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Thread: Why are people so against pursuing office romances when...

  1. #1
    MissyM Guest

    Why are people so against pursuing office romances when...

    Its one of the most common ways in which relationships start? Surely it's about maturity of the two people involved and if there isn't a policy against it what's the problem? Can we really afford to be so picky and throw opportunities of happiness away?

  2. #2
    gorillagirl Guest
    because if it blows up and there are broken hearts involved, usually someone has to quit their job just to get over the lost relationship. in fact, the best thing to do is...once two coworkers fall in love, one of them should voluntarily leave the workplace. this way, the couples don't bring work conflict home or personal conflict to work and if the relationship doesn't work out, they won't have to see each other at the office.

  3. #3
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissyM View Post
    Its one of the most common ways in which relationships start? Surely it's about maturity of the two people involved and if there isn't a policy against it what's the problem? Can we really afford to be so picky and throw opportunities of happiness away?
    I'll let you in on a little secret: I met my SO at work. We worked for different employers on the same campus.

    If there's no policy against it, you're in the clear...so far as your employer is concerned.

    I had coworkers who became interested in each other, and it became a nightmare for everyone who worked with either of them. She started taking her lunch break (which was 60 mins) outside the office (which is allowed). When she left for her break, she went to his job site (which is not against the rules, but not exactly okay either) and turned up on his lunch break (which was 30 mins). He'd eat lunch with her in her car, and then they were both late getting back from lunch. Every day. The two of them were ALWAYS on their cell phones, either texting or talking. When he was in the office, he was at her desk whether he needed to be there or not.

    The day she found another job, the rest of us refrained from doing a happy dance.

    If things do work out, your coworkers don't want to deal with that schtuff.

    If things don't work out, you probably won't want to see "the ex" at work every day.

    Whether it does or does not work out, it has the capacity to potentially limit your future opportunities with that employer.

    In your situation, I'd see where it goes...and I'd also have my resume in order. I recall you indicated you're not full time permanent staff there, and aren't looking to become a permanent employee.

    MM

    PS: My coworkers who became interested in each other are an OM/YW AGR and still going strong nearly 2 years later.
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  4. #4
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissyM View Post
    Its one of the most common ways in which relationships start? Surely it's about maturity of the two people involved and if there isn't a policy against it what's the problem? Can we really afford to be so picky and throw opportunities of happiness away?
    If there is no office policy against it, then there should be no IMMEDIATE problem, apart from the problems mentioned by GG.
    I have personal experience with office romance and, there was always an issue when it was time to end it.
    Having said that, my mom and dad met at the office.
    degausser likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  5. #5
    degausser is offline Senior Member
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    I don't have anything to add about what could pose a problem in the workplace, but I will say something in regards to throwing away opportunities for happiness: most people are not opportunities for happiness. I don't mean that in a depressing way, just statistically. Just because someone is cute and nice, doesn't mean that they're worth career risks. When you know someone well enough to believe that you think thereís a real chance of being good together, thatís the time to ask: Am I really willing to throw away an opportunity for happiness?

    But when you donít know the person well yet, thereís still the chance that youíre going to go out on two dates and realize that you have nothing in common and nonexistent chemistry.

    From what Iíve read of your posts so far, it seems like you two donít know each other very well. Since youíre interested and comfortable with dating a coworker, go talk to him! Try getting to know him. Just go strike up a conversation. Did he see the big game last night? Did he see the latest episode of American Horror Story? What does he think about the new brand of copy paper you guys are using? Just go talk to him. Get a conversation going.

  6. #6
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    pinkunicorn is offline Senior Member
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    For every "good" office romance story, there are a few "bad" ones. The "bad" usually happens if the relationship doesn't work out and/or people can't separate their work/home lives.

    If there's no company policy about office romances, there is no reason NOT to pursue it--just go into it with eyes wide open and a plan for what you both will do should the relationship fail.
    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.


  7. #7
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    LoisLane is offline Member
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    I met my YM at work. We started off as friends, then it developed into something more. I have no issue with being in a relationship with someone from work. Life is far too short to be that bothered. We have always kept things professional when at work and although people clearly know about us now, we have never made a big deal out of it and remain discreet. If we break up, then we will have to suck it up as i'm not prepared to leave my job and neither is he!
    MissMuffins likes this.

  8. #8
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    fiorinda is offline Senior Member
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    My first OW/YM relationship was with a work colleague. It was all a bit up and down and on and off for several years and there were some quite messy bits, but I mostly managed to stay professional. Ironically, although it was him who finished it (I've lost track of how many times to be honest), the worst behaviour came from him, with one occasion when he became really quite aggressive towards me and I was advised to keep a written record of it in case it happened again because he would be disciplined. Now we're fine, we get on like any other colleagues. My fiance hates him though, and hates that I still have to work with him. I'm not saying don't do it, just that yes, it really does need for both sides to be able to be mature and sensible and professional, and that's not always possible!

  9. #9
    legallyblonde Guest
    Because they can get you fired. Because when you break up it's hell to see them at work. Because when you see them in a meeting and they're looking so sexy you want to take them and pull them into the nearest closet and do it.

    Ali

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