Secrets of Super Happy Couples

Thought I'd share this article I read recently.

Secrets of Super-Happy Couples
Twelve ways to keep your relationship thriving.


1. Fall in love all over again. Make a conscious decision to be in love. The more you act as if you are in love, the more you will feel like you are.

2. Remember the good times. Treat your partner like you did at the beginning of your relationship. Make a list of all the things you used to enjoy doing together and add any new fantasies to the list. Plan for them and make them happen.

3. Help your partner feel more loved and secure in your love so that he or she can open up to you and express feelings and ideas without fear of being attacked or judged. Compliment, praise, give a hug. Small gestures make the grandest statements.

4. Don't make unilateral decisions. You're a team in many ways, so act like one. Check in and make decisions together about things large and small. Be willing to compromise.

5. Be present. Train your mind to stay in the moment -- not at work, thinking about the new color you want to paint your kitchen, or how it's time to take the dog to the vet.

6. Pay attention to your physical appearance. Take the time to stay in shape and look good for each other. It does matter.

7. Boost your compatibility. Couples in crisis focus on all the ways they are different, whereas those who are in love zero in on their similarities and think their differences are cute. Build compatibility by taking turns planning activities to do together. If you don't like your partner's choice, don't complain; it's your turn next.

8. Do not place blame. Replace blame and criticism with solutions and tenderness. Problem-solve together -- sit close, hold hands, touch each other's face or hair. Be playful. When was the last time you laughed together? Rent a comedy movie to tickle your funny bone.

9. Plan for sex. Spontaneity is great but smart couples know that good sex doesn't just happen. Like everything else, it takes time and planning.

10. Fact-find -- don't mind-read. You may think you know but you can't assume. You may believe he should know, but that's not fair, either. Always clear up misinterpretations and misunderstandings to make sure they don't throw you both off course.

11. Fight fair -- and by appointment only. Schedule a limited time to discuss a problem and confine your comments to that issue only. It's easier to relax and feel free to enjoy each other when you know you won't be ambushed by a litany of complaints and criticisms.

12. Prepare for checkouts. Even in the closest marriage, everyone needs time alone. Don't take it personally and don't make each other feel guilty if you need to spiritually and emotionally regroup. Just be sure to tell each other when you are checking out (max, one day) -- and when you're checking back in.

:D

Thanks for bumping this one back up.

it must be why Mike and I are so happy and so good togehter. We do so many of these things. I think we fall in love again every couple of months. hes very romantic and brings me roses and plans romantic evenings because he wants to have a loving realtionship. I know lots of guys don't do that and its a shame.

We try to fight fair and if we get mad and say things we shouldnt we apologize right away. We always say that we can make it better no matter what it is if we work together. You have to be a team if you are going to have a good relationship.

I enjoyed reading your thread Whiterose; thank you.

We don't have enough reminders of consideration and mutual respect. Even more so in remembering what made us so special to each other. All the cute things. And the sex, ah the sex.

Cindy

Whiterose, thanks this is great advice. It is a keeper, I will make a hard copy of it. Griz

This one should be a sticky!

It's one of the best things I've seen in this section and would be valuable to those who come with problems in love.

Hey mods...whatta ya think? A permanent thing? :D

Originally posted by GrizzlyAdams
Whiterose, thanks this is great advice. It is a keeper, I will make a hard copy of it. Griz

Echo...Echo!!!

You're welcome everybody. I like to read all the tips I can get my hands on myself because I have had two very unsuccessful marriages. :rolleyes:

I liked this article because it focuses on the positive things we can do and they are really very simple.

Well, it deffo sounds like good advise ;) and probably works as general guidelines, but from personal experience I gotta say (and I think I tried to follow those broad lines, probably with the notable exception of #5) that it might not be enough, after all ;)

I mean, you can TRY but that does not mean it WILL work ... didn't for me in my previous relationship, and I think I can say pretty safely I was trying to live my relationship along those lines ... but I do believe, there are limits to how much you can try to "convince" yourself of the good things etc. ... up to the level of downright denial .... ;)

But that's just my experience, .... who knows what I might have be missing (like #5 ;) )

I think these are all great points, but I think most of them won't work unless you consider another important point:

13. Choose your mate wisely!!!

I'm a bit like Carazy in that I tend to pour superhuman amounts of love and consideration into my relationships, but I've wounded up exploited because I picked so many Mr wrongs. Yet with the right guy, my love is rewarded every day and it inspires me to reach my potential as a partner.

Originally posted by MrsHedgeHog
I respectfully disagree, Carazy. I don't believe love is a feeling. I believe it is a decision to renew commitments to one another daily.
...
You are ofc free to disagree with me, Mrs H. ;) And I am not saying at all that love is "just" a feeling .... - but imho it's not "just" a choice or decision either ;) . You can choose to appreciate someone, to care about/for someone etc., sure, but for me there is something "more" to love, something that makes the difference ... - and that, I believe is something you might be able to "support" by those guidelines posted about, but they won't "generate" or NECESSARILY sustain it. ;)

But as I said, maybe I am missing something ... ;)

/edit: just to add this on second thought because it might be seen as related: commitment IS a choice though, but then I believe one can be and stay to committed to someone one doesn't love ... but that's a total different issue than what I was trying to address

I think these guidelines were written with the assumption that one has chosen the right person. These are more geared towards what you can do to keep the relationship going. But, nothing is ever certain in life, is it? But, in a forum where we often read about so much unhappiness and hurt, I thought it would be nice to see some positive things that people can consider doing just in case it helps even a little. ;)