onetiger
01-21-2004, 12:36 PM
I apologize ahead of time if you are very religious as you might find it slightly offensive...(well, my grandma would be scandalized but it's truly not an off-color joke)
In the beginning...
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli,
cauliflower, and spinach, green, yellow, and red vegetables
of all kinds; so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created
Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said,
"You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said, "Yes!"
and Woman said, "I'll have another with sprinkles."
and lo they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman
might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat,
and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And
Woman went from size 2 to size 10.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."
And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese
dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man
and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy
vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut shrimp,
butter dipped lobster chunks and chicken-fried steak
so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol
went through the roof.
God then brought forth running shoes
so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote
control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering
light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in
fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced
the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in
animal fats and added copious quantities of salt.
And Man put on more pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume
fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries with that?"
and Man replied, "Yes! And super size' em!" And Satan said,
"It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMOs.
Amen
In the beginning...
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli,
cauliflower, and spinach, green, yellow, and red vegetables
of all kinds; so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created
Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said,
"You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said, "Yes!"
and Woman said, "I'll have another with sprinkles."
and lo they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman
might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat,
and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And
Woman went from size 2 to size 10.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."
And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese
dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man
and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy
vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut shrimp,
butter dipped lobster chunks and chicken-fried steak
so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol
went through the roof.
God then brought forth running shoes
so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote
control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering
light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in
fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced
the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in
animal fats and added copious quantities of salt.
And Man put on more pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume
fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries with that?"
and Man replied, "Yes! And super size' em!" And Satan said,
"It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMOs.
Amen