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Thread: Is agegap relationships a "thing" or...

  1. #1
    joelstrouble's Avatar
    joelstrouble is offline Silence! I'll kill you!
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    Jan 2005
    Farmland in Norway!

    Is agegap relationships a "thing" or...

    did it just happen that you fell in love with someone that were a lot younger or a lot older than you.I have been wondering about this for a while and I see that there is some people here that say have the preferance on someone younger or older than themself.
    But is this like a "thing"???
    I mean, for me, if the realationship between me and my YM doesn't work out, I know that I will not start looking for a new YM (I have never looked for men before either, though).
    I fell in love with my guy cause of who he is, not his age.
    And I think that if I ever will fall in love again ,it might as well be with someone my own age or someone older than me...

    Any thoughts?
    Last edited by joelstrouble; 04-04-2005 at 02:12 PM.

  2. #2
    GoldieCat Guest
    Well, it's different for everyone. And it can even be different at different times in the same person's life. There's no one way to look at this.

    Most of the women here will tell you they weren't looking for someone younger, in fact they wished at first that the guy was not younger.

    Some of us, like me, -did- begin to prefer someone younger and looked specifically for that. (But I didn't pick my man ONLY because he was younger. He had to have a whole host of other qualities as well, qualities I would insist on no matter what age a man is - point being, although I wanted a YM, I wouldn't have taken any old YM. Faaaaar from it.)

    How it went for me in life was, I always dated guys my own age until I met and married a guy who was 11 years older. I had really not dated older guys until then. After the many years I was with the OM, I -myself- got older, so when I left him, for the first time I was faced with the possibility of dating younger guys. Although I was open to guys my own age for a while, I came to realize I preferred younger men, and that's how I still feel.

    My honey and I found each other over 2 years ago, both of us knowing we preferred OWYM, and we've never been happier.
    Last edited by GoldieCat; 04-04-2005 at 01:34 PM.

  3. #3
    catlover's Avatar
    catlover is offline Senior Member
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    Jul 2004
    in the kingdom of far far away
    I do prefer younger men--but mainly because I have more in common with them (preferred music, etc.).

    when i met my bf i thought he was early/mid 30's, which is my preferred generation. turns out he had just turned 27. there are times i wish the gap wasn't as large, but it still seems to be working out okay

  4. #4
    Canadian_Mike Guest


    It is a perfect harmony.. youth + experience = Perfect Universal Mix..

  5. #5
    Loucine Guest
    I've almost always been with much older men. The love of my life was 40 when I was 25 (his name is JoŽl by the way ), I still get the shivers when someone mentions him but I keep an image of a 40-year-old man in my mind. But now that I'm 40, I admit being turned off by men who are in their 50-s.

    I was twice married to men who were in their late thirties and early 40-s. I remember looking at their pictures when they were in their 20-s and wishing I had known them then. Difficult to explain.

    In general, I tend to be physically attracted to young men, I can't help it, it's sexual chemistry, but I've never really dated a much younger man. The youngest I've dated was only 6 years younger.

    Let me put it this way, young men grab my attention physically much more often than men my age do, but if I happen to meet an interesting man who will make my heart race, I don't think age will matter, he could be younger or older, it's just that I think I will have a problem becoming physical with a much older man.

    That's for the physical part, as for the intellectual part, because I am such a complicated source of headaches and mental masturbation (does the term exist in English ?) , always analyzing, always thinking out loud, I tend to scare away both the older and the younger men. They adore me in the beginning then I see them gasping like fish looking for oxygen in a foggy aquarium. The difference is that I scare away younger men for good and keep all of the older men as life-long soul and intellectual mates.

    I'm not making much sense am I ? sorry

    edit:I'm not being fair to myself. It all depends on the man. So many enjoy looooooong coversations with me and sometimes do much of the talking themselves. I'm also very playful and able to have a lot of fun, even get very silly often.
    Last edited by Loucine; 04-04-2005 at 04:51 PM.

  6. #6
    thesedays Guest
    I never imagined myself in an ag relationship. And to tell you the truth, if this doesn't last / work out. I won't allow myself to enter another one ....

    The insecurities I have drive me crazy. The thought of when I'm 40, 50, etc, what I'll look like, what he'll look like ........will he start looking for women his own age, etc. drives me nuts.

    I have become obsessed with exercise, working out, eating right, wrinkle cream, etc. And I honestly do not believe I would be doing these same things with someone my own age.

    I know it's not about "looks" or the outside, but it still bothers me.

    Yep ......if this doesn't work out, I'm running from any men younger than me !!
    SunMoonStars likes this.

  7. #7
    LADave is offline Born 200 years too late
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Los Angeles, California
    I'm not in a relationship right now, so I can't speak to why I'm attracted to one particular woman. It's not exclusive, but I do have a strong preference for older women. I've always found it much easier to relate to older women than to women in my age group (20s-30s, I'm 35). I find it usually very easy to converse with an OW, while with a woman my age I'm a lot more apt to run out of things to talk about or feel self-conscious.

    Part of this comes from the fact that early on I developed a set of interests that's older than I am, so women with the same tastes tend to be older. I collect rare books and other antiques. I'm Episcopalian, which (at least in my parish) isn't the youngest religion in the world. I love classical music and opera. In my spare time, I read (and don't even have TV).

    And, I'm much more physically attracted to OW, as well. I'll notice an attractive same-age or younger woman and think, "cute." But when I see a great-looking 40-plus woman, particularly if she's dressed on the skimpy side, it's "Oh-My-God! WOW!"

    "You've got to dance like nobody's watching, and love like it's never going to hurt."--Anon

  8. #8
    miss b Guest
    At 42, I went on a date with a man that was 33, notice I said A DATE. He had good qualities, but after getring to know him, he wasn't right for me. After that, I just figured that I'd probably not date younger men. Every man before him had been my age or older, so I figured I'd stick to what was my own age or older.
    Little did I know that I would meet a man 28 yrs old and that he would be the man for me. We met as friends and a wonderful relationship has developed.

    So for me, no I never set out to meet a younger man. It was never a fad or something trendy or fun to do.

    If this relationship ended today I dont think I would set out to only date younger men, but I do know that I would not exclude them from my list of potential dating partners.

  9. #9
    Charlotte's Avatar
    Charlotte is offline Every day is a new one.
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    Oct 2004
    I have consistently dated or had long term relationships with men who are older than I am by as much as 20 years. This is the first time in my entire life that I have had a relationship with a man under 21 (my guy is 19, I am 32).

    So...I guess it's not a "thing" for me. We've talked for over two years online, and our relationship gradually progressed to the point where we were both interested in meeting each other. So we did We didn't seek a partner each other's age.

  10. #10
    Kristin's Avatar
    Kristin is offline Senior Member
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    Jul 2004
    Definitely not a "thing" for me.

    I was dating a 41 year old when Jeremy came into my life. After I was available again, I didn't think I'd even want to BE in a relationship at all, let alone with someone 13 years younger.

    Jeremy pursued me until I gave in and went out with him.

    We've been inseperable ever since.

  11. #11
    Mark Guest
    Although I was open to guys my own age for a while, I came to realize I preferred younger men, and that's how I still feel.
    But I thought age isn't supposed to be a factor. Or does this only work one way?

  12. #12
    Desert Spring is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Nope. Just met a person much younger. I doubt I'd get into a gap bigger than 10 years again. I always skewed older in my taste, but then again, the older you get, the older "older than you" starts to become

  13. #13
    Lynn Guest
    Being with a ym never entered my mind until I met my boyfriend. Since I was a teenager I had dated in my age group or older.... my first bf was 8 years older than me!

    Then I met my bf online, and neither of us knew the age of the other for a long long time. We were simply the best of buddies until we realized it went beyond that. It was heartbreaking to find out he was so much younger and I at first thought it was impossible to continue with.

    Anyway, after being together for 2 years the gap has disappeared quite a bit. Most of the fears we each had in the beginning have dwindled away because of the love we have for one another. I used to wonder if there was anyone out there that would love me as much as I knew I could love... well there was and is. I just had to wait for him.

  14. #14
    lady_p Guest
    just happened...dated men my own age or just a couple of years younger before..never thought it would happen..

  15. #15
    kathyw Guest just happened...I didn't pursue it...and I would not get into this type of relationship by choice...are you kidding me...NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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