"You're so vain...."

Okay (and hello all), here's the deal. I'm 40 and have a young, hot studmuffin of a 25-year old boyfriend, who sends me over the moon with happiness.

My issue is my fear that he'll not find me attractive when I'm 50 and he's at his physical prime of 35. I mean, I'm told I look great now and young for my age, but time does march on if you know what I mean.

Am I the only one who worries about this?

Thanking you in advance for your kind responses,

Girl

:D

I'm afraid that biologically his physical prime was 5 years ago...

But if we are talking love"prime" and not sexual prime, I am sure that age has nothing to do with it.

Love knows nothing about ageing. We love a person, that's all. Furthermore, even if it was that linked to how the person looks, a beautiful woman doesn't become ugly just because of some wrinkles and graying hair.

Beauty is not equal to youth. I hope you have noticed around you, some women are much more beautiful in their forties than they were in their twenties. Some were never "beautiful", just charming, but still they have partners who adore them.

Love is a mystery, and you should stop thinking it's all about a beauty contest. :)

Just be happy.

Thank you for your thoughtful response, Maria.

The thing is, he does make me feel that he loves all of me, not just my looks. In fact, I don't know that I've ever felt so completely loved. It's just that nagging negative voice in the back of my head. Know what I mean?

He tells me I'm beautiful 20 times a day, I just hope that when he looks at me in 10-15 years, he'll still feel the same.

Jinkies, I think I need to get back in therapy! :)

We all worry about that in the beginning, I guess. But always think that even with a partner your age, or older, there are no guarantees.

Isn't this the most absolute truth? :)

I'm 51 and my husband is younger than your boyfriend. My husband tells me constantly how beautiful he thinks I am. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. If your boyfriend finds you beautiful inside, that will never change..... later on, he may see past the physical changes that come with aging, or....he may not care about them much. It all depends on the person. One thing my husband tells me is that I don't have to worry about him leaving me for a younger woman - he reminds me that it wasn't my youth or youthful looks that he was attracted to in the first place, since I was already 47 years old when he met and fell in love with me.

Get through the first two years of any relationship before you start worrying about when you are fifty!

Today's problems are enough....don't stress out in advance.

Thank you, Whisper. You sound deliciously happy! :)

The more I think of it, this is really more about my own fear of aging. I want to be young forever, dammit! *stomping feet and generally pouting*

Even now I wonder how he finds this body who's carried and breast fed 3 kidlets and gone up and down more dress sizes than years he's been alive to be hot. But who am I to question, right?

I'm not really this insecure, I just play a neurotic on TV. Mostly though, I just feel lucky that I found somebody I feel so complete with.

Originally posted by Witchy
Get through the first two years of any relationship before you start worrying about when you are fifty!

Oh sure, be the voice of reason. Did I mention that I'm PMSing and haven't had chocolate ALL DAY? :D

Okay, okay, very good point indeed.

*bowing* Thank you, Madame.

Originally posted by Witchy
Get through the first two years of any relationship before you start worrying about when you are fifty!

Today's problems are enough....don't stress out in advance.

Witchy, you rock! :)

Don't worry about it, Girl. This body has carried and breastfed 4 kidlets and my husband still goes wild over me all the time. Really...don't worry. I can totally relate to your fears, but if your boyfriend truly loves you, he will show you what love and beauty and attraction really are. Keep us posted and let us know how everything goes.

Welcome to the Board, Girl. Guess, I'm the oldest one to respond so far. I'm 52 and Joe is 27. He's always telling everyone how good I look (going to have to get him to an eye doctor soon :D ).

The point is, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and a person ages a little bit every day . . . fortunately, it's not an overnight transformation. I would guess if your YM is still with you when you are 50, he will still see you as beautiful because the change will have been so gradual with him loving you every day of it.

What you should concentrate on is basking in and enjoying every moment of today and quit sabotaging today's happiness worrying about what will happen in 10 years.

Originally posted by Girl


My issue is my fear that he'll not find me attractive when I'm 50 and he's at his physical prime of 35. I mean, I'm told I look great now and young for my age, but time does march on if you know what I mean.

Girl


First of all, all that worrying will age you. The other thing is, and I firmly believe this, if you take care of yourself with healthy eating (you can pig out sometimes) and exercise (I know, I know, I am always advocating this) you can control some of your aging. In this day and age with all the creams and peels and information on staying young, you will probably look pretty damn good at 50. As for your boyfriend, who knows what he'll look like at 35. Some men lose their hair very young and that makes you look older and he may not look that much different in age as you do by that time. Enjoy yourself RIGHT NOW. Yesterday is the past and tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Don't worry about ten years from now.

Thank you all for your words of wisdom and support. This, coupled with last night's healthy dose of chocolate and wine has done wonders for my little moment of self-doubt.

You chicks rule!

Girl

OH we need to resurrect that OLD BODY THREAD....I think women in all relationships worry about it at one point or another....Im with the other women here....ENJOY his compliments and KNOW that he loves...YOU...let your confidence ABOUND GIRL!!! We are worth it!! Hugs!

Originally posted by Girl
Thank you all for your words of wisdom and support. This, coupled with last night's healthy dose of chocolate and wine has done wonders for my little moment of self-doubt.

You chicks rule!

Girl

Wow, chocolate and wine? That's what I call good company!! :) Thank you girl, you are here to stay, aren't you?

Have a glass of wine with us... :)

Why thank you for the hospitality, Maria.

I think I will have a glass of wine and sit a spell. :)

Actually, that sounds really good - hmmm, wine with lunch - oh the possibilities!

Alright Girl, here's a YM's perspective on the older woman image thing. If the YM truly adores the OW for who she is, then the question of image isn't ever there. :)

I'm sure most people at one time or another worry about what they are going to look like when they get older. But what we need to take into consideration is the perception and attitude of the person we're with. If your YM says he doesn't care about your image, then believe him. Obviously, he is with you for who you are and how you treat him.

Let's focus on what you have at the moment - a nice relationship with your YM - rather than what we will look like in the future. Remember, tomorrow is never promised and today is here and now.

good luck

You forgot something, Sally.

Something other than wine, cheese, chocolate and an eventual whining.

I'll send you a gift if you guess. Dan will have the answer so that I don't cheat.

Originally posted by MariaLux
You forgot something, Sally.

Sex? Did she forget sex?

The holy trinity - sex, wine and chocolate. *nods* :D

Thanks for the young man's perspective, Joe. I was hoping one of you fine young gentlemen would step up to the plate and offer up some words of wisdom. Nice to meet you. *curtsy*

OH, I'll have to send you a gift now!!!! :D

I have to save that blushing smiley!!!

Now you'll get two gifts!! :) And so will Girl! :) She was somehow very right... :p

How did I know she was going to answer while I was on my way home?

Yep, Sally was right...this I can verify...

*LOL*

Your gift...

ME! *LOL*

Sally and Girl, meet my sweetie...:)

Hello ladies! It is a pleasure...

Isn't "that"better than any wine, any chocolate?

No sawdust, Sally...but there might be all sorts of other goodies!

Originally posted by sally
Dan, I didn't know you made housecalls....LOL!

Are you certain that profile I pointed out wasn't really your alter ego?:D

I make all kind of housecalls...
For all kind of different reasons...

*Ahem*...*coughs*

Most housecalls are computer based...
I think Polly has a direct land line to my house...*LOL*

I also make housecalls of the nefarious nature, if you know what I mean....*LOL*

That we are ow regardless...no matter how much exercise or how well we eat, our bodies are not the same as when we were 20. Gravity and childbirth have moved some things around but for the most part its a wysiwyg situation. the guys know this and still want an ow.

I think we don't give ym credit enough in that they too know our bodies are not as wonderful as theirs is or are of the same calibur as a yw of 20 but they still want you inspite of it. I mean there are guys who love women over 50, I'm sure they know that gray hair, wrinkles, and sagging boobs come with the package and they still want these women nevertheless. This is what makes them so unique...and as visible a big girl bodies such as Nessa and I have, well as you can see Brian has no problems with her and I don't seem to have a problem with ym, we're being notice and we don't need to hide behind big clothes or sit in the corner hoping for some guy to notice us, the younger ones are.

So I wouldn't worry about getting older, as will he too. How you carry yourself and what kind of good, strong qualities you possess to be a great partner will be the deciding factor, I reckon.

Paris

Trust me I know exactly what you are going through. I recently put a post about the same thing. Everyone here really knows how to give good advice. I am 30 and by gorgeous bf is 19. He also tells me all the time how beautiful I am. I feel and act young and I hope I always will. You probably feel and act the same way. Good luck to you and your ym.

You are so funny. I love your posts.

Relax. Enjoy. Yes give it a year or two before you start worrying. Most guys will love your soul more than your body.

Greg is 34 and I am 49 - soon to be 50 in a week or so. There is no doubt that my body shows all the signs of aging - less elasticity, more saggy woo woo. I mean, it's real. I can't hide it. Greg really seems to embrace it. We talk about it actually. He teases me. He loves my heart and my soul. Would we both like it if I had the body of a 25 year old woman? Yes, indeed. Would Greg love me more? No.

Cindy

Hey thanks, Cindy. I had Dan's HumorSense '95 Beta 2.1 installed and have been laughing ever since! :D

Thank you all for your input. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this boat. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and experiences.

Girl

Well, Girl, in case you haven't found it yet, here's the link to "the old body" thread, one of the most famous of threads here.
http://www.agelesslove.com/boards/showthread.php?s=&threadid=291
David is now almost 21, and I am now almost 49, he still feels the same way.
I certainly haven't gotten more super-modelly either.
There is a certain amount of truth to the saying that love is blind.
It means that you see the one you love in a kind of filtered lens.
They are the person, not just the trimmings.
Actually, the biggest kiss of death, is an insecure, constantly questioning partner. Even if you feel that way sometimes, you'll make him nuts if you constantly point it out to him.
Besides, as was pointed out to me at one time, what an insult to his intelligence to not just accept that he knows what he's talking about when he tells me that to him, I'm gorgeous.
Relax, let him love you. Hard as it is to accept sometimes, its just ok to be you, and be loved.

Just my two cents (better late then never) , I think that all of
us have felt that nagging feeling ...especially if you have been to a mall lately..I swear the malls are magnets for every young beautiful woman in the world. When ever I go I can almost hear them saying to themselves " I'm prettier then you are...I'm prettier then you are!!!" Of couse that is just my neurosis talking (usually a trip to Godiva Chocolates shuts Mr. Neurosis up!)
I even have gone as far as showing my bf (26 to my 44) pictures of when I used to model (when I was 19-21 ..no kids ..no wrinkles ..no stretch marks...need I go on) saying over and over again wasn't I cute..I really looked like that !!! Like I am trying to convince a casting agent to hire me! My bf always says well what do you think you look like now Godzilla or something :confused:
Well I think we all reach a point where we either realize that our bf love us for us or that we are just so great in bed that they don't have time to notice:D Either way we are blessed to have anyone(no matter what the age) that make us feel so alive...and yes at times so young:)

Joi;)

I even have gone as far as showing my bf (26 to my 44) pictures of when I used to model (when I was 19-21 ..

OMG... I did this EXACT thing and my boyfriend had the same response.

Freaky!