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Thread: He came into the house and went into my bedroom without asking

  1. #1
    gorillagirl Guest

    He came into the house and went into my bedroom without asking

    So, my husband (separated 11.5 months now, have only seen him 3 or 4 times since then, he moved out but pays the mortgage here), needed to give me my new insurance card. He said he'd drop it by. I wasn't going to be home and I knew he was busy with work so I told him to mail it. I went to visit a gal pal. He texts me an hour later and said he put it on top of my laptop (which was in my bedroom on my bed). Waddaya think of that? I was not thrilled. I texted "you're not invited into my bedroom unless we're getting together for sex" and he didn't reply to apologize for intrudiing. Jeeezus, I couldda had sex toys or boytoy artifacts in my room. But the worst part was just that it was MESSY and very disorganized (unusual for me). It's lame he went into my bedroom (he could have put the card in the mail slot or on the kitchen table) and it's embarrassing he saw my room like that (I'm usually only messy when I'm depressed ...)

    Grrrrrr. Your opinions?

  2. #2
    SheLikesKitties's Avatar
    SheLikesKitties is offline OW/YM 21YR GAP
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    Do not worry about what happened, what is done is done.
    Everyone has a messy day.
    Now about the future:
    Can you change the locks?

    Another question for you, would you have sex with him if he wanted to?
    VenusDarkStar likes this.
    You know it's love when the pain of being apart is greater than the pain of being together.

  3. #3
    walkersam is offline Senior Member
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    GG, I wouldn't be comfortable with him being able to come in my house when he wants. Its kind of an invasion of your privacy and what if you have company?

    My other question would be how do you feel about him?

  4. #4
    VenusDarkStar Guest
    I don't think it matters if he pays the mortgage....that's irrelevant....it's STILL an invasion of privacy. He may be paying, but he is no longer a resident of the property. You're right...it was completely unnecessary for him to enter your bedroom. He could have put it in a kitchen cupboard or drawer and texted you with the location.

    Would you feel the same way if your bedroom had been tidy? I'm just wondering if you were feeling powerless because of the invasion, or just embarrassed over a messy room. I would be changing the locks and not tell him. And if he asks you about it, you'll know he tried to enter your home.
    Miss K likes this.

  5. #5
    Redhead's Avatar
    Redhead is offline Senior Member
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    Well, you don't need to feel ambarrassed unless he is the kind of tidyness and orderliness. Yes, what he did was an intrusion into privacy.
    In Germany we have different laws. So it is hard for me to give advice. Here, if a couple is separated to get divorced, then the lawyers have usually worked out who is entitled to using the apartment - which means the other party is not allowed to get inside anymore. Also such things like who pays for what are sorted out before the divorce is declared.
    I moved out of the joint apartment, so when I found my own apartment, he never had a key. Once he snatched a key from our daughter, and then I had the lock exchanged right away.

    OT but still funny:
    Once I met the guy who used to live in my present apartment before I moved in. I ran into him at a club. He was a bit drunk, surrounded by his buddies, and he said "I still have the key to this apartment". I grinned at him and said "That is of no use. I exchanged the lock right away after I had moved in. I have a security lock now." Then I saw 3 guys' yaws drop.

  6. #6
    1love's Avatar
    1love is offline Senior Member
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    That was definitely an invasion of privacy. I suspect he wanted to see if there was any activity he could detect, from going through your bedroom. Somehow, I don't believe he just laid the card on your laptop and left. Not buying it. I would say to change the locks, he has no business going in when you are not there. So what if your bedroom was messy, you don't have to answer to him anymore.
    I've decided that the stuff falling through the cracks is confetti and I'm having a party! ~Betsy Cañas Garmon

  7. #7
    truckman Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    Grrrrrr. Your opinions?
    Change the locks and let it go.

  8. #8
    gorillagirl Guest
    yes, i do love him because we were together 13 years and i would sex him again and even try to get back together but he's definitely not interested in me or any other relationship. i'm more bummed he just assumed it was okay to go in my bedroom than i am that is was messy. definitely a privacy issue. makes no sense. i've been trying to hang out with him for months- he's the one not interested- and yet, he's coming into my room. just odd.

  9. #9
    Azureth is offline Banned
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    Let's just hope he wasn't doing anything creepy like going through your underwear drawer

  10. #10
    VenusDarkStar Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Azureth View Post
    Let's just hope he wasn't doing anything creepy like going through your underwear drawer
    Oh NO you DIDN'T, Azureth!!!

    I think GG already had enough ideas in her head without adding to the equation. On the other hand, it wouldn't hurt to check for missing panties. LOL

  11. #11
    gorillagirl Guest
    he's not a panty guy. he'd be more inclined to look thru my email to see if i'm dating anyone...which i'm not, really. i have a VYguy friend with bennies but he's been outta town for 2 weeks and 2 or 3 more to go...so, really, nothing for hubbie to see.

  12. #12
    Azureth is offline Banned
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    Quote Originally Posted by gorillagirl View Post
    he's not a panty guy. he'd be more inclined to look thru my email to see if i'm dating anyone...which i'm not, really. i have a VYguy friend with bennies but he's been outta town for 2 weeks and 2 or 3 more to go...so, really, nothing for hubbie to see.
    Maybe he's a bra guy

  13. #13
    VenusDarkStar Guest
    Quote Originally Posted by Azureth View Post
    Maybe he's a bra guy
    Even scarier! And GG, do you think he would ADMIT to trying on your lingerie? OH to be a fly on the wall!

    Sorry...didn't mean to make fun of the situation, but when Azureth brought that up, I was thinking that it would be a fabulous affirmation of personal power....kinda like when they tell someone who is deathly afraid of public speaking to imagine the audience in their underwear.

  14. #14
    pinkunicorn's Avatar
    pinkunicorn is offline Senior Member
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    Change the locks. It was an invasion of privacy.
    Never try to fit in when you are meant to stand out.


  15. #15
    gorillagirl Guest
    I don't have any lingerie. I wish. I also have no makeup or heels or anything sexy. I should get some actually. Would be fun. I don't think he was really looking for ANYthing. Just curious maybe if I'd painted the walls or something that would shift the perceived value of our shared property.

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