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Thread: Am I a bad girl?

  1. #1
    YoungOldSol is offline Member
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    Am I a bad girl?

    I don't think I am but let me just put it out there. So I have this friend G (22 years older than me). We were friends for a couple years because we are both the music field. We made out couple times and he is probably the closest thing to having a boyfriend I have had. I have dated but never got past a few dates. Our relationship is not clearly defined as of yet. We live close to an hour away and we have different schedules. Because I am so inexperienced, I feel he thinks I will meet other guys and has never pressured me for a commitment. We are not what you consider to be a monogamous relationship.

    Then from my church I have this other friend who is brand new named M (9 years older than me). He lives locally and since we first met doing a midnight run back in October, we have been emailing a bit. He just informed me that he will be at the 12th night celebration in January at my church and I got a bit excited that he was going to be there. In his last email he said "miss ya much" I don't know if that means anything. I don't take words too seriously, but I kind of want to see where this goes too since there is no mention of me and G being an official couple. Because our relationship really hasn't been defined as anything, I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket.

    M and I are probably just friends at this point since we don't know each other that well but he has a sense of humor and I like that. I don't even know for sure if he is single but I know he isn't married.

    My question is that is is morally wrong for me to meeting other guys? Advice please?

  2. #2
    RadoG60's Avatar
    RadoG60 is offline Senior Member
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    Not at all! You are not in a relationship with G. If G wants you just for himself, he should have made that clear. Instead he leaves you with all these wonders.

    I think it would be very wise for you to meet other guys. This doesn't mean you will be in a serious relationship with them, doesnt mean you will get intimate with them, I include kissing in with intimate. You don't have much experience in serious relationships, as you have stated in other posts. You need to learn what you do and don't like in guys. Sometimes you will be surprised that you like a quality in a man when you thought you wouldnt like that in someone.

    Go out, make friends with guys, have fun.

  3. #3
    YoungOldSol is offline Member
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    Thanks for the encouragement Rado. I think part of the reason why G doesn't want to have a committed relationship with me is to grant me that freedom to meet other guys to learn what I want. I always had many mail friends but M seems interesting and would like to get to know him better.

    I guess I was confused because G and I had made out twice and so I immediately assume that because we got intimate that we are in a relationship. He said to me: "We just scratched the surface" I think only time will tell really. I know the end result will be that G will always be my friend.

    I guess I learned that just because you get kissed passionately doesn't mean you are in a committed relationship. It could lead to it, but it doesn't mean you are in one. It could mean "we just needed some lovin'" LOL!

    I like being involved with my church because I meet all kinds of people. It is where I met M and I also have another pal named G who is younger than I am.

    By the way, since we G and I are not in a committed relationship, we are not boyfriend and girlfriend right as that would imply we are a couple and it doesn't seem like we are?

  4. #4
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    Kissing is fun. Plain and simple. If two people aren't in a relationship, and want to kiss each other, its fun. Its nice to feel the new-ness, and get that blood pumping...you're right, this does not mean you are in a committed relationship, at all. Until you two have established that between yourselves, with no confusion at all, I wouldn't consider it a committed relationship.

    I think a lot of people have had that friend with benefits. Which can be a good thing for you, and your future partner/s. You learn how to do things, what you like and don't like, without the commitment.

    I know its hard, but try not to get too caught up in the, we kissed, we must be in a relationship now...which is so easy to do when thats a new thing in your life. Again, I think most of us have been there, and learned thats not how things usually work.

    I would say no, you two are not a couple. Rather, friends, who happened to kiss before.
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  5. #5
    YoungOldSol is offline Member
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    Is a relationship the same thing as being boyfriend and girlfriend? That's where I get confused. What does boyfriend and girlfriend mean?

  6. #6
    gorillagirl Guest
    how old are you? just curious. this level of inexperience and these level of questions seem unreal. seriously- having full blown mad intercourse with someone does not make you boyfriend/girlfriend.
    Last edited by gorillagirl; 12-17-2013 at 01:04 PM.
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  7. #7
    RadoG60's Avatar
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    A relationship can be a friendship, but when someone tells me they are in a relationship with "so-and-so" I take it as in they are in a committed relationship. They are boyfriend and girlfriend.

    I do not call my male friends, my boyfriends. My older man, who I am in a committed relationship with, is my boyfriend. No one else.

    The boy I used to kiss when I was younger for fun, was not my boyfriend. We liked to kiss, we hung out as friends, we were not boyfriend girlfriend. We did not establish that commitment between just the two of us. We were friends with benefits. When one of us had a boyfriend or girlfriend we remained friends, without the benefits. We were friends, never anything more...but we liked to kiss when we were single.
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  8. #8
    mskitty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YoungOldSol View Post
    Is a relationship the same thing as being boyfriend and girlfriend? That's where I get confused. What does boyfriend and girlfriend mean?
    do you prefer having sex with men or women? I am a bit confused about your questions.

  9. #9
    gorillagirl Guest
    anyone else think we're being played? nobody can be this naive.


    "My question is that is is morally wrong for me to meeting other guys? Advice please?"

    morally wrong, how? you're single. you have no commitments, no boyfriend, no relationship.
    you could, technically, shag the entire san francisco 49ers football team one after the other and it's not morally wrong 'cuz you're not attached to anyone.
    it's only morally wrong if you're lying to someone (cheating) or putting yourself in a position of being hurt.
    Last edited by gorillagirl; 12-17-2013 at 01:05 PM.
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  10. #10
    degausser is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by YoungOldSol View Post
    Is a relationship the same thing as being boyfriend and girlfriend? That's where I get confused. What does boyfriend and girlfriend mean?
    If you are in a relationship, the person you are in a relationship with is your boyfriend/girlfriend.

  11. #11
    YoungOldSol is offline Member
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    I am not playing you guys it is just I have never had a boyfriend before so I don't know anything about these things and don't appreciate the sarcasm either. There is so much terminology with dating these days and so I don't understand a lot of it having never experienced it.

    It is interesting how things change with age. I a co worker of mine is 18 years old and has a girlfriend but you can't compare the level of seriousness of that relationship to a couple who is older.

    And if you must know my age, I am 32 and I only ask these questions because the dating scene changes as you get older. You can't compare having a boyfriend when you are 16 to having one when you are 60. That is just my take.

  12. #12
    RadoG60's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YoungOldSol View Post
    It is interesting how things change with age. I a co worker of mine is 18 years old and has a girlfriend but you can't compare the level of seriousness of that relationship to a couple who is older.
    This I disagree with. I know many older people who have flings, who are playing there significant other.
    Age has nothing to do with maturity...every person is different.

    So my 4 year relationship is not serious because I was 19 when we started to date?
    Some people grow up quicker than others. Being an inner-city kid, I grew up quick, I feel I know a lot about the world so far (I am not saying I have nothing more to learn though, because everyone does), I have traveled the world by myself, and now have a travel companion.

    My grandma, when she was in her 60s, had more boyfriends and boy toys than I have had my whole dating life...age has nothing to do with how serious a relationship is. The serious-ness of the relationship come from what each person is looking for in their relationship.

    Not to be rude, or disrespectful, but you are the 32 year old who is asking what a boyfriend, or relationship means...
    The questions you are asking are things most elementary kids learn while going to school.

    Out of curiosity, were you home schooled?
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  13. #13
    degausser is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by YoungOldSol View Post
    I am not playing you guys it is just I have never had a boyfriend before so I don't know anything about these things and don't appreciate the sarcasm either. There is so much terminology with dating these days and so I don't understand a lot of it having never experienced it.

    It is interesting how things change with age. I a co worker of mine is 18 years old and has a girlfriend but you can't compare the level of seriousness of that relationship to a couple who is older.

    And if you must know my age, I am 32 and I only ask these questions because the dating scene changes as you get older. You can't compare having a boyfriend when you are 16 to having one when you are 60. That is just my take.
    We all change with age. The terminology though, is the same. I had a boyfriend when I was 13. That consisted of passing notes, talking on the phone every night, and making out at school dances. That's what a relationship looked like when I was 13, because that's what 13 year olds do. I have a boyfriend now (fiance actually - oops), and that consists of fully sharing our lives with each other - we live together, own pets together, share family and friends, spend holidays together, come home to each other, spend our free time with each other, laugh with each other, cry to each other, etc. Just because my adult relationships don't resemble my 8th grade relationships, it doesn't change the fact that I had a boyfriend when I was 13. My definition of a boyfriend was different when I was 13, 15, 17, 18, 19, etc. Our relationships change as we change, and our definitions change with age, but also based on what we're looking for at the time.
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  14. #14
    YoungOldSol is offline Member
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    I only asked about the terminology bf and gf because I hear them used so loosely. Llike: People say they have a girlfriend but it is not a monogamous relationship. You have heard of open relationships and swinging. This is what I am getting at. That's all. I didn't mean to start a riot, was just asking a question. I am sorry I asked now because some of you got all snippy it.

    No I wasn't home schooled. But had next to no friends in school and was a loner. The friends I made from grade school are still my close friends now but they are all girls.

    I knew this stuff in elementary school but nowadays it is different and you hear all about open relationships, friends with benefits and all this added stuff, so I wonder if the basic definitions I learned in elementary school are still the same obviously. Because when you are a kid, things are a bit more cut and dry than when you get older.

  15. #15
    degausser is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by YoungOldSol View Post
    I only asked about the terminology bf and gf because I hear them used so loosely. Llike: People say they have a girlfriend but it is not a monogamous relationship. You have heard of open relationships and swinging. This is what I am getting at. That's all. I didn't mean to start a riot, was just asking a question. I am sorry I asked now because some of you got all snippy it.

    No I wasn't home schooled. But had next to no friends in school and was a loner. I spent much of my adolescent years having surgeries and there was one summer I was sick and could have died.

    I knew this stuff in elementary school but nowadays it is different and you hear all about open relationships, friends with benefits and all this added stuff, so I wonder if the basic definitions I learned in elementary school are still the same obviously. Because when you are a kid, things are a bit more cut and dry than when you get older.
    Each couple needs to define their relationship for themselves. A relationship doesn't have to be monogamous. Some couples choose to get married, but have open relationships, swing, etc. That doesn't mean they aren't in a relationship, or aren't in a marriage. They're just living out their relationships in the way that makes them feel happy and fulfilled.

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