When She Has Older Children

I find many women in their late fifties interested in pursuing a relationship with a YM, but I frequently run into either the "I have children your age" or...even worse..."I have children older than you" thing.

Are there any women - or men - here who have met this issue and overcome it? Or is it a biological barrier that is impossible to overcome?

````Are there any women - or men - here who have met this issue and overcome it? Or is it a biological barrier that is impossible to overcome?'''

Keefer, frankly older men have been marrying girls younger than their children for centuries. So theres nothing biological about any `weirdness' you might be feeling about all this.

I don't know about you, but I find having a relationship outside of what others consider to be normal a bit scarey and confronting sometimes. Its not always easy to know how to fit `us' into the world socially and practically. Still, I am proud of my authenticy and of being a pioneer.

I dunno. We were 35 and 19 when we met. I "coulda" given birth to him if I'd gotten started at 16. I'm not all that maternal, so I can't say that I ever felt much like mothering him and ummm.... he's so self-sufficient and calm and mature that it would seem kinda ridiculous to try.

I suspect women who have had children for a long time often feel more like "mothers" than they do like women and love objects and adults in their own right. Which can be caused by years of (rightly) putting their kids interests before their own.

Your job is to remind them that they aren't just mothers - they're also people with a right to strive for happiness and joy in their own lives :>

Get going is I guess all I can say :>

Originally posted by Desert Spring

Your job is to remind them that they aren't just mothers - they're also people with a right to strive for happiness and joy in their own lives :>
[/B]


Excellent advice. Thats what I like about this forum, you don't just get sympathy or *whatever*, you get practical advice!

Yes, I agree with DS - most of us were women long before we were mothers. And sometimes we just need to be reminded to take our "mom" hats off for awhile and put on our "women" hats. Its easy to get bogged down in the mom-mode, forgetting that our wants and needs are real too.

And as far as dating someone who says "I'm old enough to be your mother" ...I heard a good comeback to that once, and it was "yes, that might be true, but I'm not looking for a mother" :p

Hang in there,
Southerngal

Well, I have a daughter a year younger than Joe. That fact doesn't bother me at all . . . but as everyone here saw on Oprah, it bothers my daughter big time. And while I love my daughter dearly, she is going to have to deal with it and let me live my life as I wish.

The fact is that some women do too much worrying about "what will other people think?" And put too much emphasis on the numbers. And that's just what they are: numbers.

A relationship is all about connection and not about who is what age. I would say if a woman is too adamant about the age difference, then move on. There are plenty of women who do not view that as a big hurdle to overcome.

BTW, when they tell you that, refer them to this site and let them read for themself.

Originally posted by southerngal
Yes, I agree with DS - most of us were women long before we were mothers. And sometimes we just need to be reminded to take our "mom" hats off for awhile and put on our "women" hats. Its easy to get bogged down in the mom-mode, forgetting that our wants and needs are real too.

And as far as dating someone who says "I'm old enough to be your mother" ...I heard a good comeback to that once, and it was "yes, that might be true, but I'm not looking for a mother" :p
Hang in there,
Southerngal

My feelings exactly Southerngal!

My oldest will be 25 this year and
my youngest will be 9 in November.
(I have three other children in between,
22, 17 and 16)
I was just lamenting to a friend at work not
long ago that I have been picking up toys,
packing school lunches and
and going to PTA meetings for a lot of years!
And now I have my first grandbaby too!
(But will admit, I am not that involved in the PTA
as much this year- but I am my youngest son's
"Room Mother" for his second grade class!)

No, I am not, in the least bit, interested
in dating a man and playing the role of Mommy!
As a matter of fact-
any man that I date would be an outlet into the
adult world and that is what I would want to
do most with him - adult things!
LOL
I am more than happy to whip up a gourmet
meal for my man on occasion,
followed up by a grateful body massage,
(from him of course),
but I will not pick up after him
and make his life all tidy and nice like a Mommy.
No way.

On the other hand,
I am not looking for a "Daddy"
for my kids either-
they already have that, as my ex
is a fine and devoted Father to all of them.

I think any man that is drawn to dating
OW better think long and hard in regard to
the aspect of her having children and just how
he will be able to handle that.
(Because at some point in time, if he has a
serious relationship with an OW, he will
have to handle it!)

I am not one of these women that would
go on and on about how a man I am dating is
as old as my children- that would be a self-defeating.
Besides, as of now, I won't date a man under
25 years old and in reality, I think the youngest age
for a man that would suit me best,
(especially for long term), would be over 30 years old.
But ya never know....

So guys,
get it straight in your head before you
even date the OW-
can you handle the kid part or not?
Because I tell ya, it's too late to decide all that
once you are already in a relationship with a woman.



<FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=768A76 FACE="Lucida Handwriting">~Sage~ </FONT><img src="http://ChasingDownTheBlue.homestead.com/files/lilfairy.gif">

<FONT SIZE=2 COLOR=Black FACE="Tempus Sans ITC">I don't want no one to squeeze me-
they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me
and rock me through the night
This youthful heart can love you
and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy
Give me one reason to stay here-
and I'll turn right back around
</FONT><FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=Black FACE="Freestyle Script">Tracy Chapman</FONT>

My wife"s kids are just a couple of years younger than me. I am NOT their "daddy" I am their mother's husband.
Once they see that you are a good man and that you love and care for their mother, there should'nt be ant barriers to worry about.
Her kids look at me now as "mom's husband".
We have been married 26 years now.
Best of luck to you.



Cowboy

Are there any women - or men - here who have met this issue

I am 45 and the ages of the males in my life are:

My oldest son = 26
My youngest son = 19
Grandson = 18 months

YM in my life = 23
His son = 4

Prior to meeting my ym I had never even thought about dating anyone younger then myself. To be quite honest if we had met in real life in the beginning I would not have been interested simply due to the age factor. However due to the wonderful world of the internet, I was able to get to know my ym as a person before age really was discussed.

I have introduced my ym to my oldest son and he has also met my grandson. I didn't reveal the relationship I have with my ym to my son, I simply introduced him as a friend.

Initally in the beginning yes it was odd to think that J was younger than one of my sons. Not once has there been a time that I want to "mother" J. Sure I enjoy doing things for J, as he does for me, but those things are no different than the ones that others do for someone they care deeply about.

Okay, Okay I rambled on, (bored here at work)

Summer, I'm another ow whose oldest son is older than her significant other. MY oldest son is 31 and my husband is 24 (:eek: shocking for some people, I'm sure). I feel like a mother when I'm around my 31-year-old son, but I never, ever feel like mothering my husband. It's actually the opposite.....he fathers me all the time! He always has to keep me in line, keep me on track. He is much younger than I am, but he feels and acts much, much older!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by MrsHedgeHog
[B]*grin* and some of us became moms before we were really ready to learn about what it means to be a woman! That was my situation and so Tim is only 3.5 years older than Jim. They even have rhyming monosyllabic names, how weird is THAT?? :rolleyes:

Well, you think *that's* weird, Kelley? Just guess what my oldest son's name is!!! I'll give you a clue; it starts with a J, ends with a y, and has six letters in it, lol.

My husband is 18 years younger than I am. I too am old enough to be his mother but I didn't have my first child until I was 25, which makes him 7 years older than my son and 10 years older than my daughter.

I have to admit that at first although I was flattered to have him interested in me, I was very much aware of our age difference. He continued to pursue me though, telling me once that he would keep me young. When I replied that he would have to keep up first, I knew that we were right for each other.

We've been married almost 7 years now and the funny thing is that there are times when he really does have a hard time keeping up with me. :D

I'm another one with kids older than my guy, three of them.
I also have a nine year old.
He had to work like a trooper to get me past the "I'm WAY to OLD for you" part, but he was patient, and loving and stubborn.
It wasn't easy, but its far from a biological impossibility to overcome too.