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Thread: Sleep Differences

  1. #1
    thatoneperson's Avatar
    thatoneperson is offline Senior Member
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    Jun 2011

    Sleep Differences

    This hasn't negatively impacted my relationship with my OM at all, but we keep different hours. We're not in different time zones or anything, but he goes to bed much earlier than I do. I like to go to sleep with him, but I end up spending 2+ hours rolling around, awake. And he gets up several hours before I do. He has no problem with me getting up and doing something if I can't sleep, and vice versa. I just wonder how typical this is in an age gap relationship and whether it has caused anyone else problems.

  2. #2
    AmandaAlice's Avatar
    AmandaAlice is offline Senior Member
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    Jan 2013
    We sleep different hours too, not always, but a lot. He's a night-shift worker, so he's not even here to go to bed with me on nights he works, he sleeps during the day, and I usually won't go to bed til like 2 a.m. His days off, he frequently gets up really early, 5-7 a.m and I tend to get up more like 7-8 a.m. Then sometimes he'll fall asleep on the couch after dinner while I play with the kid, etc. I'll get him back up after kiddo's in bed and we'll stay up for a few more hours. Not always like that, sometimes we'll have a 'normal' sleep-schedule day. I don't see it as causing any problems though, we're used to it by now.

  3. #3
    NY10's Avatar
    NY10 is offline Senior Member
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    Dec 2009
    New York, NY
    I have very bad insomnia, I have since I was about 17 or 18. My guy can sleep anywhere anyhow. He puts his head on the pillow and he is out. Normally he goes to bed around 11 or 11:30 I try and get into bed before him or about the same time. I do toss and turn, it's harder for me to fall asleep, I'll watch a little TV try and keep him awake to talk to me. He doesn't mind that I get up and do things or go online, watch TV he knows I have trouble sleeping. He wakes up before me for work but his alarm will usually wake me up. It's very seldom we get into bed at the same time, fall asleep and stay that way all night. It might happen once very so often if we really try.

  4. #4
    theREALTrish's Avatar
    theREALTrish is offline Senior Member
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    Mar 2006
    Rhode Island
    I don't think that sleep differences are, necessarily, age gap related. I think they're related to the individual. I've usually always been a nightowl. Early morning has always been my favorite time of day but I used to prefer staying up and being up when the sun came up. Now that I'm older, I'm not really that way anymore. But, I'm usually up later than the men in my life....older or younger.

  5. #5
    RadoG60's Avatar
    RadoG60 is offline Senior Member
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    Nov 2011
    I also don't think sleep patterns are age gap related.

    My best friend and her same age boyfriend have different sleep patterns.

    I can sleep through/on anything. My OM will wake up if I twitch (thank goodness I'm a heavy sleeper who doesn't move much at all) I'm usually in bed by 11. He likes to go to sleep around 2am, and likes to sleep in. Im awake before sunlight most days. He will come in and cuddle me before I quickly fall asleep, then go do whatever until he's ready for bed.

    Hasn't cause any issues for us so far. I don't see it causing issues in the future either.

  6. #6
    pinkunicorn's Avatar
    pinkunicorn is offline Senior Member
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    Oct 2010
    Our sleep patterns are different, but we make it work.

    Generally speaking, we go to bed together. Sometimes my husband will stay up and play on his phone or on his tablet--especially if he has a migraine and his pain meds haven't kicked in allowing him to sleep. Light bothers me so he turns the screen brightness way down (He needs to for his migraine anyway) and has a hood-thingy he puts around his device so it doesn't shine on me.

    Also, he snores, so I have silicone ear plugs that I wear.

    Since he is retired (and sometimes doesn't sleep that well at night), there is no reason he needs to get up at 6:30 am with me. I can't set an alarm clock anyway, because I may not hear it with earplugs in. Sooo...I set the alarm on my cell phone, but I set it up to vibrate instead of sound. Then I place it under my pillow so I can feel it vibrate. This way it wakes me up without disturbing my husband.
    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.

  7. #7
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Jun 2008
    I think it's a combination.

    Some of it depends on the older partner's age, that individual's overall state of health, and how well he or she is aging. We know from medicine that as we age, we tend to require less sleep and therefore our sleep habits change. We also know that age-related ailments cause fatigue, as do some medications.

    Some of it is just a difference between people. We had different work schedules and different sleep needs, and with only one bathroom in the house it was also much more convenient for us if only one of us was up in the morning. We went to bed at the same time but he got up a couple of hours earlier than I did, because he had to be to work at 5:30 and I didn't have to be in til 8.

    He's a 6-hour-a-night guy, and I'm an 8-hour-a-night gal.

    He's out of bed as soon as he hears his alarm, if he even sleeps that long. I set two alarms and make liberal use of the "snooze" feature.

    He can handle having tons of "light pollution" in the bedroom; I cannot. If one of those lights is blinking, omg--no sleep for me.

    When it's time to wake up, I NEED to have a light on in the room. He prefers to get up in the dark, and does not want a light shining in his face.

    He likes to shower in the morning; I prefer to bathe at night. He can watch whatever he wants on TV right up until bedtime, I can't.

    The Compromise:

    We generally go to bed at the same time. If he cannot sleep, he gets up and quietly watches TV or uses the computer.

    Now that he is not able to work and we've been able to establish some normalcy within the "routine" of his treatment, I'm finding that it works much better for me if I can get up and get ready for work before he gets out of bed. He gets up and makes me a smoothie just before I leave the house.

    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  8. #8
    louise87's Avatar
    louise87 is offline Neophyte
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    Aug 2013
    Kind of like what's already been said, I don't necessarily think different sleeping patterns are age-related though, I guess it does depend.

    I've always been a night owl but have been working a lot lately so do tend to go to sleep earlier these days. Hubbie's a lot older than me so I know - even though he has some crazy energy - his age does play a factor in wanting to go to sleep earlier too.

    We just make the most out of it. Hubbie's always up before me - without fail - and, as a result, always brings me breakfast in bed every morning. And, even if I'm wide awake when he's ready to sleep, I'll usually crawl into bed with him too but just do some reading/watching films/do some work on the laptop while he falls asleep next to me.

  9. #9
    thatoneperson's Avatar
    thatoneperson is offline Senior Member
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    Jun 2011
    Quote Originally Posted by louise87 View Post
    We just make the most out of it. Hubbie's always up before me - without fail - and, as a result, always brings me breakfast in bed every morning.
    Okay, that's insanely adorable.

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