Secrets of Happy Couples

This was origionally Posted by whiterose... but I loved it!!! So I am passing this around!!



Secrets of Super-Happy Couples
Twelve ways to keep your relationship thriving.


1. Fall in love all over again. Make a conscious decision to be in love. The more you act as if you are in love, the more you will feel like you are.

2. Remember the good times. Treat your partner like you did at the beginning of your relationship. Make a list of all the things you used to enjoy doing together and add any new fantasies to the list. Plan for them and make them happen.

3. Help your partner feel more loved and secure in your love so that he or she can open up to you and express feelings and ideas without fear of being attacked or judged. Compliment, praise, give a hug. Small gestures make the grandest statements.

4. Don't make unilateral decisions. You're a team in many ways, so act like one. Check in and make decisions together about things large and small. Be willing to compromise.

5. Be present. Train your mind to stay in the moment -- not at work, thinking about the new color you want to paint your kitchen, or how it's time to take the dog to the vet.

6. Pay attention to your physical appearance. Take the time to stay in shape and look good for each other. It does matter.

7. Boost your compatibility. Couples in crisis focus on all the ways they are different, whereas those who are in love zero in on their similarities and think their differences are cute. Build compatibility by taking turns planning activities to do together. If you don't like your partner's choice, don't complain; it's your turn next.

8. Do not place blame. Replace blame and criticism with solutions and tenderness. Problem-solve together -- sit close, hold hands, touch each other's face or hair. Be playful. When was the last time you laughed together? Rent a comedy movie to tickle your funny bone.

9. Plan for sex. Spontaneity is great but smart couples know that good sex doesn't just happen. Like everything else, it takes time and planning.

10. Fact-find -- don't mind-read. You may think you know but you can't assume. You may believe he should know, but that's not fair, either. Always clear up misinterpretations and misunderstandings to make sure they don't throw you both off course.

11. Fight fair -- and by appointment only. Schedule a limited time to discuss a problem and confine your comments to that issue only. It's easier to relax and feel free to enjoy each other when you know you won't be ambushed by a litany of complaints and criticisms.

12. Prepare for checkouts. Even in the closest marriage, everyone needs time alone. Don't take it personally and don't make each other feel guilty if you need to spiritually and emotionally regroup. Just be sure to tell each other when you are checking out (max, one day) -- and when you're checking back in.


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I love all these thoughts, People fucus too much on themselves instead of their partners feelings and needs. Unselfishness is the key to happiness in a relationship. It seems the more you give, the more you end up getting in the end. Its nature!

Excellent! Thanks for posting these.

-- Wayne

Hey no problem Wayne!!

Thank you whiterose and MerAlove23 for posting these rules! I just had small argument with my girlfriend and these rules help me to see my misbehaviors.


Thanks

Your Welcome Twister!!!I hope you and your g/f work thru what your going thru :)

I often forget to think and do all these great things that make life so much more enjoyable. Very nice reminder.;)

Lia

Those are some great tips and Im glad you posted them. Great advice for everyone.

Never fall asleep angry at your partner.
Always be honest.
Always hug or hold hands forever.

Thanks for posting these Mer. And the person before me here said that we should never fall asleep angry. I think that is one of the best pieces of advice, it just forces you to face problems, you know.

Some advice my marriage counselor gave my ex that he obviously didnt heed or he would not be ex. lol is when he responded that he wanted to feel in "the honeymoon feeling all the time" and it just was not there.

She said that, that was something you can always restart or rekindle, but it takes work and time and a spirit of fun and adventure. Then she said, Dont you know that the honeymoon ends really for everyone about 2-3 years into the marriage....then the marriage really begins. Marriage is "having problems and working through problems" for the rest of your life. It is work and most people give up as soon as they dont "feel in love" anymore, so they run and find another partner or relationship and it is glorious and new and exciting and then it gets old and that "feeling of love" is gone and off you go to find another one, not realizing all the time that it takes work to keep a relationship together for everyone.

Anyway, I thought that good advice, and I might add that he now regrets that he did not work on his marriage as he found out that the grass is not greener on the other side.

Of course, this refers to people who are compatible and come up against problems and one wants to run, she was not referring to people who have tried everything and cooperated and it still does not work.

I think one important thing is to not sweat the small stuff. I seriously have friends who will fight with their S/O about anything and everything...from what to eat for dinner to who directed an old movie.

If my man and I disagree about something like that we always make sure to laugh it off. No need to brawl about things that don't really matter to you as a couple.

A problem for us is like a rock we stumble on, and instead of leaving it there so we can stumble on it again later, we pick it up, work on it, and add it to the building of our relationship making it stronger.

"Make love, not war."
response: "Hell, do both: get married!"

I think the reason we are so happy , even though we go thru the same problems everyone else does, is we have a lot of trust for one another and we have a lot of fun together. we are best friends and enjoy each other's company. Even with the bad habits I have , he still hangs in there with me and even with his bad habits i hang in there with him. I don't think we could be without each other. we tried to be apart for 2 months once and it didn't work out to well. he tried to go out with other people and so did i but we really weren't interested. we realized how much we wanted to be together.we'll probally grow old together. we've been together so long we're like Fungus LOL.I'm 51 he's37 and we've been married 16 years.We have 3 children.

I have been with my husband now for 6 years and we go out on dates (friday nights).
I recommend this to everyone!
We have three young kids and we NEED time alone!!!
ANna:)

that is sooo true!!! i'll have to keep in mind those:( or maybe it's too late for me.

These are fantastic! I thought we'd pretty much covered it all, but there were a few on here that we'd missed. It's so nice when you are on the same page with your partner regarding this stuff.

I loved this post...great list btw I wrote it down!

My parents have been married for 65 YEARS.

They still go out on Saturday night dates together. They enjoy country music and they go to the local shows. Everyone thinks that they are so cute. Dad is 86 and Mom is 83.

They have always done everything together. I really admire them both... :)

When my Dad was asked how they stayed together so long, he said they did not know there was a choice.:D

Of course, my Dad thinks my Mom is still the most beautiful woman in the world. :)

What I like about this list of tips is that it's nice to see we're doing everything right!!! We've been together almost 2 years & we still do all the good things & none of the bad. Some of our friends used to think we're delusional, but not anymore, because WE'RE NOT! Seriously! It sounds like a miracle because, in my opinion, it is. It really is a dream come true for both of us. We get along as well as a couple possibly could. I sometimes still have trouble believing it myself & have to think about it consciously & remind myself, "Yes, this IS real!" And it just comes naturally! We don't even have to work very hard at it - probably because we've never caused any damage, & our communication is really good. And it really is us, not some bizarre situation like our lives are really easy or anything, because, believe me, we each have some major challenges & responsibilities, although we each accept that this is how our partner comes, "as is."

The only "work" involved in our relationship is either when one of us needs the other's support or advice, or when one of us is not feeling well. We spend plenty of time talking about our respective house, job or kid problems & just being supportive or sharing advice. If my man is not well it's usually a physical problem & he needs medicine & tea for a cold, or a massage for muscle soreness. When I'm not well it's usually emotional & he talks & listens to me, encourages me & reassures me. We just naturally understand that we each need attention & care, & since neither of us has any ego issues or selfishness, we come to the other's aid & do what needs to be done.

As a result, there are no hurt feelings, resentment or unserved needs to interfere with our ability to enjoy all the other times going on dates, hanging out at home or having sex - which, by the way, usually DOES "just happen" with us, always has, & keeps getting better. We constantly tell each other wonderful things, give each other tokens like a cake or a love song, reminesce memories, share & discuss ideas, give each other our undivided attention when we're together, independently attend to our separate obligations & friends, make an effort to be attractive for each other, & we've never raised our voices at each other or been unkind to the other, not even once.

While I really do believe most couples could use the tools on the list to be happy & successful together, Dave & I seem to have an unusual advantage. We're a custom perfect match - with just the right amount of differences that are fun & mix things up a little. This rare phenomenon doesn't happen in every relationship, but a high level of love & satisfaction really is possible for far more couples than actually accomplish it. Hopefully, with information like what is available on this site, the trend toward more healthy relationships will continue to grow.