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View Poll Results: Do you feel threatened by the sophisticated OW.

Voters
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  • I felt threatened in the beginning of our relationship.

    2 15.38%
  • I feel threatened all the time

    0 0%
  • I didn't feel threatened in the beginning, but feel threatened now since marriage/living together.

    0 0%
  • I have never felt threatened by OW.

    11 84.62%
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Thread: Do You Feel Threatened By The More Sophisticated Ow

  1. #1
    goodchild Guest

    Do You Feel Threatened By The More Sophisticated Ow

    I've seen on several occasions where OW express concerns that indicate that they feel insecure and feel like they are competing with YW because they are dating YM. Not that their YM are giving them reasons to feel threatened, but the fear or need to compete seems to be a deep rooted problem on the part of the OW.

    So my question : YW do you feel threatened by OW or feel that you need to compete with OW? Do you ever feel worried that if he is at a work function with much older sophisticated, mature and professional women he will be tempted to start an affair OR realize that you are not mature and settled enough to have a longterm relationship/marriage. Do you worry that you might not be able to host a dinner party because you've had no experience in such things? Do you worry about your cooking skills at major family gatherings, especially during the holidays?


    You are allowed to vote only once, but I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter


    NB. This post was created in a good-natured way and my wish is not to offend anyone.

  2. #2
    PinkPanther_04 Guest
    Actually, "sophisticated, mature and professional women" sound kind of boring to me, unless they're also fun, adventurous and witty. And any guy I'd be interested in would be more inclined toward those latter traits.

    I know enough people of all ages who have all sorts of strengths and weaknesses that I don't even consider things like that anymore. I can hold my own with just about anyone. Now, someone may want to underestimate me because of my age, but that's a reflection on them and they're likely to figure out that they're wrong pretty quickly.

    Sophistication and the ability to roast the perfect turkey aren't the end all and be all of life (and it's not as if everyone figures these things out when they turn some magic age). Every single person has their own mix of qualities. Being the best you you can be is the important thing, and a lot of people don't ever figure that out regardless of their age. I do have brief, fleeting moments of insecurity, mostly because I'm still in school at nearly 30. Sometimes grad school just feels like a way to avoid adulthood, really. But most of the time I'm pretty confident, and a lot of that comes from my adaptability. If you're feeling at all insecure, make a point of learning about new things and keeping up with current events. If you feel like you can discuss just about anything that comes up in conversation, and ask intelligent questions about things you don't know, you'll probably feel more confident.

  3. #3
    esjayo Guest
    YW do you feel threatened by OW or feel that you need to compete with OW?

    I don't think I have ever felt threatened by OW, I actually feel more threatened around YW. Most of my friends are OW. Most OW tend to be more mature and don't judge as much as the YW. I do have my insecurities though and am usually shy with everyone the first time I meet them.

    Do you ever feel worried that if he is at a work function with much older sophisticated, mature and professional women he will be tempted to start an affair OR realize that you are not mature and settled enough to have a longterm relationship/marriage?

    I'm not involved in a relationship with the OM I am interested in, but hypothetically, I don't think he would be tempted to have an affair but I would worry that he may see me as too immature or not knowledgable enough to hold a decent conversation and may develop doubts of the relationship. I don't think he would doubt my commitment to a longterm relationship though, it would have to be up to him on whether he would want to continue.

    Do you worry that you might not be able to host a dinner party because you've had no experience in such things?

    I probably would worry considering all of his friends are actors/actresses and like socialising and doing the dinner party thing, I'm not used to travelling in his circles and would worry that I wouldn't fit in and be under scrutiny.

    Do you worry about your cooking skills at major family gatherings, especially during the holidays?

    Nah, I am a pretty good cook. Although one year I did make a chocolate tart after a big feast that I cooked up, I kind of overcooked it though. It was still edible, but my boyfriend of the time said in front of all his family, that was the worst he had ever tasted. I was absolutely devastated and embarassed.....lol. I spent the rest of the night unable to talk as I was biting my lip to stop it from quivering...LOL. Pathetic, I know.

  4. #4
    goodchild Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPanther_04 View Post



    Sophistication and the ability to roast the perfect turkey aren't the end all and be all of life (and it's not as if everyone figures these things out when they turn some magic age). Every single person has their own mix of qualities. Being the best you you can be is the important thing, and a lot of people don't ever figure that out regardless of their age. I do have brief, fleeting moments of insecurity, mostly because I'm still in school at nearly 30. Sometimes grad school just feels like a way to avoid adulthood, really. But most of the time I'm pretty confident, and a lot of that comes from my adaptability. If you're feeling at all insecure, make a point of learning about new things and keeping up with current events. If you feel like you can discuss just about anything that comes up in conversation, and ask intelligent questions about things you don't know, you'll probably feel more confident.

    As usual PP very insightful! In the beginning of my relationship, I did feel a little threatened by OW, but it emanated from not understanding why a man of his stature would be interested in me. As our relationship progressed that threat was no longer there as we had so much in common, which explained our attraction to each other.

    I'm usually confident about my home making skills but after we moved in together, I kept wondering if he was silently comparing me to his ex-wife. Then I learned that she had both nannies and housekeepers and my insecurities disappeared. On a general basis though, I do not feel threatened by older women. I'm confident enough to know that I can hold my own in pretty much any situation.

  5. #5
    goodchild Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by esjayo View Post
    Do you worry that you might not be able to host a dinner party because you've had no experience in such things?

    I probably would worry considering all of his friends are actors/actresses and like socialising and doing the dinner party thing, I'm not used to travelling in his circles and would worry that I wouldn't fit in and be under scrutiny.

    I can relate to that one. I get along well with people of all ages and older people seem to enjoy my company. However, I did feel a little worried that maybe people would snub me at dinner parties, thinking I'd have very little to contribute. However, once he introduced me to a few people and a conversation began, it was very hard for him to get me away from them. I now know many of the people that patronize the functions we generally attend together so I feel totally at home most times.

    My sweetie has a wonderful way of easing me into any situation I might not be familiar with and if I'm unsure about anything, I feel comfortable asking him for guidance or I do some research.

  6. #6
    Greeneyedlily Guest
    Ok, well, he's not mine but I have to admit I have felt a TINY bit threatened when the mothers of the children are in the dojo, or when a new woman started and she ended up being a lot closer to his age...(although she LOOKED a few yrs older than myself!) but I have one thing on my side and that's youth. Sometimes it is a mixed blessing, but what YW have now is what OW wish they had all over again! LOL Not trying to be mean or arrogant, that's just the way I think about it so I DON'T feel threatened... lol It's like most guys' fantasy to have a younger woman... so why would he want an older one when there's a younger one standing right in front of him? PLUS when the YW have more mature qualities in comparison to their peers, and to some OW as well, it's getting the both of best worlds for the OM, right?! LOL But, ok, the hot 40 yr old still bugs me, especially if I think she's talking to him too long.... haha BUT then he smiles at me and it's like I know he must totally want me! You'd have to see these looks... I swear they'd melt ice!

  7. #7
    goodchild Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by sheila4pd View Post
    Goodchild, no ofense from your thread. I think it is quite interesting. Being threatened IMO is not so much a factor of the age of the other women but of the love and commitment your man feels towards you.
    Point taken Sheila, but the angle from which I took my discussion stem from questions where OW feel very insecure because their ym is going to be in the company of yw -for example, an office party and most of his colleagues are yw. The OW tend to be worried that somehow, being around yw where there is booze and some dancing, the ym will find himself lusting or possibly find himself in a compromising situation. I have seen many a post here about situations like this and it is very often an OW/YM relationship that is not in the early stages. What is interesting, is that the older women give no indication that their younger partners give them any reason to doubt their commitment to their relationship. So why the fear?

    What is even more interesting, is that other OW seem to share the OP discontent, apprehension and anxiety that the ym is in such a 'precarious' situation (in the company of yw). In some sense, I get the impression that the OW is worried that the yw will throw themselves at the ym and then the ym will have trouble controlling himself.

    I've never seen a post by a YW who is worried because her OM is at a party with his colleagues from work. Why is that so? There are many hot , sophisticated, worldly, intelligent 40+ women out there that even me sometimes stop and say "wow I want to look like that when I'm her age" Yet I do not feel threatened by them.

    PS. I am using the party scenario as an example, but that doesn't mean I'm speaking about any OW in particular or my comments are directed at any particular member here.

  8. #8
    Misery Guest
    but I have one thing on my side and that's youth. Sometimes it is a mixed blessing, but what YW have now is what OW wish they had all over again!
    No offense Greeneyed lily, but are you kidding? What make you so sure we wish we had it all over again? I wouldn't go back to that age for anything...i've never been happier than i am now. And by the way , not all men want a younger woman. My VYM didn't pick me for my age, he wants me for me. And for the most part i am who i am BECAUSE of my age, not in spite of it.

  9. #9
    tinydancer Guest
    I would not go back to being in my 20's or 30's for anything...hell no lol!
    Too much inner turmoil.
    Besides, my generation had the best music, the general public still gave a ****, sex, drugs, and rock n roll was our motto
    Glad I lived it....glad it's over and that I survived many things that I shouldn't have lol!
    When I was involved with a y/m for 5 years....I did seem to care more about my looks which I hated but......I would never be with a man that I was worried about trusting, etc....
    And BTW...I am 47 and usually try to avoid cooking at all costs!
    I'll go a party much quicker than I'll throw one....let someone else do all the work and the clean up
    Blessings, TD

  10. #10
    goodchild Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by sheila4pd View Post
    I

    On the other hand I have noticed that some YW get personally offended when they find out a man their age prefers an OW, and start a campaign to debunk the older woman. I do not think the opposite is as prevalent.
    Young or old the man should be able to control himself. So what if the yw comes on to him or "attempt to debunk the OW?" Is the ym helpless? What of his responsibility? Women of all ages flirt with men. If the yw is capable of 'debunking the ow' then obviously he wasn't into the ow in the first place. Where is the commitment? I wouldn't want to be with someone who is not capable of exercising self control or stay true to his commitment. Is the ym to be protected because of his age? Isn't he a man, an adult?

    Once again the burden of self control and sexual restraint is placed on women; in this case yw.

  11. #11
    Strwbrries's Avatar
    Strwbrries is offline Today me, Tomorrow you...
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    I know when I dated older men, I did feel threatened by women closer to their own age because I always felt that they had more in common; music, memories of growing up during a certain era, the "remember when we were kids" very different from "remember when I was a kid" oh yeah, you were grown already. An older woman had that polish that I just didnt feel that I had, I was still green around the edges.

    Now that Im in my mid 30's there is NO WAY that I would be in my 20's again. Forget it all that trying to find out who you really are, always trying to find an angle to try to get to a guy, instead now when we're women we know what we want and just go out and get it, that hesitation isnt there anymore.

    I think the threat that older women feel towards younger women isnt their youth, but the fact that most younger women dont respect or see the relationship that an older woman has with a younger man as "real". It's this mentallity that bugs the hell out of us because they are constantly throwing themselves at the younger partners. It gets annoying and old. (no pun intended) lol

    WHen I was single and with best friend at a bar, we overheard some young women early 20's talking about an older woman with her ym date and how one of the women was going to try to chat up the ym "after all, look whats he with, she doesnt have a chance."

    I believe we all clapped and sent the couple a round when the ym turned the yw down. That was a funny night.

  12. #12
    goodchild Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Strwbrries View Post
    I think the threat that older women feel towards younger women isnt their youth, but the fact that most younger women dont respect or see the relationship that an older woman has with a younger man as "real". It's this mentallity that bugs the hell out of us because they are constantly throwing themselves at the younger partners. It gets annoying and old. (no pun intended) lol
    Most ow /om (just people in general) feel that ow/ym relationships are not 'real' so I still don't get it. As I stated before, why feel threatened if the ym is committed to the ow. Afterall, he's not with her because she's older, he is with her because of her personality; at least that's what most ow profess about their relationships on this site: They are not together because of the age, love just happened; age played very little or no part in their attraction to each other.

    Is it that most ym is just as fickle as most yw? Again I ask, what about the ym's responsibility in all of this? Is he helpless and have to be protected? Is he not an adult? Is he more likely to be swayed by a yw than an om would?

    The situations I presented in my first post are situations in which the yw could feel threatened by OW but from the poll (so far) most don't feel that way and I'm really interested in hearing their views. I've never seen a post indicating such fears.

    YW, please vote!

  13. #13
    Strwbrries's Avatar
    Strwbrries is offline Today me, Tomorrow you...
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    Quote Originally Posted by goodchild View Post
    Most ow /om (just people in general) feel that ow/ym relationships are not 'real' so I still don't get it. As I stated before, why feel threatened if the ym is committed to the ow. Afterall, he's not with her because she's older, he is with her because of her personality; at least that's what most ow profess about their relationships on this site: They are not together because of the age, love just happened; age played very little or no part in their attraction to each other.

    Is it that most ym is just as fickle as most yw? Again I ask, what about the ym's responsibility in all of this? Is he helpless and have to be protected? Is he not an adult? Is he more likely to be swayed by a yw than an om would?

    The situations I presented in my first post are situations in which the yw could feel threatened by OW but from the poll (so far) most don't feel that way and I'm really interested in hearing their views. I've never seen a post indicating such fears.

    YW, please vote!

    Oh i agree there is a responsibility. An any younger man who is so easily swayed isnt worth having but like I said some women view other women who continuously throw themselves at their men as a threat. Some women. I personally see them as annoying, kind of like a toddler saying look at me look at me or those little dogs that try to hump your ankles and wont leave you alone and I have found that my fiance feels the same way.

    Honestly, I remember my godmother (R.I.P.) who once said about men and women in general

    " It's about that person's moral fabric. You can have a woman who is always throwing herself at a man even though the man has shown no interest and when the man finally decides to takes whats so freely offered, she gets upset when it's not for the long term and his attention quickly passes to someone else who does interest him. It's about a man's moral fabric and if he happy to take what is freely given even when he has someone at home who loves them. For those type of people, there is nothing to do but feel pity for them because they dont have anything real to offer or they dont know what they have at home can one day disappear. Dont waste your tears on a man who isnt worth having or your anger at a woman who will always end up alone."

    She told me this after an exbf cheated on me. I loved her dearly and I miss her very much.

    Everyone is responsible, the woman has no respect for herself or another's relationship, the man who doesnt respect his relationship or his partner and the woman either looks away from what is happening or doesnt have enough respect for herself to be with a man who would tell the other woman to get lost or leave the jerk who would take anything offered.

    Thankfully, I have been present when my Fiance has told some chick to go get stuffed.

  14. #14
    scott2075 Guest
    I don't feel threatened by any older women. I didn't feel threatened when I was in an age gap relationship. My problem is, I see every adult as equals, I don't see age, but I tend to get along with the older people better.
    If you know that you are the shiznit, then there is no worries about your SO thinking someone else is. Judge people's performance.

  15. #15
    Greeneyedlily Guest
    Wasn't trying to bag on anyone! My statements were made in jest as the thread was too! I'm not judging anyone by their age, I'm just saying from the stereotypical standpoint... that it's common for older men to fantasise about younger women... wasn't saying anyone was sagging or dragging LOL (hell, my weight's been up and down my whole life, so essentially, my boobs aren't as perky as they they should be!) But like I said, I meant no offense, I was just going off of what is common thought... and it could be the same thing about young stud with muscles and tight bods... lol works both ways, I was just saying that's personally what I tell MYSELF so that I don't feel threatened! LOL I mean common ladies with more life experience... educated, have a career already, own a house, are self sufficient... those are kind of intimidating to a college student who still technically lives at home!

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