Trouble in Paradise -UPDATE_THANK YOU!!

THANK YOU..THANK YOU..THANK YOU..for all of your HONEST advice!!
Update on friends..
I recieved a phone call from one of his friends yesterday.
Wanted to thank me for putting them all in thier place about smoking pot. He said that the reason so many of them want to relocate with my ym is that there are No jobs in thier little town in Vt , no future prospects whatsoever. He was very articulate in stating that my ym has told all of his friends that he will no longer associate with any of them if they continue with there "pot smoking" . Later that afternoon my bf called to tell me that he will
not be getting an apartment with his friends ad he wants to make it on his own so that eventually he will be finacially secure enough to make a life with me:D He stated that he has applied to take some classes over the summer and that he would like to continue with his classes when relocating down in the fall. He said that he wants our relationship to take priority when he relocates and has told his friends that he has totally "outgrown" thier partying ways. He also stated that the majority of
his friends were very receptive and said that they wanted to make life changes as well. I am going to proceed with caution. As all of you know we have learned over the years to always do so.
I have never been one to jump into anything...so as much as I adore this man I will indeed take things slowly and see where things go...one day at a time...You are all the most intelligent, kind and honest women I have ever encountered. I am so lucky to have found this board:)

Joi

Wow, great news Joi. Sounds like he has been doing some thinking. I will pray that he will put his words into action. And, I think you are taking the right approach anyway by taking things slowly.

That's the best news for you. Wishing you the best.

Taking it slowly will also benefit you especially as it will teach him that he has to work at getting the best. He seems to have come to the same realization.

Paris

Hi Joi,
That is indeed good news!! So it seems that they're all actually looking to better themselves by moving down when he does. I have to say, I'm impressed that he has already signed up for some classes and most especially that he told his friends that YOUR relationship will be his top priority. So maybe we jumped the gun in judging their motives, but from the outside, it didnt look like a very good situation. I'm just glad for your sake that all their motives are positive ones. Its always a good thing when people see the errors of their ways and want to better themselves. Maybe thats what these friends are doing, using this move as a chance to leave their old pot-smoking ways behind and start new lives - as adults;) Good luck, and again, I'm so happy this has turned out the way it has. I hope everything goes as planned and that your story has a "happily ever-after" ending :)

Southerngal

Gosh, that sounds great. And yes indeed proceed with caution. But I would appreciate your boyfriend's efforts.

Cindy

Well it sounds to me like you had doubts about them coming down and must have expressed it, so one of the friends calls to "reassure" you and then the boyfriend calls to back it up but weither its on the up and up or just a con job to pacify you I dont know. I hope your y/m means what he says . In your post you said
Later that afternoon my bf called to tell me that he will
not be getting an apartment with his friends ad he wants to make it on his own so that eventually he will be finacially secure enough to make a life with me


What does that mean? Is he going to stay at his grandmothers or relatives, or get an apt of his own? What if hes at the relatives and tells you in a week or so he cant live there and wants to live with you? What if the "friends" or your y/m just cant find an apartment? I am very concerned that "the plan " your young man and his friends have are that he moves down , persueds you to let him moved in with you, and then works it so the friends can move in too and they will all just camp out at your place for a few months because they have all decided to check out jobs there..... and if they dont find any, hey, no big deal, we didnt have to shell out any money for rent and we all had a little vacation and some fun, but now its time to go back home.....................and all the rest of it is just BS and your really going to get hurt.

If your y/m and his friends have not looked into apt costs in your area or havent asked you to see if anything is available or what nearby hotels or motels cost or havent saved up enough money to stay at a hotel or motel till they find apts and also to still have enough money to put down on an apt, plus a month in advance in most cases etc..........Id say they all sound pretty irresponsible and you better make it clear that whatever happens they wont be able to stay at your place, and stick to it.

I hope Im wrong, and believe me I debated on if I should even say any of this, but you seem like a nice person and sometimes nice people translates into" an easy mark " to some people, and get taken advantage of and hurt because they use your feelings for them to get sex, money, a place to stay, or whatever your willing to give. I just see so many red flags reading your posts and from what others have said, I think they see them too.

You say hes not like his friends who you say are pretty much all losers, but you know, friends arent friends for years unless they have a lot in common. Just be careful thats all ......and I really hope your not upset with me for saying these things. Your y/m could love you very much and be very sincere and if thats the case, I will be very happy for you. In the meantime though, it doesnt hurt to look at all the possibilities and angles and be prepared so you dont fall into something you wish you hadnt later down the road.

;)