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Thread: Societal Problems

  1. #1
    LivingMoment is offline Neophyte
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    Societal Problems

    I'm a YW in a relationship with an OM and I have always had the faint thought that there was something wrong with me for liking OM and not men my own age. Liking older men has shut me out from many friends because I can not even share the common lust for a man my age like other people can. Common acceptance of the issue is that a person in my shoes is simply either a loser who can not find someone of the same age, or a gold digger. I can promise that I am neither and am always hurt when I read or hear things like that, though never directed at me because I have been to afraid to bring my relationship out into the open. I've always felt the pressure from society in saying that over a couple of years is too much of an age gap for a relationship. I have always felt that love does not have a boundary and that everyone should be free to follow what their heart truly desires.
    My question to anyone on here is, do you feel "bad", "less desirable" or like there is something wrong with you for wanting to be with people outside of your generation?
    Last edited by LivingMoment; 02-13-2014 at 02:28 AM.

  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    I am the older person in a relationship with a man 21 years younger than me, and yes, I still feel there is something odd about an AGR. I have been a very sensible person all my life, but since falling in love with my now husband, about 10 years ago, I feel that my image as a normal, sensible, conservative person has been shattered in my eyes, and the eyes of others. The good news is that eventually you get used to feeling odd, or at least I did. People that know you get used to that too, their shock and curiosity eventually died. I have never stopped feeling abnormal, it's just that I have gotten used to it, and it does not bother me.
    Last edited by SheLikesKitties; 02-13-2014 at 01:13 AM.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  3. #3
    gorillagirl Guest
    livingmoment- so, you're a younger male and you're having sex with an older married male who has a (married) female wife (read your intro)?
    Last edited by gorillagirl; 02-13-2014 at 12:26 AM.

  4. #4
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Oops I had missed the intro.
    The fact that your OM is married totally puts a different set of issues in your "societal situation"... not to mention the fact that he is your boss.
    gorillagirl likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  5. #5
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    RadoG60 is offline Senior Member
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    I agree with what SLK has said.

    Is it odd I'm with a man who could be my father? Yes.
    Does it bother me? No.

    Im with him because I love who he is. I love sharing our time together. For whatever reason, things become more enjoyable while were together. His age has nothing to do with anything.

    We are putting ourselves out to the world, and we know we are not the norm for our society, we expect to get strange looks, rude or curious questions, and the infamous question, "is that your dad?" We know we are different, and we are ok with it.

    Do I feel bad about myself being with him? No!
    Do I feel less of myself? Absolutely not.

    I adore him. I talk about him constantly. Everyone in my life knows him. My family think the world of him. We help each other better ourselves. As a couple, and individuals.

    But, as you said in a different post, he is married. Now, we don't know the whole story. Maybe he is in the process of divorce, living separately, and feels not making a new relationship public is wise yet. Maybe he and is wife are in an open relationship. Or maybe it is just as it sounds, a secret relationship. As others have said, regardless of age, or gender, thats not ok in most of our eyes.

    Feeling closed off to living a healthy lifestyle, (making friends, going out, being able to talk about what ever aspect of your life to your friends) is also not good. That will ruin you, emotionally, and mentally. If he causes you to shut yourself down, you really need to re-evaluate your situation.

  6. #6
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LivingMoment View Post
    My question to anyone on here is, do you feel "bad", "less desirable" or like there is something wrong with you for wanting to be with people outside of your generation?
    No, because how I feel about me is based on my intrinsic qualities and not what other people think.

    MM
    theREALTrish likes this.
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  7. #7
    LivingMoment is offline Neophyte
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    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    livingmoment- so, you're a younger male and you're having sex with an older married male who has a (married) female wife (read your intro)?
    Sorry that was a typo. Meant to be younger woman with older man. Woops!
    MissMuffins and gorillagirl like this.

  8. #8
    LivingMoment is offline Neophyte
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    Quote Originally Posted by RadoG60 View Post
    But, as you said in a different post, he is married. Now, we don't know the whole story. Maybe he is in the process of divorce, living separately, and feels not making a new relationship public is wise yet. Maybe he and is wife are in an open relationship. Or maybe it is just as it sounds, a secret relationship. As others have said, regardless of age, or gender, thats not ok in most of our eyes.

    Feeling closed off to living a healthy lifestyle, (making friends, going out, being able to talk about what ever aspect of your life to your friends) is also not good. That will ruin you, emotionally, and mentally. If he causes you to shut yourself down, you really need to re-evaluate your situation.
    He was living on his own and going through the divorce when we met. It's a small area and he isn't totally ready to face the negativity yet. What I was trying to say that may have come off a little different was that I simply can not relate to most people my age and it is tough for me to see men my own age like I see older men. I have many friends in their 40s and 50s and he has not changed my social behavior at all.
    SheLikesKitties likes this.

  9. #9
    gorillagirl Guest
    is he still married? does the wife know about you? is he still intimate with the wife?

  10. #10
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LivingMoment View Post
    He was living on his own and going through the divorce when we met. It's a small area and he isn't totally ready to face the negativity yet. What I was trying to say that may have come off a little different was that I simply can not relate to most people my age and it is tough for me to see men my own age like I see older men. I have many friends in their 40s and 50s and he has not changed my social behavior at all.
    Okay, you're going to have to start from the beginning. You're leaving out too much key info! There's a HUGE leap between this (above) and "I'm sleeping with my married boss."

    MM
    Last edited by MissMuffins; 02-13-2014 at 03:49 AM.
    degausser and theREALTrish like this.
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  11. #11
    AmandaAlice's Avatar
    AmandaAlice is offline Senior Member
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    No, I don't feel bad or weird for being attracted to people not in my generation. After all, as a teen, all my crushes were on rock stars in their 30s and 40s, etc. while other girls were drooling on the Backstreet Boys, so I'm used to my tastes, lol. To me, it's perfectly normal that I'm with my OM. We've been lucky that we've never really experienced any flak for our relationship, everyone was accepting right from the beginning. And I only have one close friend my own age, and she lives across the country from me, and yea, she kinda thought it was weird when I first told her, but I didn't get any negative comments or anything from her. Just a 'really? Ok then.' So I have no idea, and couldn't care less anyway what people like, say, that I went to school with, would think. To me, it's normal. Younger women have been with older men since the dawn of humans pretty much, so I can't see it as strange, regardless of what 'modern sensibilities' or whatever have to say about it.
    pinkunicorn likes this.

  12. #12
    pinkunicorn's Avatar
    pinkunicorn is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LivingMoment View Post
    My question to anyone on here is, do you feel "bad", "less desirable" or like there is something wrong with you for wanting to be with people outside of your generation?
    Nope. Not one bit.

    If someone else has a problem with whomever I choose to have in my life, on my terms, that's their issue, not mine.

    Of course, there are exceptions, but usually they are very BIG exceptions, like if I'm hanging out with someone who's toxic and everyone can see it but me, or stuff like that.

    But if it's something like they just don't like/can't understand an attraction to someone of a different generation, different race, or even an attraction to someone of the same gender--that's none of their business and they usually aren't open to hearing any reasoning behind it anyway.
    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.


  13. #13
    Slow Worm's Avatar
    Slow Worm is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LivingMoment View Post
    I have always had the faint thought that there was something wrong with me for liking OM
    Do you really mean that - you think you are doing wrong? Or do you mean that you think other people think so?


    Liking older men has shut me out from many friends because I can not even share the common lust for a man my age like other people can.
    Why shut out? Surely a friend who can be absolutely relied on not to steal one's boyfriend or compete for available boys would be quite valuable to many young women?


    Common acceptance of the issue is that a person in my shoes is simply either a loser who can not find someone of the same age, or a gold digger...... I have been to afraid to bring my relationship out into the open. I've always felt the pressure from society in saying that over a couple of years is too much of an age gap for a relationship.
    I've hardly ever encountered anyone expressing those views in 30 years in AGR's, and always felt free to be open about being in relationships with OW, (but it may be that Oregon is different from England).

    My question to anyone on here is, do you feel "bad", "less desirable" or like there is something wrong with you for wanting to be with people outside of your generation?
    No, never! Whyever should I?


    SW

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