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Thread: Why do I gravitate to older people?

  1. #1
    YoungOldSol is offline Member
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    Why do I gravitate to older people?

    This is a question I always ask myself. I generally gravitate toward people who are older than I am in general. At work, my buddies that I like are close to 50, maybe slightly under and slightly over. I am 32 years old. I have a few buddies in their 20s but I have more fun and more in common with my older buddies.

    When I was in college my roomate and had a bathmate who was close to 60 and she is still our friend 10 years later.

    When I was in grade school, I had very few friends and at one point had no friends and so I was friends with my teachers. In fact, my best memories of grade school were my teachers.

    Both my sister and I were born with hearing and visual impairments. My sister is 4 years older than I am. We have the same medical profile except when I was in college, I suffered a nervous breakdown and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorders. Also in '96, I was in a situation where I could have died. My appendix ruptured and I got pretty sick to a point when I came home from the hospital I was 77 pounds.

    I mention my sister because my sister had more normal relationships that I did. She had her first boyfriend at 16. I didn't get asked out on a first date till I was nearly 23 years old.

    So my question is, why do I naturally gravitate toward older people and find that I have more in common with them than I do than with people closer to my age.

    Funny joke at choir practice last night. Terry, who is an alto like me said, "I have a hearing loss, that is what happens when you get old." I think she may be in her 70s. I said: "I am young and have a hearing loss." And we had a good laugh. I am the youngest choir member. The majority of people is 50 and up and there is Larry who is 87, bless his soul. So why is it that I have so much fun with these people? I have been a choir singer for many years with other groups that were all my own age, never had so much fun at choir practice. The girls love me and have a sense of humor. The alto section consists of me, Terry and Meg who is about 86. We have a grand old time together.

    Anyway, would love to know thoughts and would love to know why at 32 years old, I feel in many ways so much older? My 36 year old sister is married with kids, did the whole conventional thing. I am not like that. My other sister, 34 did the same thing (she was not born with the same medical stuff that my other sister and I have.)

    Oh and about my parents. My mother is 39 years my senior, my father is 37 years my senior and we are like best friends. My sisters laugh at me because at 32 years old, I still hug and kiss my dad. So I have no issues in getting along with either of my parents.
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  2. #2
    pinkunicorn's Avatar
    pinkunicorn is offline Senior Member
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    That's just the way you are. Perhaps you are very mature for your age and are attracted to those who have similar maturity levels. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm right there with you. I feel I have more in common with people who are in their 50's and 60's than people who are in their 20's and 30's, so I tend to hang out with people that are older than me, rather than those my own age. I've had many people comment on my maturity. My husband feels he has more in common with people who are younger than he is. He feels more comfortable hanging around a bunch of 30 year olds rather than people his own age. Now, that doesn't mean we don't have friends our own ages (or older or younger), but that's just who we gravitate toward.

    Mostly, people tend to gravitate toward people that think like them. And it goes both ways. These older people wouldn't be friends with you if there wasn't anything about you that drew them toward you.
    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.


  3. #3
    YoungOldSol is offline Member
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    Your husband sounds like my Dad. When my Dad and I do stuff together with the church, my father hangs with the younger crowd and I with the older crowd. Because G works in a college setting, he is always around a lot of young people.

    My question is: "What will happen when I am in my 60s, 70s, 80s? Will I be doing the reverse. My father said that when he was my age he got along better with older people because they were more excepting. Now he likes being around the young crowd because he finds that most people near his age (including my mother) act like old farts. My father has a lot of young friends.

    I also find that I can relate real well with young kids. My nieces and nephew love me because I am like a big kid.

    I guess I am just an old soul who is a child at heart. Now that's an oxymoron for ya!
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  4. #4
    trolleycar's Avatar
    trolleycar is offline I still play with trains
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    Hi YoungOldSol
    I think people pal around with people have the same interest as they do.
    And I think age has very little to do with what brings people together.
    I worked with younger people all my life. But very few were my Buddies.
    But my buddies were in all age groups the one thing we all have in common is an interest in railroads or aircrafts.
    And very little interest in sports. Plus I am quite shy around woman. but once I get to know the gal then I have not problem talking.I can not get interested in to a group of sports fans and spend hours talking about some silly sports rule But at the same time I love talking to Some one that worked the railroad or one of the airlines that is no longer in business any more and hear him talk stories about when was the Engineer on the westbound Broadway Limited and what a bear it was to maintain the times that the timetable called for.
    The only one that does not Not fit my being shy around women is my Gril friend. AS soon as I met here I knew that she was the girl for me.
    And I was worried that she would think I was just an old guy trying to score with a young gal. Cause at the time I was 69 and she was 34. and we were able to tal;k very easily. and she one day she asked what my hobbies were?
    One other think she lives in the UK and I live in the Hudson Valley of New York State. Plus I have two well make three No four rather strange hobbies 1> I am a volunteer Fire Fighter, 2> I am a private Pilot, 3> I like to target Shoot, 4>
    I like to chase trains and take Photos of them. Well there was a long long long silence. And they the only question was Why do you chase trains ? be course I like trains And she just could not under stand why I liked trains. So the second time I went to England to see her and also Chase trains I asked her would you want to come with me when I chase trains. She said OK but I could tell that I really had two heads. So when I arrived at Hearthrow. She was there to meet me. also I did have a A reason for asking to come with me , she has a car and drives in the Uk.
    And as the day of train chasing went on hes stopped looking at me like I had two heads. She also found out that not the only rail fan out shooting photos . But the American Railfan is called a train spotter. And on the way back to her home she wanted to know about chasing trains. And as we eat dinner she asked be did I still want to go sightseeing
    I thought as long as I was in London I should see the sights like the London Eye, Tower Bridge , the changing of the grade. And I asked why did she ask me that question. And came the shock of my life. She said she had fun chasing trains and could we do it again?And as a true dyed the the wool Railfan there was no way I was going to turn that offer down. so I had gotten the phone number of one of the train spotters we net . I called him up to find a location that was safe and had a good number trains . and I was told about four or five locations filled the bill. the next morning we headed out to chase trains.
    We has good time together and we ate supper in a local Tea room at one of the stations.
    And a group of train spotter had a night photos section arranged at one for the tourist Railways we went to that and when the shoot was over we heard from a couple of guys about the group were going down to a station and watch trains some more . Well the train watching did not get to far as her and I start to make out on a bench while waiting for a train. And before the night was over I had proposed to her and she said yes. And now when we talk to each other our joke is she will ask me have I been train chasing with any other women.
    Sorry about the length of this. When I get taking about by girl and trains I am in heaven.

  5. #5
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    I do not think that you did not have friends your age as a little girl because you liked teachers better, but because perhaps you were shy and with the dissabilities you found it hard to be friends to other children, or maybe the other children were not nice to you. It's pretty much what happened to me when I was a little girl and I was fat and clumsy, I did not have many friends my age, and most teachers are nice. I used to hate recess and rather be in class for this same reason.

    So basically you grow up with an expectation of greater acceptance from older people.

    Children can be mean, but you are not a child anymore and your peers are not children. Amongst people your age you will find nice, mature people, but if you feel subcounsciously anxious about them, you may be blocking out nice people from your life.

    Afte reading the above, I feel like Lucy... LOL.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  6. #6
    YoungOldSol is offline Member
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    I do have very close friends that are my age. But I am in some ways a Conservative woman. I was eating dinner with two girls at work ages 21 and 24 (close to my age, I am 32). They were talking about their sexual experiences and I started to panic because 1) I haven't had relations and 2) I don't feel comfortable doing that until marriage. Very few people my age feel this way except my girlfriends, while older people find it commendable.

  7. #7
    legallyblonde Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by YoungOldSol View Post
    I do have very close friends that are my age. But I am in some ways a Conservative woman. I was eating dinner with two girls at work ages 21 and 24 (close to my age, I am 32). They were talking about their sexual experiences and I started to panic because 1) I haven't had relations and 2) I don't feel comfortable doing that until marriage. Very few people my age feel this way except my girlfriends, while older people find it commendable.
    I don't know how to say this, but it's rare and often very religion oriented that a woman keeps her virtue until age 30. In my teen years it was widely believed that sex and s*** went together, and that girls who did drugs often were more ready for sex than those who didn't. Don't you see, there are so many agendas that people have about sex but it's really your body and what YOU want to do with it. You will when you find someone you believe is right for you, or when you decide to just do it with Mr. Wrong, like so many women before you!
    Ali
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  8. #8
    pinkunicorn's Avatar
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    Everyone's different and everyone is entitled to make their own decisions regarding their sexuality and the expression of it.

    I, personally, firmly refuse to buy a car without test-driving it (many times) first. Sex and sexuality is very important to me and if we aren't compatible on that level, it's a definite deal-breaker.

    When I was a teenager, I felt I needed to wait until marriage. I am so glad I didn't! I was able to find out beforehand that my first husband and I were sexually compatible. Also, we were both virgins. For me, the first time hurt so badly, and neither of us knew what we were doing, if we waited until marriage, I think it would have ruined my wedding night.

    I have a friend who believes in having sex only in marriage. But he's been married three times.

    Whatever you decide to do sexually is always between you and your partner. If you two want to wait, fine. If you want to test the waters, that's fine, too. No one is going to judge you either way--and no one is going to judge you for changing your mind later on, either.
    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.


  9. #9
    M&M's Avatar
    M&M
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    Normally I don't comment on this forum but I saw this and had to, so relieved to know I am not alone. I was one of those dorky kids who spend their school lunch break with teachers rather than fellow classmates and I invited teachers to my grad party.

    I only have 1 friend who is younger than me, she is 28 and I am 31, almost 32. She is very mature and we have alot in common but normally anyone in their 20s or 30s I meet and get "chummy" with, never lasts beyond a year. I am soooooo comfortable with older people and I just love being around them, heck, I even volunteer at a nursing home and stay as long as I can so I can talk to all the residents. The only problem is, I find it hard to get people in the older category to "hang out" with me.... they see me as "young and nice" or something but not as a friend. It really stinks because I have so much in common with a few of them and would love to hang out.

    Anyway, its good to know I am not alone and apparently we are normal, yay!
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  10. #10
    YoungOldSol is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by M&M View Post
    Normally I don't comment on this forum but I saw this and had to, so relieved to know I am not alone. I was one of those dorky kids who spend their school lunch break with teachers rather than fellow classmates and I invited teachers to my grad party.

    I only have 1 friend who is younger than me, she is 28 and I am 31, almost 32. She is very mature and we have alot in common but normally anyone in their 20s or 30s I meet and get "chummy" with, never lasts beyond a year. I am soooooo comfortable with older people and I just love being around them, heck, I even volunteer at a nursing home and stay as long as I can so I can talk to all the residents. The only problem is, I find it hard to get people in the older category to "hang out" with me.... they see me as "young and nice" or something but not as a friend. It really stinks because I have so much in common with a few of them and would love to hang out.

    Anyway, its good to know I am not alone and apparently we are normal, yay!
    Hey I invited teachers to my Grad party too! Yeah, I loved my teachers, especially the ones in the math department.

  11. #11
    M&M's Avatar
    M&M
    M&M is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by YoungOldSol View Post
    Hey I invited teachers to my Grad party too! Yeah, I loved my teachers, especially the ones in the math department.
    Hehe did they come? Mine did. It was fun. I stayed in touch with them for years after HS too but then, lost touch I guess. Seems to happen to me always. I used to be a Teachers Aide in school so I could hang with them more often, haha but they would wanna take me to lunch for helping etc and my folks would not allow it since I was a minor. Kinda suked for me.

    The friend I referred to her in 20s lives out of state, we only communicate via text. So I really have no actual friends to hang with, I wish my age didnt scare the older folk away. I am a pretty awesome person

  12. #12
    YoungOldSol is offline Member
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    Some did and I gotta tell you, I am still buddies with two of my professors. One of them is like an adoptive mother to me.

  13. #13
    BeachHut is offline Member
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    Cool me too

    Hey just wanted to pop in and say ME TOO!
    Story of my life…
    Used to be religious- went to youth group- ended up hanging out with the leaders cause I felt more comfortable around their maturity level.
    Now I"m 24 and while I do have more friends my age [we're all growing up eventually ], most of my friends and peers are over 35. Seriously. If I take away my 35 year old girl friend, that puts most my friends over 45/50.

    I used to think it came from being the oldest in a family and often being required to interact with my parent's friends…
    Are you the oldest by any chance?
    Then again it would make more sense for the youngest of a family to be this way so I have no idea…

  14. #14
    CNYBachelor's Avatar
    CNYBachelor is offline Neophyte
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    Quote Originally Posted by YoungOldSol View Post
    Both my sister and I were born with hearing and visual impairments. My sister is 4 years older than I am. We have the same medical profile except when I was in college, I suffered a nervous breakdown and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorders. Also in '96, I was in a situation where I could have died. My appendix ruptured and I got pretty sick to a point when I came home from the hospital I was 77 pounds.
    Hey, you are not alone. I am Deaf. I was born Hard-of-Hearing (HOH) and wore a hearing aid. But due to Meneire's Disease, I lost more hearing and I do not wear hearing aid. I am also blind in one eye and now wears glasses like rest of family wears theirs or wore them.

    I am 49. Dating is tough for me because of my being "Hearing" in personality but physically am "Deaf".

    For me, I have always attracted to younger women since I was young man. Starting with being in 20s that I was interested in five years younger.. As I got older, the more age gap. I was never interested in older women because they tended to be over 40s when I was 20s and I had my dream to have children and they kept telling me they can not have children. I was married yes but to older woman because I felt like giving up looking for younger when I turned 40. Communication was one of factors in my case. My ex-wife and I are very different. I am Deaf and she is Hearing. Hardly talking with me and mostly she talked with her sister who is in her 70s now as I recalled. Our marriage was short lived.

    Anyway, glad to find someone who has hearing impairment and I was not expected that in this site. Good to know!

  15. #15
    LivingMoment is offline Neophyte
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    Quote Originally Posted by M&M View Post
    Normally I don't comment on this forum but I saw this and had to, so relieved to know I am not alone. I was one of those dorky kids who spend their school lunch break with teachers rather than fellow classmates and I invited teachers to my grad party.

    I only have 1 friend who is younger than me, she is 28 and I am 31, almost 32. She is very mature and we have alot in common but normally anyone in their 20s or 30s I meet and get "chummy" with, never lasts beyond a year. I am soooooo comfortable with older people and I just love being around them, heck, I even volunteer at a nursing home and stay as long as I can so I can talk to all the residents. The only problem is, I find it hard to get people in the older category to "hang out" with me.... they see me as "young and nice" or something but not as a friend. It really stinks because I have so much in common with a few of them and would love to hang out.

    Anyway, its good to know I am not alone and apparently we are normal, yay!
    THIS right here is why I am so happy to find this site. I have always had the problem that I enjoy the company of older people and it is extremely relieving to find people out there who share this same personality. It is my only proof to myself that I am not alone in the world.

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