New at this...help!!

Boy am I confused! A few months ago I fell head over heals for a much younger man. I absolutely adore the man.and I know that he feels the same. Our families seem ok with it (even his mum)
but I am scared to death. He is 26 and I am 44! He lives 8 states away and he is planning to move here in the fall. My question is
can this ever work out? He has no problem with the age difference, but I feel like an old GOAT!! I have always taken care of myself but I certainly don't look close to 26. My freinds are fine with this..but eventually, wouldn't a young guy be embarrased to
be with someone old enough to be his mum? Would they start looking elsewhere when good old gravity takes its toll! What about the not being able to have children situation (he is fine with it now..but) I would be lost without him, but I truly want him to be happy for the long term. Any advice will be much appreciated!!

Joi

Of course this can work, this site is full of couples who are living proof of this!
First of all, you both fell in love with a person, not with an age. No matter how much younger or more beautiful another woman may be, he hasn't chosen her, he's chosen YOU. You with your flaws, your little things, you beautiful things. YOU!

Any relationship may fail in the long run, and our experience around ageless, as I see it, is that age gap relationships finish like any other: if there's a problem that is different from the others, that would probably be family opposition due to the age gap (my own experience, by the way). Otherwise, younger or older, men and women still do the same mistakes.

Good luck and please, be very happy for all of us! :) And welcome to our boards!

Hello Joi, welcome to Ageless. I know how you feel. When I met Dave nearly 5 years ago he had just turned 26 and I had just turned 52. He was in Ohio and I was in Connecticut. No way was this going to work out...no way!

Well, we celebrated our 1.5 year wedding anniversay in January and we couldn't be happier. He is the man of my dreams and he never misses a chance to tell me, or show me that he loves me. I feel completely adored and it is wonderful. We made it work out. We talked and talked and worked out all our problems. In doing so we learned how to communicate and we don't bat an eye at problems now because we know that we can solve them, no matter what they are.

As for how you look...at 56 I sure as heck don't look 30! I've always been overweight and things droop a bit more every year. I have stretch marks and am generally not going to win any prizes for my body. But he doesn't seem to care. He watched me dress this morning and heaved a sigh, then told me how beautiful I am. He's not blind...he's in love and love forgives imperfections. I feel old as dirt some days and wish the mirror treated me more kindly, but the reality is that I'm twice his age and look it some days. I used to get more stressed out over it, but it upset him so much that I would think that he was shallow and the kind of man who was only interested in a woman's body. That really hurt his feelings, so I had to make myself thinking like that because I was doing him such a grave disservice.

Remember from his point of view, you could have an older man with a better income and social standing. He may think that you could also do better and that you might leave if a "good catch" came along. Young men worry too and they check the mirror -- only they want to look older and more mature. LOL It's an adjustment for both of you, but you can do it as long as you communicate openly and frequently.

Our families were fine with our relationship and we've only had one person who didn't approve. Since he was not family or friend, his opinion means nothing. Mostly we've had people happy for us. Even waitresses and clerks have mentioned how in love we are...not that we have an age difference. If you are in love and show it, that tends to be all that people see.

We have done financial planning and set our goals for the long-term. Dave expects to be with me until I die...or until he does. We are making plans for trips and cruises (all still in the future) but we plan these together anticipating that we are going to go as a happy couple. Why shouldn't we be happy...we are in love!

Give it a chance and stop staring into the mirror. Listen to him when he says that he loves you. Age isn't everything. Love is and it can conquer anything that you throw at it. Most of the problems you will face are typical of any couple. You will find age is less and less important as you let yourself relax and be loved.

Peace,
Jane

Ps. I envy how small your age gap is and would trade it with you in a heartbeat.

"My question is can this ever work out?"

Yes it can. But you both have to really want for it to work and be willing to put the effort in. Like any relationship, but maybe with an extra challenge thrown in there.

"He has no problem with the age difference, but I feel like an old GOAT!! I have always taken care of myself but I certainly don't look close to 26"

Right. Painful as it may be to recognize - he knows that you don't look 26 and he cares for you and wants to spend time with you anyway. You may think he's nuts, but nonetheless don't have the illusion that you're fooling him or anything - he knows how old you are and he still wants you. And feeling like an old goat is all in your head. Don't act like an old goat - act like the vital, interesting person you are and eventually you won't feel like you're106 every time you look at him :>

"My freinds are fine with this..but eventually, wouldn't a young guy be embarrased to be with someone old enough to be his mum?"

Good for your friends. Like me, you have intelligent friends. Listen to them. As for your guy, he's getting older too, all the time, just as fast as you are. He's not immune to it. If you're his best friend, his lover, the person who he trusts and depends on and respects and admires, why would he be embarrassed? What he'll feel is lucky to have found someone special when so many people are still looking.

"Would they start looking elsewhere when good old gravity takes its toll!"

Some men do. Some men who are older than their wives or the same age do. One who is worthy of loving and being loved, who considers you a friend as well as a lover, is less likely to do that. Make sure that he's worth it before you give your heart away. If you really think he's a superficial jerk, then maybe best to fall out of love with him as quickly as possible.

"What about the not being able to have children situation (he is fine with it now..but)"

All you can do is ask him what he really wants. There's no guarantee that his needs might not change over the years, but that's the risk that we take when we love. FWIW, statistical studies have shown that 20% or more of men are content not to have their own biological children.

"I would be lost without him, but I truly want him to be happy for the long term"

There's no guarantee that if you dump him, he'd end up happy. He may not meet anyone else he feels sympatico with, or have a painful marriage and divorce with a women of his own age. It's his decision whether or not you make him happy and you have to live with the situation if he picks you :>

You poor thing ......

:D

You want him to be happy in the long run.
OK
Then trust him enough to be smart enough to know what it is that might make him happy.
You perhaps?
Makes me crazy, and yes, I do, and have done it myself, when, just by virtue of the few extra years we've been on the planet, assume we know our younger men, so much better than they know themselves.
If he says he wants you, who are you to tell him he doesn't know what he's talking about.
If he says he doesn't want children, are you assuming he hasn't thought about it?
Took a pregnancy scare, and seeing David's strongly upset reaction for me to believe him, that he meant that one.
He means it.
Doesn't mean he always will, heck, people change all the time.
You have to trust him, you have to allow him the honor of knowing his own feelings, and quit trying to sabotage something wonderful, just because it doesn't fit what you've been taught is the "correct" way.
He knows your age, he knows your not 26.
He sees you through love's eyes, not your eyes.
The hardest thing is believing you deserve to be loved, this is just that.