Where will it end?

I am an attractive, outgoing professional male, thirty-seven years old and divorced for a year, after ten years of marriage.

I started internet dating shortly after my divorce, to "get me out there", meeting new people and to keep from getting too down about life. I started dating in my own "age group", but because I already have children and will not be having more, I gradually found myself dating older and older women. On my way home from a wonderful dinner date last night it occured to me that I haven't been out with a woman under the age of fifty in weeks!

I had been "looking" primarily in the 35-50 age range, but can't help but wonder if I wouldn't find more happiness at this point focussing (or declaring myself interested) in the 50-65 age group?

One of my questions to the group, especially the women is...would you like knowing that your significant other is primarily interested in more mature women? A couple of my relationships have been built around the notion that we were "soulmates" separated only by age...a wonderfully romantic sentiment that I suspect would be diminished with the knowledge that I only really date women over fifty.

I do get a kick out of women who joke nervously about being so much older than I am at the age of 50 or 52, not knowing that I once celebrated a girlfriend's 60th birthday by not leaving her condo for the weekend...

Welcome to Ageless Keefer Lucas~
(I have a son named Lucas!)

Anyway, I think it would be better
if you just state to the OW that you date
that you have found that you have more in
common with OW,
rather than state to her that you
"only date women over 50".
And who knows,
you might meet a fabulous women in her
30's or 40's-
don't limit your happiness that way.
But your honesty is noble.

Every woman is unique in her way-
no matter what age she is.
We never know when the spirit will connect
with another and age should never be a deciding
factor in finding love.
Yes, there are age-groups that we have
more in common with,
but there are just as many immature 50-something
women out there as there are immature
20-something women out there.
Believe me, I know what I am taking about-
I have met these women!
:p

Focus more on the woman herself and not age-
an OW woman will be flattered that you find her age-group
attractive and interesting,
but if she see's that you date her only because
of her age, she will question your motives and sincerity.

Hope to see you post more!


<FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=768A76 FACE="Lucida Handwriting">~Sage~ </FONT><img src="http://ChasingDownTheBlue.homestead.com/files/lilfairy.gif">

<FONT SIZE=2 COLOR=Black FACE="Tempus Sans ITC">I don't want no one to squeeze me-
they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me
and rock me through the night
This youthful heart can love you
and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy
Give me one reason to stay here-
and I'll turn right back around
</FONT><FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=Black FACE="Freestyle Script">Tracy Chapman</FONT>

I think in every dating situation, people have a certain type that they are attracted to . . . blondes, brunettes, thin, heavy, tall, short, blue eyes, brown eyes . . . I don't see how age is any different than that.

Does it bother me that Joe is attracted to older women? NO! Not in the least. He feels that older women possess more of the qualities he is looking for and I don't think that diminishes our relationship at all. And if he wasn't interested in older women, he wouldn't be with me! :D That would be my loss I think.

Would you be offended if a woman told you that she only dated younger men? Would you feel she was only looking for a "boy toy" or that maybe, just maybe, she connected better with younger men who had similar interests and a fresher perspective to match hers?

Well, I would be worried if my boyfriend had a fixation on this or that age or physical type or hair colour, yes. I would feel flattered if I were his type of girl, of course, but to a certain extent.

Fixations remind me of fetish, and a fetishist often sees people as objects (of pleasure). I think the line between a normal interest and an obsession is really hard to draw and I'd be very careful about it.

I also have my "favorite" types of people, including types of friends, but the fact that it's not a rule and just something that adds to the whole relationship, makes it healthier, in my opinion.

I appreciate the honest reply's. This has been a great site for me!

At this stage in my life - so soon after a divorce - I find myself pursuing relationships that are - for lack of a better term - intriguing. And I seem more apt to be intrigued by more mature women.

Online dating has many pitfalls, but one of the significant advantages is that you can express a genuine romantic interest in someone significantly older. I think one of the things that draws me to older women is the passion of it...I have had far more tepid, uninspiring dates with women in their early thirties than I have with women in their fifties. I attribute this to a perceived pressure for a woman (or man, for that matter) to begin an immediate assessment process of "do I want to spend the next forty years with this person" or "Will this man be a good parent to my children?". With an older woman - in most cases - things tend to be more open, more relaxed almost immediately. Certainly this is not always the case...

I appreciate the concerns over something like this becoming a fixation, or a fetish. That is certainly not the case with me. In fact, it was something that gradually dawned on me, as thirty-six year old dinner dates slowly gave way to forty-six year old dinner dates, and then fifty-something dinner dates. And I enjoyed how intrigued the women were as I was...

Naturally, I still find younger women attractive and certainly would never rule any age group out...I was motivated to finally write about my feelings here when I first considered "upping" my target age range to 50-65. What is funny is that what motivated me was being at dinner the other night (with my parents of all people!) and being seated next to a radiantly attractive woman in her sixties, who was obviously out on a date...and wishing I had the tact, skill and opportunity to approach her, not online but in real life!

Naturally, I still find younger women attractive and certainly would never rule any age group out...I was motivated to finally write about my feelings here when I first considered "upping" my target age range to 50-65. What is funny is that what motivated me was being at dinner the other night (with my parents of all people!) and being seated next to a radiantly attractive woman in her sixties, who was obviously out on a date...and wishing I had the tact, skill and opportunity to approach her, not online but in real life!

I'm at the young end of your range but blissfully taken! We have a member on here who is in her mid 60's and her bf is younger than you!

*Anybody seen Charo lol* She's a hot tomato too! *winks*

Welcome to the site and yeah I think upping your range is just fine.

You made my day by reading what you wrote about us women in their 50's....and "intrigue" has always been a favorite word of mine! And welcome, to ageless.


PS Sally...... I laughed soooo hard at your comment (and you have such an innocent face!) .... but more than likely the site would not believe he was a REAL man!

I haven't been doing the online thing for THAT long, but I do have enough experience to make a few observations...

...I have had too many experiences with an older woman where we exchanged two weeks worth of emails, only to spend our first real date with her "marveling" at the age difference and making it the centerpiece of first-date discussion. My BEST experiences have all been with women who made pleasant conversation of anything and everything BUT the age difference.

...I like the fact that you look noticably older than I do.

...I want the waitress to know we are "an item".

...stop talking about my mother. You may actually be OLDER than she is.

...If you hadn't led an active lifestyle, if you hadn't been smart enough not to smoke, if you hadn't raised a wonderful family I wouldn't be holding your hand right now.

...I definately don't want to know what drugs you might be taking.

...If I am younger than your son or daughter - cool.

...teach me about wine.

...and, in closing, yes I know what I am getting into. No, I am probably not thinking about getting married to you, but that doesn't mean I am looking past this relationship either.

I do like this forum!

Keefer,
Welcome to the site. Whether we admit it or not, most (notice I didn't say all) women who have been with a younger man have at one time or another had the thought run through their minds,
"If I let myself love this man, won't he want to be with someone younger at some point?" OR "What does he see in me that's attractive when he can have miss 20-something perfect body over there?" Those of us who have actaully had a ym who has left and then taken up with a yw tend to run through this thought process even more with the next ym.


SOOOO, to be told by a ym interested in me that he prefers and is more attracted to older women because of their confidence, wit, inner and outer beauty, etc. is TOTALLY GREAT !!! I usually think, "Well that's good for my team!" :D I realize up front that this is a man who looks for more than just the outward appearance (which fades), but is drawn to inner beauty (which we ow have a corner on the market of).

All of us find ourselves drifting back to certain genres of people that we find more attractive than others; for instance, I fall for artistic guys, but I don't think of that as a fetish or obsession....it's just what I prefer, what attracts me. To be told that a guy I'm dating is more attracted to older women, I would find that endearing and positive. I say go ahead and tell them when it feels right. Just like Suicide Blonde said, "it makes our day"!

Originally posted by special K
To be told that a guy I'm dating is more attracted to older women, I would find that endearing and positive. I say go ahead and tell them when it feels right. Just like Suicide Blonde said, "it makes our day"!

Maybe I'm just weird,
but I am not that flattered when a
man tells me that he is attracted to me
because I am older.

I'd rather have him be attracted to me
because I am witty, intelligent and fun to be with.
(Things like that)

Don't get me wrong-
it is nice to know that men find an interest
in OW and don't let age get in the way,
but if a man is only attracted to me because
of my age bracket, then I have a, (slight),
problem with that.

I feel the same way about OW only dating YM-
I don't think any of us should exclude the
possibility of finding a love partner in any age group.



<FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=768A76 FACE="Lucida Handwriting">~Sage~ </FONT><img src="http://ChasingDownTheBlue.homestead.com/files/lilfairy.gif">

<FONT SIZE=2 COLOR=Black FACE="Tempus Sans ITC">I don't want no one to squeeze me-
they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me
and rock me through the night
This youthful heart can love you
and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy
Give me one reason to stay here-
and I'll turn right back around
</FONT><FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=Black FACE="Freestyle Script">Tracy Chapman</FONT>

I'm from the other side...

I am married to a man who is 17 years older than me and I am not attracted to "older" men or "younger ' men.. I am attracted to men in general..... I dated my husband because he was sweet and kind and loving and I married him becaus they got better and better... id ont think I ever dated him because he was older.. just because I love him...

Just my thoughts :)

I would say that I have always dated younger men... but it is only because we seem to have more in common. I don't have a fetish.

Some men have approached me here and other places saying they want an older woman and it is an immediate turn off.
STONE COLD TURN OFF.

If I met a man my age, or older, who was fit, and who wanted to do the things I do... GREAT...

If I met a man younger that seemed to connect GREAT...

But I would not want a man to say I always wanted to date a red head with green eyes, well the green eyes are real, the hair is grey now cept for Loreal, cuz I'm worth it... LOL

I like dark eyes and hair, I like heavier men, but would I turn someone away with blue eyes that was slim.... HAIL NO.

Would I turn someone away because he is not YOUNGER....HAIL NO.

SO if preference is a fetish, in that a person who did not fall within those criteria is immediately dismissed... Bad sign.

"SOOOO, to be told by a ym interested in me that he prefers and is more attracted to older women because of their confidence, wit, inner and outer beauty, etc. is TOTALLY GREAT !!! I usually think, "Well that's good for my team!"

Yep. And I'm stickin to it....

Originally posted by special K
"SOOOO, to be told by a ym interested in me that he prefers and is more attracted to older women because of their confidence, wit, inner and outer beauty, etc. is TOTALLY GREAT !!! I usually think, "Well that's good for my team!"

Yep. And I'm stickin to it....

If a man was to tell me that he is attracted to ME because of my cofindence, wit, inner and outer beauty... GREAT

BUT OW in general do not fall into that category any more or less than YW

Originally posted by Swan
I would say that I have always dated younger men... but it is only because we seem to have more in common. I don't have a fetish.

Some men have approached me here and other places saying they want an older woman and it is an immediate turn off.
STONE COLD TURN OFF.

If I met a man my age, or older, who was fit, and who wanted to do the things I do... GREAT...

If I met a man younger that seemed to connect GREAT...

But I would not want a man to say I always wanted to date a red head with green eyes, well the green eyes are real, the hair is grey now cept for Loreal, cuz I'm worth it... LOL

I like dark eyes and hair, I like heavier men, but would I turn someone away with blue eyes that was slim.... HAIL NO.

Would I turn someone away because he is not YOUNGER....HAIL NO.

SO if preference is a fetish, in that a person who did not fall within those criteria is immediately dismissed... Bad sign.


I agree.

I am most attracted to "Italian" looking men
that are tall and somewhat lanky,
(and if they have green eyes,
I am putty in their hands)-
but I do not dismiss other men if they are handsom
in other ways.

My ex is a tall Irishman-
gray/blue eyes, redhead, (pretty much bald),
with a full red beard.
Even though we are divorced,
I still think he is a handsom man, (nice rear end),
with a very nice smile.

I still don't think we should exclude any type
of person and only look for a love partner within
a certain catagory,
(age, looks or otherwise).

It kinda creeps me out when a guy tells me
he only prefers OW.
It makes me think he has some kind of
strange agenda.

I guess I don't view OW as being a "type"-
such as blondes, tall, short, fat, thin, etc. etc.
We all have physical preferences,
but I feel it would be wrong for me to only date
Italian looking men.
Looks, (nor age), do not make the man-
and the same goes for a woman.

I may be 47 years old,
but my age does not define me.
I can be as selfish as a 5 year old at times
and as crabby as an 85 year old.
I can be as energetic and daring as a 25 year old
and as wise and noble as a 65 year old.
I am many "ages".

If a man shows an interest in me because he
likes women who enjoy camping, fishing and hiking-
then I am very flattered and will also be interested in him,
(as those are my loves in life)-
but to only pursue me because I fall into an age bracket?
Nah...
doesn't impress me much.


<FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=768A76 FACE="Lucida Handwriting">~Sage~ </FONT><img src="http://ChasingDownTheBlue.homestead.com/files/lilfairy.gif">

<FONT SIZE=2 COLOR=Black FACE="Tempus Sans ITC">I don't want no one to squeeze me-
they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me
and rock me through the night
This youthful heart can love you
and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy
Give me one reason to stay here-
and I'll turn right back around
</FONT><FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=Black FACE="Freestyle Script">Tracy Chapman</FONT>

Sage, what you and Swan are discounting tho is that if a younger man has been burned many times by younger women and is always treated with respect and is valued by older women, of course, he is going to lean in that direction. I think that it is human nature to gravitate to those who make you feel the most comfortable and secure in your own skin.

Originally posted by peachy51
Sage, what you and Swan are discounting tho is that if a younger man has been burned many times by younger women and is always treated with respect and is valued by older women, of course, he is going to lean in that direction. I think that it is human nature to gravitate to those who make you feel the most comfortable and secure in your own skin.

Peachy,
I do understand your point and I can
agree to a certain degree.
I just have to ask,
was the YM burned because of the woman's age
or burned because the woman was a hideous person?
Women can burn men at any age,
(and vice versa).

There is nothing wrong with YM gravitating
towards OW to find love-
nothing wrong with that at all,
but for a YM to decide that OW are the only
type of woman that have value, that is wrong.
(In my eyes it is...)
Just as it would be wrong for me to only
pursue relationships with YM.

I was terribly, physically abused by a man when
he was in his 20's and early 30's-
that does not mean all men that age
are violent heathens.
If I pursued OM because of the abuse I suffered
at the hands of a YM, (so many years ago),
that wouldn't be right.

Obviously we all have our
specific types of people that we are drawn to
and that we are not attracted to.
I won't date men that drink to get drunk,
or men that don't have jobs.
I also won't date a man under 25 years old.

I guess I am just wary of the YM that
seems obsessed with OW and would pursue me
mainly because of my age.



<FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=768A76 FACE="Lucida Handwriting">~Sage~ </FONT><img src="http://ChasingDownTheBlue.homestead.com/files/lilfairy.gif">

<FONT SIZE=2 COLOR=Black FACE="Tempus Sans ITC">I don't want no one to squeeze me-
they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me
and rock me through the night
This youthful heart can love you
and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy
Give me one reason to stay here-
and I'll turn right back around
</FONT><FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=Black FACE="Freestyle Script">Tracy Chapman</FONT>

"would you like knowing that your significant other is primarily interested in more mature women?"

Since you asked, the answer is no, it would annoy the hell out of me.

"Sage, what you and Swan are discounting tho is that if a younger man has been burned many times by younger women and is always treated with respect and is valued by older women, of course, he is going to lean in that direction. I think that it is human nature to gravitate to those who make you feel the most comfortable and secure in your own skin"

I guess I would question why all women of a certain age would necessarily treat a particular man with respect. Why would they? We're not all identical, surely?

We sometimes have to ask ourselves if the reason we're with ym could be the same shallow reasons that om date yw at times. Would we be with these ym if they were close to our age, with the same attributes and characteristics they possess. Somehow, in reading between the lines I keep hearing a resounding...NO. And if that's the case, the shouldn't the ym feel potentially threaten that once he loses that young look he may be traded in for a newer model, since that is HER PERFERENCE.

I constantly read here how we're with ym because om are yada yada yada....but isn't that generalizing to some extent. Because from reading the other side, yw are very happy with their om, so why can't ow see the qualities the the yw are seeing. always wondered about that. If I meet a ym who only dates within a certain age range, I would be cautious about dating him as he has basically told me not to count on him for the long haul, I'm 44...not within the age range he would normally date. Would I feel secure about that? Would every women over a certain age be potential competition? Would my insecurities now be even more heighten because its any age group, young and older that I would be in competition with? I wonder....?

Its the same as ym, who date only ow...many here feel the insecurities about being in relationship with this ym as far as him leaving you for a yw, but I never hear the ow voice the same insecurities about another him leaving you for another ow as this happens to be the ym preference. Any care to comment?

paris

Sometimes the needs of a younger woman jell better with an older man, and sometimes the needs of an older women jell better with a younger man.

i.e. A woman just starting out in life (again) enjoys being with someone who is also buidling a life, someone who is optimistic.
Sometimes, the older man may be viewed as stagnant by this older women, but be viewed as a steady rock by the younger woman.

And as we have all said, sometimes we just fall in love with someone, and the age has nothing to do with it.

It is also hard to generalize about age differences. The younger men that we are attracted to may always have the qualities we feel lacking in the older men and it may have more to do with how and when they were raised then the actual age. So, as they age, they would have no need to fear that we would replace them with an newer model. Not unless we are motivated by the external youthful looks, which we often dislike men doing with us.

i.e. In a history class, a professor surprised me by blowing my myth that old folks are more conservative with money. That had always been my impression. But then, at 53 years of age, those people who I viewed as old, had come through the Great Depression. He said the generation before that, grew up in affluent times and often were extravagent with money....like his own great-grandfather had been.

So being old does not make a person a penny-pincher, but the times you grew up in, could.

Just some of my thoughts.....

It is funny, the way that online dating has changed EVERYTHING. I never wanted to create the perception that I was completely rigid about my dating "rules". For me, this has all been a very gradual process. My age range has crept upward, consistently reinforced with positive dating and relationship experiences.

I try not to "speak" in sweeping generalities...but...more mature women tend to be less focussed on being divorced - or widowed. They tend to be better able to focus on the relationship at hand, as opposed to integrating a significant other into a lifestyle that is moving at 90MPH. I have never dated a significantly older woman who had a restraining order out on her ex-husband. I have never had an older woman try to convince me to switch my cell phone service over to the company she worked for on a first date.

So...as I survey the dating landscape on of my favorite searches is the 50-65 age range...and if more women in the sixties were willing to "date" younger men I might spend more time exploring that age group...but - I suspect - that is going to take some time.

Interesting observations, Keefer.

I guess what some of the ladies here are suggesting is that its great that you're interested in a particular age-group based on your own reasons, but don't restrict yourself. Its easy to get caught up in myths about this or that age group based very few experiences. I don't know about the other ladies here, but I leaned towards older men for a long time because I find experience in human being attractive, and I actually like the look of lines on a man's face. But the two men I dated in this age group were not nice to me and I don't hold it against older men.

I fell in love with someone younger because he was more respectful, kind, and loving than anyone else I'd ever met. I fall more in love every day, nothing to do with age. I love his personality and being with him, thats pretty well it.

Theres some very chilled out intelligent young people around too.

Originally posted by Keefer Lucas
. My age range has crept upward, consistently reinforced with positive dating and relationship experiences.

I try not to "speak" in sweeping generalities...but...more mature women tend to be less focussed on being divorced - or widowed. They tend to be better able to focus on the relationship at hand, as opposed to integrating a significant other into a lifestyle that is moving at 90MPH. I have never dated a significantly older woman who had a restraining order out on her ex-husband. I have never had an older woman try to convince me to switch my cell phone service over to the company she worked for on a first date.


Keefer,
I would say that your dating range has expanded-
not so much "crept upward".
Where as in the past, you limited yourself to
dating women younger than yourself or close to your
age, which society has trained us so well to do.
Now, after some experience in life,
you know what type of woman you prefer and
do not prefer to date.

There are plenty of women in their 30's that
are not travleing at 90 MPH through life and don't
have a collection of restraining orders.
On the other hand,
I have met some fast moving 50 year old women
that would leave me in the dust,
and there are OW fleeing from crummy ex's too!
Don't delude yourself that every woman
over 50 years old has cornered the market
on having it all together.
I have met some wonderful YW that make OW look
like irresponsible teenagers.

Another myth that annoys me,
that follows the OW around, is the one that we
posses some kind of "sexual magic" that every YM
feels he needs to experience at some point in his life.
Yes, it is true that by the time we are 50,
we know what we like and we have shed most of the
sexual hang-ups from our past,
but we are not the drooling,
ready 24/7, sex maniacs that I think some
YM view us to be.
I am not saying you fall into this catagory Keefer,
but just wanted to mention that.

There are some OW here that have admitted
to only wanting to date YM.
I am not one of them.
I have found here at Ageless that I am attracted
to men of all the age ranges here
and what has attracted me most are their thoughts and
feelings presented in their posts.

Right now,
I am unattached and "just looking".
Being here at Ageless has provided me with a
wealth of information as to the sucesses and pitfalls
of age gap relationships.
The most important thing I have learned,
is that there are just as many draw backs in dating
YM as there is in dating OM or men my age-
maybe even more.
I would say it takes a very strong and confident
woman to nurture the OW/YM relationship.
And no, not all women at 50 years of age and older
are automatically strong and confident-
many have a very hard time coping with the
age-gap union.
The same can be said for the YM-
he too, can falter over and over in his commitment
with the OW.

What initially brings an OW and a YM together
cannot always be all that is needed to keep the
relationship together.
Just like any other relationship, it takes patience,
compassion and commitment.


<FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=768A76 FACE="Lucida Handwriting">~Sage~ </FONT><img src="http://ChasingDownTheBlue.homestead.com/files/lilfairy.gif">

<FONT SIZE=2 COLOR=Black FACE="Tempus Sans ITC">I don't want no one to squeeze me-
they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me
and rock me through the night
This youthful heart can love you
and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy
Give me one reason to stay here-
and I'll turn right back around
</FONT><FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=Black FACE="Freestyle Script">Tracy Chapman</FONT>

It is always so hard to tell in the online dating world what is fantasy and what holds genuine possibility. I have certainly had enough experience with women in general to appreciate how frequently - once you meet someone in person - two weeks worth of exciting emails and phone calls disolve into mutual real-life disapointment. And not because there was any dishonesty or misrepresentation...just because you don't click.

I try, through email, to reinforce the point that I have an interest in meeting an older woman for the ROMANTIC POTENTIAL. I appreciate having more and new friends, but that is certainly not my primary motivation. SO...once again...my observation for women who find themselves on a first date with a younger man is not to make the age difference a central part of the discussion. I think alot of the mistakes we all make on first dates are rooted in our own insecurities. What I have come away with from a few disapointing first dates (I say disapointing as opposed to "bad" - I am quite social and have few truly bad experiences) is a conversational theme of "You wouldn't really be interested in me if you knew that..." and you can fill in the blank with topics related to: medications she may be taking, the age of her children, the demands of her aging parents, etc.

I chuckle because I think we all know that the day we limit ourselves is the day we meet that perfect special someone that falls COMPLETELY outside our preconceived parameters...

Originally posted by Keefer Lucas
I chuckle because I think we all know that the day we limit ourselves is the day we meet that perfect special someone that falls COMPLETELY outside our preconceived parameters...

Exactly!



<FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=768A76 FACE="Lucida Handwriting">~Sage~ </FONT><img src="http://ChasingDownTheBlue.homestead.com/files/lilfairy.gif">

<FONT SIZE=2 COLOR=Black FACE="Tempus Sans ITC">I don't want no one to squeeze me-
they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me
and rock me through the night
This youthful heart can love you
and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy
Give me one reason to stay here-
and I'll turn right back around
</FONT><FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=Black FACE="Freestyle Script">Tracy Chapman</FONT>

Originally posted by peachy51
Sage, what you and Swan are discounting tho is that if a younger man has been burned many times by younger women and is always treated with respect and is valued by older women, of course, he is going to lean in that direction. I think that it is human nature to gravitate to those who make you feel the most comfortable and secure in your own skin.

No, I'm not totally discounting that as a PREFERENCE, I guess I am just opposed to eliminating a group of people altogether, i.e. YW. And when I said it was a turn off, to see a man say they want to meet OW, in my case it was usually just a sexual thing, which is good if you are into that but I'm not.

Originally posted by Keefer Lucas
It is always so hard to tell in the online dating world what is fantasy and what holds genuine possibility. I have certainly had enough experience with women in general to appreciate how frequently - once you meet someone in person - two weeks worth of exciting emails and phone calls disolve into mutual real-life disapointment. And not because there was any dishonesty or misrepresentation...just because you don't click.
What I have come away with from a few disapointing first dates (I say disapointing as opposed to "bad" - I am quite social and have few truly bad experiences) is a conversational theme of "You wouldn't really be interested in me if you knew that..." and you can fill in the blank with topics related to: medications she may be taking, the age of her children, the demands of her aging parents, etc.


I hear you. And I have to fight the urge to tell them that they won't like me soon... it is because that is what usually happens, not that I have a relationship death wish. Usually men fall head over heals in love with me instantly only to find out that I'm not what they thought I was... and no I am never dishonest, they just see what they want to see. And I fight against telling them that my son will be a problem, only because he almost always is... but I don't want to set it up that way.

Still holding onto hope.

I've been doing alot of thinking on this subject since I discovered this forum a few days ago.

It was funny, because I noticed on my Match favorites list how there was only one woman under fifty, and that she was 49...

Largely because of feedback here - and with a pretty loud chuckle - I did accept a lunch date on Friday with a woman who is...32!

Originally posted by Swan
And I have to fight the urge to tell them that they won't like me soon... it is because that is what usually happens . . .

Swan . . . you're doing it again :(

well you didn't quote the rest.... I'm just saying that's what usually happens... so tell me that isn't true. You don't know.

Do I deserve it??? NO

edit: also btw my son is usually a problem because I am not "free" like most people my age, having a 15 year old. The men my age have grown children and it takes a lot for them to understand that I just can't go galavanting around. Didn't mean to imply that my SON is a problem.

Originally posted by Keefer Lucas
I've been doing alot of thinking on this subject since I discovered this forum a few days ago.

It was funny, because I noticed on my Match favorites list how there was only one woman under fifty, and that she was 49...

Largely because of feedback here - and with a pretty loud chuckle - I did accept a lunch date on Friday with a woman who is...32!

LOL, and I accepted a "hike" date with a man who is 54.. will wonders never cease ;)

Thats cool, Keefer!

Just think, if you hit it off with a 32 year old, you'll find her incredible when she hits 65!

If I were dating a guy I knew found older women attractive, I'd feel very pleased to know hes not going to get all itchy when I hit my prime in life.

Good on you for appreciating women as human beings!

I hope you enjoy your date!