Need input from the folks here.

Ok. A woman, virtually my age (50)(no age gap, so sorry:D, many apologies:D), at one time seemed interested ( I was and still am). It all began when she fixed a muscle problem I was having in my arm (she is a local chiropractor and the only one who did; two others tried). We began by having a beer or two after her workday ( a year after I began seeing her professionally). This was last February. We did this till April or so. Then we went for pizza one afternoon when she was finished early.

We seemed to get along just fine, great actually... like 2 peas in a pod (She asked for my home number first; she had my work number).

As summer approached, she remarked that if I wanted to see her on the weekend "You know where I'll be" (which is at the beach where she lives in a condo with her female roomate she has been with for 2-3- years or so).

Ok. I can live with the beach:D Her roomate (36yo) is divorced and apparently open to a possible relationship (not with me!), but she is not the question).

We went out for dinner once and had a great time. She said that she was not sure why she ended up here, in a small tourist town in NC, and I offhandedly remarked that "perhaps it was to meet me". (grin, ok... a little ****y but funny... NO?) We got talking and it drifted to 'us', but superficially, which was fine. She said "we'll see if your still around in a couple of months". (Ok! cold water????? Hmmmmm.....)

Anyway, her eldest son (22) got a job here at the state park (cool, she thought that was great) for the summer. I had even helped her by picking him up at the airport. (3 hr. drive one way). Was happy to do it. He's a great guy.

Now her dad died last spring. That was a tough time for her no matter how she came off about it. 2 months after that her masseuse partner, whom she knew well, passed on also (liver problems). She was perhaps 50 if that. That was real sad. Double whammy:(

In June, we went to dinner with her son and her roomate. It was quite enjoyable. She knows I live on a sailboat and seems quite interested in that she'd like to go to the cape for a weekend (8 Mi. away and a great place) when the boat is ready (which was not till oct.)

But anyway, I'd go to the beach to try and spend some time. She was either there or would arrive, but always with her roomate. Her B'day was in early July and there was a cake at what was portrayed as a makeshift party in the condo courtyard ( I was not notified by the roomate who arranged it, I was not there). I have gotten to know a few of the people who live at the condo units. In late July, near the end of what I know was a long day for her, I took her one beer (natural light, which she loves), packed in a mini-cooler on ice for an end of the day "Ohhh Yeah!". She called and asked me to come share it, but that was all she could have as she had to go to her roomates parents place about 1 hour away. :(

Anyway, things just seemd to slowly disolve. Over the next month I felt like I was being more and more ignored. Amongst the banter at the beach she remarked to one guy there " If I didn't like you I'd just ignore you". Hmmmmm....

In early Sept. I had a session with her and offhandly (right!:)) asked her why I'd never heard from her in the months we have known each other. Her reply was 'when have I had the time, you know my schedule". (point of fact, no I don't unless she lets me know?????)

Fast forward. She is a wonderful chiropractor (she is not your everyday chiropractor). I still go to her for wellnesscare every 3 months or so. After the hurricane I went for a session and all seemed ok, no problem. Professional. Polite. She was busy, her day was booked bigtime (I saw the register).

In late Nov. I went again as stress was building and I am looking at a long drive to Fla. for Xmas. She asked me during the session if I was "seeing anyone". And also remarkled that "this year has been terrible and she was going to make some time for herself next year, no matter what". Hmmmmmm........ (I'm an honest guy, and replied that "no, I was not seeing anyone".... also I was not prepared for that and the wiseass funny guy did not appear:()... Also she told me about the prior 2 weeks... Her middle son, 18yo, was hurt in an accident many years ago. He has since suffered seizures. In the 2 weeks prior to my last session he underwent experimental surgery to attempt to stop the seizures. She was there for that 2 weeks during all this. (he is also a great kid and I hope this works). I had heard that this was coming up via her receptionist at the last session I had (she's a gab, and my chiropractor nows this quite well).

Ok........

What gives????????

Problem is, I do not know if I'm shot, snake bit, beaten up, or what.

I'm a guy and this is not logical. She's not a flake, guaranteed... but..... sh!t, just does not make sense right now.

Do you care for this woman? Alot of times things don't make sense, because we don't see the whole picture, from what your saying she has been going through alot this past year and that in it self has an effect in how we come across to others.........It seems like from her stating in the beginning about the short span of time you would probably will spend. knowing eachother.......ummmmm? She may be going by past experiances to other relationships. Her roomate not inviting you to her party is an indication that she is possessive of her.......but if you really care for her, I wonder if you expressed all your thoughts and concerns? Or even you telling her how much she means to you.....And if your really sincere let her know that her son is really a great guy....her asking you if you were seeing anyone is a hint to me that she wonders about you. I think since you have all these questions why not go to her and communicate these thoughts? Keep that door open and see where it goes, you won't know for sure until you step out and find out if you stand a chance.

She sounds a bit aloof, and I would have thought that maybe she wasn't all that interested in you, except that she asked if you were seeing someone during your last chiropractic session. Hmmmmm. It IS a bit perplexing.

Have you guys had sex?

I have to say that her father dying and then her massuese partner dying must have been very traumatic. It usually takes someone over a year just to even appear to be back to normal after a parent dies, especially if the relationship was a close one. She deserves a break for that one.

I think if you really care about her, you should send her a card, telling her how you feel, saying you love spending time with her, you miss her, and you could see a possible future. You know, a lot of women expect a concrete, monogamous relationship after a certain period of time. Maybe she feels you would just as soon date forever and have no future with a woman? There's a point where some women who are dating a guy, conclude that the "trail has run cold" and turn their energy elsewhere.

I think if you really are strongly interested in this woman, you should plan something special...a night out on your yacht complete with a candlelight dinner prepared by you, good background music, and maybe something to make the mood fun, like showing her pics of your early childhood and your old school yearbooks! Women LOVE that kind of stuff! :D Give HER a massage, and start with the feet. My chiropractor used to complain about her feet all the time!

See where that evening gets you, and then the next time you're with her, ask her openly and honestly what she sees happening with you two, and what she wants out of a relationship. Don't be a wiseguy, don't deliver any quick lines, be a good listener. Show her you're more than just fun and games.

Well Salt I remember you posting about her before, a long time ago. I say you have the patience of a saint or she is one hot tamale.

I understand that her life has been chaotic but everyone in the world has an hour or two to spend with someone they like. She may have some deep seeded relationship issues but you know what, she may have a LOT of things and you will never know until you get on with it and DISCUSS it with her.

I mean obviously you don't make her puke... that's a good sign.

I would go along with the previous posts and kick it into high gear. The worst that could happen is she will rip out your heart and stomp that sucker flat...
but I think that is unlikely. Actually I think you have a good chance.

Go be a caveman Salt. Drag her onto your boat and seduce her.

I thought about it a little more. Some people have a higher tolerance for not having a relationship than others and it could be that this person has just decided to shelve that aspect of her life for the time being and it is no reflection on you. It may be that when you approach her you will get brushed off for the same reason. Her life has been pretty hectic and stressful.

She has given you teasers, like going to make sure she has time for herself next year. With the deaths, her son's health problems, her job... Maybe she just does not feel that there would be enough left over to give a guy anything.

I mean I feel that way too, and if I had a higher tolerance for being alone I would not be pursueing relationships at this time. School, work, son, money problems...and perhaps I shouldn't seek out a companion, but I do.

I still thinking getting it out in the open and showing her how much better whe will feel if she lets you adore her. Well, good luck.

Need to know more to really sit down and see what's going on, but a few comments . . .

She is obviously giving you mixed signals. If she was not interested, seh wouldn't ask if you were seeing anyone. The only people who ask me are my good friends, friends who want to set me up and women who are interested in me for something.
But she is apparently not taking any steps toward having anything going with you. Why?

Well, from what you say you do for her, maybe you were chasing her and not making any demands or expectations. Not many people want unrequited adoration and favors. Most want some give and take. What did you want her to do and how did you let her know? If all you did was chase her with favors, you were chasing her and that means you were possibly chasing her away from a relationship.

My only other question/comment is that the relationship with the roommate seems wierd and possessive. Is there something more than just roommates going on?

Saltwater,

The minute I read what you said, I wondered if your Chiropractor lady is gay or at the least bisexual. It's not an accusation, but as you say, things don't add up. Every single thing you said was, like uh oh, this lady is in a gay relationship.

My youngest daughter, is either gay or bi, with her being 17 I think the jury is out for the final verdict, but she is currently in a relationship with another girl. When she did date guys, she always kept them at arm's length because although she enjoyed them, to be quite frank, she didn't want to have sex with them, I don't think.

I would think a 50 year old professional woman could afford her own place, as well. Having a roommate 15 years younger, well, it could be friends with benefits.... but it sounds like a relationship to me. And if you live in a "small town", she may not wish to reveal what the true nature of her relationship with the roommate is, for that "kind of behavior" is not well received in small towns, sadly.

That's what I think Salt...PM me if you need further insights.

bubs

Funny Salt, they are all telling you what I did last August. (gay)

But you won't know til you actually make the issue known, she may still reject you and you may never know why, but at least then you can put it to rest.

"What we have here is a failure to communicate" Cool Hand Luke

I guess you do Salt!

All opinions posted could be right. She could be bi - why is she living with that possessive yw? But that is just speculation. I have younger gal friends, and I would share a place with any of them without being gay. They are my friends. And some of them might be a tad possessive of my time also. I could see that.

Maybe this lady is a mature woman that does not need to rush into anything. I think the statements she made recently about making time for herself, etc. could very well be telling you that she would like to pick up the pace with you in the near future.

I'm curious to see how this turns out.

I think you should try a few more dates, and open up the discussion. Just lay it out there. I am a big fan of putting my cards on the table up-front. Why waste time if there is nothing that could possibly materialize. See how she answers.

Don't make it a huge thing - maybe just say something like " you know___ - we've been seeing each other for the past few years and it has been a strange ride. Do you think we should
progress or just remain friends? Either way, I have enjoyed your company" Say "we", so she doesn't think she is the only one who has been proceeding with caution!(you don't want to appear pathetic!)

okay - my 2 cents. Good luck!

You live on a sailboat - how cool!

I used to own a boat for 5 yrs with my ex, so here's what might be in her mind.
"Does this guy living on this boat have money ?
Or is he just chilling away the time because he is a lazy *** who has nothing and can't afford any apt. or a house?
Is he after my money?
Let me distance myself to get to know him better so I can tell what his motives are...
Salt, you like her, call her and just talk...and talk some more...and then have a plan, line up something...I am assuming you have the money to take her out to dinner?
I sense she is trying to see where you are coming from. Smart women are like cats, they have to check out the scene first and prowl around a bit to see what is going down...
H.

Hadley, she knows I owned my own business. She also knows money is not my problem. Her roomate just bought a condo and they moved, so the only number I have is her office, and mon-wed the only person I'd talk with if I called is the receptionist. Thur-Fri is answering machine only.

We've spent enough beach time, and beer time after work, that we know a bit about each other. But as she has said, she has not had the time...

The ball is in her court, at least for the moment... till she finds the time...

The other possibilities others have writen of..... they are possibilities... we shall see.

Are the waves rocking your boat? Is the moon out? Is the wind blowing? Have some red wine and enjoy your life. I'm sitting here in my den doing the same.

Sometimes we knock but no one lets us in.

It's going into the upper 20's tonight. I'm contemplating lighting the fireplace up with some hard oak. The red wine is right here. The winds have subsided, the DVD is on, and at 10pm there is a HF (high frequency short wave) program on the radio that I often listen to.
The dog's even chewing his bone.

Saltwater,

I think that you should go for some other gal! I think she was just being "palsy walsy" with ya because she seem attract men who just listen to her problems and all. If you want to stay friends with her that is fine but you need to go out there and date other women. It's weird how she would ask you if you are dating anyone yet she hasn't given you hints that she wants to date you and all. I would say just move on and date other women. This gal is so in tuned with her practice and life that she hasn't even made a move on ya!

Ya know, Salt, sometimes you just have to put it out there.

Next time you see her say "You know, I'm attracted to you on a personal level and would like to know if there is a chance I could see you . . . like take you to dinner or a movie." I know for a guy, this is like throwing yourself in front of a semi :D but you will force some kind of response from her and then you should know where you stand. And years from now you won't be wondering "what if."

Personally, I would rather do that than dance around the issue and waste time. If she is waiting for you to make a move and is interested, then you are missing time right now that you could be with her.

Let us know how it goes. Good Luck.

saltwater, not to be off the topic but i hope i'm as cheery and entertaining when i get to be your age. I mean that as a compliment. Sadly i dont have any advice regarding the topic at hand.

Sorry to interrupt...carry on...