am i an outcast

we hit out first age gap snag.

when we are out with friends or even time when we are with my parents i feel left out. they talk about thing i have no clue about or things that happened before my time. Things like i rememeber the cost of this back in the day was only this much. then i will just sit there looking dumb founded. the response i get when they notice this is thats right it was before your time.

i love watching her and her friends have fun talking but sometimes i like to be able to jump in and say oh i remember that too , but instead i sit just wating for them to talk about something i do know about. i'm lso happy she gets along with my parents but the same things happen there.

all this makes me feel left out and i feel like the outcast. what can i do to stop those feeling of feeling that way? i love nessa as all our friends here know and i would love to get over these feelings but i'm confused on how to do it.

Any advice or comments?

It helps if you're a history buff like me.

Do you get a little excited watching shows on
The History Channel or reading about history books?

If so, you can jump right in. That's how I talk with
my wife, mom-in-law, and my wife's grandma.

If you can't "get into" other fields, well....that's kinda
difficult. No easy answers.

Originally posted by LadyInWaiting
Yup, she sat there with the social smile plastered on her face as they talked about people, places and events that she didn't have a clue about.

I loved this.... social smile plastered on her face. LOL

been there done that

And Bri...there may be times when Nessa is totally clueless about what you are talking about to your friends. I admit that the stuff that teens talk about sometimes go right over my head. And the stuff that some of the 40-somethings that I have dated, also...not during my time. It happens to all of us. I usually just ask questions and enjoy learning about it all. We all know something that others don't...it doesn't make us or anyone else an outcast - it's how we handle the lack of knowledge that might. Just ask, get involved in the discussion in any way you can and it'll be much better.

Hmmmm . . . Brian, it must affect every man in a different way. Because it seems to turn Joe on immensely when we talk about things like I was there when we landed on the moon or I was watching when the Beatles arrived in America or I was watching when President Kennedy was assignated. He is very curious to learn how things were back then and does an enormous amount of internet research into those things and has loads of questions. Fortunately the internet is a vast resource of information. Maybe you can spend some time learning about some of the things that make you feel left out.

That being said, I do think an effort should be made by those present to include you in the conversation too.


Good Luck!!

I know how you feel, although the situation for me was somewhat different. My ex-b/f from college was from another country. Most of our friends were from his country. When we got together, I sat in silence most of the time while they were all talking in their native language. :( I felt very left out.

Sometimes, I'd try to get them to change the direction of the conversation so that I could get involved. Maybe you could try to interject a new topic into the conversation.

edit: I also wanted to say that I agree with onetiger -- there are probably times that you talk about things that Nessa may not be familiar with. I think about this sometimes. When my ym and I get together, I wonder whether he'll think I'm old and old-fashioned if I don't know about things he's talking about. Like music for example. He is working right now as a DJ in a nightclub. I asked him recently what kind of music he plays. He said, "house, techno, and ambient." I said, "oh boy. I have no clue what any of those are!" He just laughed, but I don't ever want him to get bored with me or think I'm clueless.

Brian

I had to smile about your post because there are more than a few times that I find myself in the directly opposite position! I'm not sure why people like to remember the good old days and step back in time. Personally, I'm not much for looking back with anything, including the good stuff, and I much prefer to live in the here and now. 'Sides the good old days were never really all that good in alot of ways anyway.

So while people of my generation are listening to oldies stations and talking about the good old days, I just kinda zone out and think about something fun or count the stains on the ceiling or whatever, lol. Or sometimes if I can, I just steer the conversation in another direction. And when bands like Incubus and Coldplay and rap or hip hop comes on the radio and I sing along, I get the last laugh!

Stay chilled....

Bri, sometimes you may be able to turn the conversation into a comparison of then and now and get involved in that way. For example, if they talk about the cost new cars now as compared then, bring up the question is it because of all the safety features we now have or, depending upon your beliefs, is the reason everything is more expensive now because of unions constantly asking for more money. If they talk about events before your birth, you can raise questions relative to what they were doing then. for example, the Kennedy assassination would lead to where were you when you heard the president was assassinated or do you believe that there was only one shooter.
Rather than sit and just listen, which can be interesting, try to think of ways to relate what they are talking about to something you can understand. If nothing else, start asking questions about what they are talking about since most people love to talk and they may well appreciate you all the more for being an audience.

Hi Brian.

You have received some good advice here. Just sit back and listen and learn. When I talk about things that happened in the past, including the events Peachy described, I love people who listen and ask questions.

Whiterose, my boyfriend is Turkish. When he talks with his friends, I just try to derive what I can from the conversation and throw in what I know. But, it would be a good idea for you to start learning his language. Even with a few words and phrases under your belt, you can sometimes get the gist of a conversation. Ask your guy for help with pronunciation. He will be flattered that you are trying. If you do a search on the computer, you will be able to find online dictionary and phrase sites which will really help. Even if you screw up when you are trying to talk, you will give him some chuckles which he will find endearing.

Originally posted by Patricia
Whiterose, my boyfriend is Turkish. When he talks with his friends, I just try to derive what I can from the conversation and throw in what I know. But, it would be a good idea for you to start learning his language.

I was actually talking about my ex-boyfriend from my college days 25 years ago. But, you're exactly right. That's what I did at that time. I began to listen carefully so I could learn his language (persian). I felt less excluded when I was able to understand some of what was being said.

Coincidentally, my current beau also speaks another language (romanian), however, I have not had the opportunity yet to hear him speak it very often. I am looking forward to the day when I hear him speak his native language in an indepth discussion with his friends. I think his will be easier for me to understand than persian, since romanian is latin based. I am already starting to pick up on some of the words that he is teaching me.