Hi everyone, and how do you OW keep your esteem?

:confused: Hey everyone, I'm a new member, and am just beginning to familiarize myself with the posting process! How do you insert pics etc?

I would love to hear from you OW out there who have struggled/are struggling with this issue.... How do you keep your self esteem strong when you realize that everything is getting bigger, greyer, saggier and you look in the mirror and don't recognize your body???????????????????????? I'm nearly 48, and don't feel anything like it. I have no problem with the fact that I have fallen in LOVE with a 33year old YM! He apparently is OK with my age, and although our relationship is new and we are both VERY cautious at this point, it just feels RIGHT.

However, at this point, the physical issue is something that I need to work on. I realize that a large part of the problem is that I've spent many years working too hard and have not given myself the gift of time to keep in shape. I'm working on that now! But even if I get myself in a place that I'm comfortable with, I will have to work on this issue. I don't want to and can't depend on my YM to flatter me into this "place" I need to be, but the fact that he is very cautious, moving very slowly with this relationship, and is not the expressive type doesn't help. Any wonderful, sage words of wisdom from all you OW with more experience? Thanks!

http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?s=&threadid=291 (http://)

That's one of the best threads ever around Ageless. It deals with our insecurities and has some answers from younger men that are really beautiful.

Yes, I'd like to see that thread revived, you can go there and post and we can all go back there and post our views again! ;)

Originally posted by Juliet


I. How do you keep your self esteem strong when you realize that everything is getting bigger, greyer, saggier and you look in the mirror and don't recognize your body???????????????????????? I'm nearly 48, and don't feel anything like it.

I am a big believer in exercise.....always have been. I will be 42 soon and because I've exercised my entire adult life I have no issues with my body. It's difficult to start but once you commit to it and stick with it you WILL see a difference. Not only will you look better but I guarantee you will feel better. Some kind of aerobic activity is needed but to truly transform your body and shape you need to do strength training. Put muscles (feminine muscles) where the fat is now. Sorry to sound like I'm preaching, but in my opinion, it is the best thing to help anybody with their self esteem, not to mention that the OLDER we get the better we will be for having done this for our body. Get a video and start today.

Sure, yes, of course ... but I also try to remember that my self-esteem isn't and can't be based ONLY on how I look.

It's also about my character, my integrity, the way I treat other people, the way I'm there for people that I love, the good work I have done in my life, my thoughts, the way I cope with things when they don't go my way, and all of the other little things about myself that aren't half bad :>

That's a big part of how and why anybody loves me, after all.

We're minds and souls and hearts INSIDE bodies. And the container it's packaged in is not the most important part of any product :D

The Old Body Thing Thread is one of the main reasons I joined this site to begin with.

I also believe in exercise, I am not in GREAT shape but I am in GOOD shape. But I love exercise, many people find it a chore.

I think it is mostly mind over matter, loving the whole you. Not striving to be something you're not, only the best you can be.

Pamper yourself, love yourself...

About appearance, there are many EXTREMELY beautiful women who are lonely and unloved. And some fairly ... well by some hollywood standard, unattractive people that have husbands who ADORE them.

I mean J-Los fiance went to a strip bar and got it down with the stripper while they were engaged and J-Lo is one of the most beautiful women on the planet.

Halle Barry's husband cheated on her... can you imagine THAT??? I mean who on earth is prettier than Halle?

Originally posted by Swan


I mean J-Los fiance went to a strip bar and got it down with the stripper while they were engaged and J-Lo is one of the most beautiful women on the planet.

Halle Barry's husband cheated on her... can you imagine THAT??? I mean who on earth is prettier than Halle?


Those are very good points Swan!

Originally posted by babes66
Halle Berry's husbamd cheated, Oh good lord, what hope is there for the rest of us???

you missed the point...in a way... the hope for the rest of us is that we will chose wiser than Halle did.

That beauty does not insulate you from pain. That us less than perfect woman can find love too, better love perhaps.

I often wonder why movies like the "Nutty Professor" show an "unattractive" man who love a total beauty but the beauty ends up loving him despite his appearance. Beauty and the Beast for crying out loud... many others... How many movies... can you name ONE where a man fell for a homely woman? Cept for the truth about cats and dogs and she wasn't very homely. And he thought he loved the beauty for a while.

I will go to your thread in chit chat Babes, but I am afraid of one thing... that the cliches will rule and that many will be left out.

LOL, I am going to ask my 15 year old son to compliment me... he will be blown away.. He says thank you often but a compliment, not sure he knows how.

Originally posted by Swan
I often wonder why movies like the "Nutty Professor" show an "unattractive" man who love a total beauty but the beauty ends up loving him despite his appearance. Beauty and the Beast for crying out loud... many others... How many movies... can you name ONE where a man fell for a homely woman? Cept for the truth about cats and dogs and she wasn't very homely. And he thought he loved the beauty for a while.

I don't know whether you're talking about the original "Professor" or the remake (I have only seen the original), but one near equivalent for the female side might be "Shallow Hal." I had mixed feelings about that one, but by the end it seems to make its point. I'm sure there are others, lemme think.

Your general point is taken though - I definitely think the media (of all kinds) is **overwhelmingly** oriented toward male fantasy.

And to reply to the original question -

I think Marianne and Desert Spring have made the clearest points about the whole thing -

(1) exercise and taking care of yourself is THE way to take control of the issue (and it will also improve your mood), and

(2) do remember that we are MUCH more than bodies, no matter what facile and juvenile "minds" constantly pump out over media channels. :) We wouldn't want any guy who didn't value our other, less visible parts anyway.