Suicide

I learned that one of my friend's friend committed suicide. She was a young nurse, had a great future ahead of her, but had fallen in love with a married man who finally seems to have told her there was no hope for them (she left a letter).

My friend and all who knew her are shocked. They keep saying they should have done something, told something, helped her in some way.

The I saw these lyrics by 311 Evolver, that Birdlady just posted in the lyrics thread and the last words go like this:

"One day youíll see the clear blue
Beyond the Gray Sky

I can't believe you didnt call
What made you want to end it all
Wasn't there something I should have tried
To help you see beyond the gray sky"

I feel so sad to think that someone ended up their lives when something might have been done. I don't know exactly why I opened this thread, I don't even know what questions to ask, maybe just wanted to share this.
:(

Maria,

I know it must be tough especially when you knew this person. I can relate to you on that. I had a co worker that used to work in the same company. He was much younger then me at the time and he seems pretty quiet at times but friendly. I was shocked when I heard his story after he committed suicide. I couldn't believe what lead him to do it. He was friends with everyone in the company. He was always loyal and loved his job.

Dearest Maria,

What a tragedy for you and all her friends. I've learned a little about suicide in the past years because of my son's depression. He has attempted suicide twice that I know of, and threatened it many, many times.

There's a lady where I work that has suffered the loss of both her sons to suicide. Because I heard about her story third hand, I never talked to her about it, although I had longed to because of what I was going through.

Please try and believe me when I say there is nothing you or anyone else should feel guilty about not doing, or saying. That's just one devasting legacy of suicide - guilt by the ones left behind. The "if only I'd" anguish.

I used to live my life in fear every day that one day I would actually find my son dead.

I don't know about where you live, but here we do have, I guess you'd call them "suicide survivor" type groups and individual therapists that specialize in dealing with the grief and loss involved when someone kills themselves. Perhaps you could find some help where you are?

My prayers are with you, your friend and all who knew and cared about her.

Gillian

Hi Maria,

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I too can relate - a few years ago, a young woman I knew did the same thing. And it was over a relationship ending too. What is it that makes some of us resilient - that no matter how devastating an ending can be we somehow pull out again - and what is it that makes some of us feel that is the only answer? And especially when they're young and have so much time ahead?!

We also questioned ourselves about what else we could've done and felt so guilty. Though we listened and tried to offer positive answers to her, it just wasn't enough but who knew...

I don't know the answer. But maybe it's another reason for us to be thankful for places like this - somewhere to come and post to a community who is there, supportive and always willing to help you see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're facing what you percieve as "hopeless".

I know this is vague, but just want to let you know I've been through it too, and my thoughts are with you...take care...


Chelsea

Thank you Chelsea and Tyger. I didn't know her, but knew about her story, her break up. Her father had died a few years ago, suddenly in a train. Her mother suffered such a shock, and now this.

I am sure she must have been through a lot of pain to do it, because she knew her mother would be left all alone in this world.

Reading your stories, especially yours Gillian, and that of the lady who lost two sons, it's just heartbreaking. I hope your son will always be okay, Gillian, I don't know how I would cope with that and my prayers go to you.

I'm so sorry to hear of this tragedy that has touched your life, and that of your friends.

One of the few times my father ever asked my advice was when one of his students had confided in him about having thoughts of suicide. He asked me if it was true that someone who talks about committing suicide won't actually do it (smart man -- he's a physicist -- but a bit of a dolt socially :rolleyes: ).

After I got over my initial shock that someone would share something like this with my father, who is a very cold and unapproachable man, I convinced him that this is a myth. A person who talks about committing suicide is certainly contemplating it to some degree, and may well make the attempt. Fortunately, he erred on the side of caution, and suggested that the student contact the university counseling center.

What a tragic end to a valuable life. It reinforces the fact that we all should be gentle and embracing....offering words of encouragement and support...rather than words of judgement or opinions-without -gentleness when someone comes to us with pain in their life (either in real life or on these boards). You never know how fragile someone really is until it's often too late.

Peace to all,
Karen

Maria, I know what her friends are going through. that's how I felt after a good friend of mine ended his life 4 years ago he was 18 years old. He had so much going for him. I went through guilt for a while, like there was something I should have done to stop him. Suicide can be also thought of as a disease and if someone has it in them, sometimes there is just nothing you can do to prevent it unfortunately.

Dear Maria

What terrible news about your friend's friend who in the eyes of the world had everything to live for! To hear of a young person taking their own life, is truly a tragic thing.

Sometimes the people closest to you just can't see the pain. And it sounds like that was the case for your friend's friend. She is at peace now. The true tragedy of suicide is that those left behind always wonder why. Why they didn't see the suffering? What could they have done? There are always so many questions and no answers, are there?

Most of us have been touched by suicide, sadly. One of the stories I'll always remember is one of a co-worker who came home and found his 12 year old son dead from a self inflicted gun shot to the head. How can we ever know what could possibly be so hard and so painful that a boy so young would kill himself? It's impossible to fathom.

Let's pray that your friend's friend has found peace on the other side of that big gray sky.

Hugs
Bub

Maria,

I am very sorry to hear of your friends suicide. My sister died from suicide in 96 it was her 3rd attempt and success.

I know of all the what if questions. In reality though there is very little another person can do. I tried intervention for her etc. But she I have come to terms with recently just wanted to die.

The only thing that gets me past it is knowing that she finally has peace now.

Its very hard situation, and I feel for you in your loss of your friend.

(((((hugs))))

Robin

Thank you Robin, and I am glad you have come to terms with your sister, and somehow understanding her wish.

I hope I will never get to the point of not seeing anything worthy in this life, if this is what pushes a person to give up on everything and die.

Maria,

I am so sorry for you. My best friend took her own life whilst she was on the phone with me in 1987. (My God, I'm crying again)
I begged and pleaded for her to reconsider. She had just broken up (for the upteenth tiime) with her loser boyfriend. She felt as though she could not go on another day, another moment for that matter. She left a 3 year old son and family and friends that were left to pick up the pieces. Well we are still picking up the pieces...the what ifs are overwhelming at times. Not a day goes by when I don't think about her. It only gives me peace that she
is no longer suffering. God Bless you and your friend.

Joi

Joi, what a terribly sad story! She was one of my friend's friend, I never met her although I knew a lot about her, but it hurts all the same to know that a life has been stopped because of a break up (and whatever other reason, of course).

In Japan many children committ suicide every year. It used to be the country with the higher statistics of infantile suicide, mainly due to bullying at school. I met one girl who had lost her brother like that. She said there wasn't a day she wouldn't talk to him inside her heart. :(

Maria,

I am so sorry to hear of the devastating loss of your friend's daughter. I, as a mother myself, cannot even fathom the loss of my daughter much less by suicide.

I hope the song lyrics did not make you feel even worse but I am glad that in some sense you liked them. If you want to hear that song the group is 311 and the CD is Evolver. I am sure you can find the Mp3 anywhere. The CD came out last summer and it is really a very poignant song. 311 happens to be my favorite group of the past 10 years at least. Their lyrics are like no other. The positiveness and hope they portray in their songs is a one of a kind feeling. During my split from my husband I think I burned out all my 311 CD's ... in fact I dont know what I would not have done without them.

I hope your friends daughter is at peace. I really dont know what else to say so I'll just simply say again as I said up there ... I am very sorry and she and her family shall be in my prayers.

Lesley

I stand corrected .... not your friends daughter but your friend's friend ... But the loss of ANY life is tragic and suicide just leaves the feeling of loss indescribeable ...

Anyway I still convey the same feelings to her, her family, your friend and to you Maria..

Thank you, Birdlady, and yes, it hurts all the same, because it's about a life we are talking and even if so many people see life as banal, it's still a gift.

I remember back to my senior year of high school. Before that year began, my family was involved in a very devastating car accident. Both of my parents almost died because of their injuries, and my mother spent a year in rehab. She now has an amputated left leg and is forced to get around in a wheelchair.

I had a girlfriend at that time. Two moths later, she dumped me because she felt I wasnt getting over it as quickly as she wanted me too. I tried getting back together with her for months, then I got fed up with her head games. But I still wasn't over what she did to hurt me by dumping me...when I needed her the most.

I should've been so happy, getting ready to graduate high school, being accepted to college, finishing my Eagle Scout. But I was too caught up in the anguish of my ex and my family's plight (I was more upset at her for rubbing salt on open wounds).

About a month before I graduated, I sat alone one night, contemplating what it might be like if I took my own life. I didn't think if anyone would be hurt...except that maybe my ex would feel guilty, perhaps. But somehow, by the grace of God, I steeled myself and finished the year to graduate. And I moved on to college and begin a new chapter of my life.

I run into my ex every once in a while, and it's very difficult to even think about talking to her, even as just friends. It took me a long time to forgive her, but I did. I got caught up in new activities at college and in my community, shaping my life into a positive direction.

I'm not proud that I once contemplated suicide, but...well, soemtimes it can turna potential tragedy into an appreciation of the joy in life. I don't know if anything I said has made sense, so feel free to comment as you wish. I won't get offended if you don't understand what I've said.

Thanks everyone.

Adam

It does make a lot of sense to me.

Thank you, Maria. I'm glad my story makes sense to someone.

Originally posted by awhi
I remember back to my senior year of high school. Before that year began, my family was involved in a very devastating car accident. Both of my parents almost died because of their injuries, and my mother spent a year in rehab. She now has an amputated left leg and is forced to get around in a wheelchair.

I had a girlfriend at that time. Two moths later, she dumped me because she felt I wasnt getting over it as quickly as she wanted me too. I tried getting back together with her for months, then I got fed up with her head games. But I still wasn't over what she did to hurt me by dumping me...when I needed her the most.

I should've been so happy, getting ready to graduate high school, being accepted to college, finishing my Eagle Scout. But I was too caught up in the anguish of my ex and my family's plight (I was more upset at her for rubbing salt on open wounds).

About a month before I graduated, I sat alone one night, contemplating what it might be like if I took my own life. I didn't think if anyone would be hurt...except that maybe my ex would feel guilty, perhaps. But somehow, by the grace of God, I steeled myself and finished the year to graduate. And I moved on to college and begin a new chapter of my life.

I run into my ex every once in a while, and it's very difficult to even think about talking to her, even as just friends. It took me a long time to forgive her, but I did. I got caught up in new activities at college and in my community, shaping my life into a positive direction.

I'm not proud that I once contemplated suicide, but...well, soemtimes it can turna potential tragedy into an appreciation of the joy in life. I don't know if anything I said has made sense, so feel free to comment as you wish. I won't get offended if you don't understand what I've said.

Thanks everyone.

Adam

You're not alone i too, have contemplated that before.

Maybe one day i'll resurect this thread and explain why in detail...but not now.

It's hard to admit this for me, but i just wanted you to know you aren't the only person that has thought about suicide. Congratulations on not following through with it.

Oh, Adam, it would have been a senseless loss of a fine young man if you had followed through with your idea that night.

I'm sorry that you were treated so callously by your g/f in the wake of your family tragedy. However, having called on your reserves of emotional strength to get you through it, you now know what you can cope with in future if necessary.

Originally posted by manofmisteree
You're not alone i too, have contemplated that before.
I went further then just contemplation... . not something that I am willing to share at this time

It's hard to admit this for me, but i just wanted you to know you aren't the only person that has thought about suicide. Congratulations on not following through with it.

It is very hard to admit, having even thought about it and I admire both of u for ur courage in admitting it ...... I hope it helps to know that u r not the only ones ............ Well done for taking the tougher route an staying

This is a hard one for me to respond to...hits so close to home. Two of my five children have had 'suicidal' tendencies and emotionally struggled due to a withdrawal of love from their father. The others, save for the youngest, have turned hatred on themselves in other ways...eating disorders, etc. He thinks the 'threat' is manipulative and shrugs it off...and them:(, but I have lived the consequences of love withdrawal through watching my own children suffer with it, through living it myself for much of the 13 years I was married...all of them are better emotionally but are in counseling to learn to deal with the rage and anger they have turned inward. It hurts them deeply and some of the 'threats' are thrown my way....as a test to see how much I am willingly to stay in emotionally with them....but still....ANY threat of suicide by ANYONE is a plea for help and cannot be dismissed on any level. My children have had to learn that adults cannot always love them in the way they need...it is hard for them to view their parent as not being willingly to love them in the way they desire....even more difficult for me to comprehend how any adult could treat his own children that way:( He feels it is 'tough love' to not contact them, not support them, emotionally, financially, physically....but it's not LOVE in any sense of the word. Maria, I SO FEEL for your friends....for you....for the ones 'left behind':( On some of the worst days of my life, I went to bed praying that I would wake in the morning to find my child ALIVE...perhaps not FUNCTIONING the way everyone expected...but just ALIVE. It is the most painful, heart-wrenching experience anyone can live through. I so feel for the families who do not make it to the 'other side' or those people for whom no one notices signs leading to such a tragic ending of ones own life.
My prayers go on eternally....for all of us to take notice...to perhaps make ourselves more aware of those around us who may need something...even a kind word...to know that they are worthy here on earth. Thank you for sharing, Maria....hugs to YOU!

You said....

Any threat of suicide by anyone is a plea for help and should not be dismissed on any level.

I have to totally agree with this statement. I know from my sisters 3 attempts and final success that none of her attempts were ever dissmissed. And I tried ever so hard to hopefully make her aware of how much I loved her and how much others did as well. That her life was "valued" to so many. In the end though, for us, for me. I had to find a way to accept what ended up being her choice. And that was to not go on anymore.

When I made my previous statement that sometimes there isn't anything anyone can do, I didn't mean that people should not try, I meant that sometimes we just have to accept that however hard we tried to make the person aware. They have to know their worth to themself before they can believe it from someone else. But we should as caring, compassionate, people never stop trying.

I feel so much for you and your situation. Even more so because they are your children.

Please know you and your family will be in my thoughts often. And hopefully your kids will grow to understand that each day can bring change and that life does not stay the same forever.

(((((hugs))))))

Robin

HisBuddy-I'm sorry, too, that you thought I meant something different than I said, rather poorly. I agree with YOU too. I have had to come to THAT conclusion also. I love my kids with all my heart, but sometimes that isnt enough....they have to find the want and will to live through what life has handed to them. I cannot, nor would I want to, be there to supervise them 24/7....they are gaining adult skills now and sometimes life does throw us lemons.....hopefully they are learning that recipe for lemonade. Thank you so much tho for taking the time to post....u, too, are in my prayers!! and btw....a big HUG rite back at ya!=)