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Thread: Tattoos and Piercings

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    NY10's Avatar
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    Tattoos and Piercings

    I don't know if it's a generation thing or not but my guy is not a fan of tattoos or piercings. He is Jewish so tattoos are pretty much a no but I am tattooed and pierced. He has never said anything bad about them but has hinted at wanting me to maybe think of getting them removed. As far as the piercings, they are small 4 in the ear 1 in my nose and my belly button. I cover up my tattoos at work and never display my piercings but I happen to like them and know my ex didn't have a problem. He had earrings and tattoos and even came with me to get several of mine.

    I know that a lot of people aren't fans but my guys reaction kinda took me back. He never made me feel less for having them but more than once has said to his family that I regret them and will get them removed which I never said and I have asked him why he feels the need to explain and lie about it.

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    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
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    There are people that just don't get the concept of tatoos.

    People who were taught that only sailors and lowlife people got them, and there is no amount of exposure, fashion, or explanations that can change that.
    These are the people who scratch their heads when a friend gets their first tatoo, and wonder why, why, why did so and so do that? Why would he/she brand him/herself with a symbol that goes against class, and good breeding?

    And the question is a recurring one... every time these people look at the tatoos they wonder... so and so is a nice person, why a tatoo?

    Of course some people just think these thoughts and do not say anything so they do not offend their friend.

    Would you rather this be the case with your boyfriend?

    He is trying to tell his family that you are a nice person despite the tatoos (and hence you are sorry that you got them).

    I think that you should ask him that he be honest with his family. Eventually they will get used to the fact that you have tatoos, after all, nobody is perfect.

    P.S. It is not a generational thing. My son who is only 24 does not like them, would not like a girl with tatoos, and none of his gfs have had them, ditto my husband, who is 34.
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    I don't think it's so much a generational thing--more like a personal taste kind of thing.

    Perhaps he is projecting his own negative views of tats & piercings onto his family, and therefore feels the need to lie to them and tell them that you plan to have them removed?

    Or maybe it's his way of taking control of the situation. Maybe he thinks that if he says it enough you will do it?

    Hard to say, really. But if he tells you he has no problems with your body modifications, he should just keep his mouth shut.
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    NY10's Avatar
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    We had a talk about it tonight and he said that he doesn't even notice them on me anymore because they are just part of who I am and he's fine with it, he just said he feels like he felt a need to tell people especially his family and mother that I regretted them and was going to get them removed because he felt that would end the conversation meanwhile no one in his family has ever said a word in years, my tattoos aren't visible ( one on my wrist) so unless I'm walking around half naked his family wouldn't have even known I had them. As far as the piercings, he doesn't mind them as much because they aren't exactly permanent. After talking to him AGAIN about it we both know where we are coming from. I don't like being judged just like no one else does. I know everything he says and does comes from a good place in his heart so it's easier to forgive him and move on.

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    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NY10 View Post
    I don't like being judged just like no one else does. I know everything he says and does comes from a good place in his heart so it's easier to forgive him and move on.
    Maybe it's my advanced age, but at this point I am resigned to the fact that being judged is part of human interaction. No matter how we look or what we do, some people will approve and some people will find fault. I am glad that you know that he is a good guy and that he loves you.
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    Quote Originally Posted by NY10 View Post
    We had a talk about it tonight and he said that he doesn't even notice them on me anymore because they are just part of who I am and he's fine with it, he just said he feels like he felt a need to tell people especially his family and mother that I regretted them and was going to get them removed because he felt that would end the conversation meanwhile no one in his family has ever said a word in years, my tattoos aren't visible ( one on my wrist) so unless I'm walking around half naked his family wouldn't have even known I had them. As far as the piercings, he doesn't mind them as much because they aren't exactly permanent. After talking to him AGAIN about it we both know where we are coming from. I don't like being judged just like no one else does. I know everything he says and does comes from a good place in his heart so it's easier to forgive him and move on.
    This is something I wouldn't call a red flag, but I'd have a tough time not remembering it.

    I don't have any tattoos or piercings, other than one hole in each earlobe, but am aware that people can be quite judgmental about body art. Even an "unnatural" haircolor gets people spinning.

    My sons each have tats, and their dad (my ex) is now moderately well-inked. My ex flipped out when I wanted to get my nostril pierced 20 years ago. I've considered getting a tattoo of a rosary around my left ankle & foot, but--courtesy of three surgeries--have some scar tissue to work around. I was surprised at who had issue with it. I'm accustomed to good work, and because of that I know I'd have to be selective about the artist I chose. Until recently we had no local artists with a resume/portfolio anywhere near good enough for me to trust my skin with--just a bunch of hacks with autoclaves and ink who couldn't set up shop anywhere else. In the past few years, that's changed.

    So, even tho I don't have any of my own, I totally "get" that your body art is a reflection of who you are. If:
    -you've never regretted it,
    -you've never discussed its removal,
    -it's visible only in certain states of dress/undress (which his family have not seen),
    -there is virtually no "conversation" surrounding your inked & pierced state, and
    -he "doesn't even notice them any more",
    I don't understand why he'd even bring it up.

    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    being judged is part of human interaction. No matter how we look or what we do, some people will approve and some people will find fault.
    Indeed. If we were not capable of forming opinions that would mean we would have no capacity for abstract thought at all. If we lacked the ablity to distinguish points worthy of more attention from those which could be ignored (i.e. form judgements re. the importance of different stimuli) then our minds would be permanently swamped with trivia.

    SW
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    Quote Originally Posted by NY10 View Post
    I don't know if it's a generation thing or not but my guy is not a fan of tattoos or piercings.
    I suspect it is generational in the sense that I think changes in production over the past 60-odd years have led to the increase in tattoos and piercings.
    In the 1950's & 1960's (here in the UK at least, mass production developed earlier in the USA so the dates may differ) there were not the very cheap and near-disposable clothing and footwear that are around now, and hair dying was generally too complicated to do at home. Most people, particularly young people with limited budgets, had a fairly limited range of clothes and had the hair colour they were born with. Choices of clothing were sufficient to establish identity.

    Today thanks to outlets like Primark most people can afford enough clothes to totally change their outfits twice a day if they really want to (e.g. smart wear for the job, neutral casual wear for visiting elderly parents in the early evening, then dressed up for the nightclub). Hair could be one colour on Friday night and another back at work on Monday morning. The effect is that clothing and to an extent even hairstyle cease to convey any solid declarations about the person's identity and allegencies. I think that this has driven a move towards more permanent and visible markings such as tattooing and body piercing.

    Personally I can't imaging myself ever going in for either, mainly because I don't want the potential liabilities of sticking any near-irremovable labels on myself.

    SW, keeping options open ....
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    I have a feeling that the reason he's felt the need to say what he has to his family is because they are Jewish. It's much more than it being frowned upon. A Jew with a tattoo is not even allowed to be buried in a Jewish cemetery. I know this because my ex-husband is Jewish. My son has tattoos and I don't know how his grandparents reacted when he got the first one but, he is also not considered to be Jewish because the child is considered to be the religion of the mother. I'm Roman Catholic. My son, also, has some piercings and he's worn those ear gauge things.

    Personally, I'm very old-fashioned. I don't like them and I wish my son didn't have them. But, it has nothing to do with religion. My daughter has talked about getting at least one tattoo, and I pray she never does. But, that's me. I don't have any feelings, one way or another towards anyone who has tattoos or piercings. To each their own.

    Oh, my daughter and I have pierced ears....one piercing in each earlobe. My daughter has no desire to have any other piercings, which I'm happy about. lol!

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    NY10's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by theREALTrish View Post
    I have a feeling that the reason he's felt the need to say what he has to his family is because they are Jewish. It's much more than it being frowned upon. A Jew with a tattoo is not even allowed to be buried in a Jewish cemetery. I know this because my ex-husband is Jewish. My son has tattoos and I don't know how his grandparents reacted when he got the first one but, he is also not considered to be Jewish because the child is considered to be the religion of the mother. I'm Roman Catholic. My son, also, has some piercings and he's worn those ear gauge things.

    Personally, I'm very old-fashioned. I don't like them and I wish my son didn't have them. But, it has nothing to do with religion. My daughter has talked about getting at least one tattoo, and I pray she never does. But, that's me. I don't have any feelings, one way or another towards anyone who has tattoos or piercings. To each their own.

    Oh, my daughter and I have pierced ears....one piercing in each earlobe. My daughter has no desire to have any other piercings, which I'm happy about. lol!
    I agree fully with you. I know him being Jewish has the biggest thing to do with it. Even though they are NOT very strict jewish they do have their beliefs and the fact that we have been together for years and we have talked marriage (I would convert) is a big big factor. His family has NEVER said a thing to me about the tattoos or piercings and have always been fond and great to me. I know that his religion is a factor and I am the first non jewish woman has he been with.

    We have talked about it last night and both came to realize where the other is coming from. I don't plan on having the piercings for the rest of my life, they can easily come out and close up. The tattoos are small and hidden for the most part but if we ever did decide to get married and it's something I had to do I guess I would have to look into removal. I just didn't get his need to bring up the topic himself and feel the need to make up lies for me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by theREALTrish View Post
    I have a feeling that the reason he's felt the need to say what he has to his family is because they are Jewish. It's much more than it being frowned upon. A Jew with a tattoo is not even allowed to be buried in a Jewish cemetery.
    What do they do with Holocaust survivors then, who were tattooed in the camps?

    MM
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    Faith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuffins View Post
    What do they do with Holocaust survivors then, who were tattooed in the camps?
    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/01/wo...anted=all&_r=0

    If anyone lacks the patience to read the whole article (link above), there's this sentence:

    "The fact that tattooing is prohibited by Jewish law some survivors long feared, incorrectly, that their numbers would bar them from being buried in Jewish cemeteries makes the phenomenon more unsettling to some, which may be part of the point."
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    Quote Originally Posted by Faith View Post
    http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/01/wo...anted=all&_r=0

    If anyone lacks the patience to read the whole article (link above), there's this sentence:

    "The fact that tattooing is prohibited by Jewish law some survivors long feared, incorrectly, that their numbers would bar them from being buried in Jewish cemeteries makes the phenomenon more unsettling to some, which may be part of the point."
    Good article. I think it illustrates well the point I was going to raise, which is that religion is ultimately man-made. Over time, religion changes to reflect changes in society. The changes come slowly and are usually NOT well-received at first, but they come nevertheless.

    I met some Holocaust survivors 20 years ago, who were tattooed. I wanted to kiss it and make it better, like we do a child's skinned knee. I didn't know until I read the article Faith linked that only prisoners in certain caps were tattooed. I was stunned by the idea that Jewish religious law wouldn't make allowances for such tattooing, and would prohibit Holocausts survivors from being buried in ground sacred to them. I'm relieved to see this is not the case. As if the events they survived weren't horrific enough, to survive that only to live with the mistaken belief they had been so badly marked by those events that they were now "unfit" for a decent burial...wow.

    MM
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuffins View Post
    Good article. I think it illustrates well the point I was going to raise, which is that religion is ultimately man-made. Over time, religion changes to reflect changes in society. The changes come slowly and are usually NOT well-received at first, but they come nevertheless.

    I met some Holocaust survivors 20 years ago, who were tattooed. I wanted to kiss it and make it better, like we do a child's skinned knee. I didn't know until I read the article Faith linked that only prisoners in certain caps were tattooed. I was stunned by the idea that Jewish religious law wouldn't make allowances for such tattooing, and would prohibit Holocausts survivors from being buried in ground sacred to them. I'm relieved to see this is not the case. As if the events they survived weren't horrific enough, to survive that only to live with the mistaken belief they had been so badly marked by those events that they were now "unfit" for a decent burial...wow.

    MM
    I hope no one thinks that I was implying that Holocaust survivors could not be buried in a Jewish cemetery if they were tattooed in a concentration camp. Years ago, my father worked with a man who had been in a camp. I remember meeting him, as a child, and my father explaining to me what he had gone through. Well, explaining it in a way that a child might understand. I've never been able to watch Schindler's List.
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    Fade

    Tatoos have been around for ages. Right now it appears to be very popular. However, for me I prefer to not have one. Also I prefer the woman I am involved with to not have one either. I respect those who want one and realize it is a creative way to describe and express themselves. However, I find it not professional.


    Mark

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