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Thread: When can you be sure You've Found 'The One'?

  1. #1
    Rolls is offline Neophyte
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    When can you be sure You've Found 'The One'?

    At 51 yrs. old you all would think I'd know all the signs by now.

    But this is like no other Love before! The one I've hunted my whole life for!
    What were the signs for others here that made you know you found them?
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  2. #2
    gorillagirl Guest
    you never truly know. you can believe it all you want but it takes years to get to know people.

  3. #3
    Faith's Avatar
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    At age 53, I thought I had found The One. But it turned out I was wrong. I was just as stupid and blind at 53 as I was at 15. Sometimes I think love is a form of madness. GG is right... it takes time to really know if it's the real deal.
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  4. #4
    NY10's Avatar
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    I have heard that you just know. I know that my SO is amazing for me and I love him more than anything. We have been through so much and he has been such an amazing support through some of the hardest times. I know that I love him and appreciate him like not other. For me he is the one I want to spend my life with and I know that he is truly the best person for me. Our connection and friendship shows me that he is the one. It's a feeling I get that let's me know I found the one.
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  5. #5
    MissMuffins's Avatar
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    Welcome, Rolls!

    I think there isn't such a thing as "The One." I think that's a myth which drives an industry or two.

    I think many people exist, for whom one is a good match. I think when an individual has found someone who's a good partner for him or her, there's a draw that includes but isn't necessarily purely sexual attraction.

    Of course there's the "we've been through many of the same experiences, and enjoy many of the same things" aspect.

    Then the excrement hits the oscillating circulation device and that person could bail, but doesn't. He or she is there for you. That's when I knew.

    In May 2012, I had recently broken up with Lovey (my SO) but remained on good terms. I had to travel out of town to undergo outpatient or day surgery, and couldn't drive myself home as I would be receiving anesthesia. I expected he'd leave the hospital once I was taken to pre-op, and spend the morning with colleagues or business contacts as he worked in a satellite office here and their main administrative offices were located in the same town as the hospital. They have a couple of vendors whose distribution centers are there as well, and he spent a lot of time on the phone with them.

    My ex husband and my parents would have done that--left the hospital as soon as I was out, and come back later.

    He didn't. He stayed there the whole morning, and was with me when I woke up. In order for that to have happened, he would have come back to my post-op recovery room as soon as they allowed it. When I wasn't coming out of the anesthesia as readily as they would have liked, I saw the worry on his face.

    After the reaction to the anesthesia, I had a reaction to the pain killer. We didn't know that, then; we thought it was still the reaction to the anesthesia. Either way, he kept me with him at his place and took care of me for another 3 days.

    That's how I knew.

    It hasn't necessarily been smooth sailing, but we *have* been together ever since.

    MM
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  6. #6
    fiorinda's Avatar
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    I think 'the one' is a ridiculous idea! How many people are there in the world?! Unless you also believe your 'one' must live within walking distance of you, it just makes no sense! I have a friend who started online dating the same time as I did, about 3.5 years ago. She has met probably 20 or 30 guys, might be more, and entered into relationships with around 6, but none of them have been 'quite right'. I've been with Lee now for over 2.5 years, he's the best partner I've ever had. I think she is scared of commitment. So none will ever be right. But one or two might have been amazing if she'd let them!
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  7. #7
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    I started to write a romantic reply yesterday about "the one", then we had a fight, and we are still pissed at each other. Things will get better during the day. They always do, and if not today, certainly by tomorrow.

    So my definition of "the one" is someone that you unsuccessfully try to get rid of and can't for some reason.

    I believe that "the one" is the one person with whom the pain in the heart of breaking up is greater than the pain in the butt of being together, thus resulting in a continued relationship.

    I mean, we tried... many times... for 10 years!... but we are still together.... and most of the times we are happy with each other.
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    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  8. #8
    Rolls is offline Neophyte
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    So my definition of "the one" is someone that you unsuccessfully try to get rid of and can't for some reason.
    Ha Ha...
    Careful SheLikesKitties, they say some statements are admissible evidence, in a court of law!

    But yes, I totally agree that it takes time to be sure. Not just fun happy times, but how you can weather the storms together!

    Quote Originally Posted by NY10 View Post
    I have heard that you just know. I know that my SO is amazing for me and I love him more than anything. We have been through so much and he has been such an amazing support through some of the hardest times. I know that I love him and appreciate him like no other. For me he is the one I want to spend my life with and I know that he is truly the best person for me. Our connection and friendship shows me that he is the one. It's a feeling I get that let's me know I found the one.
    NY10, I have to say that I feel the way you are saying!
    This love is far more than words.

    I was set on spending the rest of my life just dating. Determined that I had learned for certain that there just wasn't a right 'one' for me out there.
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  9. #9
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    I don't think it's really "the" one as much as it is "this" one. "The one" implies that in all the people in the world, there is only one person for me. I'm pretty sure that there are many other people in the state of Colorado, let alone the US or even other countries, with whom I would be just as compatible with as my OM. I've just never had the opportunity to meet them.

    That being said, Terry and I tried very hard NOT to become a couple. We were best friends for a couple of years before we became romantically involved. Our original intention, since we were both so hurt from recent divorces, was to simply be friends with benefits. All the sex we want from each other, we'd still have our friendship, but nothing more. Then once we got involved, it got very intense very quickly; it scared both of us. He broke down all the walls I had without even trying, and I did the same to him.

    We actually intended to break up many times. I would be at work thinking "This is silly. We have to stop this. There is no way this will ever work long term, and I'm getting in too deep." Turns out he thought the same thing many times. We both came very close to texting each other & saying we need to stop the FWB/relationship thing and go back to just being friends. But we both realized that was a stupid way to break up, so we would wait until we saw each other in person.

    But when I would have these thoughts, they would disappear as soon as I saw him. My heart would light up and it was like I could feel my soul sing. He's told me he felt the same way. In fact, we've been together for almost 4 years now and we still feel that way.

    Edited to add: Here's an example: He just texted me out of the blue to say "You mean more to me than I know how to express." THIS is what I'm talking about. He's so awesome.
    Last edited by pinkunicorn; 01-16-2014 at 02:09 PM.
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  10. #10
    M&M's Avatar
    M&M
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    All my life I've heard people tell me "There is someone out there for everyone" (AKA "the one") but I never once believed it. There is just far too many people in the world and even if there is "one" for us all, it does not mean for one second we will ever meet them.....

    That being said.... I DO believe there is a "perfect match" for some. (Ya know, the lucky few who don't settle or spend their lives alone) The problem even then, is it may not always work out. Think of how sometimes you have best friends, you can spend years with them and then everything changes.

    Never once in my life have I had a relationship and not because I am a loser but rather because it was never important to me. Being happy with myself and my life was and still is more important, as are my dogs. I do feel though that the OM I am into, and talk about on here is my "perfect match" but will we ever be together? Who knows... only time will tell.

    My advice is... listen to your heart and gut, if they are in agreeance, thats a great sign. Just live for the day, hope for the future and make the best of the moments. Even if the person you are thinking of is not "the one" or if they end up not being in your life, they are now, at this moment... so just be happy and make all the happiness and memories you can!

    Best of luck to you
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  11. #11
    Angel's Avatar
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    I don't believe in "the one" either. It feels like a loaded gun full of expectation and guarantees that neither of us can promise the other, and I don't want to put that much pressure on myself or someone else. Instead, I looked for that moment where I felt I had a good understanding of who they are and what I would compromise to make things work. There's never 100% assurance and at some point it's a leap of faith for all of us.

    Beyond that, I accept that all love causes pain, eventually. I knew he was the one I wanted to risk it all for when the fear of what I stood to lose by not loving him outweighed the fear of what I stood to lose for having loved him.
    there before the threshold, I saw a brighter world beyond myself

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  12. #12
    MissMuffins's Avatar
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    Rolls,

    I'm confident you'll do it in your own time, but you should know that you've piqued my interest and I'm sending some really strong "do tell!" vibes in your general direction!

    MM
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    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  13. #13
    Mebel's Avatar
    Mebel is offline OWYM AG 29 yrs
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    ohh Yes..physical signs the first time('s) i saw Kevin's face-pic on my pc! I do not even know if I told him.
    >Kundalini signs i call them
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  14. #14
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
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    I wonder if people confuse "perfect match" with "the one".

    I do not know how many of you have filled a dating site profile. In there, you make a list of the "ideal match" for you: age, education, income, hobbies, etc.

    Then you get a few replies from people who meet to the dot the very same criteria that you wrote down and blah, no chemistry, cloying and flat as a 3 day old open coke. Then you meet someone, somewhere else, that is like an explosion in your life, someone who does not meet half the criteria but that rocks your life in a way that nobody has done before. And he feels the same way about you, and that's it, and that's all.

    I measure the "oneness" not as one person being "the one" for you, but as both of you becoming "one". Once you become "one" that's it. IMHO you can tell who "the one" is not by how great you go together, but by how pointless it is to try to be apart. You are "one" even if you are separated, even if you are no-contact, even if you are trying to be with someone else.

    As you can tell, Nick and I made up.
    Last edited by SheLikesKitties; 01-17-2014 at 11:58 AM.
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    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  15. #15
    Rolls is offline Neophyte
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuffins View Post
    Rolls,

    I'm confident you'll do it in your own time, but you should know that you've piqued my interest and I'm sending some really strong "do tell!" vibes in your general direction!

    MM
    Of ~Course~ I'd love to brag about Her!
    After a few years of being happily single, I met her in response to a dating ad she had posted online. Her ad seemed sincere and not all sugar coated like most do.

    We corresponded for a short time, then went out on a first date. A true Blind Date for me, as I had not seen any pictures or even asked for a description (She had searched my Email and found my Facebook and knew much more about me) she later told me. I found out on that first date that she was just as Beautiful to look at, beyond her personality.
    She was VERY shy and actually did not even eat on the date from being so nervous. Still I knew we had a great time and planned more dates.
    As the dates went on we kept finding more and more things we liked about each other. We became more trusting as well, and now I find myself at this point.
    Feeling like I have met the person I want to share my life with!

    She constantly goes above and beyond to show me her feelings. Little notes here, text messages, romantic cards.
    She tells me all the time how happy she is to have 'found me' and makes sure I feel how special I am to her.

    As for the age gap, she is 28 and I am 51 giving us a 23 yr. gap

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