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Thread: Are you afraid of staying home alone?

  1. #1
    lovemytwins's Avatar
    lovemytwins is offline Senior Member
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    Are you afraid of staying home alone?

    I am 37 years old and I have always been afraid of staying home by myself since I was a little girl.
    Tonight is my second night without my husband and I am scared right now that someone might breakin or hiding somewhere in the house. I checked the basement, bathrooms and closets but I don't have the courage to go to the attic or the upstairs bedrooms. I live in a decent neighborhood and have 5 security cameras around the properties(hubby installed those at my request) I can see the outside and my hallway on my computer screen 24 hours. I have motion detector lights all around the property and I have a dog that barks when the wind blows. I have a backdoor to the bedroom and I guess I could jump out of that door if someone breaks in but that's not possible with the twins. My house is so secure but why am I so afraid of being alone...what am I going to do in my old age if I have no one but myself. I guess I just have to live in an assisted living place with a bunch of old folks. Right now I heard a noise as if someone is dragging their trash can outside and I am scared, almost jumped off my couch...I am going to have a panic attack!
    Is there anyone out there having similar problems?
    When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

  2. #2
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    Hi there, saw losts of people have read your post but no ones answered, so i thought i'd be the first I can't say I feel same as you when i'm home alone. It sounds a little like you've been nurturing your problem with all the alarms and cameras you have. Do you have anyone you can call when your home alone? Maybe a mobile might be a good idea so that you can have it on you at all times might sooth your concern a little.
    Do you have neighbours close by? maybe if you do and can get to know them a little better, you won't feel so alone.

  3. #3
    truckman Guest
    I didn't answer because I cannot relate and thus, had no direct advice to offer. I actually like being home alone because it's quiet and peaceful, something I rarely get on a day to day basis.

    Also, it's one thing to be "uncomfortable" and entirely a different thing to be "terrified".

    Maybe I'm not afraid of this because many moons ago I was robbed, and the perp was far more scared than I was in the end. Different experiences produce different results, right?

  4. #4
    Angel's Avatar
    Angel is offline Anger Thrives In A Fool
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    I don't like being alone at night! In fact, I *HATE IT*! I think the fear comes from something in our past that triggers this response. It is not a normal response, of this I'm sure of. The trigger could be scary movies, bad memories, death, violence, religious, paranormal, super natural experience, etc. Any experience that felt traumatizing to you as a child could have set you up for this type of response that has carried into adulthood. Even in adulthood, experiences could unknowingly reinforce this fear. For example, I initially became scared of the dark due to a bad childhood. As an adult I have a disability where if I am in the dark I become increasingly dizzy because I don't have one of my body sensors working properly that helps me determine my balance. My eyes compensate for that sensor, but in the dark my eyes can't compensate so I feel like I'm falling. This contributes to my fear of the dark now as an adult.

    For me, the fear is so great that I still sleep with my head under the covers. It developed due to a bad childhood that associates the dark to bad things happening to me. I, also, had a Grandmother who told me that the Devil collects those who do evil at night. She was very religious, but she was 70, and resented babysitting me so she often used scare tactics to make me behave. My father came home from the bar in the middle of the night and terrorized our family so the combination was the foundation of my fear of the dark.

    As an adult I found that I would substitute some of my behaviors so I didn't feel embarrassed by them. For example, instead of using a nightlight I left my tv on. Those were the initial ways I tried to deal with my fear. Over the years I've found other things that help. Talking to myself in a calming logical manner in the moment helps. Sort of talking myself down, if you will. The other thing that helped me tremendously is a dog. I prefer a larger dog, but even a small one (as I have now) offers me a great deal of comfort. Unless my dog is barking, I no longer get scared. When my dog starts barking at a sound I use self-comforting things (talking to myself, calling someone while investigating the issue, bringing the dog with me). Like you, I have cameras and floodlights, but I've found what I really long for is something that is physically able to help me and an inanimate object can't do that for me. I, also, have a gun, and that is my biggest comfort, but I know many people are against them.

    Has you fear increased since you've had children or is it the same? Is there something from you past you can attribute your fear to? Do you feel helpless? Would some self defense classes help? If you can find what the driver to your fear is you can start to overcome it. Remember the initial driver will likely be something from your childhood (since that's when you started fearing the dark), but there may be things that as an adult that also contribute to it. It will be like an onion, you will have to strip each layer away and you may never fully overcome it, but you can get enough control over it that it no longer paralyzes you with fear. Baby steps! Only in the past 10 years or so was I able to finally sleep in the dark without a tv or nightlight on!

    Anywho, I hope you feel better knowing you are not alone!

    Last edited by Angel; 11-27-2011 at 08:04 PM.
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    NY10's Avatar
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    I don't enjoy being home alone, it's not something that scares me but it's not something I enjoy. I like knowing that there is someone with me. I have 2 dogs and they definitely make me feel safe (one being a pitbull adds to not being scared at all). There have been times I've been home alone at night and I just lock all the doors and go about my business. From the sounds of it you have a lot of security in your house so I'm sure you'll be fine.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by truckman View Post
    I didn't answer because I cannot relate and thus, had no direct advice to offer. I actually like being home alone because it's quiet and peaceful, something I rarely get on a day to day basis.

    Also, it's one thing to be "uncomfortable" and entirely a different thing to be "terrified".

    Maybe I'm not afraid of this because many moons ago I was robbed, and the perp was far more scared than I was in the end. Different experiences produce different results, right?
    Let me be honest. I am not just uncomfortable I am TERRIFIED. My husband stayed 3 nights at the hospital (we expected 1 night) by the time I picked him up I felt tired and dizzy from lack of sleep.
    Angel, I am sure it is a problem that started since childhood but I can't think exactly what it is. I have never been attacked in light or dark so I don't know what trigger this fear of being at home alone at night.
    I am not sure if my fear has decreased or increased since having kids. I think it remains the same. I am not so afraid if I stay home the whole day because I know for sure that no one gets in and hides somewhere. But, once if I go out I start to shiver as soon as I enter the house. I always try to gather all my courage to check each and every corner in the house except for the upstairs.
    Yes, I have very nice neighbors who would help me any time and I do have my cell phone by my bed at night. We have guns and rifles at home too but I never want to learn to use them. I'm one of those who is against them.
    Thanks you all, it helps to know that I am not alone in this.
    When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

  7. #7
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
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    I enjoy being alone, but I would not if I did not feel that my apartment is safe. Maybe what you feel is that your house is not safe enough. Make sure that your windows and doors are intruder-safe, that is, they are not easy to get to, just by breaking a glass. If you are against guns, get several cannisters of pepper spray and leave them in specific places around the house. Make the most secure room in your house a "panic room" with a strong door, a cellphone and charger, your pepper spray, and maybe a knife. I made my bathroom my panic room, with a sabre (don't laugh it was my grandpa's), pepper spray and a ready-to-use cellphone. I can easyly block the door, and I have water there, and it has a big window that I can use to call for help.

    I am the kind of person that always checks for emergency exits in large crowds, that reads the emergency pamphet on airplanes. I know how to use a fire extinguisher and a fire hose, and I know CPR. I make sure our fire extinguisher is in good shape.
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  8. #8
    lovemytwins's Avatar
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    Pepper spray, that's a good thing to have handy. I have it somewhere in the house I should have armed myslef with it during hubby's absence. But since we have children I would have to be super careful where I put it.
    There is no way we could make our windows safer unless we put bullet proof glass lol. They are all very safe and energy efficient. Tonight I was waken up by a big thump caused by a huge pile of snow hitting on my lower roof. Thank Goodness it wasn't a boogeyman as I innitially thought. hahaha, I can make fun of myself now that hubby's home.
    When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

  9. #9
    soul is offline Senior Member
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    If you're actually terrified of being alone, then I would suggest you try and seek some type of counciling for it. All the cameras, guns and alarms in the world aren't or haven't been helping you it seems. Being terrified isn't a way to live your life and i imagine its quite an exhausting experience. Rather than look for kindred spirits who are also scared or terrified of being alone, go if you can afford it, and seek some professional help and get your life back

  10. #10
    lovemytwins's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by soul View Post
    If you're actually terrified of being alone, then I would suggest you try and seek some type of counciling for it. All the cameras, guns and alarms in the world aren't or haven't been helping you it seems. Being terrified isn't a way to live your life and i imagine its quite an exhausting experience. Rather than look for kindred spirits who are also scared or terrified of being alone, go if you can afford it, and seek some professional help and get your life back
    I had done some counselling it didn't help. I was telling my friend about my fear of being a lone in the house yesterday and she shared her fear with me. Hers is driving on highway. She is about 40 years old, never had an accident and has been driving since 16, where does her fear come from. She wonders too. Could it be true that we all have our own fears?
    When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.

  11. #11
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    Hi lovemytwins,

    I can definitely relate. I have felt like you my whole life. When I was a kid, I often was scared at night and went into my parents room and slept by their bed on the floor. Then I would be afraid that something was under the bed and going to get me, but I didn't want to wake them up.

    If someone is here with me, I am fine at night. But, my daughter moved out with her boyfriend a few months ago and I am back to being afraid. I was at first blocking off each door with a chair. I also check all areas at night, including basement, garage, all bedrooms. I check doors and windows to make sure they are locked. I have also always blocked my bedroom door after shutting and locking it at night. Then, I am afraid the house may catch on fire and I won't be able to get out.

    However, the fear of someone getting in is greater than me not being able to get out. Recently I was sleeping with a little light on in my room, but then a few weeks ago, I got new locks put on my doors, as well as a deadbolt on the front. I do feel safer now and do not put the chairs up to the doors. I do still lock and block my bedroom door though.

    If my boyfriend stays over, I do not block the bedroom door and I feel safe. I also felt safer when my daughter lived here.

    I agree with Angel that it could be something from childhood, but I can't think of anything that happened that may have caused this for me. Sometimes I think it's because I am ultra sensitive to my environment and pick up emotional energy, whether it's good or bad. My astrological sign is Pisces and I am true to that, we are very sensitive usually and absorb other's emotions. So, I can entertain the idea of feeling other energy at night, or even perhaps negative/positive spirits.

    At the risk of sounding like a complete nutbag, I have also experienced feeling some other presence in my house at times and am very sensitive to every little noise when alone. I have also seen things, like a flying baby across my bed. Now, that sounds crazy and perhaps I was just waking up from a dream. Who knows? But, I would like to know if you are generally a sensitive person who can pick up feelings from others, when there is no obvious indication of how they are feeling? I think when we are alone, we don't have another person occupying our minds and space and are therefore open to that other energy, whether negative or positive.

    Sending you hugs because I know how terrifying it can be.
    I've decided that the stuff falling through the cracks is confetti and I'm having a party! ~Betsy Cañas Garmon

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    christina923 is offline Senior Member
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    unexplained fears can also be karmic recall...a footprint of a past life that was so strong it manifests in this life and needs to be worked out.

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    I live alone in a small apartment but have neighbors on either side so technically I'm not completely "alone", but recently I was feeling pretty sick during a thyroiditis attack and was panicking at the thought of not having anyone I was close enough to call in case I got worse (didn't realize at the time what was really going on and my symptoms were pretty scary). At that moment the reality of living alone hit me full force and I didn't like it one bit, but the rest of the time I'm fine with it.

    I think you should not give up on therapy, if the previous conseling didn't work it could've been the person or the technique used. Supposedly there are techniques that can rid a person instantly of their phobias so if I were you I'd investigate by doing some searches online or at the public library. Also, if you're a generally anxious person I'd recommend that you try taking the mineral magnesium alone or with vit. B6, being deficient in it can make any person anxious... and almost everyone who eats the S.A.D. (standard American diet) is deficient in it, even people who think they eat healthily might still need more than they're consuming in their food, so I recommend that you read up on that as well to confirm that this would be a good choice for you.

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    1love's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by christina923 View Post
    unexplained fears can also be karmic recall...a footprint of a past life that was so strong it manifests in this life and needs to be worked out.
    I didn't know you believed in that kind of stuff.
    I've decided that the stuff falling through the cracks is confetti and I'm having a party! ~Betsy Cañas Garmon

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    christina923 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1love View Post
    I didn't know you believed in that kind of stuff.
    hell yes! was very much into astrology way back...definate believer in numerous lives...perhaps even parallel lives... pyschic abilities(my mom had them)...meditation... believe in positive affirmations to create my reality.... basically the whole ball of "wax"

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