Looking for your experiences with counseling

I am thinking of going into counseling, but I have a thing about spilling my guts to strangers. I am just not comfortable doing that and I tend to think of myself as a failure when I can't solve my own problems on my own terms, but I feel like I am in over my head with life in general, and was wondering if any of you have sought professional help and how you feel about that experience/process.

Originally posted by Deli
I am just not comfortable doing that and I tend to think of myself as a failure when I can't solve my own problems on my own terms,

Yes, I can identify with feeling as a failure if I can't solve problems. Looking back I probably could have gone to a counselor one or twice. I did not talk with othersand it made problems longer and more enduring than they should have been.There there should be no shame involved so I say do it if it makes you feel better.

Counseling at Agelesslove: eletricity $20/month
internet $20/month
computer $600
Results: PRICELESS

Oh god - LOL ....

GO TO A COUNSELOR. It's OK. What's not OK is not asking for help when you need it and soldiering on incompetently when you feel like you're drowning. It doesn't make you a failure to go to a counselor. It makes you a smart cookie.

I lost a husband to cancer in 1995 (I was 31 and he was 42 - so I came to this as an
OM/YW refugee - LOL) and I more or less lost my mind for two years from the grief and pain of that experience. If it wasn't for the two wonderful counselors that I saw during that period, I'm not sure I would ever have gotten it back.

It's a big help and nothing besides that.
Try to find a counselor and not a psychoanalyst (local clinics are good for finding a counselor type) and just keep looking till you find someone who feels like right to you.

You'll know. It'll be like somone you'd go out to lunch with if you WEREN'T paying them :>

LOL Grizzly, thanks for the giggle.

I am a therapist, so I'm biased. I work with teenagers who mostly have a hard time 'spilling it' with an adult. But the thing is you have to find someone you connect with - don't just stick with the first counselor you try if you feel totally uncomfortable about the person & his/her style. Ask a counselor for a free first meeting to see if you're okay with them. Yes, there will be some initial discomfort with any new person, but you should have a sense that this person HEARS you and empathizes with you.

And even as a therapist...I too seek out counseling once in a while. We all need an outsider's view once in a while to figure things out - we are too imeshed (spelling?) in our lives sometimes to figure out what we need. A good counselor will ask you the questions you need to hear and help you to help yourself. Much of the time I have the teens come up with their own solution just through asking questions and talking about what worked for them or didn't work for them in the past.

Go. It can't hurt too badly. And it might just help. Counseling does not mean you are weak or mentally ill...it just means you need someone to listen and to help direct you in a new direction.
Good luck!

I was a minister's wife for way too long and I had to do counseling sessions repeatedly with people who had a "hard time spilling it". The secret is, once you've gotten over that initial trepidation, it gets easier to talk to the counselor. Once you've begun talking, it's important to remember to apply what you're hearing in response or going is in vain. Go ahead and go, you'll feel a lot better about yourself and your circumstances as you grow with the process.

Hi Deli, First let me correct a misconception of yours. Going to a counselor is not an admission of failure and weakness -- it is an act of strenght and determination. It takes guts to admit that you can't do it all alone. The weak person is the one who would rather stumble around lost and miserable rather than face the problems and deal with them. Winners go to therapy -- not losers.

I've been in counseling several times, always with good results. My husband Dave is in counseling as well and finds it very beneficial. But you have to go in with the attitude that you want to straighten out your life and that you are willing to break a few eggs to do it. If you go in telling yourself "I can't talk to a stranger." You might as well save your money and stay home. You can go to a doctor and let him poke and prod to help you get better, so you can do it now as well. Trust me on this, if Dave could do it -- so can you.

As Nessa said, you have to pick the right counselor. If you have insurance, most plans give you several "trial" visits to make sure the fit is right. I've had a couple who were nice people but not the right fit for me and one who was crazy as a bedbug. You just politely tell them that you don't think this will work and move on. Try to get a reference from someone you know or your doctor, if you can. But everyone is different and the person who fits your friend may not fit you.

Last and most important...the therapist can give you some suggestions for things to try, or present a different way of viewing a situation, but they can't solve your problems. You have the answers, but sometimes it takes someone holding up a map to help you see them. A good counselor will hold up a mirror. You see yourself a little differently and listen to yourself as the counselor repeats significant statements and then you can see for yourself what needs to be done. They won't give you the solutions, they help you to find them within yourself. Then you have to do that really hard thing and actually put the changes into action.

Peace,
Jane

And it was the very first time I have gone for just me. I have gone for husbands, kids, etc. but this time has been for me.

The number one feeling I felt the first time was validation of my feelings! Wow that was just wonderful, i'll tell you. An unbiased third party listened to an abbrievated story of my life and how I got to be sitting in her office. And she looked at me, and said, I want you to know, you have had a very hard life. And I'm not surprised that you feel the way you do about things now. (I felt like I was starting to come apart at the seams, you know?)

Is it all better yet? No, not by a long shot, but as the others here have said, they help you see things in your life more clearly, how the behaviors of others have impacted you and they give you permission (and there are those of us that need it) to feel dissatisfied with your life, unhappy with your current situation, etc. And they also, thankfully, give you the permission and insight to change!

Counseling has affirmed the things about my life and myself that I've always thought. AND it has also let me realize that I can step away from all my "roles" and be happy, just for myself, not my kids, friends, whatever. We women carry great responsibility for relationships and pay a high price for it as well at times.

Take the first step, you won't be sorry!

Lots of good advice here as always=)....counseling does help you sort out thoughts/ behaviors and gives you someone else to reflect back to you in a way that sometimes cannot seen within ourselves. A counselor can only HELP tho if you are HONEST with them....my kids tend to give counselors 'stories';) until I go back and lead the conversation in the way it REALLY happened=)....anyone can only be as good as the 'story' they receive unless they are skilled in looking past the accounts given and asking the rite questions to help. Finding a counselor that is good is sometimes difficult, but worth the research. Not always is the one that fits your own personality the best.....many are willingly to share their expertise in certain areas and or direct you to another counselor that may have more experience. Goodluck!!

I think everyone said what I wanted to say but I'll give my opinion anyway. Go to the counselor. They are not there to "solve" your problems but to help guide, comfort, and find solutions. I went to one for two months after my wife left and the counselor helped me by letting me pour out my frustrations and anger, then, helping me re-establish my self as a whole.

I feel that most people need a sounding board. Everyone at some point in time needs somebody to talk to about their innermost feelings. A lot of people get those feelings out better if they just talk to a "stranger" or unbiased person. People may not feel as free to talk about embarassing issues with their friends for the simple fact that their friends are a close "family." A counselor/therapist is a good candidate for that, as they are trained professionals and you only have to see them on a once a week or month basis. A comforting fact is that all counselors have to take an oath of confidentiatlity and therefore, no one else has to know about what has been discussed.

The end result is that YOU will be the one determining your actions and decisive output.

Go to the counselor, they can help make a difference. :)

Two words - retail therapy. It works wonders! There is nothing bad enough that a trip to the mall and a new fabulous lipstick won't cure. :)

In all seriousness, I'm a fan of counseling and credit my stable (ahem) personality to the five years I devoted to it in my 20s. More than anything, it helps YOU understand YOU better.

Good luck!

Girl

Wow, thanks for all the input. I think I will take that leap and try it. I am sure it can't cause any damage and I am just not sure what I have been waiting for.

Hi Deli,

For the most part, I agree that counseling can really help. I did have a bad experience though that I posted a few days ago, so here it is copied from my post on Maria's "How do you face prejudice?" question. Here's my experience:

Years ago, I was going through a hard time and thought I'd see if a counselor would help. I had been casually seeing someone 14 years younger than me and I mentioned this in my first meeting with him. The counselor was about my age. Immediately, he said to me, "did you ever think that maybe he thinks you're old enough to be his mother!!!" He made some comment like, "of course he wouldn't seriously want you!" I walked out of the session. It was the first and only time I met with him. He sent a letter saying how he knows that sometimes things we discuss are "hurtful" and that I was welcome to set up another appointment if I wanted. I found out later that this counselor was single and looking. Seems to me that he got his personal ego in the way of his professionalism.

I guess I just want to relay this because while it didn't devastate me, it certainly was not helpful. I did try another counselor again afterwards but I made sure the new counselor did not have a problem with it before I opened up or trusted him. For the most part, counselors can be very helpful and professional, but sometimes, you can end up with one that is more nuts than you or I ever will be.

Going to a counselor or therapist takes courage. It's not a sign of weakness.

Everyone has really said all the great things about counseling and how it benefited them. But I want to point out that it doesn't always move fast. Be patient with yourself and your therapist.

There were many sessions that I left from asking myself 'what did I get out of that?' Of course there were many as well from which I left saying to myself 'awesome, wonderful'.

I haven't been to my therapist now for a year; but even today there are situations in my life where I draw from my several years in therapy with my wonderful therapist.

Bear mentioned that you need to apply what you learn in your sessions. She is correct, however; don't be hard on yourself if you don't. Believe me, you will not apply all stuff immediately. Some things will feel right while others will require some time to chew on the new thoughts and feelings before you can actually apply.

I hope you enjoy it.

Cindy

Hello to everyone,

I am completely new t this, but would nevertheless like to reply to this thread.

I went to a councellor twice a week for a year, thinking that he may help out with some issues I was having with my kids and parents. I thought that I was getting wonderful advice and achieving great progress.

Then, my husband and I went to an Anthony Robbins weekend seminar called Unleash the Power Within and I realized that it takes only a moment to change your life entirely with the right information. It is not therapy most of us need, but the right tools to deal with our issues.

Ever since that weekend (2 years ago), we have enjoyed the best relationship with our kids and parents, not to mention the two of us. There are many other benefits to this, too long a list to bore you with.

I am not knocking therapy, just sujesting something - in addition to.

Good luck whatever you do!

Olie, I know people who have liked the Robbins approach too. I mentioned Landmark Education on another thread, and although the approach there is a bit different, it is also a FAST and VERY effective way of getting insight into yourself (and others), and it is delivered in such a way that there is no gap between what you learn and having to remember to apply it - it just happens. Unless people see for themselves, it's hard to describe.

Therapy is certainly useful, but it has some drawbacks I think: it's long, it's expensive, it is often based on a premise that people need to be "fixed" (and both counselor and counselee remain in that point of view the entire time), and it is extremely dependent on the individual counselor (which can be great...or not). Since counselors are just as human as we are, taking a "pupil" relationship to that person leaves us vulnerable to their own prejudices and abilities - and leaves them with too much responsibility for us. (In the case of onetiger, I would say that is generally appropriate, since she's dealing with kids.) What a horrid experience you had, AdirondackHiker.

I'm not bashing anyone who chooses to go into therapy or finds it useful - it can absolutely be a great thing. There are just so many possible pitfalls in the system, I think, which can cost time, money, and more if things don't fit right.

There's also a continuum, though, of what sorts of issues truly warrant therapy/counseling and what sorts are amenable to the approach I've mentioned. Sometimes the whole menu of what therapy offers is more than what's needed.

If anyone's interested in this other approach, feel free to ask about it. Believe me, I am one of the biggest skeptics on the planet when it comes to anything of the sort, just so ya know.

I believe that therapy may be a long, expensive and sometimes totally fruitless option. I am such a great believer in the other approach simply because it has worked miracles for me and so many other people I know.

I have sent countless friends to these seminars, and have found that it changes their lives for the better absolutely every time!

For us it has been a total turning point. In four days we became totally vegan (my husband and my kids), gave up many bad habits, started looking at life positively (more so then before!).

I stopped taking painkillers and antidepressants (still have no idea why I let my psychiatrist prescribe them in the first place - for headaches, no less). I went from drinking 6 cups of coffee a day to no caffeine at all. My husband and I started working out at least 4-5 days a week, we never exercised before. I totally got rid of my arthritis, which I developed after my daughter was born. We have always had a great physical relationship, but now it is unbelievable! I kid you not - this stuff WORKS!!!

By the way, I am 39 and my husband is 29 and we both feel that in all areas of life, self improvement is the way to go.

We have gone to 4 other Anthony Robbins events, and are looking forward to going to another one in June. This one is in Fiji and it is for couples only (25 couples in total). It is called Unlimited Passion. Any one want to join us? It will be fantastic I hear!

Anyhow, this is just my point of view. Something to think about.
With much love to all,
Olie

:)

Hi Sallly,


I am not trying to discredit anyone, or any viable option of getting ahead or healthy (emotionally or otherwise). It's just that I have seen too many people treated for years by accredited "professionals" for years without any real result. And I have also seen many more come out of Tony Robbins seminars like us, totally turned around.

I do not think it is for everyone, you have to be somewhat ready to receive, and focus on making things better on your own, without a therapist to hold your hand along the way.

We went to these seminars together with my husband, I do not know if it would have been just as easy to do on my own.

To each his/her own, as they say.

My thought on the matter may help someone (I hope).

:) Olie