Watching My Daughter Fumble In Love...

I just got off the phone with my daughter-
she fumbled with the "ball of love".
LOL

Yesterday her fiance, Chris, gave her a big
Easter basket filled with chocolate goodies from
a very expensive gourmet chocolate shop that is
located next to where he works.
I doubt any Easter basket offered at this store
would have gone for under 50.00,
let alone a big one like he gave her.

Well, Sarah has been trying very hard
to shed a few pounds she gained after having Trinity
and lately she has been real blue over these
extra pounds, (she went clothes shopping last week),
and she has sworn off goodies until she loses the weight.
She only needs to lose about 10 pounds really-
but to her, it may as well be 100!

Getting the Easter basket upset her a lot yesterday
as she feels that Chris got it at the last minute,
(of which he did, as he told me that and no, I did not
mention it to Sarah), and she was upset that it is
filled with chocolate when he knows
she is trying so hard to not eat that kind of stuff.
She grumbled to me about it yesterday,
but never said anything to Chris.

Well this morning she complained to him about it
and now they are in a huge tiff over it all.
Ah, "Young Love".
LOL
I told her not to mention anything to him
about it, but she did it anyway.
She had gone out and picked out some nice little
gifts for Chris and put a lot of thought into
what she gave him for Easter and she doesn't understand
why he didn't do the same.

I tried to explain to her that men are just this
way at times- last minute shoppers.
He has done very well towards her at Christmas,
her birthday and other holidays,
so I figure she should have just over-looked this one.
But she didn't and now they are bickering over it.

I know it comes off like Sarah is a spoiled brat-
but she usually doesn't react like this
about gifts that she doesn't like.
I think it has more to do with him giving her a
bunch of chocolate when she is trying to lose weight.

What do you think?
Should Sarah have mentioned something?

Do you have any gift stories to share in regard
to your partner?
(I have a ton of them!! LOL)
When it came to gifts, my ex was not very creative.

It's just kind of funny, yet hard at the same time,
to watch my daughter fumble like this in her realtionship,
but I guess that is how we learn....


<FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=768A76 FACE="Lucida Handwriting">~Sage~ </FONT><img src="http://ChasingDownTheBlue.homestead.com/files/lilfairy.gif">

<FONT SIZE=2 COLOR=Black FACE="Tempus Sans ITC">I don't want no one to squeeze me-
they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me
and rock me through the night
This youthful heart can love you
and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy
Give me one reason to stay here-
and I'll turn right back around
</FONT><FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=Black FACE="Freestyle Script">Tracy Chapman</FONT>

Originally posted by Sage

Do you have any gift stories to share in regard
to your partner?
Gee, Theo didn't get me anything?!

His mom got me some bath eggs, and I got her some ornamental eggs...
They all exchanged nice candy stuff...(somehow appeared after I had been gone...I'm far from being family anyway...)
Funny, I didn't feel left out until I read this...
:( :rolleyes:

well, I didn't get him anything either.
oh well.

I never heard of couples exchanging gifts on Easter. But, I can relate to the issue of receiving chocolate when you are trying to lose weight.

While I was in Romania, Remi brought me back some chocolate ice cream and some chocolate candy from the grocery store. Now mind you, even while on vacation, I was seriously trying to stay away from sweets, but he heard me comment that I love chocolate. So, in his mind, this was a grand gesture bringing me the sweets. And, so, even though I was continuing to work on losing weight while there, I decided to go ahead and eat it this time. When he moves here, I don't know what I'll do if he keeps bringing me treats home like he did there... but I sure won't sweat the small stuff. It's the thought behind the gift that counts the most.

Maybe they could just share the chocolates, in a literal and metaphoric sense. Although I'm sure that's what they would eventually do anyway. I don't think there's a problem with her saying something about it to him, I guess she just needs to let him know she appreciated the intention at the same time. That's where the difficulty lies. It's not easy to come up with the right words to say "Thanks, but no thanks." They both want to feel validated for their actions and I'll ***ume that can only come through good communication. In short, I'm sure they'll work it out in time with a few nice chats.

Oh, and just a quick tip for those trying to get healthier - no I don't have a diet idea!:D But try this: When you wake in the morning, have a gl*** of warm water with a little lemon juice in it. It's not the nicest taste in the world, and it's not automatically going to make you lose weight, but it gets your metabolism going immediately. This means that the food you do consume throughout the day is processed in the most efficient way possible. So when you eat healthy foods and exercise you're getting the greatest benefits from them.

Hope I've helped a little.:)

My ex used to love to surprise me. He took GREAT pleasure in it. One time he arranged a great lunch for us at a fancy restaurant downtown near where I worked. He never told me but since he knows I like to dissappear at lunch time he called my boss and told her to tell me there was a lunch meeting I had to go to and that I had to dress nicer than usual. Then at the appointed hour she called me and said the other members of the meeting were in the lobby and since she was tied up would I go and greet them. Well I did and it was my ex with a bouquet of flowers.

Most women would melt.. absolutely melt. But I hate being lied to to such a degree that I was angry. I hid it. But I also told him later that I don't like to be lied to and I don't like surprises.

Well one time my daughter wanted to come home for my birthday. He actually paid her airfare and all the time the two of them were lying to me. On my birthday I came home from work and my ex said, Kevin got in a lot of trouble today, he is in his room and I told him to stay there, let him tell you what he did.

So I went in his room and there was my daughter sitting on his bed with him and watching tv. My first thought... since the room was dim... is that he was caught in bed with a girl LOL til I saw it was her.

Again I was angry...lies and secrecy... I just can't bear it.

I know in both cases it was a LOVELY thought. I just hate being lied to.

I suppose this kind of thing is why I should never buy any woman I'm with, a vacuum cleaner or cuisinart for a special gift for a birthday or holiday?

*LOL*

And no, I would NEVER do such a thing...

Though I know men who have. And I suppose that's why there has been no nookie in thier house for quite some time. *LOL*

Originally posted by Dan_Shues
I suppose this kind of thing is why I should never buy any woman I'm with, a vacuum cleaner or cuisinart for a special gift for a birthday or holiday?

*LOL*

And no, I would NEVER do such a thing...

Though I know men who have. And I suppose that's why there has been no nookie in thier house for quite some time. *LOL*

I'm actually a HUGE fan of household appliances... :)

edit>> but then, I am pretty freakin' utilitarian!

Actually, Kerri, my mother is too...

She loves to cook and bake...you buy her a pair of new baking pans and the woman is in 7th heaven...

By her a cooking book and she loves it! (As long as it's not something extreme like 2001 ways to cook a household pet!) Last year, she was complaining about how our microwave was old and not powerful enough. Now, I could of dropped it when she was gone and said that a poltergeist knocked it off...

Instead, my dad and I just said, "Screw it'...*LOL*...we went and for Christmas, bought her a brand spanking new microwave...

She was in heaven!

I think I heard a bit of female Tim Taylor from Home Improvementi n her, "MORE POWER! ARGUH!"

Originally posted by Roberto
[B I don't think there's a problem with her saying something about it to him, I guess she just needs to let him know she appreciated the intention at the same time. That's where the difficulty lies. It's not easy to come up with the right words to say "Thanks, but no thanks." They both want to feel validated for their actions and I'll ***ume that can only come through good communication. In short, I'm sure they'll work it out in time with a few nice chats.
Hope I've helped a little.:) [/B]

Hey, i would have to agree with Roberto on this one. She got a nice gift so show a little graditude and be thankful that she has a decent guy that will give her sometime! Not everyone has someone like that in their life.

We men can't read a women's mind:(, so Sarah need to communicate her thoughts and feelings to her man in a respectable way. So he can understand WHY this is not the best gift in her eyes. Maybe he''ll do better next time....;)

Sarah and Chris worked things out without it
turning into too big of a deal.

I guess I am to blame for the tradition of
gifts at Easter.
I was really poor when I was a single parent and
on the holidays I tried to "make up" for that.
I didn't give the kids lavish gifts,
but I did do up baskets and with the usual candy,
and gave them something like an inexpensive shirt, a music CD
or knick-knack for their room.

Sarah was grateful for her gift from Chris-
but was upset that he didn't pay more attention
to her mission to not eat sweets right now.
She would have been happy with just a card-
I think it was a case of her feeling like Chris doesn't
"listen" to her.....

She called me a little bit ago and told me that
Chris has eaten almost half the candy in the basket,
so it is not going to waste.
LOL

Anyway,
in regard to household items as gifts:
I only like to get them when I ask for them.
If I don't need them, pots and pans as a gift
won't get me that excited.

I remember one Christmas, I was thrilled to find
wooden spoons in my Christmas stocking from Sarah-
I really needed them!



<FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=768A76 FACE="Lucida Handwriting">~Sage~ </FONT><img src="http://ChasingDownTheBlue.homestead.com/files/lilfairy.gif">

<FONT SIZE=2 COLOR=Black FACE="Tempus Sans ITC">I don't want no one to squeeze me-
they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me
and rock me through the night
This youthful heart can love you
and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy
Give me one reason to stay here-
and I'll turn right back around
</FONT><FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=Black FACE="Freestyle Script">Tracy Chapman</FONT>

I can understand her being upset...it does make you feel like someone is not listening to you if they get you a present that goes against what you have been saying...such as giving a woman who is dieting a gift of chocolate...or tickets to a ball game to someone who hates sports...it comes across as giving a gift for the sake of a gift as opposed to actually listening and knowing the person. I think in this situation it's okay to say, "I appreciate that you gave me a gift. It was very kind of you. The thing is, you know that I am on a diet and that this is tough for me to do. Why would you give me chocolate? It makes me feel that you don't listen to me and what my needs are at this time. I do appreciate what you give me & the time you took to get this gift...I just want you to know how this gift made me feel." It's always good to tell a person that you don't feel listened to...and to put it in words that don't attack the person but let them know how their actions make you feel.

What Caden got me for Easter. . .


http://www.fredericks.com/product.asp?catalog%5Fname=Holiday2002&category%5Fname=Plus+%2D+Lingerie&product%5Fid=50640

Delivered to my door with flowers. He's SO sweet....<G>


And I can see both sides of this discussion. Yes, Sarah is attempting to lose weight and he should have respected that, but, he's a guy, they don't always think in those terms, as I'm learning.

The silliest gift I was given by my ex right after my son was born..and for MOTHER'S DAY ...was a PUNCH BOWL!...I was like what the heck? He's like, well I'm sure we'll have birthday parties for our son as he gets older(he was a newborn) and we can use it then...:rolleyes:

Well I told him to take the bowl back to the store...probably why he never gave me anything ever again......but at least I didn't have a cupboard full of punch bowls.. :p LOL

We celebrated Passover and its not a "gift" holiday.

However, here is my "strangest gift from a man" story. On my first Valentines Day as husband and wife with my now ex-husband, he brought me a brand new pair of Nikes. I showed them to my sister, who's own husband had brought her 1 dozen long stem red roses. She laughed and said that it was a typical unromantic gift from my husband, who's reputation for practicality was renowned. I smiled at her and told her that this was probably the most romantic gift I had ever received. He found my shoe size successfuly. He went to the store himself and picked a gift that he believed would give me pleasure for a long time. He wrapped it himself and included a nice card. I was touched. I wore those Nikes for YEARS! My sister's roses lasted but a few short weeks (though her marriage did last longer!).

I can really relate to Kookie's story
and that is exactly why Sarah was upset.
She felt that Chris doesn't care enough
to put some thought into the gift for her
and that he went out and got "anything" at the
last minute.
(Which he admitted to me that is exactly what he did-
the store was next to his work, he ran in and grabbed
the first thing that he saw the night before Easter)

That was my biggest complaint with my ex-
he always put off gift shopping until the
very last minute.
My birthday is on Christmas Eve and every
year that we were together,
that is when he would go out and Christmas shop
and get my birthday present.
He never took a list and if I had told him something
that I wanted, he wouldn't remember it.
With the stores being such a zoo on that day too,
he would buy anything to just get out of the
crowded and crazy mall.
I eneded up with some really dumb and
un-wanted gifts.

One year, I really wanted a pair of black boots.
Not the high fashion sexy kind-
but the durable, sensible walking kind.
I had even pointed the style I wanted out to him
one day in an ad from the paper.
Well, come Christmas morning, he gave me
shoes, but they were white tennis shoes,
(the cheapest brand there is).

Well, for one, I already had a pair of white Nikes
and didn't need these.
Secondly, they were the wrong size-
a whole size too small.
They had to go back to the store.
He got very upset at me because I was taking them back
and accused me of not "appreciating" anything he gave me.
He pouted for a long time over that one.
I don't know what else I could have done-
they were too small!
I asked him why he didn't get me the black boots
and he said the store no longer had them.
So white tennis shoes instead?

The whole time I was married to this man,
he would pitch a fit if I took back any gift that
he gave me.
It got to the point that I told him to never get
me clothing of any kind.
It was always the wrong size,
(and always something I didn't ask for
and usually didn't like), and I found
myself just stashing it away or sneaking off to exchange it.
If the gift wasn't clothing, I kept it, even it I hated it.
It just wasn't worth it to exchange it and have
him get all upset.

Yes, we should be appreciative of the gifts
that someone gives us,
but a person should put a little thought into what
they give and not always do it in a mad dash
at the last minute.
They say "It's the thought that counts'-
and this is so true.
My ex never put any real thought into the
gifts that he gave me and it showed.
(It also hurt)



<FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=768A76 FACE="Lucida Handwriting">~Sage~ </FONT><img src="http://ChasingDownTheBlue.homestead.com/files/lilfairy.gif">

<FONT SIZE=2 COLOR=Black FACE="Tempus Sans ITC">I don't want no one to squeeze me-
they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me
and rock me through the night
This youthful heart can love you
and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy
Give me one reason to stay here-
and I'll turn right back around
</FONT><FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=Black FACE="Freestyle Script">Tracy Chapman</FONT>

Originally posted by kookie1
Yes it DID hurt....that was the worse part. And I used to go out of my way to get him something he wanted. Early in our marriage, when there wasn't a lot of money, he mentioned once how one of these days he was going to be comfortable enough to buy this particular tennis racket (he showed it to me while looking through some jock magazine). I immediately started to figure out a way to get that tennis racket for him for his birthday, which was 10 months away. I saved every penny I could to get enough to buy that thing (it was $400 at the time). And I gave it to him for his birthday and floored him!

I'm not saying it's the COST that counted....hell, that GOLD watch he bought me cost WAY more than a sterling silver one would have. It hurt because I knew he never really SAW me or LISTENED to me. He didn't know me at all. :(


Kookie,
you sound just like me!
I did the same thing in regard to gifts for me ex.

He wanted a welder for a long time and one year
I pinched pennies for months in order to give him that.
I even got my friend's husband to do some shopping around
for me and found one worth 500.00 going for 360.00.
I was so excited and he was thrilled to get it!
I even got him the welder's helmet and leather apron-
another 150.00.

Then one year, he really wanted a sound system
for his work shop-
I did the same, saved my pennies for months
and got him a real nice one.
He loved it!

The whole time we were married I wanted
a nice curio cabinet.
I never got it.
It was after the divorce, that I went out and
purchased a very nice one.
I could never understand why he didn't get me one.
Money was never the issue and he knew
it was something I wanted much
and he would even go as far as to make comments
about how nice it would be if we had one.
But, he never went out of his way to get me one
and that hurt my feelings a great deal.

I have a friend whose husband is the best
gift giver ever!
He plans ahead and gives her the most wonderful
and thoughtful gifts.
(So I know a man can do it!)
I have to admit,
I was very envious of that when I was married.

One of the worst Christmas' I had with my ex was
when our marriage was having troubles and
getting to the point of divorce.
He didn't do much for my birthday-
a tiny potted poinsettia, which I already had about
3 of them given to me that year,
(people love to give me poinsettias for my birthday).
Come Christmas morning all he gave me were a
pair of heavy wool boot socks.
His excuse is that he just ran out of time for shopping.
I was very hurt.
But the worse thing about it-
he ended up taking the socks and wearing
them in his work boots!
I never wore them once!
And my gift to him that year-
the DVD player that he'd been drooling over
along with a variety of DVD's.




<FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=768A76 FACE="Lucida Handwriting">~Sage~ </FONT><img src="http://ChasingDownTheBlue.homestead.com/files/lilfairy.gif">

<FONT SIZE=2 COLOR=Black FACE="Tempus Sans ITC">I don't want no one to squeeze me-
they might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me
and rock me through the night
This youthful heart can love you
and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around
Wasting my precious energy
Give me one reason to stay here-
and I'll turn right back around
</FONT><FONT SIZE=5 COLOR=Black FACE="Freestyle Script">Tracy Chapman</FONT>

My ex was horrid with the gift giving. One year he bought me a sweater with HORIZONTAL stripes!!!! I was not amused. His taste was horrible and he never got anything right - I'd TELL him what I wanted and he'd still screw it up. I'm the opposite of Kookie, give me gold - I can't count the silver jewelry I got over the years. And black onyx, he must have given me a truck load of the stuff. He'd buy me clothing I wouldn't let somebody I hate wear. It was just saddddddddd. The last few years we were married, I'd go buy my own gifts or make a detailed list and he'd go purchase what I picked out. What an idiot.