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Thread: It seems my 2nd ex husband has a new baby, and I feel...

  1. #1
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    It seems my 2nd ex husband has a new baby, and I feel...

    ...happy for him and his longtime girlfriend. I'm glad he'll have the experiences of going through the pregnancy with his girlfriend, parenting a biological child from birth onward, etc.

    Other than that, I just hope he's improved his ability to control his temper.

    We're not in contact. Part of me wonders, "Should I reach out and offer to send a gift?" The other part hasn't even stopped to think about it, it's that much of a non-event.

    Now if this were my 1st ex husband, my sons' father, I would be well and truly pissed off!

    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  2. #2
    gorillagirl Guest
    if you're not in contact, do not send a gift. girlfriend/"wifey" doesn't need any drama from any of his ex's, good intentions or not. leave it alone.

  3. #3
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Do not send a gift. I am happy you are happy, but you do not know how the new wife would take a gift from you, and your gift may end up in the bin.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  4. #4
    MissyM Guest
    Sweet idea but wouldn't be appropriate to send a gift unless you are in BOTH their lives as its their baby. If you wanted perhaps just send him a text to say congratulations to him and her but no gift it's too personal.

  5. #5
    legallyblonde Guest
    Why are you thinking about him? If you send a gift, his new baby momma is sure to be asking this question!
    Ali
    SheLikesKitties likes this.

  6. #6
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    I moved on, he moved on. We have mutual friends who are local to him, online-only to me. That's how I learned of the happy event. Happy event that it is, it's a happy event in his life...not mine.

    He's just a guy I used to know.

    As a general rule, I'm all over things like baby & bridal shower gifts. I was more worried about being ambivalent about it, than anything else. Lovey said I shouldn't feel any worse about not sending an obligatory baby gift in this instance than he would for not sending one if it were his ex wife.

    MM
    SheLikesKitties and Mebel like this.
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  7. #7
    gorillagirl Guest
    you guys are no longer friends so there is not one possible reason on the planet for you to send a gift. if i sent a birthday or wedding gift to any of my ex's i haven't spoken to in years, they'd think i was stalker-psycho.
    Rolls likes this.

  8. #8
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by truckman View Post
    Interesting.

    One ex's life changes is a "non-event" and another ex's potential life changes would piss you off?

    Maybe I'm weird, but once a g/f or wife is an ex, I become completely indifferent after the initial sadness associated with the relationship ending passes.

    While doing Christmas shopping this year, my g/f of three years spied the woman I dated before her. She apparently walked right past us and smiled at me and I hadn't noticed. My g/f noticed, and pointed it out. I just shrugged my shoulders. I'm disconnected from the ex.

    One ex I have to stay in touch with because she's my son's mother, and once he's off to college in about a decade I can be indifferent with her too.
    YAY! I was hoping someone would pick up on that.

    Ways in which an ex may be an ex, but not out of one's life. Imagine a thermometer of "piss me off", from the bottom:

    -In our property settlement I was awarded a portion of his military retired pay as property. Further, I will receive 50 percent of that portion of any retirement benefits he may receive from a future employer which are based on 10 years' active duty military service. (He served 20 years; if 30 percent of his retirement benefits from the state university are based on his military service, I receive 7.5 percent.) Although it's irritating that the IRS considers this unearned inome, it's nowhere near my threshold for becoming pissed off.

    -Although our sons are now both adults, my first ex husband continues to make choices that give them things they need to process. I'm their mom. Sometimes they talk about it with me. Depending upon what it is, I *may be* getting warmer.

    -He was a lousy father to our sons. The way he "dropped" our sons and replaced them with his second wife's sons has given our sons a lot to work through. I really don't want to deal with everything that a new baby would put on their plates...including listening to their grandmother gush about a new baby. Getting warmer, of the "gag me with a backhoe" sort.

    -She--ex MIL--gets to be in my life because that's what's best for my sons. If she doesn't hear from them, she calls me because they're not calling her. (She hasn't figured out that's what we do when we don't want to listen to her effervesce about my ex, his second wife, or her sons.) At the moment geography greatly favors them; I'm 50 miles away to their 5000, so I get more calls. For the 25+ years I've known her, I've been working on "if you're going to be with me, these are the minimum standards of acceptable behavior to which I expect you to conform" as pertains to topics of conversation, and bless her heart, not even a shovel to the head would get through to that woman. And she won't stop! Getting warmer.

    -We didn't want more children. He, at his ignorant, belligerent, backwoods best, flatly refused to have a vasectomy. I couldn't tolerate hormone based contraceptives, IUDs were off the market, and the failure rate--as well as his compliance rate--for other forms of contraception were more risk than I wanted to take. We married when I was 18; by the time I gave birth to Son2 at age 22, I had carried two of five pregnancies to term, and they were both high risk. I could very easily envision myself being "bred to death" and felt it was unwise to risk another pregnancy. To prevent that I had to have a tubal ligation...nevermind that the surgery was harder on my body than a vasectomy would have been on his. There we go...HOT!



    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

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