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Thread: Att: Dootch - My Crazy Crush (very long!)

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    LaRomantica's Avatar
    LaRomantica is offline Senior Member
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    Att: Dootch - My Crazy Crush (very long!) - UPDATE in last post!

    I mentioned on my post on Moonbeam's thread that I had a crush on someone 30 years younger, then "Dootch" addressed a post to me and I thought it would be more appropriate to start a new thread.

    At this point this crush (I'll call him "M") might pretty much be "dead on the water", but read on and let me know what you think.

    1) At present I can see that he's not really "into me". He's indeed very nice when we see each other and the other day he surprised me by waving at me as I was driving away only a while after we'd chatted a little bit outside (somehow that gesture was very heart-warming to me and I felt really happy...) but I can't say he's gone out of his way to see me or anything.

    ON THE OTHER HAND, the 1st time M talked to me I was sitting outside sunning myself & crocheting, he said hi and then asked what I was making, then told me he'd been wanting to ask me to make him a hat (I began advertising around our apt. complex that I sell crochet hats). This gave me opportunities to see him that I ordinarily would not have, for example, first I had to show him the hats I already had; he chose one that was too small so I had to make another one for him. Another day I had to ask him to let me measure his head so I could adapt the pattern properly; next I had to ask him to try it on just before I finished it to make sure it would fit. But when I'd barely started it he told me he wanted an identical one in different colors, so at one point I saw him to show him the hat in progress to see if he'd approve of how I'd placed the colors he chose, and eventually I went to his apt. to deliver the hats. And because he'd shown interest in the thread bookmarks I make, I thought in appreciation for his kindness I'd make him one as a gift. He wanted to buy one and that's when I told him I was going to make one especially for him, and rather than say "oh, you don't have to" he seemed excited about it and when I actually gave it to him he was most appreciative and told me he was going to put it inside the book he was reading.

    That day I noticed that "my" hats were lying on his bed (he sleeps in the L/R) and maybe following my eyes he told me that everyone he'd showed them to thought they were "very cool" and that soon he'd have several orders from his friends. Then he went on to tell me he wanted another hat in the colors of a T-shirt he had and he went to get it. Since I didn't know if I had the exact colors I asked if I could borrow the shirt for a day or two and he said "sure" and handed it to me. After I got the colors I stopped him when I saw him go by and showed him what I'd done so far and he liked it, he even approved of another yarn I bought which I thought would go well in that hat. At that point I figured I had no justification to keep his T-shirt any longer so reluctanctly I told him I was going to get it for him, then to my surprise he said something that still has me puzzled: no hurry, that I could've worn it... what??? The shirt wasn't even clean! I almost felt like he'd read my mind because that night I'd felt very tempted to try it on just because he'd worn it (it smelled like it) but in the end I didn't. Maybe out of nervousness I just handed it back to him without a word and after he left it "hit me", WHY would he say that??? He once mentioned he'd designed some T-shirst so maybe that's one of his designs and perhaps that's why he would've wanted me to keep it, but then I e-mailed him and asked him about it and he didn't reply, either it was not important or maybe he felt embarrassed about it? (Or maybe I have too much imagination and read too much into things, lol!). But I think it was that same day after I told him that my son's wife had "feared" me before we met that he said "Why? You're a super-nice lady!", I told myself "well, at least he has a good opinion of me!"

    But that's not all, about the 3rd time we saw each other, he even offered to post pics of what I make in his website, and when days later I asked him if he meant it he said 'of course, that he'd take pictures of my things, etc.' All I could think was "ooooh, I get to see him moooore!", lol! He mentioned that when he was a kid he'd been learning crochet with his grandmother but he stopped, I then informed him there were quite a few men out there who crochet and mentioned some college guys who crochet that started a non-profit business, also that a guy I know (my previous crush who is in his late 40s) who told me he'd once crocheted an afghan. He then said maybe later he'd pay me to teach him how to crochet. I confess I was very excited over the idea of having a chance to see him regularly and get to know him better... And like I mentioned, it appears he's taken it upon himself to show the hats I made for him to his friends and has told me repeatedly several of them want some just like his.

    2) Although at times I was tempted to tell him I thought he was cute or something just to see how he'd react to it, I thought better of it and bit my tongue because I don't want to be thought of as a "Mrs. Robinson" or a "cougar". The only reason I can explain why I've been crushing on this young guy is because I've been feeling very lonely and he's there in all his youthful glory being so nice to me when no else has...

    3) But I think I may just have been "put in my place"... here's why:

    Something that has "weirded me out" has just happened. On Sunday I dreamed that my daughter was visiting me and told me she'd broken up with her b/f, I had mentioned M to her and then he knocked on my door (which IRL he's never done yet) and when I introduced them she liked him so much she gave him a hug instead of shaking his hand, but he was uncomfortable the rest of the visit because he had come to see me and my introducing her to him was like my way of telling him I didn't see him that way (the dream got it all wrong!). I woke up feeling distressed yet relieved it was only a dream. Then the very next day I got a letter from my daughter telling me she was coming this Wedn. to visit her b/f in GA. I lamented that I would not get to see her but she said there was a chance as his family lives 30-45 min. away from me and he was thinking of them going to visit them, then the next day she confirmed she's coming today.

    On Tues. night I saw a pic of M on FB wearing a crochet hat he'd asked me to make him (I sell them and that was the reason he approached me) and I thought that was so cool I just had to show her, I also asked her if she thought he was cute (when we lived together we talked about cute guys as if we were friends and not your typical mother and daughter). She said yes and I remarked he was actually the kind of guy I'd always pictured her with (true) but "too bad", and she asked "but is he even a Christian?" (we are), so I wondered if under slightly different circumstances she would be interested in him.

    Tonight he returned my call (about his last hat being ready) and I told him about his pic and that I showed it to my daughter, then he said "oh, maybe you can hook me up with her". I told him "so you don't have a g/f?" and he said "no, nothing serious". I had to tell him the reason for her visit but that he could meet her (today), he said if she had a b/f maybe not. I tried to be cool and honestly told him to date I had not quite liked any of her b'fs, and maybe driven at this point by my maternal instinct I went on to tell him "not because she's my daughter but I think she's very beautiful" to which he said "I don't doubt it" ( which caused me to think that at some level he does think I'm pretty and therefore my daughter "has to be").

    So I told him I could let him know when she was here and then he could just "come to pick up his hat" and I'd introduce them because "you never know". After a bit of hesitation he agreed. A while after we hung up I thought maybe I should show him some pics of her but found that I don't have any saved in my netbook, so the other option was to ask him to add me on FB so he could see her albums which she has set to "Friends of Friends", so I sent him a message and then called him to tell him to read it, however, although he had several hours before his bedtime to do this he did not reply to my "Friend Request" so there's lack of curiosity there, I don't know.

    I know all this probably seems pretty "weird" but since neither him nor my daughter know of my crush (and it's just a crush) there's "no harm" done, and since she and I are a lot alike I'm sure if she were free she would like him a lot too, and let's face it, age-wise "technically" they're a "better fit".

    With that said, I have to admit I feel a little sad at the thought of giving up my crush. The truth is that this has done wonders for me. That first day he talked to me I was totally depressed due to some serious sleep problems I've been having possibly caused by a thyroiditis attack (now under control) that took me a few weeks to identify. His coming into my life was like a ray of sunshine through the clouds, I began looking forward to each day and even in indirect ways he motivated me to clean up my apt., exercise more, complete the application for a seasonal job I wanted to get (and which I started a week ago) and once again I became more optimistic in general.

    So we'll see what will happen later today. For all I know maybe my daughter's b/f will be here the entire time so even if M comes to get the hat he might feel completely awkward and leave right away. And because I happen to believe in the Law of Attraction and have applied it successfully several times in recent months, I was pretty confident things could go "my" way IF I decided I really wanted this, but that's the crux of the matter, even though I'm a pretty strong person I don't know if I'm strong enough to face all the challenges that come with something like this...
    Last edited by LaRomantica; 11-27-2011 at 10:26 PM.

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    LaRomantica's Avatar
    LaRomantica is offline Senior Member
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    P.S. Right as I was finishing the above (and writing about challenges...) I got notice of a new message from "The Universe" (TUT's Adventurers Club::Welcome) and this is what it says (emphasis mine):

    "R, each challenge adds to the suspense, adds to the mystery, adds to the chaos, adds to the possibilities, adds to the romance, adds to the adventure, adds to the joy.

    And I say anything that adds to the joy should be embraced.

    Cool?
    The Universe

    (P.S.) There's nothing challenging that has ever happened in your life, R, that one day you won't look back upon with deep gratitude."

    OOOOOH, is that a GREEN LIGHT?! LOL!

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    Mebel is offline OWYM AG 29 yrs
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    Hi la Romantica,And romantic you are for sure! You have one big challence to face today!
    Such a big agegap! And you being a mother with tons of feelings for your daughter too! It is really a challenge what will come out of this today. Torn between two loveones, wooh, I wish you for today the right intentions. And I hope that the outcome will be that you get to know this ym, and his intentions. You speak so nice about him!
    I hope it will all work out the way you want him in your life.

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    LaRomantica's Avatar
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    Well, nothing happened. After he agreed to drop in so he could meet my daughter he apparently changed his mind and somehow I knew it was going to be that way. Just as well too because my daughter and her b/f seem pretty happy together and not only that, he has been good to me so far, he surprised me by bringing me a very thoughtful gift of something I'd posted in FB that I needed so I felt bad for even thinking of introducing her to another guy...

  5. #5
    gorillagirl Guest
    LaRomantica- Keep selling him hats. Ask him out on a date and see what happens. All this fantasizing and conjecture isn't going to start a relationship or eliminate the potential for a relationship. Only direct communication can do that.

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    Slow Worm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    Keep selling him hats. Ask him out on a date and see what happens.
    I second that - sounds like time for bull and horns. The outcome could be either.....

    SW

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    LaRomantica's Avatar
    LaRomantica is offline Senior Member
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    Thanks Gorillagirl & SlowWorm but I've never in my life asked a guy for a date, the one time I was bold enough to let a guy (around my own age) know I liked him by writing him a note I was politely turned down, even though he always stared at me he was already in a relationship, and although I knew it should not be a big deal because I knew the risk that I was taking I still felt embarrassed and knew I'd never try that again, so no way I'm going to risk being turned down by a guy so much younger and then ruin any chances for ever being his friend at all (which I'd probably be fine with while I wait for "someone else").

    And just a few days ago I sent a message to a 44 y.o. guy I met at a Bible study because I found his profile on POF where I have one, I simply suggested we become friends since I'm new in the city where I live now and although he replied it was also a polite one-liner that left no doubt he's not even interested in that. That's one thing I HATE about most men, why does it always have to be "ALL or nothing"? Do they think every woman who wants to be friends is going to get her hopes up and pounce on them if they ever have a couple of nice conversations and/or a cup of coffee or something??? Sheesh! I always LOVED having totally platonic male friends, I like it much more than having female friends, especially when having intellectually stimulating conversations; also, having a guy friend is very practical, it's a blessing when I've needed advice about car trouble, need help moving, etc., but I also hate to say that those men were only my friends hoping for more and/or became interested in a relationship when I was not thus ruining the friendship. Once I was totally blind-sided when a good friend who taught me how to drive first began acting "weird" and then suddenly proposed marriage. He was painfully shy so he never gave me any signs whatsoever of being attracted to me, and back then (in my 30s) I was still naive enough to think a guy would hang around an attractive woman for "no reason'. I turned him down then felt guilty for hurting him but also angry and sad to lose a friend.

    When "M" and I talked on the phone about his possibly meeting my daughter, he actually told me he wants yet another hat (the 4th one!), hmmm! Maybe it's still my active imagination but I keep getting this feeling that that's his own "excuse" to have an innocent reason to see me, I think it could be possible that he "likes" me but because of the AG he won't even admit it to himself. The fact that he's often surrounded by girls (he DJs in his spare time...) and doesn't have a g/f (I asked him and he said "no, nothing serious") lets me know that he too could be a little shy around women. I have wondered more than once why if he'd simply wanted me to make him a hat from the time I taped a card on his door he didn't just call to let me know but waited until he saw me sitting outside, and then keeps ordering more hats and telling me he's going to get me new orders from his friends...

    Although he already knows hat #3 is ready to be picked up I think I'm going to text him to let him know I'm off today in case he wants to come pick it up. Then when he does I'll get on the subject of food and cooking, I'll ask him if he's eaten Latin food and then if he'd like to try something made by me. Then I'll ask if he minds coming and sharing a meal with me here, what do you think? I don't quite see that as bold as asking for a date but more like a nice neighborly/friendly gesture that might give me a chance for us to talk a bit more and for me to study him a bit closer and decide if there's anything there. BUT I should clarify that even if this doesn't ever turn into anything more I'll be OK just enjoying a secret crush for however long it lasts.

    P.S. I did text him and he texted back that he's coming by later, we'll see how this one goes...

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    1love's Avatar
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    This is pretty intriguing. Please let us know what happens.
    I've decided that the stuff falling through the cracks is confetti and I'm having a party! ~Betsy Cañas Garmon

  9. #9
    gorillagirl Guest
    he could be ordering hats so he can get in your pants or maybe he's stocking up for xmas presents. BE DIRECT and let us know. the suspense is killing me...

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    LaRomantica's Avatar
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    Well, I think it's over. He didn't show up so I went out. When I got back I saw his car there so I texted him to let him know I was home since I'd told him I had to be somewhere at 6. He didn't reply and it was getting late so I called him but I got his voice mail, so I left a joking message asking if I had to go and get him out of his "cave", still nothing. I did not mention that he'd done this once before and had also said things that I was not sure he really meant and I'm a person who always means what I say and so at one point I began to wonder if he was "flaky", something I cannot stand in anyone but much less in men, so I began to feel very aggravated and texted him that I couldn't believe he'd stood me up again and half joking wrote "didn't your mama teach you any manners?". After a while he finally texted back saying he was sorry but had fallen asleep "again" (?) and for me not to take it so "personal". I thought he'd taken it too lightly so I told him I forgave him but to remember that flaky people were not cool and he obviously didn't like it because of the way he replied, so I've concluded he's still rather immature AND obviously not into me after all. Naturally, I feel very disappointed but better know now than later. I only have a faint hope that for the sake of not having tension forever since we're bound to run into each other sooner or later, if/when we eventually see each other face to face again maybe we can maybe make light of it and be cordial again, but as far as I'm concerned the fun of this crush just went out the window tonight.

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    soul is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LaRomantica View Post
    Well, I think it's over. He didn't show up so I went out. When I got back I saw his car there so I texted him to let him know I was home since I'd told him I had to be somewhere at 6. He didn't reply and it was getting late so I called him but I got his voice mail, so I left a joking message asking if I had to go and get him out of his "cave", still nothing. I did not mention that he'd done this once before and had also said things that I was not sure he really meant and I'm a person who always means what I say and so at one point I began to wonder if he was "flaky", something I cannot stand in anyone but much less in men, so I began to feel very aggravated and texted him that I couldn't believe he'd stood me up again and half joking wrote "didn't your mama teach you any manners?". After a while he finally texted back saying he was sorry but had fallen asleep "again" (?) and for me not to take it so "personal". I thought he'd taken it too lightly so I told him I forgave him but to remember that flaky people were not cool and he obviously didn't like it because of the way he replied, so I've concluded he's still rather immature AND obviously not into me after all. Naturally, I feel very disappointed but better know now than later. I only have a faint hope that for the sake of not having tension forever since we're bound to run into each other sooner or later, if/when we eventually see each other face to face again maybe we can maybe make light of it and be cordial again, but as far as I'm concerned the fun of this crush just went out the window tonight.
    Hi Romantica,

    I've thoroughly enjoyed you're thread by the way! It's almost been like reading a book, and have been gripped and like gorillagirl says in total supense!

    However felt I needed to comment on your last update. The arranged, 'he'd come over later' part. I think you need to be a little careful here on how you're viewing things. Keeping in mind in your own words you have crush on this guy, I assuming just based on my own personal experience of having a crush, this means you're reading into his actions a lot and indeed thinking about him constantly.

    So lets take this particular day. Your excited and looking forward to his visit. Finally, because you haven't heard from him, you text, then you call, then you text again, becoming more agitated as time ticks by. Now the point I wanted to make was, this wasn't a 'date', it wasn't a meeting over something that wasn't hugely important, it was a casual arrangement to collect a hat. Because he didn't give an exact time of when he'd be over and probably in his mind thought, he see's you fairly regulary and your at home anyways it wouldn't be a huge deal if he didn't show up, although that said, he fell asleep so wasn't his intentions at the start of the day to not show up.

    Now before everyone jumps down my throat, im not suggesting when someone arranges to do something and they don't carry it through it's acceptable. However, I think in this particular case, you over reacted slightly and he'll certainly be wondering why.
    Was the amount of annoyance you had really because he didn't come over and collect the hat? or was it because you felt a little let down and hurt?

    You haven't said the ages of you both, but im guessing he's in his early twenties. Late teens, early twenties people are always a little more care free and laid back. I don't think for one minute he meant to upset you. In a normal course of events if the same happened, minus either party having a crush, if someone apologised and said 'I'm sorry i fell asleep' most reactions would be have been ' haha no problem shall we sort this tomorrow? can collect then' or something similar and thats it. Because you're emotionally invested in this guy, you've taken it like a girlfriend would rather than a casual acquaintance. One text would have been enough, but you did it twice and called and left a message and on top of all of that incinuated to him he'd stood you up, normally a term used in an intimate relationship and lastly ended it by telling him he was flaky and uncool. If he hasn't worked out by now that you like him, then he's certainly going to think you reacted a bit oddly.

    Reading all of what you've said, this continual hat buying he's been doing, does sound like he likes you. But if you do see anything in what i've said and don't think im wrong ( which your entitled to, its only outsides opinion) and want to carry on seeing if anything can happen. Then you need to be 'cooler' and take a more laid back approach. Also suggesting he hook up with your daughter is basically telling him you don't fancy him, but think he'd be great for your daughter. So if there was any plucking up courage from his side, it's maybe been squashed
    Last edited by soul; 11-21-2011 at 10:34 PM.

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    Hi! Let me start by thanking you for taking the time to write such a detailed post, I truly appreciate it.

    I'm sure you noticed where I myself questioned whether I might be reading "too much" into his actions so I'm pretty aware of that.

    As for all the texting and the call, I actually woke up feeling I needed to explain that to him and now I'll try to explain it here. It was NEVER my intention to "harass" this guy in any way, I'm absolutely not the kind of person to even remotely come close to making a "pest" of myself, I only asked for his phone number because I felt awkward knocking on his door, he uses his B/R as a studio and sleeps in the L/R so when he's working in the back I had to literally pound hard on the door or on a window for him to hear. I also thought calling would give him the choice of interrupting what he was doing or deciding to return my call at his convenience because all I was calling about were the hats.

    It was him who actually suggested that I hook him up with my daughter during my previous call to tell him about the last hat, I thought that was odd because it's not like he'd seen any pics of her or I'd even mentioned her age but so he wouldn't suspect I had a crush in him I felt I should act "cool" about it and I went along with it, so any communication during that time should not really count against me at all as that was not my idea at all.

    As for me getting "agitated", maybe, but not for the reasons you think, many a time I've wanted to see him but knowing he's only 2 doors down makes feel OK if I don't as I prefer to "go with the flow". What happened yesterday, though, was a bit more involved. It was my day off (as it is today) but I'm scheduled to work the rest of the week and I figured I should let him know lest he wanted his hat (after all it was his idea, right?). When he texted back (literally: Okayy ill come over there later ) I remembered another time he said he'd come over to look at the other things I've made and didn't come, also a couple of instances when he said things I wasn't sure he really meant, like taking pics of my stuff to put up on his website or me teaching him crochet. And since I really had other things to do I didn't want to sit around waiting for him to show up if he really didn't intend to and that's why I texted the 2nd time. But he didn't reply, so I eventually left BUT had already wasted precious time waiting and tidying up my L/R (I sleep there too).

    There was a Bible study from a singles group I joined that I was going to at 6 pm and I was taking a snack there, but I needed to buy some gluten-free bread at a health food store a couple of miles further for my work "lunches" and I wasn't sure it would be open after I got out, so I was going to drop off the snack and then run to the store and go back to the church. However, when I got there, because I missed last week and the last 3 dances of the group, and forgot Thanksgiving is this week, when I got there I was surprised to find that the church was having their Thanksgiving dinner which I attended last year. I immediately saw some of the people from the group at a table and they told me it was only $4 but I had zero cash in my purse, also one look at the desert on the table told me I'd probably find little that I could eat so I chose to leave and not return after I bought my bread BUT I couldn't help feeling upset for missing my ONLY chance to celebrate Thanksgiving and be with people I know.

    I tried to not let that totally bum me out and decided to go on to other stores for more things I needed but at some point it dawned on me that "M" had not called or texted to let me know he was coming at all, so naturally the word "flaky" began to dance in my head... But figuring that since I'd let him know I had a place to go to at 6 he'd assumed I wasn't home, I didn't think it would be wrong to text him again to let him know I was back.

    It was past 9 and I was hungry so for a moment I didn't know whether to eat or wait for him. I imagine my blood sugar running low made me impatient and that's why I called him and when he didn't answer I just assumed he was ignoring me on purpose which, of course, made me think "who the h--- does he think he is after all?". I ate and sat to use my computer/watch TV and crochet and then realized it was really late and he wasn't going to show up, and that added to my previous negative feelings and to me a "no-show" was the same as being stood-up, had no idea it had the connotation of a "date", don't forget I'm Hispanic...so maybe I used the wrong words, yikes!

    And as I explained to him, being a Christian (and he told me he was...) I take very seriously a verse in the Bible that says "let your yes be yes and your no no as more than this comes from the evil one", besides, my father who was also a Christian and had always been a man of great integrity even before he became "born-again", once pointed that verse to me saying how important it was to keep one's word. Since I admired that in him it became one of the basis for me to judge a man's character and it is also what I expect from other Christians as, needless to say, I live by that principle and if for some reason I can't keep my word, no matter how trivial the matter seems, I always apologize.

    About his age, he's 29 1/2 y.o. (and a Taurus, so we could've gotten along...) so IMO he should know better. In his defense I have to say though that my own son who is only 6 mo. younger (ouch! never thought I'd crush on someone my son's age ) until not long ago was kind of flaky with me (though I don't think with others at all) but I got on his case and I'm glad to say he's been pretty humble about it and in recent times much more consistent, also apologizing right away when he can't do what he says. So, in a way, although disappointed, I can't say I'm surprised that "M" still shows what to me are clear signs of immaturity.

    Yeah, I thought people here could think I overreacted but I am the way I am, I think it's a lack of respect to make someone wait for no good reason, and I'd let it go once but couldn't do it again. Add to that that the Thanksgiving thing upset me quite a bit, especially when I thought that IF I'd been able to leave home earlier I would've had time to go to the store and withdraw cash and returned in time to enjoy the event, I couldn't help but hold him as part of the reason I missed out so when he didn't show up at all, whoa, that was "adding insult to injury"! And if anyone, including a friend had done the same thing to me I'm pretty sure I would've reacted the same way ('cause I've already done it...). So I hope Soul that now you can see it all from my POV.

    Like I said, I woke up still feeling hurt that he found all my texting and the call annoying when under other circumstances I would not have felt the need to do so. Therefore, I e-mail him to explain my reasons in detail because as I told him we are still neighbors and sooner or later are bound to run into each other but I really don't know how I should act when/if I see him again. I also reassured him that I'd NEVER text or call him again unless it was "a matter of life and death", and that if he'd changed his mind about the hat or the others he'd told me about I'd understand and for him to please try to understand that if I got all "excited" about the idea of us becoming friends it was because for me starting over from scratch in a new place, away from everything that was familiar and "safe" has been difficult and lonely, which is nothing but the truth, I'm sure if my life were more settled I'd never looked at him twice, this only happened because when he talked to me I was feeling particularly vulnerable and needy, that's all.

    Since IMO he hasn't shown a great level of maturity I don't even expect him to reply to my e-mail but I feel better for having written it. Oh, I would love to be wrong and hear from him at some point but I will not hold my breath. This means that as far as I'm concerned my "obsession" with him has been laid to rest and I've "come to my senses". Now all I dread is seeing him face to face again because of how uncomfortable I will feel; maybe since it's cold out and we all stay indoors there will be little chance of that till Spring, lol! I also now know around when he comes home from work (heard him pull up about an hour ago...) so I can purposely avoid going outside then but since I'm a good "actress" I'm sure that if I happen to run into him I can pull myself together and be "cool" and civilized.

    It's amazing how mixed my feelings are right now though! It was only a crush out of a gazillion I've had in my life but can't remember of any others that lasted so little. And with this one there's a mixture of sadness for returning to my drab little life, especially with winter coming as I always dread that time, but I also feel a bit of relief because at times I felt too carried away with my rather unrealistic fantasies and if he'd made any move I would've been in trouble and I really don't need that. And never in my life have I felt worse about getting older than now! I have a profile on POF and men have been writing me lately but those my age or older are so wrinkled and "decayed" it just makes me feel very depressed... But I know I'll get over it soon enough, I'll just be positive and everything will be fine.

    Soooo, if I happen to be wrong and he reacts differently than what I expect I'll let you all know, but for now this chapter is closed!

  13. #13
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    Hi LaRomantica,

    I hope he does reply to you or is at least warm and friendly when you do bumpt into each other again. You certainly shouldn't hide away, you haven't done anything wrong. I viewed your profile ( from another thread, where you suggest people see how you look) and you're a very beautiful lady, certainly look much younger than your true years, i would have had you down as early to mid 40's.

    Now that you've given a little more detail and based on that, I do feel he was rude not to have called or honored his visit with you, given he's nearly 30 he's a fully grown man, not as I had assumed someone in their early twenties or late teens. I do still feel ( although i do understand more now why) that you over reacted a little. I'm sure you don't me to tell you, when you have too much thinking time from being alone, you can magnify things out of proportion that otherwise you would normally just be brushed off.

    There are two strong possibilties here i think, he's either sensed your feeling alone and needy and thats driven him to want to help by buying hats and encouraging you OR (after now seeing your profile) theres a real possibity i think that quite likes you. Where you go with that now even if thats the case i'm not sure, really now depends how you feel about it.

    Lastly can totally relate to looking at people your own age or a little older, men in this particular case and seeing them as a bit haggered and past their sell by date. Im in my early 40's and i find myself constantly looking at people around my age and thinking, everyone in my age group are making me feel old! I don't know if its a genetic thing or attitude of mind or lifestyle, maybe its a mix. But I like you, don't have any wrinkles, and have a quite young looking face (my mother whose 82 also has no wrinkles either which is even more odd although she does have a head full of white hair so maybe its genetic!). So when i recently as an example, bumped into two old college friends by chance who i hadnt seen in some 20-25 years, i was bewildered and couldn't help noticing how much both had aged almost beyond being recognisable from when i knew them originally, only then to spend the next 30 minutes thinking am I in denial? do i look the same as this. Its rare ( unless its just where i live) to find anyone in my age bracket, ageing well or look half way attractive/desirable. So after seeing how youthful you look compared to your true age and how well you've looked after yourself added with your blessed good looks i can see it would be a bit of a problem to find your equal male counterpart. However! Im a great believer in 'all good things come to those who wait' so don't lose faith and dont lesson your standards Mr right is out there waiting for you.

  14. #14
    LaRomantica's Avatar
    LaRomantica is offline Senior Member
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    Oh wow Soul, what a nice reply, I need a friend like you, lol! Seriously, if you're willing let me know!

    I'm very intuitive and I have the feeling I'll eventually hear from him again and that we'll end up "mending our fences", after all he was very nice before so that's what I expect him to be. But since "Men are from Mars" I'm sure he's going to be spending some time "in his cave" ruminating what just happened. And from my experience with men, and very particularly my own son who has probably been my best teacher, whenever *we* make them feel guilty about poor behavior they tend to get angry so for a while he might not be thinking very kindly of me. After my son got to a certain age this happened all the time because I often do not bother to sugar-coat what I think, and my daughter who's studying psychology found it particularly interesting because sometimes he could go in a rage against me and she even had to intervene, so little by little I learned to "lay it down softly"... unless I was in a bad mood and just wanted to "give it to him straight". Then we ended up not talking for a few days, but the crazy thing is that as time went by we became so close and I feel my son greatly enriched my life! now he's at an age when he's begun to ask for my opinion or advice on things and that feels great, but I reciprocate, since he's a computer whiz and has a lot of knowledge about other stuff that I don't I often consult him on things and when he helps me I make sure to thank him at least twice (works like a charm, lol!).

    Also, reverse psychology works really well with the average male mind, although it works with my daughter just as well (but I believe that to a large extent she thinks like a man...) and if I took the time to plan what to say I would get great results every time as they would think the whole thing was their idea.

    What happened yesterday with "M" is that after the Thanksgiving dinner incident I was a bit angry that he contributed to my missing it. I also am a bit hypoglycemic which alters my emotions, so returning home late and already hungry did contribute to my overreacting "a bit", I know too well that I've been guilty of doing that before...

    Thank you so much for the kind compliments, they're very reassuring because like you I sometimes wonder if I may be kidding myself. Of course, I'm at that dangerous point when a night of little sleep or "indiscretions" in my diet are quickly reflected on my face (and body) and all of a sudden I can look years older, but in general when I look in the mirror I do feel like I'm seeing the same me of 10 years ago (which then looked younger too...).

    It's in part genetic, I'm sure, my father lived to 92 and for many year while he was healthy barely appeared to age (and I take mostly after him!) and my mother was the same, only her cancer or rather the conventional treatment she underwent aged her quickly. And both my children sometimes complain, like I used to, that people question their age; I still carry in my wallet their high school pictures because they've changed so little I can still show them to people and not feel like they don't reflect what they look like now, with my son the only difference is that he's grown a little "dirt" under his chin, lol! He doesn't even have much body hair, is just 5'7" and very skinny so he passes for much younger all the time, the most obvious way in which people in my family, including myself, age is with premature gray hair but since I started coloring my hair "for fun" as a young teen even those who know me well are used to it and have no clue that I have a ton of gray hair because I can even camouglage it pretty well between retouches.

    As for my daughter, when she was here she was telling me how she often gets questioned about her age and it's still bothers her, although now that she's 27 she's beginning to appreciate the advantage this means in the long run. When we saw the Lord of The Rings series she said we were "elves" as they live very long and therefore age very slowly.

    So yes, I believe some of us are "elves" and naturally suited to mate with younger people, it's only logical. I have a cousin a few years older who married someone 15 years her junior, the only time I talked to her about it she told me it kept her feeling young and she made sure to exercise, keep her hair and nails done, etc. She always looked younger than she was and also acted that way. Also, according to a book I have called "The Age Taboo - Older Women Younger Men Relationships", most women who favor younger men are also very young in spirit like I've always been. Through my teens to 20s I was always my younger cousins favorite cousin (as opposed to my 2 sisters one 2 yrs. older and one 5 yrs. younger) because I had no problem getting "down to their level", even sitting on the floor to play with them or getting in their conversations as teens as their peer. And when I was in my late 30s and my best friend was having some problems with her 14 or 15 y.o. daughter, who is my goddaughter, I invited her to spend a day with me and by relating stories of when I was her age I made sure she felt I totally understood how she felt, and from there I could give her some advice to help with things at home. In fact, because I do strive to put myself in other people's place I've often been a good mediator, I even helped my own son and his now wife get back together early this year after a bad breakup. I felt devastated because they have a little girl together, in addition to her own 2 from a former relationship, and I thought if they parted permanently of how it would affect those kids and that my own granddaughter's future would be uncertain. And because I could tell the problems were largely circumstantial, which was a big factor against my 2nd marriage, I gave him some good advice and had him read a good article online that fit his problem, then without telling him I wrote her a compassionate and long e-mail telling her she didn't have to reply, but by her actions not long after that I knew she'd taken it to heart and became friendlier towards him letting him see the baby more, and also the other 2 (which I insisted he should do).

    So I believe I could understand a younger man and give him room to "grow" because my expectations would be lower than with a man my own age. Even the thought of friendship is very appealing to me (but then friendship is the best foundation for a good relationship!). When I was in my late 40s I had a 32 y.o. "FWB" and although the relationship was kind of messed up because of all his issues and my attachment to him and I had to end it after only 7 or 8 months, while it lasted in some ways it was "perfect" because of how honestly and openly we communicated, to the point it became my "model" of how I wanted any future relationships to be and could be the reason why I have not settled for any since then. I think all that has prepared me for a great relationship some day... but where is he??? Sigh! So I also appreciate your words of encouragement for me not to give up.

  15. #15
    gorillagirl Guest
    LaRomantica- I think you need an emotional time out from this guy. A huge step back. A slap-yourself-upside-the-head "what the heck am I thinking" moment...a long deep breath that lasts about a week. Try to relax, detach, stop tripping on trying to figure out what this guy is thinking. Enjoy your Thanksgiving without stressing over random dude.
    Ok? Come back after you take a breather and keep us posted. Let it alone until after the holiday.

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