grief support

I am looking for some grief support. Any suggestions for an online community? I am so overwhelmed and sad. I am having great difficulty sleeping. My physician put me on a small dose of lorazapam twice a day, but I'm still not able to get to sleep.

I have scary thoughts about dying and when I dream it is often of dad.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much.

Yes I know I can get something irl... and I will likely seek that out if I can't find anything good here.


I understand the loneliness and the missing him.

I do not understand the panicky feelings and fear? I feel so anxious a lot of the time and scared...

I would certainly suggest bereavement counselling. And hope you can find it. I empathise with how you feel, and Nessa too. My mother died in 1998, and I still can't look at a photoraph of her. I think the anxiety is related to your grief, they're part and parcel. I am sorry for your loss. Please get some help with your feelings - they won't just go away all by themselves.

Gillian

I am so sorry that you are suffering so, I lost my father in 1993 and was devastated by the loss. I felt the fear and and had continuing anxiety attacks as well. I truly believe that in most cases it is part of the normal grieving process. It truly does pass. A book at that helped "save" me, was the book "Closer to the Light" it details a womans "near death" experience. Beautiful Book...pulled me out of the depths of my depression and fear.
3 years ago I was diagnosed with Stage 4 liver disease and was given 2.5 years to live. I felt the fear all over again...I went through chemotherapy for 52 weeks and came very close to death on numerous occasions. But God was not finished with me yet, so I am still here and in remission. For some reason being that "close" alleviated all of my fears. The gift I recieved from my illness was that I knew that as long as I was afraid of dying I would never truly live. I was wasting a day that may or may not be my last. I also felt that each day was a gift that I was never promised and that some other soul did not have ( I lost many friends from my disease) I am not a "religous" person but I give each day to God and put him in charge. I do not have the strength to do this on my own. It really has helped. I will pray for you.

Joi

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this. Grief is such a terrible thing to have to endure. Just know that I am thinking of you.

I have a hole in my soul.. I don't grieve. Wonder whats wrong with me. Well I mean I don't like most of you do.

So I can't offer any support.

Maybe we can start a non griever's anonymous thread.

All of you grievers. Marcy, Molly... why do you grieve? I miss my mother and father.... but ...I don't know...but death is natural, we all die. I will die, you will die, our children will die. It has been part of life since we were born.

I just maybe don't see death as bad. Any more than I see spring summer fall winter as bad.

Its just life. Sure we miss them, I think the exception would be some sort of a horrid murder, torture, rape etc. But even then, with death that is over.

But I believe in the deepest corner of my heart that it is just a matter of time til I see them again. So I just putz along, and years from now, whenever my time is I will see my mother, father, father's girlfriend, my soul mate Silver, my son that died, I will see them all, and it will be in a flash from now compared to eternity. I don't want to die, but I am happy to when my time comes. It isn't an end. It is a beginning.

All my trial's Lord, will soon be over.

Oh marcy, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.
My mom died suddenly at the age of 52, when I was 34. It sucks.
The panic and stuff is totally normal. At least it was for me. I talked to a doctor about antidepressants, had lots of other crap going on at the same time as her death.
He assured me there were two types of depression, chemical, and situational. If you knew the reason for the depression, and you knew it wasn't going to last forever, he didn't believe in medicating for it. He said you have to go through all the stages, and allow yourself to feel all that you have to feel to adequately get through it, and if you medicated, you only prolonged the stages you needed to get through.
Big old tough me, I didn't need help, I was able to handle it. One night we were out eating, and I looked up, in the mirror over the salad bar was a reflection of a lady who, from that angle could have been my mother, or a sister. She was even wearing a shirt that Mom owned. I lost it, right there, with a bite of meat in my mouth. So many tears, and runny nose, and that damn bite of steak I couldn't breathe well enough to swallow. I barely made it to the bathroom, where I sat in a cubicle, and bawled like a baby. (After spitting out the meat).
I hadn't really even cried much till then, and that was about six weeks later.
After that, I went to a wonderful nun who did counselling, for a couple of sessions of gut wrenching tearing out of my heart grieving. I had to be so strong, for my Dad, and my siblings, that I hadn't been able to grieve. After that, the panic attacks went away again.
I'd be willing to bet you're in that same boat right now. You think you've felt it, but you haven't allowed it be totally out there, so the panic attacks are telling you something.
Do go to a face to face counselor. It's hard, when you're used to being strong, to let yourself be the bawling child missing your parent you need to be for a while.
My sympathy to you, and your family.

Just wanted to say, Swan, I think I am more like what you're describing, too ;) Don't know for sure though, because the only family member I knew that has died so far was my grandmother, and I hardly knew her. Mind you, my parents are in their 80s, so that day won't be too far, I guess ...

Cannot offer any help for you, Marcy, just my best wishes and the hope that you are going to find the support and comfort that might help you throught this difficult time *big hug*.

I went through the same thing you're going through now, Marcy, when my grandmother on my dad's side died. She lived with us, and I was very close to her. I was sixteen. She died suddenly. I went through the panic, anxiety, being very aware of my own mortality, and it wasn't until I found a spiritual group that believed as I do, that I began to calm down and feel better. I found a Unitarian group, and going to a Unity church is very uplifting and calming. They do a 10 minute meditation that they guide the congregation through during the service. I feel so tied to God after a service, very connected to everyone, to all life energy, that death just feels like another stage of life, like a transition to another state, if you know what I mean.

Your religion might be different, but whatever it is, it's a good resource at times like these.

Thank you all for your kind supportive words. I am going to check out the websites listed here. I have been in to see my family doctor and I do think some RL support group might be a good idea.

Dad was very afriad of dying. He believed that there was nothing immortal about us and that when you died... you died... you did not exist anymore. He was certain that the "soul" was little more than the complex, albeit beautiful, connections of neurons and chemicals that are a part of our bodies. Therefore he was sure that when we died... we did not exist anymore and he was terrified of not existing.

I do not want to believe that he was right. I want to believe that some beautiful part of my father exists somewhere and that so will I someday and so will everyone.

Marcy,
I feel the same way your father does, but there are certain thoughts I have about death which ease my fears:

-We would not experience the miracle of life if it were not for the passing of those before us. Your father's death is his gift to you, and to your children, as his life was the gift of his forebearers. Please try to enjoy and celebrate the life he passed on to you, as he strived to celebrate his. That is the greatest way to honour his gift to you.

-In order to relate to death, I think about the ages of time which came before I was born. I didn't suffer. It was someone else's turn to live.

-There may be a purpose to life beyond any of our comprehension. I would never be so arrogant as to assume that I know what that is. But its certainly possible.


Please stay well, marcy. I'm sorry for the pain you must be feeling. Good luck in your search for grief support on the Internet...I hope you find the comfort you need through this difficult time

Originally posted by marcy
Thank you all for your kind supportive words. I am going to check out the websites listed here. I have been in to see my family doctor and I do think some RL support group might be a good idea.

Dad was very afriad of dying. He believed that there was nothing immortal about us and that when you died... you died... you did not exist anymore. He was certain that the "soul" was little more than the complex, albeit beautiful, connections of neurons and chemicals that are a part of our bodies. Therefore he was sure that when we died... we did not exist anymore and he was terrified of not existing.

I do not want to believe that he was right. I want to believe that some beautiful part of my father exists somewhere and that so will I someday and so will everyone.

Your father sounds like my father, he also didn't believe in an afterlife. His funeral was Unitarian Universalist if any of you know what that is... like, ok his body will feed flowers. I got up there and spoke, about my beliefs, won't go into details but I will if you want me to.. I had the whole place in tears. Even the Unitarian minister said he appreciated what I had to say.

btw, my daughter also has huge anxieties about those same things and nothing I can say will convince her... she is awakened in the night with huge anxieties about nonexistance. I want to help her but I can't

ME TOO! I do not know what help exists for me or your daughter. It is terrifying.

I also spoke at my father's memorial service. My father was interned by sunset the following day. We had his service one day later so that my just-about-to-deliver sister from KY to make it. Jews do not view the body.

Awww.... Marcy.

I lost my Dad in 1987 when I was 24, and of course, I lost my husband when I was 31. I have to admit that the loss of my husband hit me much, much harder than the loss of my father, but nonetheless, acute grief is nothing to fool around with. It takes a tremendous psychological and physical toll.

I always found that the most helpful thing was other people who were going through the same thing at the same time. Really do get in touch with the local hospices and ask them what's available.

There is also - suggesting this gingerly - a usenet group, with all the advantages and disadvantages of Usenet - called
alt.grief. support.

Might be worth a look.

Originally posted by marcy
ME TOO! I do not know what help exists for me or your daughter. It is terrifying.
.

Marcy read anything that Gary Zukav has written, my favorite is THe Seat of the Soul.

I know you are Jewish and I am a used to be Christian... doesn't matter. A soul is a soul. I used to watch Jon Edwards show on tv about souls reaching out to the living... there is so much we don't know, but like Babes said, she was dead, so many that were dead and came back, all say the same thing.

DEATH IS NOT THE END... it is the beginning.

and sorry here Christians, I don't believe for one second that it depends on whether or not you believe in a "certain" God or Jesus or whatever. Though I don't dispute those things. But the soul lives on... I am a spiritualist.