Why are we so comfy with our ym?

I was just reading Summer's post "2 days to go " and she mentioned how comfortable she feels with Jeremy...that she can be herself with him. I feel exactly the same way with Addy. I've heard this so many times here at Ageless. I can't help but wonder sometimes, why this is so. I never felt I was able to be myself with the man I was married to for all those years. So what is it about these guys we love that takes away our inhabitions and lets us be free to be ourselves? Is it because we've talked to each other for so long before meeting? Or, is it just us? Have we grown up enough now to know we can't fight who we are anymore? All I know is that I love being able to be who I really am now.

I'd love hear some of your opinions. You guys, maybe you can shed some light on this.

I agree with you Nessa. I think it's all about connection. Joe and I just connected and I think age has nothing to do with that.

I think sometimes when people get together, they are comfortable together. And sometimes they aren't. I really don't think it has much to do with age at all. There are a lot of people who come here for support because they DON'T feel comfortable. I'm not saying everyone who comes here doesn't feel comfortable... just a lot of people.

And yeah, I agree with Peachy and Nessa, and you Sunlover ;) it IS about the connection and age bringing you the freedom to be who you are at last.

Just a few other random thoughts. What we see as minuses the YM's see as plusses at times. I don't think we are used to that! I remember Peachy saying somewhere that Joe liked the photos she had before they were retouched to remove the lines. That was really sweet and it made me recall that Phil said if I got a face lift he'd have to think about leaving me because I would change the beautiful woman that I am to him. I saw it as making me better; he saw it as taking something away. Love like this is rare and we OW know it.

I also think that some of us baby boomer women lost pieces of ourselves over the course of our lifetimes. We were the first really liberated women's generation but we still did all the right things by our husbands and kids; we walked down both sides of a very complicated street. As a result of all that, some of us lost touch with some of those things inside of us that we really loved the best. Through my FRIENDSHIP with Phil first, and then resulting love, I have rediscovered parts of myself that I thought were long gone.

It's exactly as you said, SL. They can bring you to that place where you love being you. :)

sally, i agree, it was a tough double sided walk for the wemon to make it in this world, and by worldly standards i have been successful, and raised a child, got the career, became self employed.....laa laa laa laa laa..........end of the day, just a plain lot of work.

during that time, i took care of myself phyically, emotionally and spiritually, great stuff but still alone, the men who i have met in the last 10 years for the most part have tried to figure out what is wrong with me, (very secretly i will tell you, i feel like i have been playing in a man's world and doing better than most i have met.) great stuff, but i love being a woman and wanted to feel like one again.

along comes Adam, you says things like "you are so awesome!" and one of my favourites "i am proud to be at your side" or "you have a beautiful heart". He says the lovely things i always wanted to hear.

he is thrilled and not intimidated by my success (as i am by his successes in life) he wants to grow as much as i do with things of the heart and spirit. and it is about the connection..... however the freshness of his age makes it doubly attractive and exhilerating. i do get mistaken for around 10 years younger and plan to keep my younger heart and a fresh approach to life and for me he is a perfect match.

Yep,I agree...it is the person not the age. I did not even know Alex's age or he mine for quite a few weeks after we were attracted to each other. Age had nothing to do with it.

Well, I have a different take. I think younger men are less intimidating. They are so respectful and appreciative, and all the accomplishments we've achieved are so monumental to them! Buying a house, raising a family, holding down a job or running a business for more than a year, paying bills, and managing to (somewhat) keep our sanity is just a huge achievement to them, compared to the wishy-washy girls they've been involved with, who complain because they have to go to school AND are still expected to make their own car payment! (True story)

I think ym are the ones to praise us and make us realize how much we really have achieved, even though we didn't think it was that great. They're the ones to point out how sexy we still are after living through Hell and high water, and how strong we are as people. I think that makes us sit up and take notice of our attributes, and look in the mirror and say, "Yeah! I AM pretty sexy! I AM strong and an achiever. I HAVE done well raising my kids! Damn straight I'm a catch!" Anyone who makes you feel that way is most definitely a friend, and our ym being our friends, and making us feel so good about ourselves, are inevitably going to appear more desireable to us which means great sex!:D The sex is also better because, feeling so good about ourselves, we lose our inhibitions and can have more fun in the bedroom, without worrying about what we look like to him, because he's so turned on and thinking we're beautiful.

So in the end, we find ourselves in a relationship, where, for the first time in our lives, we were recognized for all the wonderful qualities we have, forgiven the extra pounds we've put on, and for once in our lives, feel accepted and even celebrated for who we are.

That was so well put! I think I agree with everyone (can I do that?).

It does feel wonderful to know that you're appreciated for your accomplishments or simply because of who you are. And, obviously, we feel better about ourselves when someone is there telling us that we're really ok. Hearing someone say how wonderful we are, who is himeslf beautiful and wonderful and, well, yes, young, is completely liberating. I know it has changed me - thankfully for the better. But, I can't overlook what everyone else is saying as well about the friendship and the connection. How would our guys know our accomplishments, or our hearts, if they didn't take the time to become our friends first? So, maybe the age factor doesn't have much to do with it. Maybe its just a wonderful combination that comes along so rarely that it's just too complicated to explain.

It makes sense also, especially for we baby boomers, that after "doing it all" and being everything to everyone, we are just ready to become the person we were meant to be - pre-husbands, pre-children, pre-hard times. All I know is that I feel better now than I did 10 years ago. :) Somehow I feel that I must give Addy some of the credit for that, and I do.:)

I think hands down, the most beautiful thing my guy has ever said to me (or any guy for that matter) was just shortly after one of our many discussions where I was showing a bit of concern with our age difference (and I'd like to add it's always me with the concerns NEVER him ) he simply said...You make me feel more like a man than anyone else ever has.

Do we actually give our guys that feeling of power? Yes? No? Maybe? :)
Anyway, I loved it....

Yeah Polly but I don't think it is the YM aspect. I was married to YM...when he and I were both 20. He was just not the same kind of guy my new one is. He was not romantic, he was not caring, he was not passionate or communicative. He didn't praise me when I made an accomplishment in college or in my job. He didn't recognise me when I got a new haircut or lost some weight or find me sexy despite weight gain. (Oh btw..he was and is a "nice" guy) It was him...he is still that way at 45 and that tells me it is the GUY not the age.

How true these words...All of my life I did the right thing sacrificed for my husband, my family...Sometimes I would look up at the moon and feel so alone... somebodies mother, somebodies wife..Where did Joi go???The fun, slightly crazy, spontanious woman I used to like. My husband would say she grew up...we have responsibilities now!
My husband would come home and pat me on the shoulder and say luv ya...like it was too much to actually say I love you, when I would complain about not snuggling at night my husband would say, I hate touching anyone when I am trying to sleep :( I felt trapped, I felt like I was being consumed by a large black hole
and that eventually there would be no soul left. Then I met my ym. He adored me..wasn't afraid of saying how he felt..held
me all night...wasn't afraid to share his insecurities, his dreams..
The qualities that men my age couldn't understand..my independence, my spontaneity, my bf loves. I
somehow think that SOME men my age have forgotten who they used to be as well. Before the big careers, the big cars, the big houses...They have some how lost thier passion. There is definitely something to be said about the innocence of SOME youth.

Joi

Joi, I can kinda relate to this, lol - only that I have never been married :p
Originally posted by Joi ... I somehow think that men my age have forgotten who they used to be as well. Before the big careers, the big cars, the big houses...They have some how lost thier passion. ...
You know, that's what I got to think about my past b/f (minus the big house though, lol), before I met my darling ym ;) - I felt like if I stayed I might as well just "retire" from life, lol. Sad though, isn't it?

And omg, I hope this doesn't mean it might just be a "midlife crisis" thing! :( :( :(

Innocence of youth? My son is 24 and the most serious guy you could meet. He is Mr. "Cut to the chase" not romantic (just doesn't get the need for that) and I truly feel sorry for his gf even though I don't like her that much! My son is more likely to buy her a new tire for her car for her birthday because it was going to have to be bought anyway and skip the greeting card saying "Greeting cards are just an invention by some capitalist to brainwash us into thinking we have to buy them" It is not the YOUTH!!! It is the personality!!! I have a friend who's husband was so wonderful (after 15 years of marriage ) he left her love notes in places he knew she would find them throughout the day, called her if he was going to be late, would call her up and say "get dressed up! I am coming home to take you out for a surprise" ...he was worried when she was late, he treated me (her friend) equally as kind when I would visit. He sadly, passed away at the age of 45 but he never lost that romantic, kind and caring attitude. I have another friend right now who's husband is alive and he is the same way (at age 46), my sister's husband too. I used to think it was smothering but I think I was just trying to make myself feel better because I didn't have one of those kind of men. Now I do. He could be 20 or 50...I think he will always be this way. Yes, we have to work at keeping passion alive but if it was never there in the first place it is far different than if time and stress have gotten in the way.
I just hate generalizing that men my age lack understanding and passion and respect for my independence and all YM are romantic and full of passion. It just isn't true. I bet those YW on the other side of the board have some lovely things to say about their OM.

I agree that it's not an age thing, it's the person.

It's not even about love, if love is unilateral and you are the only one in love, then you don't feel comfy at all. It has to be bilateral, totally corresponded, as a good warm friendship.:)

I was just stating how I felt about MY past relationships....So I changed it to say SOME. I never meant to say that all older men were that way...I haven't met all of them:) Maybe most of them, but certainly not all of them. Sorry if I offended you. :(

Joi

I actually have some friends who are in marvelous relationships..
some w/older men!!

Joi!!! No no!! you did not offend me!! I am simply passionate on this issue!! I am sorry if I made you feel you offended me!!

:)

Oh, and that crush I mentioned having back on Harrison's polygamy thread....nevermind!

That thread hijacking is a romantic thing, lol. Good thing you set him straight!


Love the discussion here, though :)

i would tend to agree with mus of whats ben written god knows me and my wonderfull other half whom i will not name names as we all know
:O) have an ability to be very passionate in everything we do and that is our greatest mutual asset its not so much a comfort zone bur we both know that value of what we have and what we fought for and that at times is not comfortable and frustration can give way to emotion.
but we both continue to grow as individules and mutual love we have for each other thus the relationship continues to grow.
that is our comfort zone
chris

how much I respect and appreciate everyone on this thread? Tru, is it really your birthday? Happy Birthday!

I think that when it all comes down to the nitty gritty, everyone who denies that age is the factor, is winning the point here. Its true that my husband was never romantic even when he was 21. And, all of the lack of romance, or lack of appreciation for me or lack of anything didn't have a thing to do with his age. It was just the way he was. I must say however, that I think more ym today are so much more in tune with what women are about than the older generation of men. Maybe it had something to do with upbringing as well. We've said it lots of times here... young men today have been brought up by women like us!. :)

Originally posted by peachy51
I agree with you Nessa. I think it's all about connection. Joe and I just connected and I think age has nothing to do with that.


Awww. . . that's what i said on Oprah, you little copy cat! ;)

Originally posted by Joe
Awww. . . that's what i said on Oprah, you little copy cat! ;)

http://forumspam.articblue.nl/post_related/misc/images/0371.jpg

Uh. . . yeah baby. . . that didn't make sense. :rolleyes:

Originally posted by Joe
Uh. . . yeah baby. . . that didn't make sense. :rolleyes:


Sure it did, Sugar . . . I see the time you posted and it didn't make sense to you because you're posting before your brain has woken up!! http://pages.prodigy.net/rogerlori1/emoticons/doze.gif

Originally posted by Lost_Spoiled
OMG Peachy, that is soooo funny. You dug into Joes stash of goodies for his posts for that one? HAHAHAHA



Daymn, and all this time I thought I have privacy! :D