What do you want in a relationship?

With all the weddings that have taken place recently, the weddings that are being planned and just lots of members here becoming couples, I was wondering what everyone wants out of marriage (or even a committed relationship)? What are the things you look forward to? What are the things that make you smile? What makes you comfortable in your relationship? And what have you learned from past relationships that you want to be different in the future? I know thats alot of questions, and you dont have to answer every one of them - I just wanted to hear from the guys and women around here as to what they think about love and relationships.

I think for me, I'd enjoy just being able to come home after a day at work and have someone to unwind with, to discuss the day's events, maybe watch some mindless tv. And on stressful days, it would be heavenly to just have someone to listen to you. Of course I'd do the same in return. I enjoy simple things like holding hands, going to the movies, checking out junk stores, taking an unplanned road trip. I want to have someone to plan the future with, to travel with, to enjoy the rest of my life with. It would be great to always have someone to cuddle with. I wanna have some fun!! And I want to laugh!! I spent way too many years not laughing, so I want to make up for lost time! One of the things I think is very important in a marriage or committed relationship is communication. None of us are mind readers, so it just makes sense that we have to tell people what we want, what we're thinking, what we're feeling or they cant know.

I'm sure I'll have more to add later, but its a start at least. Now I'd enjoy hearing from the rest of you...

Southerngal

I guess for me what I consider a good committed relationship is being with someone who fully understands and knows me - which not a lot of people do - I'm not the easiest book in the world to read... And I understand this takes time to attain - but just having someone that cares enough to want to know - to want to find out, and someone who cares that it's important to me that they do know and fully understand the true me and what has made me who I am. Someone to come home to and spend quality time with, but also comfortably spend time doing nothing with. Someone that "likes" being loved and being in love and all that love brings to one's life as well as to a couple's life. Having someone to be with at the holidays, through hard times, having a Valentine...
Things that make me smile in a relationship are seeing my significant other smile. Tears of joy in her eyes make me smile. In an LDR - that first time seeing her after being gone for a while.
Comfort in my relationship comes from knowing that whenever I need to talk day or night she is always there to talk to me. The fact that she listens and cares. Having somebody to hug and hold me during the bad times and tell me that everything is going to be OK.
From past relationships I have learned that I do want an open minded person - that's for sure. Someone who loves me for who I am on the inside - not somebody superficial who trys to get me to cut my hair or paint my primered cars - or buy a new car so they look cool riding around in it. I have learned that I don't want a person that needs me - I want a person that wants me. Wants me because we fulfill a void in each other's lives and bring happiness to an area of each other where there wasn't any before. Wants me because they appreciate who I am and not what I can give them.
I'm very lucky in that I pretty much have everything I want in a relationship right now (except for the whole LDR part), which is pretty amazing - never thought I'd find it... Some people never do find it - so I know I'm very fortunate, and I have a definite appreciation for every day that I spend in this relationship.
~SCHR~

Originally posted by southerngal


I think for me, I'd enjoy just being able to come home after a day at work and have someone to unwind with, to discuss the day's events, maybe watch some mindless tv. And on stressful days, it would be heavenly to just have someone to listen to you. Of course I'd do the same in return. I enjoy simple things like holding hands, going to the movies, checking out junk stores, taking an unplanned road trip. I want to have someone to plan the future with, to travel with, to enjoy the rest of my life with. It would be great to always have someone to cuddle with. I wanna have some fun!! And I want to laugh!! I spent way too many years not laughing, so I want to make up for lost time! One of the things I think is very important in a marriage or committed relationship is communication. None of us are mind readers, so it just makes sense that we have to tell people what we want, what we're thinking, what we're feeling or they cant know.

Southerngal

Ditto! I can't really add much to that.

For me the companionship would be the most important thing, knowing there would be someone always there for me.

it's simple for me

someone i am comfortable around, someone interested in me and that i am interested in and someone i miss when she's gone.

I have met plenty of caring, kind and loving men in my life, but I guess I was the one who didn't know how to love.

When I finally found out, I was in front of someone like I had been before.

Now I just want to find someone who is in the same stage I am, able to love and willing to fly very high in this adventure called Love.
http://www.cutegifs.blogger.com.br/minicute527.gif

All of you have summed up what I am looking for as well. When I think of what I miss most from my marriage, it's coming home to my husband and sitting down at the kitchen table talking about our day. Or lying in bed on a Sunday morning reading the newspaper together.

I miss him asking me "where did I put my glasses?" or "where did I put my coffee cup?" I miss glancing out in the back yard while I wash dishes and seeing him working on the lawn. Just seeing him there. I miss shopping with him.

It's really truly the small things that I miss that really amount to sharing my life with someone. I enjoy the companionship and miss it terribly.

What have I learned from my past relationships that I want to be different in the future? I am really wanting someone that can communicate with me. Not just about every day stuff, but about how they feel, what they want. Someone who is willing to do all that it takes to make things work and who I can trust to stay even when things are rough. Someone who won't storm off in an argument, but will STAY and talk things through until we make it right.

I want someone who will take the time to get to know ME. I love what Babes said about "someone who will love me even on the days I don't love myself". I never really felt that either of my husbands took the time to know me and what I wanted.

I know this sounds archaic, but I want someone to take care of me for a change. All my life I have taken care of everyone else. I would like my future partner to share equally in the relationship and take care of and support me as equally as I do for him.

The most important thing for me, however, is faithfulness. In no uncertain terms will I ever tolerate infidelity. And, after having been married to two men who cheated on me, this is probably at the top of my priority list.

All the good stuff everybody else has mentioned :D :D
Plus
I want/need someone who is able to accept my sight limitations without wrapping me in cotton wool ..........
Yes, I walk into things, trip over stuff etc, that does not mean I need to be guided unless I ask to be .....
Yes, travelling can be a nightmare for me, it doesn't mean that I won't do it, just need ppl to meet me when an where they say they will .........
Yes, I have problems chopping veggies, that does not mean I need someone to take over an do it for me........
Yes, I use a magnifying glass to read with, doesn't mean I shouldn't read although sometimes it would be nice to have someone to read the darn small print that can defeat my magnifying glass.......
Yes, A man ruined my sight, this doesn't mean that I hate all men or even think that any other man would be capable of harm....
Yes, I get to feeling pretty down an despondant some days, I am human, an be honest who wouldn't feel down sometimes??
An Please do not wave choccy biscuits outta my line of sight, or infront of my left eye, it SUX an is NOT funny ever Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Originally posted by Shewolf
All the good stuff everybody else has mentioned :D :D

Ditto, plus good communication, thats important to me.

Hm, a lot of things mentioned sound good ;)
If I had to define it myself though, I don't think I could come up with too many specifics ...

So I will start with what I learned I DON'T want:
I don't want to be "in charge" of anyone elses life - if I have to keep telling my "partner" what to do, how to do it or even to get on with things, I get pretty resentful :p I am no caretaker, mother or anything like that, never wanted to be, so DON'T ask me to be ;)

Related to this: I don't want to be the one to make all the decisions (big or small) - someone who is as laid back as me in all things just doesn't fit anymore, because at the end of the day it goes back to my first point ;) (note, I know I cannot ask my partner to make all decisions either ;) but I would like to negotiate sometimes, not all the times, and would like the same applying to him ... )

I don't want to be taken for granted - if I do something for someone else, I do it mostly because I WANT to do it ... that does not mean the other person is "entitled" to it and request it at will ... ;) so, appreciation goes a long way with me ;)


So, this out of the way, now the things I positively want:

Sincere and demonstrated affection, romance, sharing of thoughts, feelings and plans ...
Comfort when needed, support as well, back-up when external things get tough; companionship in doing things we both like...

Being able to trust and not having to second-guess everything
Being able to be open and not to have to walk on eggshelves because the other one is too sensitive or defensive (he should trust me to understand I am not out to hurt him ;) )
...

I am sure there are lots of other things mentioned by others, but that's what springs to my mind ..

Communication, however, is crucial, in the sense that my partner does/might want different things or the same things differently ... so, he's got to tell/show me ;)

/edit: would like to add that I feel I am doing pretty well in this regard in my current relationship with Nordic :D Hope it will stay that way and that he feels the same ... ^^

Everything Carazy said (exactly, girl)...plus I would add

1. A strong spiritual and intellectual connection

2. The ability to be completely and utterly playful...with abandon
(conversationally-lots of laughter.... antics like piggy back
rides, tickling, kissing me all over my face until I cry "uncle",
....and of course in the bedroom as well)

:D It's their "playfulness" factor that has solidified my preference for younger men, personally...

Have a great day, all!
Karen

Originally posted by babes66
Someone who is already there when I want company, but who won't take offense if I need time on my own.
Someone to share my life with, without trying to "be" my life.

Couldn't have said it better. And,

Someone who is secure enough not to be threatened by my independence, and won't try to control or manipulate me.

Someone who understands that I have a career, not just a 9 to 5 job, and sometimes it demands more than 40 hours a week of my time.

Someone who can communicate openly and honestly.

Someone who loves dogs! :D

Savannah, you are right, that is important too, someone who loves beagles... and he loves them, too, so I think this is finally my man! ;)

Q: What are the things you look forward to?
A: Feeling warm and fuzzy.
Q: What are the things that make you smile?
A: Feeling warm and fuzzy.
Q: What makes you comfortable in your relationship?
A: Feeling warm and fuzzy.
Q: And what have you learned from past relationships that you want to be different in the future?
A: That maybee showing that I feel warm and fuzzy may have contributed to the downfall of the relationship.