LDR's and Love

We've all heard it said....LDRs are impossible, futile, pointless. Add major age gaps to that and well, most people consider it just absurd. I understand. It's scary to give up one's heart...but when you're handing it over to someone who you can't even be with, well, that's really scary. But, every now and then something inexplicable happens, a colliding of stars perhaps, or like an unresolved mystery, no one really understands how or why it happened, but it did.

I just wanted to say that it doesn't matter much whether you're in love with someone who lives around the corner, or with someone who lives in the furthest continent from you, when you love someone - you just love some one.

I've been really blessed to be able to be with the guy I love - he was here, and although he had to go back for now, it's still wonderful being in love.

We wrote about our two week visit on CC if you're interested in hearing about it.


Addy and Addy’s Awesome US Adventure – OR -How Sunlover enjoyed her best birthday eve

I read your other thread sunlover and have to tell you that this is so timely for me. I leave in 24 days to finally meet Remi a year after we met online. It's the most exciting thing I have ever done. Your words give me hope that he and I can truly find happiness together

:D

I am so, so, so excited for you. I know how you're feeling. I also know that you two will have the most amazing time. Everything will be wonderful - there's no way it can't be perfect. Enjoy every second of it, commit it all to memory and then revel in it all when you get back. We'll be waiting to hear everything! :)

I am off again to Phoenix to meet with Chris for a weekend. I am so excited to be reunited with him, but it is like we "see" each other everyday since we met..we talk on the phone everyday, and every night...our hopes and dreams will be fulfilled in a few short months...but , the distance thing can be draining, but we are lucky enough to be able to overcome it through constant communication and a pure love that supercedes all obstacles...I love that man in Phoenix:)
<marquee>One Dream, One Soul...</marquee>
peace

EDIT: Bad Spelling

Well, I think you're screename here should be "good dreamer" since you're dreams are going to come true!!! I'm so happy for you too - it's going to be fantastic. Its true that LDRs are tough, but, what can we do? These are the guys we love! I'll be sending you both extra good wishes.

LDR's are very hard, i never thought about having one and didnt even know they existed until i was in one. i thought in the beginning it was impossible but decided to just enjoy the moment and before i knew it we already been apart one year, seeing eachother when we could, but it was hard. From the deepest part of my soul i know if i did not make the sacrafice needed right now, the regret would always nag at me, it took me 42 years to find Adam so i guess i will tough it out. With God's help of course.

It has helped since we became engaged, but it is still hard, i miss him, we talk everyday, email everyday and i consider myself lucky, because since he is in the military (italy) and it could be worse, he could be in iraq and then i would have worry compounded with being lonely. i know there are wemon who have done this before me and i am awed by them, i suppose i am doing this now but i think of all the children missing their fathers or wemon who have a harder time because of financial needs who are really sacraficing by not having their husbands home.

i miss him, i miss his warmth and heart, and i am proud of him but when this is over i will be military-ed out. my adam is one in a million or i wouldnt have the heart to do this, sometimes to be with the one we love we put up with the LDR.

A word of thanks for Trish..You Rock!! thank you for your continued support...Chris and I both thank you..
peace

LDR are difficult, no doubt about that, but sometimes the wish to meet and to try a life together is so strong, so much stronger than what we would feel with someone we can see and touch everyday, that they have more chances of lasting.

There are so many reasons why people fall in love with someone who is living far away. There are good and bad reasons, and each one of us may have both, and we all know many of them. To mention one, I will say that sometimes when we start chatting with someone living far away (I know I am talking about LDR that start in the internet) and we just feel so much compatibility, sometimes it's also something physical, you happen to like that person looks and can't get them out of your mind, sometimes there is something that goes beyond our comprehension, some coincidences, some telepathy, I don't know.

In any case, if I had to give my advice to someone living such a situation, I would say meet soon. Meet as soon as possible, make any sacrifice to meet, and then you will know better if it's possible. If you can meet more than once, before taking any radical decision, even better. The start may be special, but like any other relationship, the LDR ones also have to grow and to grow we need to go to the next step which is spending time together.

As difficult as LDR's are, I think that if the couple are committed to making it work, it can be a success. One of the advantages to an LDR is that a lot of things are talked about and through before hand. My ym and I talk about everything - we set goals, we work on them, we establish patterns that we want to continue once we're living together.

As hard as it is to not be able to be together, and believe me, it gets harder every day, we focus on the ultimate goal of being together and building a good relationship in person, as well as over a distance.

Well everyone knows that I was in an LDR for 5 years that wasn't JUST an age gap, but an illegal one for the first few years...

LDR's are tough... People were always making fun of me or laughing at me because I had prospects of the relationshp actually working out... I would tell people I planned on marrying M and they'd just laugh at me.... or chastize me.

The one bad thing about LDR's is that you don't realyl get to learn certain quirks.... Like I found out that M has a temper.. I also found out that M doesn't like to bath, lol.... a person can stretch the truth about alot of things in an LDR... and you not know the truth til the end... or til you move in together...


One tip,,, do not JUST move in with him... move CLOSE to him... date... then move in...

In my case my fiancee and i are from the same town, and dated and lived together before he left for the military, i know we are compatible but being alone is still hard, we break up the time we must be apart by planning the time we can be together, i will be in europe for three weeks by this summer and he has his leave which will be spent here, sometimes the sacrafice of being apart is unfortunately just the way things have to be at the moment.

we will also spend christmas together if he is not deployed to iraq, so we try to make the year seem small by our "vacations" we did this the first year and it worked, all and all i am very proud of him but some days i just plain miss him.

I don't know if it's appropriate for me to promote another website, so, sorry Rob if I am doing something wrong!! :D

But, I found this forum to be quite helpful. There's a specific section about Cyber Romance. lovingyou.com (http://members.lovingyou.com/vbulletin/upload/index.php?)


About being disappointed when you meet...well, I wasn't in love with him, but I was disappointed in the very first person I met IRL that I had met online. But, I learned from that situation. I learned that you really should view each other on webcam before you meet so you can decide whether the chemistry is there and whether it's worth the effort of meeting.

Of course. How could I not be? The questions are there for me....when will we be able to see each other again...sometimes at the scariest moments I even question IF we will be able to be together again...will something happen to prevent that? Who knows? I told Addy that when I start to think that way, I pull my Scarlett O'Hara bit. You know, when she can't deal with the problem she just says "I'll think about it tomorrow" and lets it go. That's what I try to do. I just don't really know any other way to handle it. I have a 14 year old daughter. There's no way she would ever leave here to go to Australia. I would never ask that of her, so, I have no alternative but to be here. Addy can't be here right now because he has school. But, we will try to meet again during the summer and talk more about what we can do. I doubt that we can stay away from each other for too long so if we have to, we'll have to save lots and lots of money to take the trip back and forth. Just talking about it makes me depressed, but what can I do? Can I say I don't love him just because he doesn't live here? One thing that also helps me, personally, is to play the song "Somewhere Out There" - Linda Rondstat and James Ingram - here are some of the lyrics- I hope it helps all of the couples in LDRs.


Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

LDR's are terribly hard. I have been in one for just over 2 years now (5000 miles apart) and there is no way I would recommend it to anyone I know. I try to find some positive points about being in a LDR but in the end, there is nothing that makes up for the loss I feel every time we part. I hate the lonely nights and the exaggerated feelings of aloneness that follows the bliss of being together.

Is our love real? Of course it is. Do we love just as deeply as someone who lives near each other? Perhaps more so, as the time apart does deepen the passion. Would I trade him for someone nearby? Never in a million years. Do I wish we lived closer to each other? With all my heart.

There are a few of the "positive" points about a LDR that I mentioned I try to focus on. We have had so many intimate conversations that I truly don't feel we would have had if we lived close to each other. At least not as soon as we have. I think that the time apart does help deepen our appreciation for each other but on the flip side, it also creates doubts and fears that may not have been present if we were not so far apart. I know after the first time meeting Alex, I left England sobbing my eyes out (to the degree that the flight attendant made a point to come check on me, asking me if I was ok, which of course made me cry harder) yet I was also on cloud nine, floating on a sea of pure emotion...joy, love, hope, ecstasy, and yes, sadness and despair. I have to say that each parting is just as hard if not harder than the previous. I sometimes dread the visits, as odd as that may sound, because I know of the pain we will both be feeling at the time of parting.

I have to say, as I contemplate this, I am grateful for the fact that the distance was there in the beginning. I do feel it deepened our relationship to level that would have taken much longer to attain without the distance. I just wish we were not starting year 3 and still seeing at least another year apart in our future. I am also a very pragmatic/practical person. I would not rush into a long term commitment without a great deal of time spent together first and I have young children to think of and Alex has his education to finish. So I won't do anything impulsive (not that it hasn't crossed my mind) and thus....the distance will have to remain between us for some time to come.

Please forgive me if I have disheartened anyone just starting or currently in a LDR. I am particularly sad today....we just parted 5 days ago and waking up without being able to look over at his beautiful face and kiss him good morning...well, I am crying as I type this. I only pray to stay strong and I thank Alex for his strength and faith that never seems to waiver even at my lowest moments.

Here's a prayer for all of us in a LDR...

I pray that your moments together are filled with love and joy and light. I pray that those moments sustain you till the next time you are able to be together. May you be able to focus on the blessings and the happy times and may those times sustain you through hard days. I pray for your heart to be light and that any heaviness be lifted. I ask that you be made certain of this love and that all doubts and fears are removed from your mind. Peace and love always. Amen

Bel

I'm so sad with you, not only for you. I hope you know how much I understand (as I'm sure most of us here do) and wish that something will bring you and Alex together soon. I understand the feelings. Since Addy left I have done so much soul searching. Asking the same questions, never really coming up with any good answers, except that I love him, probably more, or in more ways than I have ever loved anyone before.

I think we all get it....that feeling that maybe we should have stopped this right from the beginning. But I have to say that in reality, I wouldn't trade what I have with Addy, what I've learned about myself and about loving someone, for anything on earth. If there is such a thing, he is my soulmate. And believing that causes me to understand that we were meant to be together. So, even though he's that far away, and even though I am so sad about it, it's obvious to me now, that this is the way things are supposed to be unfolding in my life. He is so much smarter than me when he tells me "Don't worry darling, everything will work out". Maybe we will be in the same place we are now two years from now, just as you are Tru. But, if I believe in fate, and I really think I do, then I'll have to believe that what is meant to be will be.

Thank you for sharing your feelings. They haven't really discouraged me, but rather affirm what I've already understood about my relationship with Addy. It's sad at times, lots of times, but I wouldn't give it or him up for anything.

Zep, we actually brushed the subject of exchange student programs before he came here but haven't thought about it since. Thank you for reminding us. It is possible, I think, and it would be an answer for us while he's still in school and while my daughter is still so young. Thanks for the idea. It's something we will definately look into.

It seems that we do have so much to share on this topic. Thank you so much ladies - I hate the thought of any one of you being sad and missing your guy, but I'm so grateful that you are here and that I can reap the benefits of your experiences. Thank you.

Yes, every time I think I can't do this anymore...that I am going to lose my mind and I go and try to break up with Alex..I get this sick feeling in my stomach imagining never being with him. We have had a few struggles in our relationship and I think the distance just magnifies them. Alex says the worst part of having any tiff or disagreement is that we can't hug and hold each other afterward. It is awful. When we are together...just being able to touch him gives me a surge of energy through my body and spirit.

No Kimmy, I guess that alternative of hardening our heart is not a good option. We just have to keep persevering. There are so many good things that help keep us going....we can not let the bad parts of a LDR bring us down.

Sunlover, you are so right about being able to share with others in a similar situation...it does help just to feel that connection. That someone else understands what you are going through. Just to be able to vent a little and know they are not thinking "Just give up...LDR's are too hard" or some other thoughts that someone not in a LDR might have. It is good to be able to share.

I waited to reply to this thread, until my mood had soothed a bit. My emotions are running rampant, so it was hard to focus....

One would assume, after the cow manure filled bomb that got dropped on me last weekend, that I would be a staunch disapprover of this whole thing...

But, that would be wrong...

It is very possible to fall in love over the internet. It's kind of like the old Alabama song. The further you get (in the online relationship)...the harder you potentially fall.

That's what happened to me. But, in time..if the emotions and situations arose, I wouldn't be afraid to "hop back in the saddle" so to speak. I mean, if something happened between me and someone from ageless...I wouldn't discount it just because of what happened to me...

They are extremely hard, but, they DO work..

After this latest ordeal, I would also suggest (as others have) meet as soon as people. I mean, I realize mitigating circumstances do apply sometimes, but...really, meet as soon as you can. Make sure the flame is there, make sure the emotional chemistry is still there....

Make sure the feelings of love and romance are there...

Before you get in too far...and fall too hard, if it doesn't work out...

Perhaps, I mean, if I would of been able to meet her quicker and afirm everything was there in it's "correct place"...what happened to me, might of been avoided had I been there sooner...

The distance hurts...it hurts the two hearts and it hurts the relationship itself. However, it can be overcome. If both people want it badly enough...if they remain comitted, if thier hearts are true.

If two people can make a LDR work, to fruitation and forever...then, more power to them...they garner a tremendous amount of respect from me....and, it just proves that this can work...it proves that two hearts can traverse distance.

Sorry if this seems jumbled...not getting alot of sleep and am at work and tired. No Mountain Dew yet...*LOL*

~Dan

We don't know each other very well, but I want you to know that I'm keeping you in my thoughts and hoping that you will be feeling better soon. I know it's not easy to understand this right now, but I know that everything happens for the best.

Kimmy, Addy's just been away from me a few weeks and I miss the physical contact so much. It's so hard but as hard as it is, I just wouldn't trade the love we have for physical contact with someone else. I think talking on the phone and hearing the tenderness in his voice helps a lot. It makes me feel so close to him. I know for me, it also means that I have to work harder to arrange meeting him again as soon as it is possible to do. I'm already beginning to plan for my trip to Australia - hopefully by the end of the summer. :)

I think being in a LDR has it's good points, but in general, is very difficult. I was in a 2 1/2 yr romantic relationship with someone. The first part was local, then my partner moved away about a yr and a half later. We kept up the long distance thing for over a year, and finally I just decided I couldn't do it anymore. Didn't have anything to do with love, but with practicality. I was sacrificing my life in my hometown to travel on weekends; it became SO stressful, despite the joy of seeing each other. Now, we remain close friends, but give each other the freedom to persue something else. It feels better. Neither one of us has found anyone else we like as much as each other, and we still miss each other, but not likely we will end up living in the same place again, so I remain committed to finding something local again.