Help, if possible... :)

So, this is a very complicated situation that I'm in...

I'm a 22 year old college student that is very attracted to an older man, who was my previous instructor. He knows this because at the end of our last session I asked him if he'd ever dated or gotten to know a student outside of classes. He told me he hadn't because he didn't want to put his job in jeopardy. I told him I understood that. And before I left he smiled and said to call him when I'm out of school, when I graduate.

Now, since he's said that, I've thought about it, constantly. And the other night, I laid it out there. I ended up texting him and telling him how I feel. Then, I invited him out to have a friendly drink with me (Tuesday) tomorrow night. I also told him he could completely disregard this if he chooses, I just wanted to get my feelings/attraction towards him out there. He could do whatever with it. He didn't respond, which I expected. So, I guess now, the ball is in his court...

I'm seriously freaking out now, because I don't know if I was too forward. Too blunt. Or if I pushed him away. This is my first time attempting to pursue an older fellow.

What do you guys think? Was I too blunt? Or wrong? What should I do?

The waiting for tomorrow seems endless!

I hope that you did some research before doing this to find out if he is married or otherwise engaged.
When in college I also had a crush on a professor, flirted with him big time and after a couple of dates, I decided to investigate his background, before actually having sex. (Kinda putting the cart before the horse).
Anyways, he ended up being married, and I cut the dates. Luckily I was not in love, so no heartbreak.

So if he is not married, it's a green light for you to put your feelings out there. If he is not interested, better to find out now, than after months of daydreaming about him.

I've definitely done my research. He's currently divorced, with two adult children. He's even mentioned it in class a few times, how he wants to get back out there and start dating. You can sometimes tell he's a bit lonely. :(

Your post sounds as though you're still a student at the school - is that right?

If he told you to call him after you graduate, and you haven't graduated yet, I would back off until you do. I think the fact that he even said that shows he might be interested under the right circumstances, but if you're still a student, you don't want to scare him off in the mean time.

It really isn't possible for us to say what he might be thinking, without knowing exactly what your text said. Do you still have it, and can you post it here? But please be sure to make all names anonymous.

Well, whenever you read this, I was trying to see what you were doing Tuesday night. Hopefully I'm not being too forward, but I wanted to know if you'd come out to the (bar name)? I know what you said when I talked to you about it before and I respect that. I'd never want to put your job in jeopardy. So, consider it just, I don't know, having a friendly drink?

Hope to hear from you or you can ignore this and choose not to respond. That's up to you. I'm laying it out there because, I'm young and only have one life to live. So, I'm gonna go after what I want. Get what I'm saying? Call it blunt, if you will. I like you...that's it. That's all.

Why?

That's something you'll find out in time.

So, yeah, it's out there. Do what you will with it.

Goodnight.





That's the text. This is really...blunt, I know. I really regret it.

I don't think it is too blunt. As you said, life is too short. If I was not married and I received such an email from a young man, I would definitely give it a try, without much of an expectation, after all it's just the first step in what could be a relationship or just a one date.

However if you are still a student, he may have concerns about meeting you. Let's see what happens.

Enjoy the wait! Life is an adventure! If it happens great, and if it does not, it was not meant to be.

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Originally Posted by ChiAries

He's even mentioned it in class a few times, how he wants to get back out there and start dating. You can sometimes tell he's a bit lonely. :(

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Re-reading this.
Odd that he mentioned this in class.
Beware, he could be a player, playing the lost puppy out in the rain.

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Originally Posted by ChiAries

That's the text. This is really...blunt, I know. I really regret it.

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I agree, it is blunt. But what's done, is done, no use for regrets now. It can't be undone. I want to emphasize this. Do NOT send him ANY more messages. Do NOT apologize. NOTHING, not a word!

If he responds, and only IF, then you can reply. But even then, don't apologize.

I doubt that you'll hear from him, because he already gave you his answer... wait until after you graduate. When will that be, how much longer? If your feelings are still there for him by then, you can extend a new invitation.

So just let this simmer gently on the back burner until it's time. In the meanwhile, if you see him, smile, say hello... that's all. :)

@SheLikesKitties the wait is killing me. Haha. I'll definitely let you know what happens.

@Faith I thought it was a blunt, in fact I knew it was but that's just the way I am. I get straight to the point, ya know. I doubt if I hear from him either. Gah, this sucks.

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Originally Posted by Faith

I agree, it is blunt. But what's done, is done, no use for regrets now. It can't be undone. I want to emphasize this. Do NOT send him ANY more messages. Do NOT apologize. NOTHING, not a word!

If he responds, and only IF, then you can reply. But even then, don't apologize.

I doubt that you'll hear from him, because he already gave you his answer... wait until after you graduate. When will that be, how much longer? If your feelings are still there for him by then, you can extend a new invitation.

So just let this simmer gently on the back burner until it's time. In the meanwhile, if you see him, smile, say hello... that's all. :)

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I couldn't agree more.

There's no point in wasting time feeling regretful. Just go about your business, don't apologize - just remember to respect his boundaries in the future. Try again after you graduate.

I'll go with blunt over 'obssessing and wondering and making stuff up in my head' any day! I think it's a good text: honest, to the point, not intimidating or hassly or stalkery. I don't think he's going to take you up on your offer though, because he no doubt doesn't want to risk his job - and why would he? I agree with the others. Act as if you never sent it, don't apologise (you have nothing to apologise for) or even mention it if/when you see him. Keep his number and call him when you're no longer his student and see if he wants to go for that drink then. In the meantime, try to stop thinking and wondering about him and just get on with your life :)

Yeah, I doubt if he will as well. I'm trying not to think about it anymore. What's done is done. *shrugs* Haha. Thanks for the honesty ladies! :) It's greatly appreciated.

He will probably remember you way longer than you remember him. I can picture him in 20 years saying to himself... ahh, and that cute girl that texted me bluntly in 2014... too bad she was still a student. :yes: