What advice would you give your young man

Here is mine

Dear J,

Please realize that when I try to push you away it is not because I do not care, nor because I do not love you, it is because I am SCARED.

When I am having a bad day, full of doubts, continue as you do now and encourage me to talk

Please realize that when I try to push you away it is not because I do not care, nor because I do not love you, it is because I am SCARED.

When I am having a bad day, full of doubts, continue as you do now and encourage me to talk

Wow, once again, took the words right out of my mouth.

Joi

These are wonderful words to explain how you are feeling, and will hopefully lead to greater understanding. But please remember, that any fears are your own, not his and he doesn't have to deal with them, you do.

If a man kept pushing me away, for whatever reason... sooner or later, I'd leave. These are things you have to work on yourself if you really want a relationship to be stable and lasting. Keep the lines of communication open, and continue to dispell your own fears, no one else can really do that for you completely. They can help, but if you keep pushing them, they WILL leave.

Originally posted by Joi
Please realize that when I try to push you away it is not because I do not care, nor because I do not love you, it is because I am SCARED.

When I am having a bad day, full of doubts, continue as you do now and encourage me to talk

Wow, once again, took the words right out of my mouth.

Joi

and mine..ok, we three need to start a club. Or at least have a group chat! (everyone welcome) Joi! I can't pm you! Pffft! I want to send you a pm girl! Enable them .. PRETTY PLEASE!

Originally posted by Genevieve
These are wonderful words to explain how you are feeling, and will hopefully lead to greater understanding. But please remember, that any fears are your own, not his and he doesn't have to deal with them, you do.

If a man kept pushing me away, for whatever reason... sooner or later, I'd leave. These are things you have to work on yourself if you really want a relationship to be stable and lasting. Keep the lines of communication open, and continue to dispell your own fears, no one else can really do that for you completely. They can help, but if you keep pushing them, they WILL leave.

And in our group chat we need Gen to be our counselor to tell us these wise words!!!

LOL, Tru.. it's just that I know how our own fears can end up being self-fulfilling prophesy. We are so worried about all our faults that we end up pushing away the very people we want to love us. Why do we do this? Why can't we just accept that they do indeed love us with all our minor disfunctions? Why can't we just enjoy and embrace what we are given?

By all means, communicate your fears to your partner so that they have a better understanding, and talk about it now and then.. but to keep pushing them away, or making an issue of your faults/insecurities is to get just what you knew would happen all along, right? Your self-fulfilling prophesy.. they will leave you. Well what did you expect? You pushed them away all along, and finally got them to agree that you really weren't all that to begin with.. ultimately, you got what you wanted.

Originally posted by Summer
Here is mine

Dear J,

Please realize that when I try to push you away it is not because I do not care, nor because I do not love you, it is because I am SCARED.

When I am having a bad day, full of doubts, continue as you do now and encourage me to talk

Good advice. Yet...... how long do you push you him away? Are you working on your own insecurities? Why do you place so much responsiblity on him to get yourself to talk?

If this behavior went on to me for a time, I know my heart would become exhausted. Having to be strong enough to support another person that has issues is difficult. Espically if they are not willing to change and just using words. If a friend or a love one keep pushing me away and turning away from me I would find it difficult to keep trying to turn towards that person.