Some Advice

First of all, I want to say what a really terrific website this is. It's great to be able to read about and correspond with others like myself. I am a 33-year-old freelance entertainment journalist and critic from New York and I am writing for some advice. I'm currently having some ongoing problems with an older women who is really more of a friend than a girlfriend, only I'd like more. She's 49, beautiful, intelligent and I adore her. She knows how I feel about her, too, and everytime we seem to be getting closer she backs away even though we are the best of friends and always have a wonderful time together when we are together. Her parents also like me a lot, I take care of her dog during the day because I work at home, but she seems to always be getting cold feet about having more than just friendship. Please advise.

Hi Tman, and welcome to ageless!

I can tell you that I once was afraid to become closer to my younger man because I was afraid of getting hurt. I always worried (and sometimes still do) that one day he will want someone closer to his own age.

So, it's possible that she may simply be afraid to commit because she may perceive that age gap relationships cannot be successful.

Have you ever asked her directly how she feels and if she'd be willing to give it a try? If not, I definitely think you should. This way all the cards will be on the table and you'll understand better why she reacts this way. Because, after all, only she knows. And, it's always possible that she truly does just want to be friends.

So, talk, talk, talk. And, then if she does admit that she would be interested, but is afraid, refer her to this site. It sure helped me work through most of my fears.

Good luck to you. :)

I don't mean to make you sad, but it might as well be that she doesn't feel the same about you. If she doesn't mind the age difference, that may be a possibility.

There are a lot of different reasons she could be acting the way she is (seeming to cool off when you get close, etc.), but the only way you are going to know FOR SURE what is going on is to hear it from her own lips! Perhaps invite her to stay and talk with you at the end of the day when she is picking up her dog--offer some coffee or a drink and tell her exactly what is on your mind. This way, everything will be clear to you and you will know where you stand. Perhaps she doesn't even realize you have romantic feelings for her! I believe that COMMUNICATION is the key to every relationship--no second-guessing or assuming you know what the other person is thinking. Go ahead and get the facts straight from her heart.
Bluejay