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Thread: So, I "blew up" my ex husband's cell phone today...

  1. #1
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    So, I "blew up" my ex husband's cell phone today...

    I'm not sure what triggered it. It may have been my ex-MIL's recent disclosure, these several weeks past, in the form of a "here's the latest on ___" story, that my ex-FIL supposedly intends to leave his home to my ex husband's stepson. This after several years of having nothing to do with our sons, for no apparent reason. Dude's a senile, drunken, anal orifice, but that's beside the point. Before he was a senile, drunken anal orifice, he was just a drunken anal orifice.

    Thing is, I'm not precisely sure why ex husband's (also known as Dork Boy) stepsons are still in the picture. No one is. You see, ex husband's estranged wife (aka The Skank Queen) abandoned their marriage 2+ or so years ago and left her children from a prior relationship with ex husband. Our sons are unclear why Dork Boy didn't send The Skank Queen's kids off to their own father. After all, Dork Boy had nothing to do with our sons for several years; then, when he deigned to once again grace them with his presence, he had as little to do with them as possible.

    It may have been hearing ex-MIL give yet another litany of the merits of stepson, after ex-FIL has had nothing good to say about our sons for the past several years. One day four years ago, ex-FIL woke up and declared Son 2 (Dork Boy's and my younger son) was not welcome in his home, for no known reason. Nobody knows--not Dork Boy, not ex-MIL, not Son 1 (Dork Boy's and my older son) and most especially not Son 2. The stepsons are welcome, though; one even moved in with ex-FIL about 2 years ago and has lived there rent free and jobless ever since.

    On Mother's Day, Son 2 finally disclosed some of what he experienced while living with Dork Boy and The Skank Queen. I knew from prior conversations what Son 1's thoughts are on the matter, and what his perspective on our experiences is. Neither are thrilled that The Skank Queen's sons are freeloading off their father and grandparents, or that their grandmother continually sings the praises of Eldest Stepson (who's essentially sat around playing video games for the 2 years since his HS graduation).

    Maybe it's just that keeping my mouth shut in response to 15+ years' worth of "road apples" (horse excrement) have finally boiled over. For whatever reason, I recently realized how much anger I still harbor toward said ex husband. Unspent rage might be more like it. And we've been divorced 14+ years--a year longer than we were married. (The math's a little hinky there, because Dork Boy's relationship with The Skank Queen started about 18 months before our marriage ended.)

    So, today I sent him a series of text messages. I wasn't going off on him, but I was pretty clear in communicating my considered opinion that he needs to close a particular chapter of his life by getting The Skank Queen's kids out of his house and his father's house (Dork Boy handles a lot of the day to day stuff for ex FIL), and following through with his plan to obtain a divorce from The Skank Queen. These aren't half-sibilings, nor are they step-siblings who have become particularly close. They're the stepbrothers from hell, even though one of them has since kind of grown out of it a little bit and may yet turn out to be a decent human being.

    My only regret is that I didn't send it in picture format instead of text format. On my phone, picture messages allow a higher character count than text messages. Then it would have all been in one message instead of several.

    Although the communication stemmed from a great deal of unspent rage toward him, I did not "speak" from rage. I just said what I thought. It was like "wow-I'm surprised at how angry I am with him about this. I can either keep being mad about it, or I can mindfully express my thoughts to him," and so I expressed my thoughts. (omg, you mean people do that?!)

    Afterward, I felt an incredible sense of emotional/spiritual release (and no, it's not euphoria ).

    MM
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

  2. #2
    trolleycar's Avatar
    trolleycar is offline I still play with trains
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    Hi MissMuffins
    I can not believe you that had to live with that load BS.
    After read what you have gone though It make me stop and think do I want to possible end up in a deal like you have gone though.
    With my girl friend. I believe the old TV show Hee Haw's had one statement I will never forget If it weren't for bad luck, I would any luck at all would fit what you have gone though
    would fit
    When I read your Post I first thought I was reading the overview for a new day time drama Soap Opera Called AS the Stomach Turns
    It is just hard to believe people can be that way to people that they are suppose to love. Maybe I should just stay single and keep play with my Big Boy toys. (Model Trains the 12 inch to the foot size)
    pinkunicorn, MissMuffins and Faith like this.

  3. #3
    Faith's Avatar
    Faith is offline Some assembly required
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    Quote Originally Posted by trolleycar View Post
    I first thought I was reading the overview for a new day time drama Soap Opera Called AS the Stomach Turns
    LOL Trolley!!
    "Leave the gun...take the cannoli."

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    CrazyLove's Avatar
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    There is no explaining crazy.

  5. #5
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Miss Muffins:
    The ex-husband and ex-inlaws are things from your past. You have the choice to take them out of your life forever or to keep getting upset by the things they do or not do.
    You are not part of the relationship your sons have with that part of their family.
    Maybe your sons need to get a divorce from that side of the family too, if all it brings is negativity and crazyness.

    Honestly, it is none of your business if the ex-inlaws want to support some non-related kids. If they do not feel the love they should feel for your sons (their blood grandkids) it's their loss, your sons are young, with a life ahead of them and they should distance themselves from this abnormal situation.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  6. #6
    MissMuffins's Avatar
    MissMuffins is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by SheLikesKitties View Post
    Miss Muffins:
    The ex-husband and ex-inlaws are things from your past. You have the choice to take them out of your life forever or to keep getting upset by the things they do or not do.
    You are not part of the relationship your sons have with that part of their family.
    Maybe your sons need to get a divorce from that side of the family too, if all it brings is negativity and crazyness.

    Honestly, it is none of your business if the ex-inlaws want to support some non-related kids. If they do not feel the love they should feel for your sons (their blood grandkids) it's their loss, your sons are young, with a life ahead of them and they should distance themselves from this abnormal situation.
    I both agree and disagree with you.

    Here's where I disagree. I had children with him, and his parents are my sons' grandparents. For that reason, to some extent my ex husband and former in-laws will always be my business. What they do affects my sons, who--although adults--are still my children and do still vent to me and seek my advice from time to time. Although they're adults, I'm still the mom. While the method of delivery has changed somewhat as my sons have matured into young adults, I get to be the mom for the remainder of my life.

    What my ex and his parents do is their business. It affects my sons in a much less negative way if I make an attempt to be civil and remain on good terms with their father and grandparents. When my ex husband and his parents do things that affect their relationships with my sons, and my sons talk to me about it, sometimes the answer they receive is, "you need to talk to your dad/grandma/grandpa about that."

    Sometimes, it's "let it go."

    Sometimes, it's "That's a 'you' problem, not a 'them' problem."

    Sometimes, it's "It's okay to establish and maintain healthy boundaries."

    Most of the time, it's "MM, listen to understand, not respond. Keep your mouth shut."

    This time, it was a choice between letting my blood pressure rise or sending a set of text messages to the extent of "listen Dick Head, you-who-supposedly-wants-to-mend-fences with our sons need to know that what you're doing [here] and [here] is negatively affecting your relationships with both your sons."

    I said what I needed to say, and felt cleaner for it. What he does with the information from there forward is his choice. At least it was an informed one.

    MM
    theREALTrish likes this.
    "Our past is a story existing only in our minds. Look, analyze, understand, and forgive. Then, as quickly as possible, chuck it." ~ Marianne Williamson

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