boy who was raised in a violent situation to the point that his father eventually killed his ex wife, the boys mother, after she had remarried. He had not learned that we do have choices and can determine our own destinies and so hanged himself at I think 12 years old to prevent himself from becoming like his father. I always like to go back to what Davy Crocket was reported to have said, Make sure you are right and then go ahead. lol.

That quote from Lenny Bruce was right on target, but I have a little bit of a technical question. Wasn't Lenny Bruce dead by the time Janet Jackson and Roseann Barr became well-known "public personalities"?

True, which is why I said that I used more recent names. plus I couldn't actually remember who Lenny used. lol. It is to me very sad that he was hounded to the point that he overdosed on drugs and died because of his routines and now he would be really not all that different than many commedians who are now accepted.

I don't think anyone deliberately goes out and looks for a younger partner. It just happens. Personally, If I meet someone I like, age makes no difference. Younger men have more stamina, but lack experience. They also lack the gentleless and consideration of an older man. This is just generally speaking. I have met young and older men that are selfish, and self gratified and some young men that are sensitive to my needs...Just like it is for an older man with a younger woman, it is flattering for an older woman to be with a younger man. Society frowns on ym/ow, but not on om/yw...who could figure why?

Actually, I date only younger men and have for about 37 years. After about 20 years, I suddenly realized that all the men who approached me and to whom I was attracted turned out to be younger, so I decided then to stick with that since it was working for me. Of course, I haven't shut myself up in a concrete box. If I met someone my age or older who really attracted me, I would date him. But, I get along much better with men younger than I and have creative relationships with them, so that is the way I have chosen.

Hi gang,

I'm from the "other side" just creeping about over here! I don't think I fit anywhere though. I am a 36 year old F in a very new relationship with a 70 year old M. I'm an oldster over there. Anyway, this is an interesting thread. What is it that makes age gap relationships so exciting and so rife with emotion. I've never felt the intensity with anyone that I feel with my old guy. It is electric. I've always dated men close to my age or w/in ten years and have had good relationships in the past. So, I wasn't seeking an older man. It just happened. We met and the pieces began to fall into place. We still have a LONG way to go, but that is another topic entirely! This age-gap relationship is so intense. I could just eat my guy and I've never really felt that for anyone. He makes me feel more alive than I've ever felt. He says and does all the right things. We have so many interests in common, a very similar life philosophy, we're a good intellectual match. Is it just coincidence that we fit so well or does our 34 year age gap figure prominently into the equation of "us?"
judith

I once had a long list of qualities to look for in the men that I dated. Age was once a huge consideration for me, I would not date YM.

I passed by a lot of guys when I was younger because I considered them inappropriate for me for some reason. I spent a lot of time as a single woman.

Then I fell in love with a ym. I didn't look for it, but it happened. Only twelve months previous I would have said you were wrong if you told me that I could fall for someone years younger, but I did. Sure it didn't last, but I decided that I would open myself up to a wider group of men to go out with. I'm still looking for a lasting love, like many of us on this group. I don't see many of us who are really looking for a ym/ow relationship, for most of us it just happened, and once it did, we decided that it was okay. That we'd do it again if we met someone we really liked.

Well, said, Witchy!

Witchy, I also think you expressed it pretty well. I don't think that is the only process that can take place by which a YM and OW get together, but that is probably true in a lot of cases. I think our hearts have a mind of their own sometimes (to borrow the title of the old Connie Francis song).