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Thread: I've returned... a year later!

  1. #1
    M&M's Avatar
    M&M
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    I've returned... a year later!

    Its been a bit over a year since I posted here, last fall things got bad between me and the guy I like and then people got rude on here so I left. Now, I have debated and debated for a few months about posting ever again but I wanted to update everyone, if anyone is interested and maybe see what your thoughts are on things now. I will read all comments but only take advice that I feel is really good. I need to truly think about it.

    A brief summary on what happened before I left..... I like my neighbor.... he is now 51, I am 31. We hit it off April 2012 almost instantly and we would have many talks for a hour or so in the grass about life and just things in general. I got to know him really well over a few brief months. He was living with his elderly ill mom and he ended up having a surgery in sept 2012, I tried to be kind and give him a get well card and offered to be there for him if he needed anything and included my number. He flipped out over it, saying we were not friends or friends for years to come and that I was not his go to guy, he had enough to deal with, with his mom and he did not appreciate me giving him the number, it felt like a junior high infatuation. It was extremely hard to deal with esp living next door but I held on to the deep belief in my heart that he is not "that guy" and he had a off day. Everyone told me to blow him off and move on, I lived my life but I kept on waiting for him. I have a forgiving spirit and I could not harbor hate for him.

    Anyway.... within a month of the incident, he came around to me. He never actually said sorry about it, but he was really kind to me and would start chats again and be nice to my dogs. It was like nothing changed. However it was only once a month that we talked for a while, and not at all in January. Then, sadly, in June this past year he lost his mom. I was the second person in the neighborhood he told. He was out mowing, stopped the mower and came to me to tell me. A few days later, terrified because of how things went so badly in the fall, I left him a sympathy card while he was at work. Turns out, he loved it. He came to me and thanked me for it and said he very much appreciated it. Well he inherited the house from his mom so he still lives next door, and this past summer, we got to know each other even more and would talk on average 3 times a week, nearly all of them, because he wanted to talk to me first.

    In early July he went out his way to buy treats for my dogs, the man has no dogs of his own and he doesn't talk to anyone else around here who owns dogs. he stated they were for my dogs. He kept them near the fence we share so he could give them treats often. Then a few days later, his brother was visiting and he came over to the fence and called my dogs over and introduced them all by name to his brother and then told me to come over and he introduced me to his brother. He didn't refer to me as a neighbor exactly but rather "This is Melissa, she lives next door" well this summer I got many times to talk to him in the garage, which we never did before and even went into his back yard. He ended up planting some trees and had all this dirt. I mentioned It would be nice to take some for some holes in the front yard that are tough to mow over and he actually brought the dirt over and did the work himself. Then a few days later he said "I saw a few other holes and filled them too"

    Two more times since July he has bought my dogs treats and has made sure they were high quality stuff he would feed his own pet if he had one. There has been a few times I even talked to him without the dogs around. which for me, is huge, since they are my crutch but I feel confident enough with us now to approach him. I invited him to my dogs birthday and he thought it was sweet but had plans so he didnt come. I had been talking about this house nearby that I wanted to buy and he would ask me even weeks later if I heard anything. I still have never asked again for his number, I dont know that I ever can, I'd probably come off creepy. I just have to talk to him by chance.

    Back in August he claimed that once he fixed up the house he was gonna let me inside to show me the furniture because It has wildlife on it and I'd love it. He met my dad this summer too and he barely talks to him, he ignores him quite alot but even if he has company over, if he says me, we talk, even if its super quick. I have let the past go and I just am living for today. Not gonna worry about why he did or said those things. Not worth ruining how awesome things are now. Oh he even donated these dolls to a nursing home group in memory of his grandma and when I said it was an amazing idea he got me all the info so I could donate to the one I volunteer at.

    I guess I just wanted to let you know he isn't a jerk, he is a sweet man as I always believed, things are very good... but I am still not sure if he is only being nice because he feels he should since we are neighbors or if he likes me and I think its too risky to tell him how I feel when I am not sure which way he is leaning, I could ruin something thats going well. My dogs adore him and have helped him alot with his moms death.
    trolleycar likes this.

  2. #2
    theREALTrish's Avatar
    theREALTrish is offline Senior Member
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    I remember you and the whole story. I'm glad that things were ironed out between you and that you have a nice relationship now.
    The only thing that I would suggest is that you don't tell him exactly how you feel.

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    M&M's Avatar
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    Don't worry I wont. I'll suffer with these feelings til I die.... but I cant tell him. I know everything will fall apart if I do

  4. #4
    gorillagirl Guest
    i remember you also. it's groovy your neighbor is being civil and i really want to encourage you to go out and meet other men. your contact with him is far too infrequent for you to be on his radar as a potential partner. if a man wants you, will you know this.
    theREALTrish and pinkunicorn like this.

  5. #5
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    I'd rather be single thanks. I have 0 desire to "look" its not gonna happen.

    I am patient, if its meant to be, it will happen, if not, at least I got a friend out of it. I don't NEED a man in my life.

  6. #6
    gorillagirl Guest
    cool. so, you're all good then.

  7. #7
    M&M's Avatar
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    Content... is a better word. I just wanted to share the updated. Advice from strangers is something I am trying to avoid now. Learned my lesson there. I know he doesn't like me and likely never will. Doesn't change my feelings but I just have to live with it

  8. #8
    theREALTrish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by M&M View Post
    Content... is a better word. I just wanted to share the updated. Advice from strangers is something I am trying to avoid now. Learned my lesson there. I know he doesn't like me and likely never will. Doesn't change my feelings but I just have to live with it
    Unrequited love is so painful to deal with. We've probably all felt those feelings at some time in our lives. Just remember that you do deserve to have someone feel that way about you. Right now you might not feel that you want to be open to anyone else but that might change in the future.

    We're here to give you support and help you in any way that we can.
    Mebel and gorillagirl like this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by theREALTrish View Post
    Unrequited love is so painful to deal with. We've probably all felt those feelings at some time in our lives. Just remember that you do deserve to have someone feel that way about you. Right now you might not feel that you want to be open to anyone else but that might change in the future.

    We're here to give you support and help you in any way that we can.
    I've never wanted to be married, I still don't. I've gone 31 years without a boyfriend and I am fine. I am very set in my ways, its not gonna change. My dad only started talking to him because was convinced he liked me, of course I was excited but then didn't let myself, as I know better. Some people are never meant to have love, if its me, than it is what it is. I still love him with all my heart. That wont change. Its by far the most real connection I've ever had with another human

  10. #10
    theREALTrish's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by M&M View Post
    I've never wanted to be married, I still don't. I've gone 31 years without a boyfriend and I am fine. I am very set in my ways, its not gonna change. My dad only started talking to him because was convinced he liked me, of course I was excited but then didn't let myself, as I know better. Some people are never meant to have love, if its me, than it is what it is. I still love him with all my heart. That wont change. Its by far the most real connection I've ever had with another human
    It's not true that some people are never meant to have love....

  11. #11
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    Trish... lets agree to disagree. I have believed it since I was a kid that there is not "Someone for everyone" its a myth... unless you settle and I refuse to settle. There is really no point in spending my life "searching" to come up with "mediorcoe or good enough" just because someone likes me.... this is the man I am meant to be with... I believe it 1000% and if we are not ever together, its simply because I am not meant for "someone" and thats ok. My life is not valued because I have someone or not. You know how they say, love will come when you least expect it.... well thats how this happened. I NEVER was interested in dating etc and just content with life as I am now and BAM.... and it has grown stronger and stronger. Obviously his sweet gesutures don't help matters, I only fall for him more but at least he is still in my life. So I can't complain. I believe there is a REASON we came back to each other and stronger than before. he has no reason EVER to go beyond hi, how its going if he simply wanted to be civil. It started out slowly, once a month but its 3 times a week at least since the end of June. Thats sure an amazing turn of events if you ask me. I don't know why but I can't question it. I'll never tell him how I feel and if he unlikely has feelings for me, I'll likely never know either so for now, just live for the day.

    At any rate... I appreciate you being kind and trying to offer me "consoling" words but I am set in my ways. I believe wholeheartedly what I believe.

  12. #12
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    Just wanted to say that I'm glad he came around and you guys are talking. If anything it sounds like you have a nice friendship and are comfortable talking to one another. Hoping it continues for you.
    M&M likes this.

  13. #13
    gorillagirl Guest
    "That wont change. Its by far the most real connection I've ever had with another human." I would be really interested to hear more about this if you're willing to share.

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    Hi M&M,

    I remember you and your story. I'm glad you and your dogs are well, and things have been patched up between you & your neighbor.

    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    "That wont change. Its by far the most real connection I've ever had with another human." I would be really interested to hear more about this if you're willing to share.
    I'm very open. So sure but it could get boring, LOL

    Well... I am one of those people as you can probably see by my views on things, that marches to my own drum. Even within my family. I've always been different and never really fit in. I had friends growing up but most of them were because kids just easily make friends, they didn't last. I made friends in HS and such but it was always people who were outcasts and it was really hard to bond with them beyond that, the friendships were really "just there" for the sake of having friends. I didn't feel myself around them. Even with my own family I am often "thinking" before I speak or act because I have to act different around everyone... for instance, my family is not into swearing and I swear. This is why years ago when I got my dog I started to realize my puprose was something with animals. I have always felt more in tune with nature and animals. Like the idea of living with someone, even if I am dating them, weirds me out, I'd rather live alone, with a pet or two. I get far more happiness in life on a daily walk with my dog or walking in the woods watching nature than I do be around people. I guess for some reason, I just never felt accepted or like I belonged. I have always been judged too. Even by so called friends.

    Since the initial day I met him, I felt this feeling I've never been able to really explain. I just knew at that moment, he was not like all the other neighbors I'd chatted with, I knew for some reason, he was different. Of course I never thought it was love or anything as I said above, I never believed that was part of my life plan. I was "too old" to start dating etc. the more I got to know him, the more I realized how alike we are. I'd tell him things I would not even tell my family, with ease, simply because, it felt right. He never judged me. I was always judged by my choice to not eat meat, always some rude or sarcastic comments and its been a big part of who I am so I thought maybe everyone secretly hated me or something. When I told him I did not eat meat, his repky was something NO ONE had ever said to me... "Thats really cool. I bet you are alot healthier than most and you don't have to worry about those meat related diseases." He also told me he barely eats meat himself. When I told him about my dad's hunting and "trophies" downstairs and how it upset me, I never even mentioned how much I dispise hunters and he said that he tried to hunt once but as he lifted the gun... he saw the deers eyes and their babies and put the gun down and said he would much rather see them happy in nature than kill them. I mean... its crazy, the stuff that means the world to me... we agree on. Its not just "words" either, the man could easily just be playing me but I SEE him with my own eyes, feeding animals by hand in his yard and how he lights up telling me stories about bunnies or birds in the yard and how he is with my dogs. Then also I was initially scared to tell him I lived with my parents but he accepted it and said (This was last year) "I am 51 and live with my mom. There is so many people now days who live at home, its expensive" the man has this insane way of making me feel amazing about myself.... like how he will just lift me up and encourage me and he NEVER puts me or my family down. I feel it strongly in my heart, this feeling I've never had before.... it is real. Its love for sure. I know I love him. I know I'd shout it from the rooftops if I could.

    Another thing is.... he is the only person I have ever met, EVER..... who makes me live in the moment. When I am with him, instantly I am not stressed, I am happy and I am just living for the now. He obviously is like me in the compassion, second chances part, for him to pass over the card crap and initiate chats again, or he missed my amazingly cute charm Ha!

    We have this way that when we talk, we usually play off each other, we have had chats with other people around and will say something and then the other chims in and its hilarious to us and the other stands there. I don't ever think about his age unless he tells me...like when he turned 51, he made sure to tell me. I know that no matter how much I looked, there would never be a better match for me. I made a list years ago as a teen of things I wanted in a boyfriend if I ever had one and he has literally been everything, I found the list a few months back.

    Also... this is TMI and I am sorry but you asked... ha... but I am a virgin and its not because I am waiting for marriage.... its because I've had trust issues.... and I needed to find a man I trusted and felt safe with and knew would not judge me.... I've had other guy friends who I could of dated over the years but anytime I tried to think of this issue, I was weirded out and it felt wrong, this feels so right. I believe, insane as it is, IF I am meant to not die a virgin, he is the guy for that.

    Trust issues is big for me and irregardless of the crap in the fall.... I trust him. More than pretty much anyone in my life right now. A few months ago there was a incident with one of my dogs and I could not tell most ppl what really happened, I made up a lie but I could not look at him and lie, it would of ate my alive, so I told him and I said, I trust you, so thats why I am telling you. He swore he would not tell anyone and he never did.

    I have no idea why I feel this way but I do. I mean he obviously doesn't feel **** for me... but.... its not like I can wish my feelings away, they are what they are... however.... I must say, with everything we been through, its amazing to think he has gone shopping THREE separate times for my dogs. Total he probably spent 30$ or so on the treats. I used to believe he only likes me because of the dogs but so many times I talk to him now without them around or he doesn't really pet them too much if they are, so I honestly have no idea... at any rate... I hope I didn't bore you

    At least I haven't been dumb enough to ask him for his # again, although it would be amazing to text but another thing thats not likely to happen

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